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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Musical jokes
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jedijudy
Organist of the Jedi Temple
# 333
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Posted
![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
>handbell director<
![[Disappointed]](graemlins/disappointed.gif)
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Jasmine, little cat with a big heart.
Posts: 18017 | From: 'Twixt the 'Glades and the Gulf | Registered: Aug 2001
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Sir Kevin
Ship's Gaffer
# 3492
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:
You really didn't laugh when Rob compared being a little kid hauling around a cello to being a wounded gazelle on the Serengeti? Yikes! Really different sense of humor. ![[Confused]](confused.gif)
I made a post about this in the last 36 hours, but it must have disappeared into the ether; I did tell Z how funny the
Pachelbel was...
Couldn't be arsed to watch the other one: I didn't think it would appeal to me!
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If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Writing is currently my hobby, not yet my profession.
Posts: 30517 | From: White Hart Lane | Registered: Oct 2002
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Sir Kevin
Ship's Gaffer
# 3492
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by LeRoc:
same joke was done by the Australian group Axis of Awesome.
See my post on Youtube: the bloke what said the late Mr. Hendrix is shite is full of it and he's just defecating on Jimi's grave! What is he smoking? I don't want any of that!
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If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Writing is currently my hobby, not yet my profession.
Posts: 30517 | From: White Hart Lane | Registered: Oct 2002
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LeRoc
Famous Dutch pirate
# 3216
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Posted
(I'm not sure what you're talking about. I don't think Hendrix is mentioned in the video I linked to. I like Hendrix ![[Help]](graemlins/help.gif) )
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I know why God made the rhinoceros, it's because He couldn't see the rhinoceros, so He made the rhinoceros to be able to see it. (Clarice Lispector)
Posts: 9474 | From: Brazil / Africa | Registered: Aug 2002
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Sir Kevin
Ship's Gaffer
# 3492
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Posted
His name was mentioned by someone who is very surly and likely a bigot who somehow was allowed to state his execrable opinion on Youtube. I responded to the little rat bastard there...
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If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Writing is currently my hobby, not yet my profession.
Posts: 30517 | From: White Hart Lane | Registered: Oct 2002
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
Enough of this tangent, thank you, Sir Kevin. If you want to rant, take it to Hell, otherwise keep the tone light on the Heaven board.
Ariel
Heaven Host.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Sir Kevin
Ship's Gaffer
# 3492
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Posted
Right then! Time for another joke! Who's got one then?
Mayhap a viola joke or one about some other musicians who aren't drummers or Sopranos as in our household....
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If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Writing is currently my hobby, not yet my profession.
Posts: 30517 | From: White Hart Lane | Registered: Oct 2002
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Kitten
Shipmate
# 1179
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Posted
'Mummy, Mummy, I want to be a drummer when I grow up.'
'But darling, you can't do both.'
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Maius intra qua extra
Never accept a ride from a stranger, unless they are in a big blue box
Posts: 2330 | From: Carmarthenshire | Registered: Aug 2001
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Schroedinger's cat
Ship's cool cat
# 64
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Posted
A bagpipe is a bag, filled with hot air, and making a droning noise.
As is Alex Salmond.
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Blog
Music for your enjoyment
Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.
Posts: 18859 | From: At the bottom of a deep dark well. | Registered: May 2001
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Hedgehog
Ship's Shortstop
# 14125
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Posted
True story: yesterday I was looking up the definition of "flout," which is "to show contempt for; scorn."
Then I looked at the derivation of the word: from Middle English flouten meaning "to play the flute."
There's a joke in there somewhere.
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"We must regain the conviction that we need one another, that we have a shared responsibility for others and the world, and that being good and decent are worth it."--Pope Francis, Laudato Si'
Posts: 2740 | From: Delaware, USA | Registered: Sep 2008
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Panda
Shipmate
# 2951
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Posted
How do you make a trombonist's car go faster?
Take the Domino's Pizza sign off the roof.
Posts: 1637 | From: North Wales | Registered: Jun 2002
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Schroedinger's cat:
A bagpipe is a bag, filled with hot air, and making a droning noise.
As is Alex Salmond.
![[Overused]](graemlins/notworthy.gif)
Quotesfile, methinks.
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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balaam
Making an ass of myself
# 4543
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sir Kevin:
Time for another joke! Who's got one then?
Mayhap a viola joke ....
