homepage
  roll on christmas  
click here to find out more about ship of fools click here to sign up for the ship of fools newsletter click here to support ship of fools
community the mystery worshipper gadgets for god caption competition foolishness features ship stuff
discussion boards live chat cafe avatars frequently-asked questions the ten commandments gallery private boards register for the boards
 
Ship of Fools


Post new thread  Post a reply
My profile login | | Directory | Search | FAQs | Board home
   - Printer-friendly view Next oldest thread   Next newest thread
» Ship of Fools   » Ship's Locker   » Limbo   » Heaven: You never see a Jesuit's skeleton in a tree (Page 1)

 - Email this page to a friend or enemy.  
Pages in this thread: 1  2 
 
Source: (consider it) Thread: Heaven: You never see a Jesuit's skeleton in a tree
KenWritez
Shipmate
# 3238

 - Posted      Profile for KenWritez   Email KenWritez   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
[With apologies to Gin and to all Roman Catholics.]

One late night I heard the heart-wrenching cry of a Jesuit stuck on a third-floor ledge on the building across the street from mine. How did he get there? Nobody's home in that apartment.

What to do? I called the local seminary, but their offices are closed and the voice mailbox for the emergency line is too full for me to leave a message.

The guy at the city's non-emergency help line says the department in charge of Jesuit rescues (there is such a thing?) won't open until 8 AM. Lutherans!

I call 911 to get a fire truck to rescue this poor Jesuit. It's still pouring rain, and he's obviously scared out of his mind. The ledge he's on is barely four inches wide, and it's about 32 feet above the ground. The 911 operator tells me this is not an emergency, and directs me to call 311 before she hangs up. Arrgh.

Finally, I walk up to a nearby Roman Catholic cathedral and explain the situation to the priest on duty. He goes on the PA, notifies the dispatcher, and next thing I know, it's a scene from the movie "The Bells of St. Mary's." Within seconds, about a half-dozen of NYC's finest priests and bishops come running down the stairs, get suited up, and get on their truck. The garage door clatters open, and the truck roars off with sirens wailing, lights flashing, and incense smoking.

I run after them, and get to the scene just a few seconds after they do. They've got their flashlights out, and have located the Jesuit. A bishop turns to me and says, "A Jesuit? I thought you said a cat was stuck on a ledge!"

We finally see the window behind the Jesuit is actually open a few inches. And what does he do after sitting on the ledge and crying for an hour? He naturally gives himself a tongue bath and then goes back inside the apartment and turns on the tv.

The bishop turns to me and says, "There's a reason you never see a Jesuit's skeleton in a tree."

[ 17. July 2004, 03:33: Message edited by: Coot (Such a nice boy) ]

--------------------
"The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd." --Quentin Tarantino, Pulp Fiction

My blog: http://oxygenofgrace.blogspot.com

Posts: 11102 | From: Left coast of Wonderland, by the rabbit hole | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged
Sarkycow
La belle Dame sans merci
# 1012

 - Posted      Profile for Sarkycow   Email Sarkycow   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
[Snigger]

You don't have enough to do at work...

--------------------
“Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.”

Posts: 10787 | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Irvin D Yalom
Shipmate
# 2833

 - Posted      Profile for Irvin D Yalom   Author's homepage   Email Irvin D Yalom   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Fantastic; made me laugh out loud.

[There's another dead bishop on the landing, Dad... looks a bit Bath-and-Wellsish to me.]


Irv.

Posts: 227 | From: U.K. | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged
Ronist
Shipmate
# 5343

 - Posted      Profile for Ronist   Email Ronist   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Two questions.

1. What sort of drugs are you on?

2. Where can I get some?

Posts: 827 | From: Vancouver Canada | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged
RooK

1 of 6
# 1852

 - Posted      Profile for RooK   Author's homepage   Email RooK   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I hate to say it, but this is too funny for Hell.

