|
Source: (consider it)
|
Thread: More kids at age 40. Round two.
|
Evensong
Shipmate
# 14696
|
Posted
So my husband and I were married young (20 and 22) and had our two boys shortly thereafter. They have been (and still are - at 17 and 19) ) our joy.
I'm 40 this month and if we want to have any more kids it has to be now.
Has anyone experienced doing this or observed other families that have? How was it?
I'm cautious but curious.
--------------------
a theological scrapbook
Posts: 9481 | From: Australia | Registered: Apr 2009
| IP: Logged
|
|
Sir Kevin
Ship's Gaffer
# 3492
|
Posted
Dunno about that: complications can intervene. Our only child is 35...
--------------------
If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Writing is currently my hobby, not yet my profession.
Posts: 30517 | From: White Hart Lane | Registered: Oct 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
|
Posted
I'd do it in a heartbeat, and we tried, but it's up to God in the end...
I recommend NOT telling anybody except the most trustworthy non-jackassy people you love until any pregnancy is an established fact. That's because you're almost bound to hit the moaning brigade, and once they start, they never shut up. Especially if they're your closest relatives.
Don't give a shit what anybody says about "you're too old" (well, barring a medical doctor, I mean). They can fuck off to whatever joyless place they came from. You have older children, so any new little ones will never be left family-less no matter what happens (sorry to be grim, but that's what your nosy friends and relatives will be yapping about). They can also help you cope when you need a wee one out of your hair for an hour.
That said, at this age a woman's fertility is really not that great and your chances are not as high as you might wish. I'd see a doctor (general and OB/GYN) pronto just to get an idea of your current physical health and any possible challenges going in.
I must say, I envy you the opportunity. God willed otherwise for us. But do what you think best.
--------------------
Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
| IP: Logged
|
|
Lucia
Looking for light
# 15201
|
Posted
I know a family where the couple married relatively young and then deliberately followed a life plan to have two children followed by a ten year gap, followed by two more. They are now at the stage of two children at university and doing all the family things with young kids a second time around with the younger ones. They seem to be enjoying it.
I think they had some doubts about whether they had the energy for number 4! Wife said it was a lot more tiring dealing with a small baby when they themselves were ten years older. However they decided that there was a danger that younger child was becoming the spoiled baby of the family and they decided that the plan to proceed with a close in age sibling would be a good one!
They are of course fortunate that life worked out as they wished and that financially they are in a position where the wife does not need to work. So the loss of a second income and/or childcare costs during the early years was not an issue, nor the loss of place in career path.
Posts: 1075 | From: Nigh golden stone and spires | Registered: Oct 2009
| IP: Logged
|
|
cliffdweller
Shipmate
# 13338
|
Posted
I was divorced with one child when my husband and I married. I was 34 and he was 36 at the time, my daughter was 6. We waited a year before trying to start a family, then had 3 miscarriages in a row. After each loss I thought, "that's it. I can't do this again."
My oldest son was born when I was 39 and my younger son when I was 43. I will always, always be grateful we kept going, always grateful we gave it one more try.
--------------------
"Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid." -Frederick Buechner
Posts: 11242 | From: a small canyon overlooking the city | Registered: Jan 2008
| IP: Logged
|
|
North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
|
Posted
Are you actually broody, or just realising that the option for more might not be there for much longer and panicking?
The only person I know with a big gap had two marriages. It worked out well for her. One thing she found difficult was that when they were all out together as a family, people assumed she was the grandmother, and that the baby belonged to her daughter. That was just an irritation though, not a reason not to go ahead.
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
| IP: Logged
|
|
Evensong
Shipmate
# 14696
|
Posted
Thanks all for your responses so far. Very helpful to hear your thoughts.
quote:
Originally posted by North East Quine:
Are you actually broody, or just realising that the option for more might not be there for much longer and panicking?
No I'm not broody. But then again I've never been the broody type. But I'm having constant baby dreams. The last one I had was a few nights ago. It was a girl. A girl with my husband's big grin of odd teeth.
While on my deathbed, I will honestly be able to say the best thing I ever did was have and raise my two boys and enjoy their company, but I found the chores of raising kids to be bloody hard, lonely work. I'm not sure if I can go through it again and remain sane. And an insane parent is no good for kids.
Feels a bit like damned if I do and damned if I don't.