Your wish is granted:
Q. What is the difference between a violin and a viola?
A. The viola burns longer.
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Last ever sig ...
blog
Posts: 9049 | From: Hen Ogledd | Registered: May 2003
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georgiaboy
Shipmate
# 11294
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by balaam:
Trombone: n - An ill wind that nobody blows good.
That's also the classic conservatory def. for 'Oboe'
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You can't retire from a calling.
Posts: 1675 | From: saint meinrad, IN | Registered: Apr 2006
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John Holding
Coffee and Cognac
# 158
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Posted
Among all the old chestnuts I offer:
Definition of a perfect second: two piccolos playing in unison.
John
Posts: 5929 | From: Ottawa, Canada | Registered: May 2001
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Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
The late Sir Thomas Beecham used to say the sound of the harpsichord is like "two skeletons making love on a tin roof".
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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
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Sir Kevin
Ship's Gaffer
# 3492
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Posted
I like that!
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If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Writing is currently my hobby, not yet my profession.
Posts: 30517 | From: White Hart Lane | Registered: Oct 2002
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Brother Worm
Apprentice
# 8680
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Posted
“Wagner's music is better than it sounds.” (Edgar Wilson Nye)
“Wagner is a composer who has beautiful moments but awful quarter hours.” (Gioacchino Rossini)
I went to this Indian restaurant and this waiter came up to me and said, "Curry OK?"
"I might do some of that, after I've finished this."
Three cheers for rap music: Hip Hop Hooray!
For my next trick, I will eat a percussion instrument in a bap.
Drum roll please.
I plug my guitar into all kinds of amplifiers. It's an eclectic guitar.
A dog sat watching the conductor of an orchestra.
He thought, “Just throw the flipping thing.”
Epitaph on the grave of a blues singer: “I didn’t wake up this morning …”
I’ve just bought myself a new alarm clock. I can set it to wake me up in the mornings by playing almost any tune or song I like. First time I used it I chose the hokey cokey song.
Big mistake! It took me half an hour to get out of bed.
“You put your right leg in, your right leg out, in, out, in, out, you shake it all about. You do the hokey cokey, and you turn around…”
Posts: 48 | From: UK | Registered: Oct 2004
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Enoch
Shipmate
# 14322
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Brother Worm:
Epitaph on the grave of a blues singer: “I didn’t wake up this morning …”
That gets a
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Brexit wrexit - Sir Graham Watson
Posts: 7610 | From: Bristol UK(was European Green Capital 2015, now Ljubljana) | Registered: Nov 2008
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balaam
Making an ass of myself
# 4543
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Posted
Just off out to listen to jazz, so no better time for this old joke:
Q)What is Black and Brown and looks good on a saxophonist?
A)A Doberman
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Last ever sig ...
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Posts: 9049 | From: Hen Ogledd | Registered: May 2003
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Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
I tried to find this when ken was being memorialized but couldn't dig it out. It's not exactly a joke but it's definitely amusing: quote:
And why do foolish people say Bach is emotionless or mathematical? He's a screaming world of stuff compared to Mozart's mild-mannered slightly snooty uber-cool not-quite-frivolity.
Mozart's music so often says "aren't I clever? Isn't the Kaiser a nice bloke? Aren't we all rather clever together for liking Me? Would anyone like to commission a quartet? What are you doing after the party? Oh, no-one goes there anymore Darling! Yes, tedious, isn't it?"
On the other hand Bach's music typically says: "Glory to God in the Highest! And Peace to his people on Earth! And Worthy is the Lamb that was slain to receive glory and honour and power! And isn't creation wonderful! And there is all this stuff going on in my head! Talking of which I've been up all night and could do with a coffee. No, make that a beer. In fact I want a double coffee AND a pint of lager. And shoot that bloody piano player. AND WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO PAY ME YOU TIGHT SAXON BASTARDS????"
Trust me, its all in there somewhere. ~ken
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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
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ecumaniac
Ship's whipping girl
# 376
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:
The late Sir Thomas Beecham used to say the sound of the harpsichord is like "two skeletons making love on a tin roof".