-RooK
Hellhost

Posts: 15274 | From: Portland, Oregon, USA, Earth | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged
KenWritez
Shipmate
# 3238

 - Posted      Profile for KenWritez   Email KenWritez   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
OK, for those Shipmates who don't venture into Hell, this thread could be interpreted as anti-Catholic abuse. However, within its proper context, readers will be able to see it for what I intended: harmless fun.

--------------------
"The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd." --Quentin Tarantino, Pulp Fiction

My blog: http://oxygenofgrace.blogspot.com

Posts: 11102 | From: Left coast of Wonderland, by the rabbit hole | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged
ChristinaMarie
Shipmate
# 1013

 - Posted      Profile for ChristinaMarie         Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Ken, Ken, Ken, Ken, Ken! I demand royalties! This is plagiarism!

Anyhow, for a joke to be really funny, it has to have an element of truth about it. Your little story is obviously untrue, as anyone who knows anything about Jesuits knows! Humph!

If a Jesuit really were stuck on a ledge, or anywhere else, all they'd have to do is re-arrange their clothing so their underpants were on the outside of their trousers, then they could just do the Neo thing!

[Biased]

Christina

Posts: 2333 | From: Oldham | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
KenWritez
Shipmate
# 3238

 - Posted      Profile for KenWritez   Email KenWritez   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I'm trying to imagine a Jesuit in black cassock wearing his tighty whities (i.e., briefs or BVDs) over it. What passes for my mind these days is attempting to boggle. [Eek!]

--------------------
"The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd." --Quentin Tarantino, Pulp Fiction

My blog: http://oxygenofgrace.blogspot.com

Posts: 11102 | From: Left coast of Wonderland, by the rabbit hole | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged
Amos

Shipmate
# 44

 - Posted      Profile for Amos     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
You guys are romantics. Cassocks? All the Jesuits of my acquaintance (and that's a seminary's worth) wear civvies--usually khaki chinos, a plaid shirt (shortsleeved in summer) and, when weather demands it, a casual jacket. They go for flat caps. A well-dressed Jesuit usually looks as if he's heading for the golf course.

--------------------
At the end of the day we face our Maker alongside Jesus--ken

Posts: 7667 | From: Summerisle | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Amos

Shipmate
# 44

 - Posted      Profile for Amos     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
So if you see a golfer on a window-ledge...

--------------------
At the end of the day we face our Maker alongside Jesus--ken

Posts: 7667 | From: Summerisle | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Lurker McLurker™

Ship's stowaway
# 1384

 - Posted      Profile for Lurker McLurker™     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
You sometimes see Orthodox priests' skeletons up a tree. Their beards get caught in the branches. Those clean-shaven Jesuits slide right down.

--------------------
Just War Theory- a perversion of morality?

Posts: 5661 | From: Raxacoricofallapatorius | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged
Seth
Shipmate
# 3623

 - Posted      Profile for Seth   Email Seth   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Sometimes Jesuits also have problems with keys getting stuck in the Ignatian... [Roll Eyes]
Posts: 566 | From: Wiltshire, UK | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Stoo

Mighty Pirate
# 254

 - Posted      Profile for Stoo   Email Stoo   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
barum-cha!

--------------------
This space left blank

Posts: 5266 | From: the director of "Bikini Traffic School" | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Seth
Shipmate
# 3623

 - Posted      Profile for Seth   Email Seth   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
That was awful,wasn't it?
Posts: 566 | From: Wiltshire, UK | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Ann

Curious
# 94

 - Posted      Profile for Ann   Email Ann   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Amos:
You guys are romantics. Cassocks? All the Jesuits of my acquaintance (and that's a seminary's worth) wear civvies--usually khaki chinos, a plaid shirt (shortsleeved in summer) and, when weather demands it, a casual jacket. They go for flat caps. A well-dressed Jesuit usually looks as if he's heading for the golf course.

Amos,

Everytime I read your post I see cat flaps. Just thought you'd like to know.

Kenwritez,

The first thread was bad enough. Oh well, the advantage of working at home is that I don't get funny looks when it's obvious I've snuck onto the Ship.