Makes it doubly hard that my husband is totally into his kids (always has been) and really wants more. ![[Tear]](graemlins/tear.gif)
--------------------
a theological scrapbook
Posts: 9481 | From: Australia | Registered: Apr 2009
| IP: Logged
|
|
Thyme
Shipmate
# 12360
|
Posted
Forgive me if I have got this wrong, but I thought you were training for ordination? How does having more family fit into that?
I think I would find it hard to to both things justice.
--------------------
The Church in its own bubble has become, at best the guardian of the value system of the nation’s grandparents, and at worst a den of religious anoraks defined by defensiveness, esoteric logic and discrimination. Bishop of Buckingham's blog
Posts: 600 | From: Cloud Cuckoo Land | Registered: Feb 2007
| IP: Logged
|
|
North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
|
Posted
I still get the baby dreams! And I'm 50, and 99% not broody. Well, 98%.
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
| IP: Logged
|
|
L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338
|
Posted
YOU need to want to have more children - forget about the practical parenting routine because that can be out-sourced a bit if you want to; what can't be out-sourced is the love, cuddles and mothering.
If you really want more then have them - you'll work out the best way to cope when they've arrived.
--------------------
Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet
Posts: 4950 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012
| IP: Logged
|
|
Niminypiminy
Shipmate
# 15489
|
Posted
The thing I would say -- and I say this as someone who had the children she had longed for for many years at 41 and 44 -- is that having a babies in your forties is ok. Of course you are more tired, but there are lots of positives. BUT, having teenagers in your fifties is less easy. It's not that having teenagers is ever a picnic, but one's resilience does really get less. And, depending on your situation, you may well end up with young children/teenagers and parents who need your care.
None of these are reasons not to have children later in life. But they are factors which change the experience of bringing up the children you have then.
--------------------
Lives of the Saints: songs by The Unequal Struggle
http://www.theunequalstruggle.com/
Posts: 776 | From: Edge of the Fens | Registered: Feb 2010
| IP: Logged
|
|
Evensong
Shipmate
# 14696
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Thyme:
Forgive me if I have got this wrong, but I thought you were training for ordination? How does having more family fit into that?
I think I would find it hard to to both things justice.
I am now ordained Deacon. So your question is quite pertinent. Another issue I'm dealing with.
quote:
Originally posted by North East Quine:
I still get the baby dreams! And I'm 50, and 99% not broody. Well, 98%.
Good to know. But my baby dreams have only started in the last year or so. Don't know what they mean. Often "dream analysts" say it's just about "new birth" and is symbolic of other stuff. I'm finding it hard to tell if that's what it is or if God is trying to tell me something.
quote:
Originally posted by L'organist:
YOU need to want to have more children - forget about the practical parenting routine because that can be out-sourced a bit if you want to; what can't be out-sourced is the love, cuddles and mothering.
If you really want more then have them - you'll work out the best way to cope when they've arrived.
I DO want more children. As I said above they are the best thing that has ever happened to me. But I CANT outsource the practical parenting routine. I can't put them in childcare while I minister in the church and the world. To me the love, the cuddles and the mothering are about being there.
I know that's a controversial stance but it's not one I'm willing to compromise on in the early years.
And I wouldn't' want just one either. I'd have to have at least two. I was something of an only child for a while and I didn't like it.
--------------------
a theological scrapbook
Posts: 9481 | From: Australia | Registered: Apr 2009
| IP: Logged
|
|
Evensong
Shipmate
# 14696
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Niminypiminy:
It's not that having teenagers is ever a picnic, but one's resilience does really get less. And, depending on your situation, you may well end up with young children/teenagers and parents who need your care.
None of these are reasons not to have children later in life. But they are factors which change the experience of bringing up the children you have then.
Definitely. I already care for and do all the finances for my aged mother.
--------------------
a theological scrapbook
Posts: 9481 | From: Australia | Registered: Apr 2009
| IP: Logged
|
|
North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
|
Posted
quote:
And I wouldn't' want just one either. I'd have to have at least two.
That's not a given at 40. We initially wanted three, had two, but then I had a series of miscarriages. So, as our two were getting older and the gap was increasing, we decided we were aiming for another two, to avoid the "only child" thing. In the event we weren't able to have any more.
If it's what you want - go for it. But don't assume that you can have "at least" another two.
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
| IP: Logged
|
|
Evensong
Shipmate
# 14696
|
Posted
Quite right.
