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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Parenting for all ages
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Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
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Posted
It's the New Year, at least it is somewhere, so here is a new thread to discuss the issues all parents face. We will keep the teenagers thread as it is for the moment.
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I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
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Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
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Martha
Shipmate
# 185
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Posted
Oooh, first post of the new thread!
Anyone have good snack ideas for 1-year-olds? He seems to need snacks all the time and I feel like we're on a monotonous round of fruit, crackers and peanut butter. I'd like to get a bit more veg in there but he isn't keen on it plain. What does your toddler devour?
Posts: 388 | From: in the kitchen | Registered: May 2001
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nomadicgrl
Shipmate
# 7623
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Posted
Sometimes it's the more unusual flavours they go for. My little guy adored Hummus from as early as we gave it to him (bout 10/11 months). The more garlic the more he liked it. Avacado with banana was also popular. Right now at just turned two, it's hot pickled beans that's a favourite.
Maybe lightly steaming cauliflower and/or brocolli will make those more appealing than straight raw?
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The care of another,even material, bodily care is spiritual in essence. Bread for myself is a material question; bread for my neighbor is a spiritual one.- Jacques Maritain
Posts: 437 | From: Living in the land of Anne (with an e) | Registered: Jun 2004
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Uncle Pete
Loyaute me lie
# 10422
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Posted
Many decades ago when one of my nieces was small (< 1 year), she watched as I was eating a garlic dill pickle. So I gave her a tiny piece. She made a face at first and then the taste hit her, and she called for more. Her mother was appalled, but now even when she's 40, she approves of anything with garlic.
Don't be afraid to experiment.
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Even more so than I was before
Posts: 20466 | From: No longer where I was | Registered: Sep 2005
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Lothlorien
Ship's Grandma
# 4927
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Posted
Middle son loved all things salad from about twelve months old, especially with vinaigrette dressing on them. We were camping with a group of friends when he was this age one Christmas at the beach. He wandered into their tent and carefully took a bite out of a large number of tomatoes from a case they bad bought.
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Buy a bale. Help our Aussie rural communities and farmers. Another great cause needing support The High Country Patrol.
Posts: 9745 | From: girt by sea | Registered: Aug 2003
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Uncle Pete
Loyaute me lie
# 10422
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Posted
I'm sure, being a thoughtful boy, he was just checking the quality of said tomatoes to spare the cook nasty surprises.
[ 07. January 2012, 09:04: Message edited by: PeteC ]
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Even more so than I was before
Posts: 20466 | From: No longer where I was | Registered: Sep 2005
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Sarasa
Shipmate
# 12271
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Posted
At that age my son was keen on tarmusalata and olives. How about crudites to dip in humous etc?
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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.
Posts: 2035 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2007
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
My little weirdo liked to suck on lemon wedges. Mind you, he may have been doing it just because he got a kick out of watching the adult faces.
Try him on as many weird things as you can imagine while he's still young enough not to know better. The worst he can do is spit it back at you. And you may be very much surprised...
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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Martha
Shipmate
# 185
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Posted
Thanks everyone! Hummus is already pretty popular, I just have to remember to buy it. He did seem to approve of cauliflower last time I tried it, so I'll try that again - and cherry tomatoes, pickles and olives. LC, last time we were out for a drink Little Man swiped the lemon wedge out of my glass and tried sucking it. We got a good giggle but I don't think he'll do it again in a hurry!
Posts: 388 | From: in the kitchen | Registered: May 2001
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Lucia
Looking for light
# 15201
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Pants:
Someone I know has a small person who loves pickled onions and olives!!
But for a one year old I would still cut them up as there is still potential for choking on them at that age.
Posts: 1075 | From: Nigh golden stone and spires | Registered: Oct 2009
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ken
Ship's Roundhead
# 2460
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Posted
By the age of two my daughter was capable of eating the entire jar of pickled onions if unsupervised. Didn't like olives though.
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Ken
L’amor che move il sole e l’altre stelle.
Posts: 39579 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2002
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Talitha
Shipmate
# 5085
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Posted
How about cake with vegetables in it? You can make cake with little or no sugar, sweetened with carrot, raisins, etc. (I appreciate it's hard to find time to bake. But if you do happen to be doing it anyway...)