--------------------
Ann

Posts: 3271 | From: IO 91 PI | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Nonpropheteer
6 Syllable Master
# 5053

 - Posted      Profile for Nonpropheteer     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Ann:
Amos,

Everytime I read your post I see cat flaps. Just thought you'd like to know.


Hmmm.. you know what this means? Kenwritez is a Jesuit! Don't believe me? Carefully read his signature again...
Posts: 2086 | Registered: Oct 2003  |  IP: Logged
jedijudy*

Jedi defender of ship's cats
# 1059

 - Posted      Profile for jedijudy*   Email jedijudy*       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
That's two good laughs out of one story!

Imagine Kenwritez (as a Jesuit) on a ledge. Do you have a heart-wrenching cry, Ken???

jj wipes the tears from her face...and immediately starts laughing again...

--------------------
ENFP...do you see a "T" anywhere??? I don't think so.

Posts: 3248 | From: Soon to be inhabiting identity # 333!!! | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged
KenWritez
Shipmate
# 3238

 - Posted      Profile for KenWritez   Email KenWritez   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I'd be the only fat Jesuit in the world wearing Wayfarers, a Hawaiian-print shirt, and New Balance tennis shoes with his cassock.

--------------------
"The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd." --Quentin Tarantino, Pulp Fiction

My blog: http://oxygenofgrace.blogspot.com

Posts: 11102 | From: Left coast of Wonderland, by the rabbit hole | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged
Amos

Shipmate
# 44

 - Posted      Profile for Amos     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
That's what you think. [Snigger]

--------------------
At the end of the day we face our Maker alongside Jesus--ken

Posts: 7667 | From: Summerisle | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Nonpropheteer
6 Syllable Master
# 5053

 - Posted      Profile for Nonpropheteer     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Amos:
That's what you think. [Snigger]

Yeah, what makes Ken think that he's the only straight man that idolizes Magnum P.I.?
Posts: 2086 | Registered: Oct 2003  |  IP: Logged
KenWritez
Shipmate
# 3238

 - Posted      Profile for KenWritez   Email KenWritez   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Exactly! See, Tom Selleck was costumed for that role, so his appearance is artificial from the get-go, whereas my affinity for Wayfarers, Hawaiian shirts, sneakers or flip-flops, and cargo shorts spring forth from an innate hipness from me being born in L.A.

All the native SoCal Shipmates possess this, in varying degrees.

You can even see a slightly different flavor of this in the native Florida Shipmates.

[ 21. May 2004, 17:28: Message edited by: Kenwritez ]

--------------------
"The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd." --Quentin Tarantino, Pulp Fiction

My blog: http://oxygenofgrace.blogspot.com

Posts: 11102 | From: Left coast of Wonderland, by the rabbit hole | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged
RuthW

liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13

 - Posted      Profile for RuthW     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Kenwritez:
my affinity for Wayfarers, Hawaiian shirts, sneakers or flip-flops, and cargo shorts spring forth from an innate hipness from me being born in L.A.

All the native SoCal Shipmates possess this, in varying degrees.

I do not wear Wayfarers, flip-flops or cargo shorts. I have a pair of sneakers; I wear them on the rare occasions when I get exercise. I have one Hawaiian shirt, bought for Hawaiian shirt day at the office a few years ago. It's one of those tasteful Hawaiian shirts (if a Hawaiian shirt can be tasteful) with a black background and a conservative arrangement of palm branches (if palm branches can be conservatively arranged).

