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» Ship of Fools   »   » Oblivion   » Really? The Loch Ness Fucking Monster?? (Page 2)

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Source: (consider it) Thread: Really? The Loch Ness Fucking Monster??
Mad Cat
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Ahem. I THINK you'll find that Nessie was a monster that terrorised Inverness and the surrounding area for many years until Columba came to visit the Pictish king. Columba banished the monster in the name of the Lord, telling it to **** off into the loch. That's why no-one's ever seen it properly.

Dr Who.... [Roll Eyes]

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Weird and sweary.

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Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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And we couldn't put her in a zoo? No excuse.

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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

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Mad Cat
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Srsly. We could swap her for some more pandas.

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Weird and sweary.

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Socratic-enigma
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# 12074

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quote:
Originally posted by Firenze:
I think we have already established upthread that dinosaurs became extinct because they were gay. Apart from velociraptors, who turned into bluetits. It was while King James was fishing on the banks of Loch Ness that he saw something that caused him to insist the translators of his bible put in references to Leviathan (since he didn't know the word 'dinosaur' - this being before evil science was invented). He also wrote a book about witches, or, as we know them, feminists.

A Naturalist who’d been studying bluetits for more than twenty years, marvelling at their joyful (they twitted a lot) and harmonious relationships in life-long monogamy – was shocked to discover, with the advent of genetic testing, that none of the progeny of any of the couples in his study were Dad’s! These caring, demure faithful females were nothing but a bunch of brazen hussies – having it off with any layabout tit who happened on the scene when Dad weren't lookin'.

This has clear implications for bluetits,

And velociraptors

And evolution

And God

And Atheists

…

I’m just not sure what


S-E

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"Reason is, and ought only to be the slave of the passions, and can never pretend to any other office than to serve and obey them."
David Hume

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rolyn
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Christians indoctrinating school kids with scientific falsehoods .... Disgraceful !
What with that, and the secular masses telling kids that a beardie weirdie goes around once a year delivering pressies to children all over the world in a single night.

Where will it all end ?

[ 27. June 2012, 22:22: Message edited by: rolyn ]

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Change is the only certainty of existence

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no prophet's flag is set so...

Proceed to see sea
# 15560

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quote:
Originally posted by Think²:

[ETA My reference to Muskellunge was because when I read the wiki on the northern pike, it said it was muskellunge that were known as jack fish.]

That's Ontario. Jacks are pike. Jacks are definitely not muskelunge (one L here). And if they show up here, we probably would also call them jacks because we really don't get them in the west and north and they look like jacks. I've only ever seen one actually.
Posts: 11498 | From: Treaty 6 territory in the nonexistant Province of Buffalo, Canada ↄ⃝' | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged
Sober Preacher's Kid

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They are muskies, properly muskellunge (two L's, please). Pike and Muskies are similar predators so where you will find one, you won't find the other.

Southern Ontario is muskie territory, pike are not welcome here, the Ministry of Natural Resources is on the lookout.

Nobody here calls a muskie a jack. Silly Westerners.

Or it could just be a stupid carp. They were introduced here by some British twit who though thought those garbage fish were sport.

Around here we see British fisherman who have booked an "expedition" to fish for carp. The locals giggle and the tour guide counts the fees from another idiot he has just fleeced.

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NDP Federal Convention Ottawa 2018: A random assortment of Prots and Trots.

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orfeo

Ship's Musical Counterpoint
# 13878

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How to make this thread die, now that it's become a detailed examination of the ecological niche filled by members of Esocidae...

Oh wait, I know.

DINNER DANCE [Snigger]

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Technology has brought us all closer together. Turns out a lot of the people you meet as a result are complete idiots.

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Sober Preacher's Kid

Presbymethegationalist
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Go make love to a kangaroo.

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NDP Federal Convention Ottawa 2018: A random assortment of Prots and Trots.