Posts: 554 | From: Cambridge, UK | Registered: Oct 2003
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Talitha
Shipmate
# 5085
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Posted
Or cheese? Our 18mo loves snacking on cheese.
Posts: 554 | From: Cambridge, UK | Registered: Oct 2003
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Polly Plummer
Shipmate
# 13354
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Posted
My grandson, two and a half, also loves olives, but his all-time favourite is brussels sprouts!
Posts: 577 | Registered: Jan 2008
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Lothlorien
Ship's Grandma
# 4927
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Posted
My sons were all good eaters of vegetables but for a snack perhaps? Some frozen peas in a bowl, straight from the freezer. Regarded almost as lollies.
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Buy a bale. Help our Aussie rural communities and farmers. Another great cause needing support The High Country Patrol.
Posts: 9745 | From: girt by sea | Registered: Aug 2003
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Latchkey Kid
Shipmate
# 12444
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Posted
We keep grapes in the freezer as a summer snack.
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'You must never give way for an answer. An answer is always the stretch of road that's behind you. Only a question can point the way forward.'
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Posts: 2592 | From: The wizardest little town in Oz | Registered: Mar 2007
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Jengie jon
Semper Reformanda
# 273
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Lothlorien:
My sons were all good eaters of vegetables but for a snack perhaps? Some frozen peas in a bowl, straight from the freezer. Regarded almost as lollies.
Second this, veg straight from the freezer was a favourite of my nephew and niece until they were well out of their toddlerhood (I should check with my sister whether she still has to get the bags of frozen veg out when they are not around or they eat it before it gets cooked). Peas, beans and I think carrots in their case, maybe more.
Jengie
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"To violate a persons ability to distinguish fact from fantasy is the epistemological equivalent of rape." Noretta Koertge
Back to my blog
Posts: 20894 | From: city of steel, butterflies and rainbows | Registered: May 2001
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Niminypiminy
Shipmate
# 15489
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Posted
Frozen peas in a bowl absolutely loved by my two. (As are still frozen fish fingers -- I think of them as convenience sushi ![[Razz]](tongue.gif) ) But at one year old, watch very carefully as they are a choking hazard.
Mini bread sticks are wonderful inventions. Rice cake and peanut butter. Bread and pesto (small children often like much stronger flavours than we give them credit for). In extremis a small pot of breakfast cereal. In fact, I would lay in a stack of small pots, because almost any food stuff served in a small pot is attractive to a toddler.
Oh, and I have heard of someone keeping bananas in the freezer to give as lollies. Never tried it though.
[ 11. January 2012, 15:35: Message edited by: Niminypiminy ]
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Lives of the Saints: songs by The Unequal Struggle
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Posts: 776 | From: Edge of the Fens | Registered: Feb 2010
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the famous rachel
Shipmate
# 1258
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Posted
The famous baby (who is nearly 14 months, and should thus possibly now be referred to as the famous toddler) likes cheese very much as a snack - but none of this namby-pamby mild cheddar nonsense that the baby books recommend. He likes extra mature cheddar, cave-aged gruyere and emmental, pecorino, and Ossau-Iraty. He also likes wholemeal toast with butter and/or jam, and fruit toast with butter.
We don't manage veg as snacks often, but others have success with sticks of cucumber, pepper etc.
Best wishes,
Rachel.
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A shrivelled appendix to the body of Christ.
Posts: 912 | From: In the lab. | Registered: Aug 2001
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Antisocial Alto
Shipmate
# 13810
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Posted
We are deep in the trenches of the first week of potty training. On the bright side, young Master Alto (should I say Counter-tenor?) is doing really well. He's not showing any reluctance at all about using the toilet and he's had very few accidents- he can tell when he needs to go, and gets one of us right away to take him to the bathroom. Unfortunately he can't yet get the pee muscles to relax when he wants them to. So we spend two hours or so going to the bathroom, sitting for a few minutes, giving up, and then going back two minutes later to try again because of course he still has to go. Eventually he succeeds in peeing (mostly because his bladder can't hold any more) and we have an hour or two of peace before the cycle starts again.
I know this is perfectly normal, and it's amazing that he's doing as well as he is, but wow, it's tiring!