But I was born in Fresno and grew up on the central coast, so I'm not native to SoCal - guess that explains it. [Big Grin]

Posts: 24453 | From: La La Land | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged
KenWritez
Shipmate
# 3238

 - Posted      Profile for KenWritez   Email KenWritez   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by RuthW:
But I was born in Fresno and grew up on the central coast, so I'm not native to SoCal - guess that explains it. [Big Grin]

Yes, but we love you anyway. [Big Grin]

--------------------
"The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd." --Quentin Tarantino, Pulp Fiction

My blog: http://oxygenofgrace.blogspot.com

Posts: 11102 | From: Left coast of Wonderland, by the rabbit hole | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged
jedijudy*

Jedi defender of ship's cats
# 1059

 - Posted      Profile for jedijudy*   Email jedijudy*       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Kenwritez:
Exactly! See, Tom Selleck was costumed for that role, so his appearance is artificial from the get-go, whereas my affinity for Wayfarers, Hawaiian shirts, sneakers or flip-flops, and cargo shorts spring forth from an innate hipness from me being born in L.A.

All the native SoCal Shipmates possess this, in varying degrees.

You can even see a slightly different flavor of this in the native Florida Shipmates.

Yes, the South Florida contingent to the International Meet last year had their lovely matching Hawaiian shirts. But my wardrobe was rounded out with Saucony sneaks and Ace Hardware $2.99 sunglasses.

--------------------
ENFP...do you see a "T" anywhere??? I don't think so.

Posts: 3248 | From: Soon to be inhabiting identity # 333!!! | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged
KenWritez
Shipmate
# 3238

 - Posted      Profile for KenWritez   Email KenWritez   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I was thinking Florida was more of a hugely fat old Santas with enormous hairy white bellies wearing red Speedos thing, or geezers in Bermuda shorts and black socks, the former kind of exactly not like these guys.

--------------------
"The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd." --Quentin Tarantino, Pulp Fiction

My blog: http://oxygenofgrace.blogspot.com

Posts: 11102 | From: Left coast of Wonderland, by the rabbit hole | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged
jedijudy*

Jedi defender of ship's cats
# 1059

 - Posted      Profile for jedijudy*   Email jedijudy*       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Ken, you are a scary guy.

Just let me know where those guys in the Santa Speedos are. Need to make sure they're...ummm...authentic!! [Devil]

--------------------
ENFP...do you see a "T" anywhere??? I don't think so.

Posts: 3248 | From: Soon to be inhabiting identity # 333!!! | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged
dolphy

Lady of Perpetual Responsiblity
# 862

 - Posted      Profile for dolphy   Email dolphy   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
[Killing me]

--------------------
Looking forward to my rock moving closer again.

Posts: 15134 | From: my camper van | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
KenWritez
Shipmate
# 3238

 - Posted      Profile for KenWritez   Email KenWritez   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by jedijudy:
Ken, you are a scary guy.

Why does everyone keep saying that to me?!

quote:
Originally posted by jedijudy:
Just let me know where those guys in the Santa Speedos are. Need to make sure they're...ummm...authentic!! [Devil]

Egad! I can see the headlines now: "WOMAN ARRESTED IN MASS SPEEDO GROPING" "BOSTON RACE INTERRUPTED BY CRAZED WOMAN," or, "FL WOMAN HOSPITALIZED WITH FRICTION BURNS ON HER HANDS"

[Eek!] [Eek!] [Eek!]

--------------------
"The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd." --Quentin Tarantino, Pulp Fiction

My blog: http://oxygenofgrace.blogspot.com

Posts: 11102 | From: Left coast of Wonderland, by the rabbit hole | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged
jedijudy*

Jedi defender of ship's cats
# 1059

 - Posted      Profile for jedijudy*   Email jedijudy*       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Kenwritez:
quote:
Originally posted by jedijudy:
Ken, you are a scary guy.

Why does everyone keep saying that to me?!

quote:
Originally posted by jedijudy:
Just let me know where those guys in the Santa Speedos are. Need to make sure they're...ummm...authentic!! [Devil]

Egad! I can see the headlines now: "WOMAN ARRESTED IN MASS SPEEDO GROPING" "BOSTON RACE INTERRUPTED BY CRAZED WOMAN," or, "FL WOMAN HOSPITALIZED WITH FRICTION BURNS ON HER HANDS"

[Eek!] [Eek!] [Eek!]

[Angel] The beards, Ken, the beards! [Angel]

--------------------
ENFP...do you see a "T" anywhere??? I don't think so.