At this point I'm assuming nothing. I may not be able to have any more at all.
But i want to be clear before we even try.
--------------------
a theological scrapbook
Posts: 9481 | From: Australia | Registered: Apr 2009
| IP: Logged
|
|
Boogie
Boogie on down!
# 13538
|
Posted
My neice is 40, she has just had twins, her first children. For her husband it's second time round, he has grown up kids.
Both are loving it!
(But neither work, they are doing the 'good life' self sufficient thing on my brother's farm - solar power, home grown fuel, food etc. So they are both always around to support each other)
PS - Have you considered puppies? Deadly serious, they give me everything kids did (and more, if I'm really honest! - puppies want to please YOU, kids want to please themselves!)
[ 10. September 2014, 12:56: Message edited by: Boogie ]
--------------------
Garden. Room. Walk
Posts: 13030 | From: Boogie Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2008
| IP: Logged
|
|
Boogie
Boogie on down!
# 13538
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Thyme:
Forgive me if I have got this wrong, but I thought you were training for ordination? How does having more family fit into that?
I think I would find it hard to to both things justice.
Our last Vicar had a baby while still vicaring - whyever not??
--------------------
Garden. Room. Walk
Posts: 13030 | From: Boogie Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2008
| IP: Logged
|
|
North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
|
Posted
quote:
I'm finding it hard to tell if that's what it is or if God is trying to tell me something.
I hope God isn't trying to tell me something by sending me baby dreams!!! ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
I prayed day in, day out, for years and years, for another baby. Now I'm terrified that those prayers are in a celestial "pending" tray somewhere, and I'll find myself pregnant in my fifties.
I'm not being cynical, well not much, but trying to work out if another baby is right, from what you think God is telling you in a dream seems to add an unnecessary complication to the decision. Make the decision, then lay it prayerfully before God.
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
| IP: Logged
|
|
Leorning Cniht
Shipmate
# 17564
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:
Our last Vicar had a baby while still vicaring - whyever not??
Well, Evensong has made clear that, in her view, she would have to be a stay-at-home mother with direct full-time care for her small children. She would not be happy about placing her small children in childcare for any significant period.
Vicaring is certainly a more flexible job than many, but I'm not sure that you'd be able to do the pastoral care parts of the job successfully with a toddler in tow.
You might be able to combine attachment parenting with a part-time / assistant role, though.
Posts: 5026 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2013
| IP: Logged
|
|
cliffdweller
Shipmate
# 13338
|
Posted
fwiw, I was serving as a full-time pastor when I had my two later kids (fyi: I misspoke my age at marriage above-- the gap between my daughter and my sons is 12 and 16 years).
Parenting teens in your 50s is hard, yes. But so was parenting a teen in my 30s. Parenting teens is just hard. I'm not sure it's any harder this time than it was last time.
It really just comes down to listening to your heart-- and God's heart. There are challenges that come with it. And there are complications that come with a pregnancy in your 40s*. But all those things can be managed, successfully and even joyfully. The bottom line really isn't how old you are or what you're doing for a living. It's really just about where your heart lies. It's OK to say no, this isn't where my life is going right now. But it's OK to say yes to this as well. Give yourself time to listen to your heart, and to God.
* (When I was pregnant with my last child at 43 I developed gestational diabetes, one of those complications. On one visit to my endrochronologist, the good doctor began a conversation, "now the next time we'll want to..." which just caused me to cut him off with my riotous laughter. Never did hear the end of that sentence.)
--------------------
"Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid." -Frederick Buechner
Posts: 11242 | From: a small canyon overlooking the city | Registered: Jan 2008
| IP: Logged
|
|
Moo
Ship's tough old bird
# 107
|
Posted
When you're older you have less energy, but you also have more patience and a more laid-back attitude.
If you've raised teenagers, then raising two more won't be uncharted territory.
Good luck, whatever you decide.
Moo
--------------------
Kerygmania host
---------------------
See you later, alligator.
Posts: 20365 | From: Alleghany Mountains of Virginia | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
no prophet's flag is set so...
Proceed to see sea
# 15560
|
Posted
I'd have had more children if we could at any time. In a heartbeat. Waiting for grandchildren are we now. I'd have them any time as well.
People say raising teenagers is hard. Didn't find it. I often wondered if difficulties with teens is the teenagers' fault or the parents. It's a hard one to decipher.