Posts: 601 | From: United States | Registered: Jun 2008
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Beethoven
Ship's deaf genius
# 114
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Posted
I'm despairing at the moment. Op 1 can only speak to me in aggressively rude or deeply patronising tones. ![[Frown]](frown.gif) I don't know how it's come to this - rudeness has never gained her anything - but it's been more and more common for a long time. She's 10, so I'm aware that there may be hormonal things going on, but am just fed up with being treated like dirt. The non-verbal communication isn't much better - the shrugs, sighs, and rolled eyes all used to imply that she's so badly mistreated when I ask her to put her clean clothes away... ![[Mad]](angryfire.gif)
And I, of course, end up eventually losing my temper and shouting, so she's won. Again. :bigcry:
Any advice?
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Who wants to be a rock anyway?
toujours gai!
Posts: 1309 | From: Here (and occasionally there) | Registered: May 2001
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Moth
Shipmate
# 2589
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Posted
I can only suggest a bit of strategic deafness. If she comes and asks for something in a rude or patronising way, reply 'I beg your pardon?'. If it's repeated, tell her firmly that you don't respond to requests unless politely made 'in a nice voice'. If she's rude when answering a question you initiate, ask again, with the same warning.
She will no doubt take a while to accept that this is a rule, and will persist in being rude to try and force you out of it. However, if you try and pick your battles carefully, you can find a time when she is inconvenienced by your failure to respond more than you are, and once she has given way a few times, she'll probably come round. If she is nice and cheerful and answers well, praise her for it, as you all want to get back on good terms as soon as possible!
You also need to get your partner on the case if possible. With my boys, ShadoK would have reprimanded them for being rude to me if he overheard them (and you should be able to stage-manage that) and reinforce the rule himself. Actually, they weren't often rude to me, more to him - some kind of alpha male thing, possibly. I used to make it clear that to be on good terms with me they needed to respect their father.
As my boys got older, I did use the 'being on good terms' idea quite a lot. They needed to be on good terms with me if they wanted me to run around after them, washing their clothes, remembering to buy things needed for clubs or school etc. A couple of episodes where I 'withdrew goodwill' was enough to persuade them that they should keep me on side! It's really boring to have to wash your own clothes and remember your own diary. She may be a little young for that yet, but again, you can pick your time. If she asks in rude way for something special for a party or something, refuse to do it on the grounds that she is rude. Tell her you only go that extra mile for politeness. The message will sink in.
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"There are governments that burn books, and then there are those that sell the libraries and shut the universities to anyone who can't pay for a key." Laurie Penny.
Posts: 3446 | From: England | Registered: Apr 2002
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Jane R
Shipmate
# 331
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Posted
We follow Moth's system in our family and it's working so far. Daughter is not always able to control her temper well enough to comply with The Rule, but does have the grace to come and apologise after she's calmed down.
If she is in a throwing-things-about sort of temper we also tell her 'If it breaks, we won't be buying another one'. This is usually enough to make her pause for reflection...
Posts: 3958 | From: Jorvik | Registered: May 2001
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Emma Louise
Storm in a teapot
# 3571
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Posted
Food for a toddler - what other's have said mainly -
bread sticks, rice cakes (adult ones broken up are much cheaper than special "baby" ones and healthier if they don't have flavouring too. Just get a no salt one, toast fingers, oatcakes, crackers. Garlic bread is a favourite here.
Veg - almost anything that can be cut up and put in a pot/ on a plate. A mixture of colours can make it more interesting - chopped tomotoes and cucumber is still a favourite here, but peppers, celery, carrot sticks, snap peas, any raw veg. Frozen peas a favourite here too but not sure about age to start those due to choking.
Fruit wise - any cut up fruit, grapes, apples, bananas, kiwis, etc etc
Teacup also loved olives, pickled onions, stronger cheese.
There is a lot of variety of things you can feed a small person really. Just think about what you eat or mini versions of meals.
We are struggling with getting sleep here. I've been very baby-led with baby1 which worked fab but baby 2 doesn't seem to want to sleep more than about 45minutes at a time at night. Any ideas?!