Posts: 3248 | From: Soon to be inhabiting identity # 333!!! | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged
KenWritez
Shipmate
# 3238

 - Posted      Profile for KenWritez   Email KenWritez   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Well, the Jesuit rescued himself, so he's ok, but a new crisis has arisen, this time in our household.

Our Franciscan won't come out from behind the dryer.

We've tried dribbling his kibble and shaking his favorite squeaky toy to lure him out, but no good. I even put on the stereo a recording of Bishop Fulton J. Sheen's "Greatest Hits," but to no avail.

Anyone have any suggestions?

--------------------
"The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd." --Quentin Tarantino, Pulp Fiction

My blog: http://oxygenofgrace.blogspot.com

Posts: 11102 | From: Left coast of Wonderland, by the rabbit hole | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged
Amos

Shipmate
# 44

 - Posted      Profile for Amos     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I have known either of two methods to work.
1) Stop annoying him. Just put his food and water down, make sure he's got a litter tray and clear out. He'll emerge in his own good time. It may take a few days. You kids have got to realize that a Franciscan is not a toy.

2) Rub yourself with tunafish and lie quietly on your back on the floor, with your eyes closed. When you feel that little rough tongue on you, you know that all's well. Don't jump up too quickly though, or you're back to square one.

--------------------
At the end of the day we face our Maker alongside Jesus--ken

Posts: 7667 | From: Summerisle | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Amos

Shipmate
# 44

 - Posted      Profile for Amos     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
As you may have gathered, I don't buy the argument that Franciscans are dogs. All religious communities seem to bear a family resemblance to the social life of cats. Oh look--Sister Margaret Mary has displaced Sister Etheldreda from the corner by the Aga.

--------------------
At the end of the day we face our Maker alongside Jesus--ken

Posts: 7667 | From: Summerisle | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Seth
Shipmate
# 3623

 - Posted      Profile for Seth   Email Seth   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
[Hot and Hormonal] Stop it Amos,your second suggestion is making my mouth water..
Posts: 566 | From: Wiltshire, UK | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Amos

Shipmate
# 44

 - Posted      Profile for Amos     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Seth [Big Grin]

But suppose for a moment that the analogy was correct. Then the thing to do would be to reach around your appliance and grasp the Franciscan gently but firmly by the scruff of the neck. Bring him out and put a long leash on him--a piece of clothesline with a clip for the collar knotted onto the end will do. You will need to keep him at your side for about the next week, talk to him and handle him a lot, teach him to lie down by you while you work, and, for Christ's sake take him out every hour. He has a tiny little bladder, you know. And by the way, this is what comes of picking the little shy Franciscan in the corner just because you feel sorry for him.

--------------------
At the end of the day we face our Maker alongside Jesus--ken

Posts: 7667 | From: Summerisle | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Seth
Shipmate
# 3623

 - Posted      Profile for Seth   Email Seth   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
[Smile] You sound like a man with a lot of good pet-sense,Amos.
Posts: 566 | From: Wiltshire, UK | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Amos

Shipmate
# 44

 - Posted      Profile for Amos     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Thank you, Seth.
And I hope I have some insight into the religious life... [Biased]

--------------------
At the end of the day we face our Maker alongside Jesus--ken

Posts: 7667 | From: Summerisle | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Seth
Shipmate
# 3623

 - Posted      Profile for Seth   Email Seth   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
It does sound like it.They're quite close together,if your theories are right [Smile]

(I was looking at this amazing dog-training website from an Orthodox monasrey in the U.S recently..)

Posts: 566 | From: Wiltshire, UK | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Seth
Shipmate
# 3623

 - Posted      Profile for Seth   Email Seth   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Here's the link...
Posts: 566 | From: Wiltshire, UK | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
KenWritez
Shipmate
# 3238

 - Posted      Profile for KenWritez   Email KenWritez   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Amos:
And by the way, this is what comes of picking the little shy Franciscan in the corner just because you feel sorry for him.