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Golden Key
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{Puts in emergency call to PETA about pretty much the entire thread.}

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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")

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orfeo

Ship's Musical Counterpoint
# 13878

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quote:
Originally posted by Sober Preacher's Kid:
Go make love to a kangaroo.

I suddenly have a quite different perspective on the use of the F-word in the thread title.

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Technology has brought us all closer together. Turns out a lot of the people you meet as a result are complete idiots.

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Matt Black

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# 2210

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Yeah, I'd watch your arse in the Great Glen...

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"Protestant and Reformed, according to the Tradition of the ancient Catholic Church" - + John Cosin (1594-1672)

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Firenze

Ordinary decent pagan
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quote:
Originally posted by Matt Black:
Yeah, I'd watch your arse in the Great Glen...

Promises, promises...
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Matt Black

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[Big Grin]

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"Protestant and Reformed, according to the Tradition of the ancient Catholic Church" - + John Cosin (1594-1672)

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North East Quine

Curious beastie
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I don't think I look remotely like a dinosaur.
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Alex Cockell

Ship’s penguin
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Here we go - I knew Bill Hicks's comments on this would be around...

Bill Hicks on dinosaurs and Texan fundamentalists

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Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
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My hero.

"I think God sent you here to test my faith."

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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

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jbohn
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quote:
Originally posted by Sober Preacher's Kid:
They are muskies, properly muskellunge (two L's, please). Pike and Muskies are similar predators so where you will find one, you won't find the other.

How to explain the tiger muskie , a hybrid of northern and muskie, then? We see them relatively often hereabouts.

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We are punished by our sins, not for them.
--Elbert Hubbard

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Ariston
Insane Unicorn
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quote:
Originally posted by jbohn:
quote:
Originally posted by Sober Preacher's Kid:
They are muskies, properly muskellunge (two L's, please). Pike and Muskies are similar predators so where you will find one, you won't find the other.

How to explain the tiger muskie , a hybrid of northern and muskie, then? We see them relatively often hereabouts.
Not to get too far off topic, but tiger muskies are usually an introduced, sterile species. They'll take out some of your smaller prey fish, restoring a certain ecological balance, provide some fun for your fishermen, and, after a certain amount of time, die. They also have a tolerance for warm water that neither Esox lucius or Esox masquinongy (I think I spelled those correctly) have, meaning that they can be introduced in places people don't know what pike are.
Quite useful for fisheries management, no?

(This is what I get for having an ichthyologist best friend)

Oh, and I apologize for getting the end of Terror wrong. I own up to it now, before I get the well-earned Hell call I deserve for messing up a classic Who plot point.

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“Therefore, let it be explained that nowhere are the proprieties quite so strictly enforced as in men’s colleges that invite young women guests, especially over-night visitors in the fraternity houses.” Emily Post, 1937.

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Ariston
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quote:
Originally posted by jbohn:
quote:
Originally posted by Sober Preacher's Kid:
They are muskies, properly muskellunge (two L's, please). Pike and Muskies are similar predators so where you will find one, you won't find the other.

How to explain the tiger muskie , a hybrid of northern and muskie, then? We see them relatively often hereabouts.
Not to get too far off topic, but tiger muskies are usually an introduced, sterile species. They'll take out some of your smaller prey fish, restoring a certain ecological balance, provide some fun for your fishermen, and, after a certain amount of time, die. They also have a tolerance for warm water that neither Esox lucius or Esox masquinongy (I think I spelled those correctly) have, meaning that they can be introduced in places people don't know what pike are.
Quite useful for fisheries management, no?

(This is what I get for having an ichthyologist best friend)

Oh, and I apologize for getting the end of Terror wrong. I own up to it now, before I get the well-earned Hell call I deserve for messing up a classic Who plot point.

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“Therefore, let it be explained that nowhere are the proprieties quite so strictly enforced as in men’s colleges that invite young women guests, especially over-night visitors in the fraternity houses.” Emily Post, 1937.