Posts: 12719 | From: Enid Blyton territory. | Registered: Nov 2002
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Beethoven
Ship's deaf genius
# 114
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Posted
Thanks, Moth & Jane R. She and I reached rock bottom last night, which left us both feeling terrible, but she clearly started reflecting on things once she was in bed - came and apologised before going to sleep, and was much better this morning. Mr B is very good at maintaining the importance of courtesy towards me - as indeed I try to be for him! I'm hoping that we're going to get enough 'nice' behaviour to have a chance to praise it (although in the past both Opuses have seemed to assume that once they're praised for good behaviour it means that's enough of it, and almost immediately resume horribleness! ![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif) )
Thanks for the listening ear and wisdom though - I needed to vent some frustration, and it's good to have reassurance that I'm not entirely alone in this... I will continue to be deaf as necessary and hope that the message eventually gets through. ![[brick wall]](graemlins/brick_wall.gif)
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Who wants to be a rock anyway?
toujours gai!
Posts: 1309 | From: Here (and occasionally there) | Registered: May 2001
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North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
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Posted
God-parenting question.
My children are 17 and 15. My God-daughter is 9.
G-d's mother is a single parent and there's no real wider family. G-d's mother has several health issues, but none that are likely to prove fatal. However, G-d has witnessed her mother being ambulanced away on three occasions (asthma attacks), the most recent two weeks ago. Over the years G-d's mother and I have gone over the "what-if" issue several times, and I've consistently said that, while I couldn't promise anything, I would always do my best for G-d and would probably take her.
Last week G-d asked her mother what would happen if she died - would I adopt her? Instead of parroting my vague reply about "your God-mother loves you and will always do her best for you" her mother said "No. NEQ has her own children and they come first. If I die social services will take you into care."
I have no idea why she said that. I have always said "Probably, assuming my parents haven't become dependent on me in the meantime, assuming my husband / own kids haven't developed health issues, etc etc." Not only have I said this to G-d's mother, I've said it to G-d's mother in front of other people; I would "probably" take G-d in the event of her mother's death. I've said it within the last month!
Should I, for G-d's peace of mind, make a definite commitment? I feel that anything less than a firm commitment won't help; I don't think that "Well, my parents are quite old, and who knows what the future might bring; I might end up stretched looking after them, and wouldn't be able to look after you too, but then again, my parents might be fine, and I would, but there again..." will be enough to set G-d's mind at rest.
What do I say?
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
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birdie
fowl
# 2173
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by North East Quine:
Last week G-d asked her mother what would happen if she died - would I adopt her? Instead of parroting my vague reply about "your God-mother loves you and will always do her best for you" her mother said "No. NEQ has her own children and they come first. If I die social services will take you into care."
Because I am a suspicious and mean individual, I would be concerned that she had said this - in front of you - in the hope that you would then hastily make that commitment as a correction. If that is the case then I think you might need to talk about that with G-D's mother...
quote:
Should I, for G-d's peace of mind, make a definite commitment? I feel that anything less than a firm commitment won't help; I don't think that "Well, my parents are quite old, and who knows what the future might bring; I might end up stretched looking after them, and wouldn't be able to look after you too, but then again, my parents might be fine, and I would, but there again..." will be enough to set G-d's mind at rest.
What do I say?
Obviously all children are different, and you know this particular 9-year-old best, but I think 9 is old enough to understand something along the lines of: "I will always be looking out for you and helping you. I would hope that I would be able to adopt you and look after you that way if you needed it, but if I couldn't do that, I would still be looking after you and supporting you and making sure that you were okay."
Do you think that would help? I wonder if at the moment she has two alternatives in her mind: either you adopt her or she goes into care and has no-one. Maybe she needs to see there is a middle ground.
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"Gentlemen, I wash my hands of this weirdness."
Captain Jack Sparrow
Posts: 1290 | From: the edge | Registered: Jan 2002
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Jengie jon
Semper Reformanda
# 273
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Posted
My understanding is that if such events occurred God-parenting would not give you a legal status (the status is Guardianship, which I also have for my two God-daughters*).
However I suspect Social Services will be looking for a good arrangement for your God-Daughter and I suspect if you showed willing to foster and then adopt this would be looked upon kindly. This seems particularly true if you end up caring for child in the immediate circumstances, I have seen it done in Sheffield in circumstances where I, and others, feel the fosterers were saintly to go through with it.