Well, I'm not sure if the Franciscan is working out as we'd hoped, we may have to return him to the abbot.

What would you suggest for a family with an 11 yr old boy who's pretty gentle with pets? I don't want a Jesuit as cleaning their cassocks constantly is wearisome and their book bills are outrageous.

What about a Trappist? Their only drawback AFAIK is they don't make much noise so it's easy to lose them. Hmmm, Benedictines? I don't know anything about them, other than they make fruitcakes and are reportedly great at playing fetch.

My neighbor keeps telling me to go get an Orthodox, but I don't want to spend a fortune on the constant grooming they require.

--------------------
"The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd." --Quentin Tarantino, Pulp Fiction

My blog: http://oxygenofgrace.blogspot.com

Posts: 11102 | From: Left coast of Wonderland, by the rabbit hole | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged
Amos

Shipmate
# 44

 - Posted      Profile for Amos     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I think you should get your boy a nice Unitarian Universalist Minister. The equipment can be a bit pricey (filtration system, oxygenator, a decent sized acquarium), but they are wonderfully calming and educational, which is why you see so many of them in doctors' and dentists' waiting rooms. Remember to tell your boy not to overfeed!

--------------------
At the end of the day we face our Maker alongside Jesus--ken

Posts: 7667 | From: Summerisle | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
KenWritez
Shipmate
# 3238

 - Posted      Profile for KenWritez   Email KenWritez   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Hmmm, but don't the UU's get along poorly with anyone else except another UU? I wouldn't want to have my stepson take his UU minister out for walkies only to be beset by barky Baptists!

Speaking of the Reformed, what's your advice about a nice Methodist?

--------------------
"The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd." --Quentin Tarantino, Pulp Fiction

My blog: http://oxygenofgrace.blogspot.com

Posts: 11102 | From: Left coast of Wonderland, by the rabbit hole | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged
ChristinaMarie
Shipmate
# 1013

 - Posted      Profile for ChristinaMarie         Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Ken,

For the Francsiscan you need a bunny, or a Jesuit!

Christina

Posts: 2333 | From: Oldham | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
The Bede's American Successor

Curmudgeon-in-Training
# 5042

 - Posted      Profile for The Bede's American Successor   Author's homepage   Email The Bede's American Successor   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Kenwritez:
I was thinking Florida was more of a hugely fat old Santas with enormous hairy white bellies wearing red Speedos thing, or geezers in Bermuda shorts and black socks, the former kind of exactly not like these guys.

Kenwritez:

If you are going to admire Magnum PI and post links like this, you are invited to send your application to our membership secretary, Sine Nomine. We will be happy to review your application for admission to the Fraternal and Admirable Guy Society. The chair of the membership community, Chastmaster, will be happy to answer any questions you may have.

--------------------
This was the iniquity of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters had pride of wealth and food in plenty, comfort and ease, and yet she never helped the poor and the wretched.

—Ezekiel 16.49

Posts: 6079 | From: The banks of Possession Sound | Registered: Oct 2003  |  IP: Logged
Amos

Shipmate
# 44

 - Posted      Profile for Amos     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
The trouble with Methodists is the 'singing'. One starts, and pretty soon every Methodist in the neighbourhood is giving voice. Your neighbours are sure to complain.

Otherwise a Methodist would be nice and clean, easy to train, and sociable with other children and their pets. The different types can differ slightly in temperament, though. A Welsh Methodist, a United Methodist, and an African Methodist Episcopal can seem breeds apart. Temperament testing is key, as is the old adage about 'catch him young and train him'. A District Superintendent will be quite unmanageable.

--------------------
At the end of the day we face our Maker alongside Jesus--ken

Posts: 7667 | From: Summerisle | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
KenWritez
Shipmate
# 3238

 - Posted      Profile for KenWritez   Email KenWritez   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
What about spaying and neutering? I know those aren't issues with the Catholic animals, but how does one approach that topic with, say, Methodists or Baptists or Anglicans?