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Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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This may be the best thread posted on any board, ever. Cryptozoology, vintage Who, Bill Hicks, ichthyology, bird sex-- Jesus, throw in something about the common sowbug and I might just have an orgasm.

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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

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Ariston
Insane Unicorn
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Well Kelly, just to make your night, let's talk about isopods, everyone's favorite terrestrial crustacean. I bet you like lifting up old, neglected flowerpots just for that visceral thrill of finding creepy-crawlies to roam all over you for your depraved purposes, don't you? They don't even roll up and stay still—no, they'll march on when you poke them in just that right way, won't they?

You naughty girl. You like your men to moonlight in entomology, don't you?

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“Therefore, let it be explained that nowhere are the proprieties quite so strictly enforced as in men’s colleges that invite young women guests, especially over-night visitors in the fraternity houses.” Emily Post, 1937.

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Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
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quote:
... everyone's favorite terrestrial crustacean.
EXACTLY. [Axe murder]

(Oh and yes, I love a bug man, Who doesn't?)

[ 29. June 2012, 06:06: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]

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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

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Golden Key
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# 1468

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quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
This may be the best thread posted on any board, ever. Cryptozoology, vintage Who, Bill Hicks, ichthyology, bird sex-- Jesus, throw in something about the common sowbug and I might just have an orgasm.

Introducing the Cryptid Zoo: A Menagerie of Cryptozoology!

--------------------
Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")

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Robert Armin

All licens'd fool
# 182

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If you like Cryptids, have you tried reading this?

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Keeping fit was an obsession with Fr Moity .... He did chin ups in the vestry, calisthenics in the pulpit, and had developed a series of Tai-Chi exercises to correspond with ritual movements of the Mass. The Antipope Robert Rankin

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Earwig

Pincered Beastie
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quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
quote:
... everyone's favorite terrestrial crustacean.
EXACTLY.

But but but - what about me? [Waterworks]
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Curiosity killed ...

Ship's Mug
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Earwigs aren't crustaceans; woodlice are, as are the species that curl up, the pill bugs. Woodlice are called sow bugs in the US, apparently (and curly bakers in Somerset)

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Mugs - Keep the Ship afloat

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Jahlove
Tied to the mast
# 10290

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My cats still luv your species, Earwig [Biased]

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“Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth.” - Mark Twain

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Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
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quote:
Originally posted by Curiosity killed ...:
Earwigs aren't crustaceans; woodlice are, as are the species that curl up, the pill bugs. Woodlice are called sow bugs in the US, apparently (and curly bakers in Somerset)

The name of this particular bug is susceptible to incredible regional variation in the US-- hell, in California-- but Google Images tells me "Yep, that's the bug I'm talking about."

Earwig--you are the subject of many gruesome urban legends, isn't that enough?

--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

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The5thMary
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# 12953

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RE: Firenze: "They would say that, wouldn't they? Just wait til the bluetits work out how to operate the door handles..."


I too, love you, Firenze! Your posts are making me spit food all over my laptop... which is both amusing and disgusting! [Biased]

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God gave me my face but She let me pick my nose.

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The5thMary
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# 12953

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quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
This may be the best thread posted on any board, ever. Cryptozoology, vintage Who, Bill Hicks, ichthyology, bird sex-- Jesus, throw in something about the common sowbug and I might just have an orgasm.

Sister, you really need to get out more! [Big Grin]

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God gave me my face but She let me pick my nose.

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Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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Speak for yourself.

(ETA: AristonAstuanax understands. What need have I for further response?)

[ 29. June 2012, 19:37: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]

--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Otter
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# 12020

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quote:
Originally posted by Robert Armin:
If you like Cryptids, have you tried reading this?

Aeslin Mice FTW! Cheese and Cake!