But I do like the sense of humour of the preteens. Like the joke I was told by a 10 year old this week (the fall term just started post-Labour Day:
Q- What did the father buffalo say to his son as he went off to school for the first time?
A- Bison!
--------------------
Out of this nettle, danger, we pluck this flower, safety.
\_(ツ)_/
Posts: 11498 | From: Treaty 6 territory in the nonexistant Province of Buffalo, Canada ↄ⃝' | Registered: Mar 2010
| IP: Logged
|
|
Spike
Mostly Harmless
# 36
|
Posted
I have experience of this from the other side of the fence.
My parents married in their late 20s and had three daughters within the first seven years of their marriage and then I came along nine years after the youngest daughter when my parents were in their 40s. (Mum was 44, dad was 45).
My three older sisters, being of a similar age, are very close to each other but I grew up without any siblings of the same age. My oldest sister married at the age of 21 when I was 6 and I was an uncle at the age of 8! (In later years I had a criteria for dating women in that I wouldn't date anyone older than my youngest sister or younger than my oldest nephew, but that's another story)
Growing up, I was very aware that my parents were much older than all my friends' parents - I think it would be fair to say I felt a bit of a stigma about it.
My dad suffered poor health for a number of years (asthma and a heart condition) and died at the age of 61 when I was only 15.
I'm not saying "don't do it" and I'm not saying I had an awful time. I adored both my parents and had a really good upbringing, but think carefully. Will your husband be able to run around or play football with a new child as he did when he was younger? Will a new child be embarrassed at having parents with grey hair when all his/her friends' parents appear to be really cool? Do you want to live long enough to see this child produce grandchildren for you?
All things to think about!
[ 10. September 2014, 23:03: Message edited by: Spike ]
--------------------
"May you get to heaven before the devil knows you're dead" - Irish blessing
Posts: 12860 | From: The Valley of Crocuses | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
|
Posted
... Though if the alternative is not to exist at all, concerns about having a gray-haired Dad who doesn't play football might go by the wayside, no? I hope so anyway, as that was the reasoning we used to justify having our son when Mr. Lamb was over 50.
The good side of having older parents is that they are more experienced, less apt to sweat the small stuff, and probably more financially and emotionally secure. They may not play football, but they probably aren't going to utterly flip out the minute you walk into the house with a C on a test or a new boyfriend. I hope.
--------------------
Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
| IP: Logged
|
|
cliffdweller
Shipmate
# 13338
|
Posted
...or at least, as I joke out of hearing of my two teens, we'll be so deaf or senile that we won't hear them sneaking in past curfew...
Seriously, I get the old parents thing. I have been mistaken for my son's grandmother a time or two. But there are offsets as well, as Lamb pointed out.
--------------------
"Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid." -Frederick Buechner
Posts: 11242 | From: a small canyon overlooking the city | Registered: Jan 2008
| IP: Logged
|
|
Derf
Shipmate
# 2093
|
Posted
I suspect that having older parents is probably less unusual now than it was when Spike were a lad, so some of the potential stigma may be less (although I also suspect this depends very much on where you live - it freaked me out somewhat when I was sat in a school show thing at one of the schools I'm chaplain to, before I had my own child (at 32), and realised I was closer in age to some of the grandparents than parents!)
The parenting/ministry challenge is a huge one. I think realistically if you'd want to do full time parenting and not use any form of childcare you'd need to step aside from at least full time ministry for that time (recognising that of course ministry is far from just what we do as the job IYSWIM). There are ways of combining the two, but there's a whole lot of the job that isn't possible with a toddler around the place. I do wonder what people are thinking when I turn up e.g. to take a funeral, and they ask where the sczlet is! So you might manage a part time role, working in the evenings and around whatever a small child allows during the day, but if your house etc comes with the job that obviously presents other issues.
I hope you can come to a decision that you are at peace with, and that if it is to have more kids that biology works in your favour.
Posts: 1108 | Registered: Jan 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Dafyd
Shipmate
# 5549
|
Posted
The Dafling was born when I was just the other side of forty, and we're planning that she won't be an only child.
I'm exhausted all the time(*), but I think that's down to a condition called parenthood.
(*) I exaggerate; I'm not exhausted all the time. Sometimes I'm very exhausted, and occasionally I'm shattered.