In a hailstorm
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it's a secret club for people with a knitting addiction, hiding under the cloak of BDSM - Catrine
Posts: 2901 | From: Cambridge | Registered: Jun 2001
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L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338
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Posted
Sir Thomas Beecham described Sir John Barbirolli as "a sort of musical Malcolm Sargent"
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Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet
Posts: 4950 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012
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Metapelagius
Shipmate
# 9453
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by L'organist:
Sir Thomas Beecham described Sir John Barbirolli as "a sort of musical Malcolm Sargent"
Not sure about 'Glorious John' but he is certainly supposed to have described Herbert von Karajan thus.
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Rec a archaw e nim naccer.
y rof a duv. dagnouet.
Am bo forth. y porth riet.
Crist ny buv e trist yth orsset.
Posts: 1032 | From: Hereabouts | Registered: May 2005
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Alex Cockell
Ship’s penguin
# 7487
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Posted
What use is a burning oboe?
Kindling for a bassoon fire.
Posts: 2146 | From: Reading, Berkshire UK | Registered: Jun 2004
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by The Phantom Flan Flinger:
How about this for a musical joke:
Youtube
Cue UK shipmates of a certain age seeing horses.....
I'm definitely of A Certain Age - I didn't even need to click the link ... ![[Hot and Hormonal]](icon_redface.gif)
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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Sir Kevin
Ship's Gaffer
# 3492
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Posted
TRIPE!
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If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Writing is currently my hobby, not yet my profession.
Posts: 30517 | From: White Hart Lane | Registered: Oct 2002
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
Host Hat
quote:
Originally posted by Sir Kevin:
TRIPE!
Sir Kevin, I would like to think that remark means you recognise the skill with which Mozart is parodying a bad composer. But it sounds more like you being rude and dismissive of what other posters find amusing.
So which is it?
Firenze
/Host Hat
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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Sir Kevin
Ship's Gaffer
# 3492
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Posted
i guess it's the former, though I have been riding for over 50 years as well as riding well and I didn't hear any horses in the piece! Not a neigh, not a whinny....
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If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Writing is currently my hobby, not yet my profession.
Posts: 30517 | From: White Hart Lane | Registered: Oct 2002
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Sir Kevin
Ship's Gaffer
# 3492
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Posted
Aaaaah! Oh, I see...
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If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Writing is currently my hobby, not yet my profession.
Posts: 30517 | From: White Hart Lane | Registered: Oct 2002
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L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338
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Posted
... doing our best Frank Muir imitations.
I have an organ transcription of the Danse des mirlitons which I sometimes wheel out for non-serious Christmas occasions.
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Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet
Posts: 4950 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012
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jbohn
Shipmate
# 8753
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Posted
How many lead vocalists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one - he just holds it up, and the whole damned world revolves around him...
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What does a 12-string guitar sound like in tune?
No one knows...
[ 05. August 2014, 04:56: Message edited by: jbohn ]
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We are punished by our sins, not for them.
--Elbert Hubbard
Posts: 989 | From: East of Eden, west of St. Paul | Registered: Nov 2004
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orfeo
Ship's Musical Counterpoint
# 13878
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Posted
No-one's yet mentioned the story about the rehearsal of Aida?
Sir Thomas Beecham was conducting. This was a large-scale version of the opera, with the Egyptian army being... um, armed... with elephants.
During the rehearsal, one of the elephants decided it needed to do a poo. A very large poo. On stage.
"No stage manners, ladies and gentleman", Beecham said to his human performers, "but what a critic!"
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Technology has brought us all closer together. Turns out a lot of the people you meet as a result are complete idiots.
Posts: 18173 | From: Under | Registered: Jul 2008
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luvanddaisies
the'fun'in'fundie'™
# 5761
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Posted
A quartet realise at rehearsal that they're missing their viola player. They ring around for a bit, and one of their friends tells them they saw him in his car driving in the direction of Beachy Head, so they all pile into a car and shoot off there as quickly as they can.
As they trudge up the hill, they see their errant violist, along with a huge pile of something-or-other which, as they get closer, they realise is a mound of tambourines. Getting closer still, they realise that he's frantically grabbing tambourines from the heap and flinging them off the cliff into the sea.
Just as they're reaching him, the viola player notices them approaching and looks relieved,
"Quick, help me, there isn't much time - we need to throw all these banjo eggs into the sea before they hatch".
[ 06. August 2014, 11:14: Message edited by: luvanddaisies ]
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"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." (Mark Twain)
Posts: 3711 | From: all at sea. | Registered: Apr 2004
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
I'm glad Orfeo mentioned Sir Thomas Beecham - it gives me an excuse to tell a Beecham story that's always made me chuckle.