Jengie
p.s. mine is under Scottish law
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"To violate a persons ability to distinguish fact from fantasy is the epistemological equivalent of rape." Noretta Koertge
Back to my blog
Posts: 20894 | From: city of steel, butterflies and rainbows | Registered: May 2001
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North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
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Posted
Birdie,
quote:
Because I am a suspicious and mean individual, I would be concerned that she had said this - in front of you - in the hope that you would then hastily make that commitment as a correction.
She didn't say it in front of me. She subsequently told me that this is what G-d had asked, and that this is what she'd replied. If I'd been there I'd have gone straight into damage limitation. But I share your suspicions that I'm being co-erced, and I'm not happy.
Jengie - when her mother has been in hospital, I've been named as "Next of Kin" though there's no blood relationship. I've been her school "emergency contact" throughout her schooldays and have turned up at enough concerts etc for the school to regard me as part of her life. Social services were involved during one hospital stay, and they were more than happy to have me look after her. I can't imagine any reason I wouldn't be allowed to look after her. Adoption might not be possible, as her father (with whom she has no contact whatsoever) probably wouldn't consent.
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
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North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
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Posted
I don't she would understand the distinction between "going to live with" and "being adopted by" - I think as far as she is concerned, aged 9, the terminology is irrelevent. If I said she could come to live with me, that's all she would want to hear.
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
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birdie
fowl
# 2173
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Posted
Do you think she could envisage some sort of 'looking after' or 'looking out for' which didn't involve her living with you? That's the sort of thing I think I was trying to get at.
It might also be worth considering that although she has had that experience of seeing her mum taken off in an ambulance, I think this is a fairly normal question for a child of that age to ask - what would happen to me if my parents couldn't look after me? I remember my nieces (at about the same age) asking me if I would adopt them if anything happened to my sister and her husband. (Hilariously, when I said yes I probably would, they went on to list the reasons they thought this would be a _terrible_ idea!) Ten years or so on, we considered naming one of them as guardian to our kids, so what goes around...
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"Gentlemen, I wash my hands of this weirdness."
Captain Jack Sparrow
Posts: 1290 | From: the edge | Registered: Jan 2002
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Zoey
Broken idealist
# 11152
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Posted
Some specifics which I'd suggest you could use to flesh out birdie's idea about a middle ground between adoption and abandonment:
* If you couldn't live with me, I'd still see you and take you out like I do anyway.
* If you couldn't live with me, I'd talk to social services about finding you the very best people to look after you, who would care for you well and who would make sure we stayed in touch with each other.
In the hypothetical event of her mother's death, any decent social work practice regarding what was going to happen for your god-daughter would involve allowing you the opportunity to follow through on those statements.
[High horse tangent/]
(One of my peeves as a children's social worker is the idea of a generic place called "care" which is the worst possible place any child could ever end up in. Some care placements are not good enough and that's something for us all to be pissed off about and try to change. On the other hand, there are some fantastic foster carers around (and some good residential placements for children whose needs can't be met in a foster family) and children can and do do well in care placements if such placements are necessary and appropriate (in a perfect world all children would be brought up by their birth families throughout their childhood, but in a perfect world myself and my colleagues would also be completely out of a job).)
[/High horse tangent]
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Pay no mind, I'm doing fine, I'm breathing on my own.
Posts: 3095 | From: the penultimate stop? | Registered: Mar 2006
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North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
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Posted
Thanks, Zoey. Her ideas of "care" are based entirely on Tracey Beaker! I suspect she'd also hope to live with me because she could stay at the same school, go to the same Brownies etc.
Birdie, I suspect she does see it as an all-or-nothing. She has some scattered relatives who send birthday/Christmas cards/gifts, but I don't think she's met a single relative in the last 18 months, maybe longer. Her mother has a circle of friends, but I'm the only one who has expressed any willingness to possibly provide a home for her.
There's no reason whatsoever to fear her mother might die young, but the lack of wider family must make her feel more vulnerable.
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
Could you tell her that you promise absolutely to be there for her as part of her life--that you would do whatever you could if something happened, and she would NOT be left all alone with nobody she knows? That way she knows you intend to be a permanent part of her life regardless, but you've not made living arrangement promises you might not be able to keep.
I suspect she might be more concerned about losing contact than even about where she would live.