--------------------
we remain, thanks to original sin, much in love with talking about, rather than with, one another. Rowan Williams
Posts: 10567 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Feb 2004
| IP: Logged
|
|
Ethne Alba
Shipmate
# 5804
|
Posted
How lovely that you are considering this!
Hope all goes well in your discoverings.
Posts: 3126 | Registered: Apr 2004
| IP: Logged
|
|
Jack the Lass
Ship's airhead
# 3415
|
Posted
I'm a health visitor (public health nurse - we work with families with kids under 5) and have come across this scenario, although as mentioned above it was usually through a remarriage. The main things that those mums mentioned to me were that they were sometimes mistaken for the baby's grandmother, and that sometimes the older children (who were late teens/early 20s) freaked out and found it really hard to accept (I guess the thought of your parents having sex never stops being icky ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif) ).
More personally, although I didn't have kids in my 20s, I have (at the end of last year) had a baby at 44. I don't know if it would have been different if I had already had experience of what it would be like, but I did find as an older mum that I really struggled with issues of identity. Until the baby came along, I worked in an intellectually challenging job, had been travelling, got a PhD, had all these various life experiences, then all of a sudden it was an achievement if I got to the end of the day and had managed to do the washing up (and I didn't always manage that in the early days!). I felt really deskilled as a person, and it took me ages to adjust to that. I also worried about being the oldest mum at the school gates, but although I'm still the oldest mum I know, I have met a few others so am reasonably confident that I won't be too much of a freak when the time comes. I have once been asked if I was the baby's granny, that was by a kid at the bus-stop who had no idea she was being spectacularly undiplomatic, and at least her mum was clearly mortified, but I expect I'll have more of that in the future (perhaps I should explore the facelift ads that facebook has been showing me since I hit my 40s ![[Biased]](wink.gif) ).
The other thing I've had occasionally is an assumption that because I conceived over 40 that I had undergone fertility treatment. Perhaps irrationally I found myself getting really irritated about that.
I think in your case, given your views (as stated on SoF threads passim) about childcare then the biggest issue if I were in your position would be how to reconcile having young kids with the demands and calls of ministry. That's not something I've had to face though. My prayers as you get your head round all these things.
--------------------
"My body is a temple - it's big and doesn't move." (Jo Brand)
wiblog blipfoto blog
Posts: 5767 | From: the land of the deep-fried Mars Bar | Registered: Oct 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338
|
Posted
Oh, just do it. You can take the baby out and about with you until it gets old enough to protest and in any case, the older two (once over the teenaged mortification of proof that mum and dad are still doing it are likely to be, for at least some of the time, doting babysitters.
Just remember that older mothers are more likely to have twins...
--------------------
Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet
Posts: 4950 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012
| IP: Logged
|
|
Tukai
Shipmate
# 12960
|
Posted
If you oldest is already 19, just wait a few years and you could be a grandparent. That way you receive and give all the love that youngsters bring but without all the responsibility.
At least that's what we have found (married in early 20s, which is now 40 years ago).
--------------------
A government that panders to the worst instincts of its people degrades the whole country for years to come.
Posts: 594 | From: Oz | Registered: Sep 2007
| IP: Logged
|
|
Moo
Ship's tough old bird
# 107
|
Posted
{tangent alert}
quote:
Originally posted by Jack the Lass
The other thing I've had occasionally is an assumption that because I conceived over 40 that I had undergone fertility treatment. Perhaps irrationally I found myself getting really irritated about that.
It's infuriating how some people do not hesitate to comment about other people's deeply personal matters, especially to strangers. My daughter gave birth to twins; two of her father's brothers were twins; it runs in the family.
Total strangers would ask her if she had undergone fertility treatments. ![[Mad]](angryfire.gif)
{/tangent alert}
Moo
--------------------
Kerygmania host
---------------------
See you later, alligator.
Posts: 20365 | From: Alleghany Mountains of Virginia | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
|
Posted
For reasons you can probably work out, I'm extremely glad my mother-in-law had another baby at that age!
I guess you'll be fine as long as you don't mind loads of people rather rudely asking you if it was an 'accident'.
--------------------
Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Caissa
Shipmate
# 16710
|
Posted
I was 38 when our youngest was born. When I have my grey beard on, I have been mistaken for his grandfather.