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The plural of "anecdote" is not "data", YMMV, limited-time offer, IANAL, no purchase required, and the state of CA has found this substance to cause cancer in laboratory aminals

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que sais-je
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# 17185

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quote:
Originally posted by Mockingale:

1) Some never developed beyond the intellectual level of an eight-year old and are incapable of grasping metaphor and symbolic thought - Genesis must be literally, factually true in every detail or else nothing in the Bible is of any use;

The three stages of argument:

a) They don't know the facts - if they did they'd agree with me. They are ignorant.

b) I've told them the facts but they obviously lack the intellectual ability to follow my logic. They are idiots.

c) I've explained it all so carefully a three year old would understand. They must understand but be deceitfully pretending they don't for some nefarious purpose.

"So it goes," as they say on Tralfamadore.

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"controversies, disputes, and argumentations, both in philosophy and in divinity, if they meet with discreet and peaceable natures, do not infringe the laws of charity" (Thomas Browne)

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Earwig

Pincered Beastie
# 12057

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quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Earwig--you are the subject of many gruesome urban legends, isn't that enough?

Im in ur brane, layin ma eggs. [Big Grin]
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Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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Don't think I don't know that, ya freak.

--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Mockingale
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# 16599

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quote:
Originally posted by que sais-je:
quote:
Originally posted by Mockingale:

1) Some never developed beyond the intellectual level of an eight-year old and are incapable of grasping metaphor and symbolic thought - Genesis must be literally, factually true in every detail or else nothing in the Bible is of any use;

The three stages of argument:

a) They don't know the facts - if they did they'd agree with me. They are ignorant.

b) I've told them the facts but they obviously lack the intellectual ability to follow my logic. They are idiots.

c) I've explained it all so carefully a three year old would understand. They must understand but be deceitfully pretending they don't for some nefarious purpose.

"So it goes," as they say on Tralfamadore.

Sometimes idiots are idiots. I maintain that for many fundamentalist Christians (and atheists) anything less than 100% historicity destroys the credibility of the entire book. They can't accept that Genesis might disclose certain spiritual truths while not being an accurate account of the physical creation.

The other possibility that I hold out is that they are fearful - they possess the capacity to view the Bible on more than a purely literal plane but fear that to do so leaves too much up to individual interpretation and that their faith is too weak to allow it to withstand rational inspection.

Idiots or cowards. Which one are you?

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Choirboy
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# 9659

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quote:
Originally posted by HughWillRidmee:
quote:
Originally posted by Mockingale:
Couldn't happen to a nicer bunch of folks! England, you are now our Australia. xoxo North America

Not sure about this - I thought we populated Australia with our criminals - we sent the (worst of our) religious fruitcakes across the pond - where some of them appear to have flourished.
America was founded by the people that Europe had the good sense to deport.
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Mockingale
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# 16599

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quote:
Originally posted by Choirboy:
quote:
Originally posted by HughWillRidmee:
quote:
Originally posted by Mockingale:
Couldn't happen to a nicer bunch of folks! England, you are now our Australia. xoxo North America

Not sure about this - I thought we populated Australia with our criminals - we sent the (worst of our) religious fruitcakes across the pond - where some of them appear to have flourished.
America was founded by the people that Europe had the good sense to deport.
Given the history of Europe at least through the 1940s, I'd say that that can only speak well of the Americans.
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lilBuddha
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# 14333

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Yeah, Pond War! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Seriously though, if we begin a "who is more screwed up than whom" thread, we all lose.
And then the creationists win, as the content of the posts generally argue against evolution.

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I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning
Hallellou, hallellou

Posts: 17627 | From: the round earth's imagined corners | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged
mousethief

Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953

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quote:
Originally posted by Mockingale:
Given the history of Europe at least through the 1940s, I'd say that that can only speak well of the Americans.

Given the history of the United States through 2012, I'd say it's a toss-up.

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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...

Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Ariston
Insane Unicorn
# 10894

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Given the history of the world in general, I'd say it's time to move to Mars.