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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Jane R
Shipmate
# 331
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Posted
Random thoughts for NEQ (from someone who really ought to be working!)
Firstly - you know your friend best and your assessment that she's trying to coerce you may well be correct, but is it possible that she's one of these people who is freaked out by any consideration of her own mortality and didn't really want to think about what might happen to her daughter if she dies before Daughter is grown up? Has she made a will? I don't know the position in Scottish law, but a lot of people assume that if you die without making one your children and/or spouse will get everything automatically - this isn't necessarily true under English law, or so I have been told by actual lawyers. If she doesn't nominate a guardian in her will and the situation arises, there may be a big legal battle over who gets custody of G-d. This happened to a former colleague of mine, whose sister and husband were killed in a car crash leaving a small baby; they hadn't expected to die, being perfectly healthy and in their early thirties, and the ensuing court case over who got the baby split the family and led to a lot of bad feeling.
Secondly - agree with all the people who have said it's a natural question for a child to ask. Little J has asked it too and she's never had the worry of seeing one of us carted off to hospital in an ambulance. If G-d's favourite TV programme is Tracey Beaker, no wonder she's thinking about it!
Posts: 3958 | From: Jorvik | Registered: May 2001
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North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
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Posted
After a previous hospital stay, we discussed this and I said I was perfectly willing to be named as "preferred choice" of guardian in her Will. To the best of my knowledge she hasn't actually made a will. I'm still quite happy to be named as "preferred guardian" in a Will. However, I've always said to my friend that it might not actually be possible if, hypothetically, I find myself caring for an elderly parent or parent in law. However, if life continues as it is, I'll take her.
I can't see any custody battle over g-d. I can't think of anyone who would want her full-time.
I'm still annoyed she told g-d that I wouldn't take her. However, I'm seeing g-d today and have decided to have a chat about what she wants to do when she grows up. Whatever it is, I'm going to say how much I'm looking forward to it, and get the message across that I intend to be part of her life always.
I can't remember if my kids asked, but if they did, it would have been a straightforward answer as they would have lived at my parents and joined their aunt and uncle for family holidays.
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
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Jane R
Shipmate
# 331
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Posted
quote:
I can't see any custody battle over g-d. I can't think of anyone who would want her full-time.
That's sad, if true, but if the worst ever did happen one of her relatives might think it their duty to take care of her... just because they don't see her very often doesn't necessarily mean they don't care what happens to her.
Posts: 3958 | From: Jorvik | Registered: May 2001
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North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
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Posted
That might have come out wrong! She has several relatives who would care, but they don't know her personally, and I think they might just want to keep the status quo - birthday and Christmas cards and gifts.
TBH her mother's health issues might not be so bad if there were any supportive relatives around, but there just aren't.
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
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Aravis
Shipmate
# 13824
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Posted
It's so much more difficult that you weren't there for the conversation, as it may worry her more to bring the topic up again. ![[Votive]](graemlins/votive.gif)
I'm sure her question was genuine, but there were probably others under the surface. The question she asked may have been a roundabout way of asking "If you keep being taken away in an ambulance, does that mean you might actually die?" , or, possibly, "Sometimes I think it would be fun to live with NEQ's family instead - does it annoy or worry you that I think that?" or "Do you think anyone really loves me apart from you?"
I remember going through a phase when every time we visited someone, I told my mum I wished I lived in their house instead. I think I was about 5 or 6. Eventually Mum got fed up and snapped, "I don't know why on earth you think they'd want you to live with them!" which shut me up, and hurt.
Posts: 689 | From: S Wales | Registered: Jun 2008
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North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
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Posted
I didn't bring the topic up again, but I asked what she wanted to do when she grew up, and what sort of house she hoped to live in etc, and said I was looking forward to being invited round for dinner etc. She did try to work out how old she would be when I died, but we agreed I'd probably still be around when she's 29 and I'm 67, and as her plans only go up to age 29, that's fine! I was surprised at how detailed her plans are, she's obviously been thinking a few things through.
Her Mum and I were chatting about her wider family, and concluded that in the last two years she's met one adult cousin once, for an afternoon in 2010, so wider family just doesn't mean much to her.