Also, what about proper feeding? Dry kibble or wet food? My dad always taught me to crack a raw egg on top of the kibble as that would give them a shinier, healthier pelt, which I know is seen most prevalently on the Greek and Russian Orthodox.

What's a breed of monastic that is hardy, disease resistant, and is comfortable around children? (I prefer one that doesn't suffer from excessive drooling.) Or ought I to cast my net further afield, say, into the Reformists?

--------------------
"The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd." --Quentin Tarantino, Pulp Fiction

My blog: http://oxygenofgrace.blogspot.com

Posts: 11102 | From: Left coast of Wonderland, by the rabbit hole | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged
jedijudy*

Jedi defender of ship's cats
# 1059

 - Posted      Profile for jedijudy*   Email jedijudy*       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
A hardy, disease resistant breed would be a Methodist Bishop. But I don't know how they are around children. They are best as a solitary pet, as they tend to plop themselves down with the intention of ruling the roost. (They aren't good mousers either, as I understand their habits. They are better as ornamentals.)

The garden variety of Methodist, however, is eager to please and easy to feed! A casserole or box of fried chicken will please them immensely... plus they are very good with children!

The breed is shrinking as a whole, so you may want to hold off on the spaying and neutering business until you make sure you don't want more than one. Do keep them indoors, though.

--------------------
ENFP...do you see a "T" anywhere??? I don't think so.

Posts: 3248 | From: Soon to be inhabiting identity # 333!!! | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged
KenWritez
Shipmate
# 3238

 - Posted      Profile for KenWritez   Email KenWritez   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
A Methodist Bishop, eh? A friend of our family used to own a Bishop, but I don't recall what type. I know it was one of the fattest Bishops I'd ever seen, he was almost spherical! He had a foul temper, forever hissing at strangers, but he loved to bring in whatever he'd killed in the backyard and drop it at your feet, prefereably while you were eating dinner, then sit back on his haunches and look at you expectantly.

One night I stayed over, and went to the refrigerator at midnight for something to drink. I heard a rasping sound, like a crosscut saw being dragged through wet asparagus, and when I turned on the light to investigate, the Bishop was curled up on top of the frig, asleep and snoring! How he'd gotten up there, no one could say.

He loved his little chew toys and commentary sets and process theology library, though. Many's the night we say him writing away on a sermon, only to stop, cock his leg up to his ear and then give himself a tongue bath.

--------------------
"The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd." --Quentin Tarantino, Pulp Fiction

My blog: http://oxygenofgrace.blogspot.com

Posts: 11102 | From: Left coast of Wonderland, by the rabbit hole | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged
Sir Kevin
Ship's Gaffer
# 3492

 - Posted      Profile for Sir Kevin   Author's homepage   Email Sir Kevin   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
My wife told me I'd enjoy reading this thread and she was right! I laughed like a drain! [Killing me]

--------------------
If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Writing is currently my hobby, not yet my profession.

Posts: 30517 | From: White Hart Lane | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
Furry Gherkin
Shipmate
# 5641

 - Posted      Profile for Furry Gherkin   Author's homepage   Email Furry Gherkin       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Gosh...I didnt realise there were so many breeds....Thinking of getting a rare breed....Like a Salvationist...maybe two.........But where can I hide them from Mother...?...


FG [Eek!]

--------------------
I Think...Therefore I cant Thwim...

In tribute to all at Morecambe Lifeboat Station...

Posts: 96 | From: By the sea-side... | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged
Firenze

Ordinary decent pagan
# 619

 - Posted      Profile for Firenze     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I used to have a Muggletonian, but it died.
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged



Pages in this thread: 1  2 
 
Post new thread  Post a reply Close thread   Feature thread   Move thread   Delete thread Next oldest thread   Next newest thread
 - Printer-friendly view
Go to:

Contact us | Ship of Fools | Privacy statement

© Ship of Fools 2016

Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classicTM 6.5.0

 
follow ship of fools on twitter
buy your ship of fools postcards
sip of fools mugs from your favourite nautical website
 
 
  ship of fools