Posts: 972 | From: Saint John, N.B. | Registered: Oct 2011
| IP: Logged
|
|
Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
|
Posted
I know when I have been at hard and frustrating points in my training and career, I have thought about reverting to apparently simpler or better phases of my life (not children in my case but other paths).
I would say, be sure its about wanting more children, rather than feeling beaten down by current circumstances.
--------------------
All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
Patdys
Iron Wannabe
RooK-Annoyer
# 9397
|
Posted
One of the considerations is work.
If one or both of you have just completed training and are looking to cement a professional career, then the time demands of this needs to be taken into consideration.
In my case, having put training on hold for ten years and watching my kids grow up was great, but with a greater work focus now, I would struggle with the competing time demands.
I think the key is discussing goals together. And for some, more children will be right. And for others, not having more children will be right. And for others, ceasing contraception and just rolling the dice will be right.
My only caveat is that friends who wanted their third child in their early forties, have a beautiful family of seven with their five boys thanks to triplets...
--------------------
Marathon run. Next Dream. Australian this time.
Posts: 3511 | Registered: Apr 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
|
Posted
If you want to do it, if you can do it, if you have the resources to support it then do it. Women in their 50s have had children before now.
I worked with a woman who found herself unexpectedly pregnant at 53. She'd thought she was going through the menopause and was really quite shocked as she already had three grown-up sons. In the end she decided to go ahead with it and had a fourth child - another boy. His older brothers were delighted.
quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:
PS - Have you considered puppies? Deadly serious, they give me everything kids did (and more, if I'm really honest! - puppies want to please YOU, kids want to please themselves!)
Having a dog is like having a permanent baby. A pet is one thing, but they never grow up, and they won't look after you when you reach the age where you need help.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Pigwidgeon
Ship's Owl
# 10192
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:
A pet is one thing, but they never grow up, and they won't look after you when you reach the age where you need help.
Either do many kids. I know a lot of older people whose grown children don't or can't "look after" their elderly parents.
--------------------
"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf
Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
Edith
Shipmate
# 16978
|
Posted
Don't worry about being mistaken for a granny. I'm a granny and I'm often mistaken for my grandchildren's mum. ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
--------------------
Edith
Posts: 256 | From: UK | Registered: Mar 2012
| IP: Logged
|
|
cliffdweller
Shipmate
# 13338
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Edith:
Don't worry about being mistaken for a granny. I'm a granny and I'm often mistaken for my grandchildren's mum.
Sorry, but as a mom often mistaken for grandma, trust me, those are two totally different things!!!
--------------------
"Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid." -Frederick Buechner
Posts: 11242 | From: a small canyon overlooking the city | Registered: Jan 2008
| IP: Logged
|
|
Zacchaeus
Shipmate
# 14454
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:
A pet is one thing, but they never grow up, and they won't look after you when you reach the age where you need help.
Either do many kids. I know a lot of older people whose grown children don't or can't "look after" their elderly parents.
But pets never leave home and become independent like children (hopefully do)
Posts: 1905 | From: the back of beyond | Registered: Jan 2009
| IP: Logged
|
|
Evensong
Shipmate
# 14696
|
Posted
Thank you all very much for your comments. You have helped me a great deal to work through my own thoughts and feelings on the issue.
![[Axe murder]](graemlins/lovedrops.gif)
One interesting comment that keeps coming up is the possible stigma of being an older mum or mistaken for a grandmother. Seeing how I was the youngest mum by about 15 years when I was raising my two boys I'm quite familiar with the opposite stigma and couldn't give a rat's arse about it. Been there, done that and that's not what matters!
[ 14. September 2014, 10:46: Message edited by: Evensong ]
--------------------
a theological scrapbook
Posts: 9481 | From: Australia | Registered: Apr 2009
| IP: Logged
|
|
Evensong
Shipmate
# 14696
|
Posted
Tho to be sure, it does make it harder to find friends in mums and bubs groups (on both ends of the spectrum).
--------------------
a theological scrapbook
Posts: 9481 | From: Australia | Registered: Apr 2009
| IP: Logged
|
|
Zacchaeus
Shipmate
# 14454
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Evensong:
Tho to be sure, it does make it harder to find friends in mums and bubs groups (on both ends of the spectrum).
That shouldn't be a problem these days, most of such groups i've been to, are dominated by all the grandmothers minding their grandchildren
Posts: 1905 | From: the back of beyond | Registered: Jan 2009
| IP: Logged
|
|
Printer-friendly view