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“Therefore, let it be explained that nowhere are the proprieties quite so strictly enforced as in men’s colleges that invite young women guests, especially over-night visitors in the fraternity houses.” Emily Post, 1937.

Posts: 6849 | From: The People's Republic of Balcones | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged
lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333

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quote:
Originally posted by AristonAstuanax:
Given the history of the world in general, I'd say it's time to move to Mars.

They are auditioning for the chance...

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I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning
Hallellou, hallellou

Posts: 17627 | From: the round earth's imagined corners | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged
Marvin the Martian

Interplanetary
# 4360

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quote:
Originally posted by AristonAstuanax:
I'd say it's time to move to Mars.

You keep us out of this.

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Hail Gallaxhar

Posts: 30100 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged
Ricardus
Shipmate
# 8757

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It's not just Nessie - apparently the Giant's Causeway proves, er, something.

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Then the dog ran before, and coming as if he had brought the news, shewed his joy by his fawning and wagging his tail. -- Tobit 11:9 (Douai-Rheims)

Posts: 7247 | From: Liverpool, UK | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged
Uncle Pete

Loyaute me lie
# 10422

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quote:
Originally posted by Ricardus:
It's not just Nessie - apparently the Giant's Causeway proves, er, something.

This link freezes my computer. I see the page, but it won't allow me to navigate.

This is a general heads up.

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Even more so than I was before

Posts: 20466 | From: No longer where I was | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged
Marvin the Martian

Interplanetary
# 4360

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quote:
Originally posted by Ricardus:
It's not just Nessie - apparently the Giant's Causeway proves, er, something.

All it proves is that there are still people in the world who think crazy superstitious claptrap should be considered equal to reasoned scientific discovery.

[ETA: the link was fairly slow, but worked fine on my PC]

[ 06. July 2012, 10:26: Message edited by: Marvin the Martian ]

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Hail Gallaxhar

Posts: 30100 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged
Ricardus
Shipmate
# 8757

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Sorry about that. It's the Independent's website that's crap, I think.

Try The Guardian.

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Then the dog ran before, and coming as if he had brought the news, shewed his joy by his fawning and wagging his tail. -- Tobit 11:9 (Douai-Rheims)

Posts: 7247 | From: Liverpool, UK | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged
fletcher christian

Mutinous Seadog
# 13919

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The Giant's Causeway (Clochán na bhFomhórach) has been a point of contention for years with a planned visitors centre that initially looked like it was lining someone's pocket that it otherwise shouldn't have. Finally they got their act together and they have a fantastic space to put in the history of the site and record some of the legends (Fionn mac Cumhaill, the Irish warrior being the most famous one). Everybody thinks it's going to be great, but what do we get? Some fucking idiot claiming to speak for every Christian who says Christians believe the earth is only 6,000 years old. In a fucking visitors centre for people all over the world to come to! How embarrassing. How this was ever allowed I do not know. So bloody typical of an area where your sister might also be your mother. Bunch of inbred pricks.

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'God is love insaturable, love impossible to describe'
Staretz Silouan

Posts: 5235 | From: a prefecture | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged
PaulBC
Shipmate
# 13712

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OK I believe in the Loch Ness monstoer , Ogopogo in Lake Okanagan BC Cadborosarus off Cadboro Bay BC, Champ in Lake Champlain NY-Vt-Quebec Both lake Champlain & Lake Okanagen are very deep lakes .
As fopr fundies teaching that dinosaurs & man existed at the same time . That is dafter than anything I have heard of lately, oh maybe except the 10,000 year old earth also part of the ACE program. Their idea of science is mystic . [Votive] [Smile] [Big Grin] [Angel]

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"He has told you O mortal,what is good;and what does the Lord require of youbut to do justice and to love kindness ,and to walk humbly with your God."Micah 6:8

Posts: 873 | From: Victoria B.C. Canada | Registered: May 2008  |  IP: Logged



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