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
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birdie
fowl
# 2173
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Posted
Anyone have any tips to deal with the mercurial changes of mind a seven-year-old makes?
For example: about an hour ago I waved mr b and groover off to groover's first ever experience of a 'proper' football match, an FA cup tie. Groover has been beside himself with excitement about this for weeks, counting down the days, talking about how brilliant it will be, what he's going to do, etc. We've been careful not to ramp the excitement up too much as that can sometimes be counter-productive.
So, last night he goes to bed, excited that in the morning Daddy will wake him up and they will put all their unhealthy snacks in the car and go to the football. (Mr b works away a lot at the moment so this morning was the first time groover has seen him since the beginning of the week).
This morning: "I don't want to go to Everton." ... "Where are the tickets? I'm going to rip them up." ... "Daddy can go on his own."... "I won't eat breakfast/brush my teeth/get dressed." ... etc. Of course at this point, time is limited so it all gets very stressful, and despite our best efforts there is shouting and tears.
The football match is a big deal to him, and I can imagine that he almost intimidates himself with his own excitement and gets a bit nervous when the time actually arrives and it's real. But this is happening with everything - parties, days out, going to grandparents. Anything he's been particularly looking forward to.
He's like the opposite of that guy from the Vicar of Dibley: "Yes, yes, yes ,yes. No." It's driving us nuts.
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"Gentlemen, I wash my hands of this weirdness."
Captain Jack Sparrow
Posts: 1290 | From: the edge | Registered: Jan 2002
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North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
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Posted
I can remember doing something similar as a child, I think to pre-empt any possibility of disappointment. I've no suggestions, though!
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
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Lothlorien
Ship's Grandma
# 4927
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by North East Quine:
I can remember doing something similar as a child, I think to pre-empt any possibility of disappointment. I've no suggestions, though!
I was thinking of much the same sort of thing. Better not to happen than be disappointed may be the thought running through the mind.
Would shortening the lead time help do you think? Cut down the length of expectation. Make it a good deal shorter.
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Buy a bale. Help our Aussie rural communities and farmers. Another great cause needing support The High Country Patrol.
Posts: 9745 | From: girt by sea | Registered: Aug 2003
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
That works pretty well for my worrywart son. If we tell him about anything, good OR bad, very far in advance, he mentally chews the thing to death and makes himself almost ill with it. Every conceivable and inconceivable impossibility has to be thoroughly worried and fussed about. So now we just say vaguely "Maybe we'll do something fun on Monday" and allow maybe 24 hours tops when he knows precisely WHAT we've got planned, not enough time for his brain to run down rabbit-holes and turn pleasure into freakoutsville. If it's something worrisome like getting braces, we mention it vaguely months in advance (when possible) and then drop the whole topic until just beforehand.
Sometimes I think this goes along with overachieving. They can't just be in the moment.
[ 19. March 2012, 02:23: Message edited by: Lamb Chopped ]
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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Tilley
Shipmate
# 13687
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Posted
A quick hello after being away from the board due to work, selling the house, planning to move house and so on. DD is looking forward to the move, pleased that we will be closer to school and relieved that we will bring the cat with us.
I've been Princess Grumpypants lately - probably not going to win any Superlative Mother of the Year awards. I haven't been well and that makes things a bit difficult.
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My blog
Posts: 257 | From: Australia | Registered: May 2008
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Talitha
Shipmate
# 5085
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Posted
My 20-month-old daughter is just getting into the tantrum stage ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
Before, I thought tantrums happened when they can't have something they want, and you just had to avoid giving in, and they'd stop after a few minutes. But with most of hers I can't figure out what caused them, and they go on for ages, sometimes half an hour.
I'm almost worried they're not tantrums at all but attacks of some kind of pain. The health visitor thinks they're fine, from a description, but she hasn't seen them.
Also, sometimes my daughter gets into a state where she doesn't want to be picked up or put down - I'm holding her and she kicks and squirms like a child who wants to be put down, and cries, but then if I do put her down she howls and screams as though to say how could you abandon me in my darkest moment? The other day this happened at the park, and I had to carry her home kicking and screaming, and hope no one thought I was kidnapping her.
She's nearly impossible to distract when she gets like that. And the screaming fries my brain.
Posts: 554 | From: Cambridge, UK | Registered: Oct 2003
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