He was having a piano rehearsal with a particularly awkward and, shall we say, generously-proportioned soprano, who was becoming more and more histrionic. Eventually she expressed her frustration by sitting down heavily on the keyboard.
There was a long pause, and Beecham said, "Gad, three-and-a-half octaves!"
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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Baptist Trainfan
Shipmate
# 15128
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Posted
I've heard many Thomas Beecham stories, but not that one!!
There is a story told by the accompanist Gerald Moore about one of his colleagues, playing for a lieder singer who found it difficult to keep on pitch:
"Madam, I've played for you on the white notes and I've played for you on the black notes, but I cannot play for you in the cracks!"
[ 07. August 2014, 06:15: Message edited by: Baptist Trainfan ]
Posts: 9750 | From: The other side of the Severn | Registered: Sep 2009
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Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
I got this Sir Thomas Beecham quote off WikiQuotes: quote:
"Here are two golden rules for an orchestra: start together and finish together. The public doesn’t give a damn what goes on in between."
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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
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georgiaboy
Shipmate
# 11294
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Posted
Not Beecham but Sir Alexander Gibson, in a dress rehearsal of the Nile Scene from 'Aida.'
Addressing the off-stage chorus of priests, 'Gentlemen, you are so behind the beat that you are still in the previous act.'
True story -- I was there and heard him.
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You can't retire from a calling.
Posts: 1675 | From: saint meinrad, IN | Registered: Apr 2006
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
A conductor friend used to say (of a piece we were having difficulty with): "We'll now go from the top - see you at the end".
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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LeRoc
Famous Dutch pirate
# 3216
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Posted
quote:
piglet: A conductor friend used to say (of a piece we were having difficulty with): "We'll now go from the top - see you at the end".
I like it! I'll definitely use it the next time I'm conducting ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
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I know why God made the rhinoceros, it's because He couldn't see the rhinoceros, so He made the rhinoceros to be able to see it. (Clarice Lispector)
Posts: 9474 | From: Brazil / Africa | Registered: Aug 2002
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orfeo
Ship's Musical Counterpoint
# 13878
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Posted
My college music teacher told me about a conductor he'd encountered who would conduct 5/4 time like this:
1 (downswing of baton)
2 (swing right)
3 (swing left)
4 (swing right)
5 (swing left)
*upswing and intake of breath*
1 (downswing)...
...and so on
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Technology has brought us all closer together. Turns out a lot of the people you meet as a result are complete idiots.
Posts: 18173 | From: Under | Registered: Jul 2008
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Timothy the Obscure
Mostly Friendly
# 292
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:
I got this Sir Thomas Beecham quote off WikiQuotes: quote:
"Here are two golden rules for an orchestra: start together and finish together. The public doesn’t give a damn what goes on in between."
A guy I used to know, who was a very good amateur violinist, wrote a humorous piece about amateur string quartets: "Meet You at the Fermata."
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When you think of the long and gloomy history of man, you will find more hideous crimes have been committed in the name of obedience than have ever been committed in the name of rebellion.
- C. P. Snow
Posts: 6114 | From: PDX | Registered: May 2001
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
For some reason I scanned that the same way you would"Midnight at the Oasis."
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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The5thMary
Shipmate
# 12953
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Schroedinger's cat:
A bagpipe is a bag, filled with hot air, and making a droning noise.
As is Alex Salmond.
Or Rush Limbaugh. Or Ann Coulter. Or Mitt Romney. Or...yeah, I'll stop now! ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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God gave me my face but She let me pick my nose.
Posts: 3451 | From: Tacoma, WA USA | Registered: Aug 2007
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Schroedinger's cat
Ship's cool cat
# 64
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by The5thMary:
quote:
Originally posted by Schroedinger's cat:
A bagpipe is a bag, filled with hot air, and making a droning noise.
As is Alex Salmond.
Or Rush Limbaugh. Or Ann Coulter. Or Mitt Romney. Or...yeah, I'll stop now!
It could have put any politician. I should have put something about Scotland in there. Then it would be perfect.
A bagpipe is a bag, filled with hot air, and making a droning noise. It is often heard in Scotland.
As is Alex Salmond.
Of course it is never the same a second time.
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Blog
Music for your enjoyment
Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.
Posts: 18859 | From: At the bottom of a deep dark well. | Registered: May 2001
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