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» Ship of Fools   » Special interest discussion   » The Circus   » Famous Headlines of Weirdness (Page 2)

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Source: (consider it) Thread: Famous Headlines of Weirdness
Ariel
Shipmate
# 58

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(From yesterday's news app)

"Girl strip-searched by police aged 12."

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Welease Woderwick

Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424

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I've just been reading this thread then I went to the BBC to catch up on the news and was met with:

Iceland's Pirates make gains in elections

Well, me hearties, it's good that they espouse democracy before they make you walk the plank!

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I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
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What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?

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mousethief

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# 953

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Actually many or most pirate vessels back in the tall-ship day were makeshift democracies, as a despotic pirate captain could be sure of being garroted in his sleep.

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“Religion doesn't fuck up people, people fuck up religion.”—lilBuddha

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Pigwidgeon

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# 10192

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quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:
Actually many or most pirate vessels back in the tall-ship day were makeshift democracies, as a despotic pirate captain could be sure of being garroted in his sleep.

You mean ♫ it wasn't, it wasn't a glorious thing to be a Pirate King ♫ ?

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Don't keep calm. Go change the world.

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mousethief

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# 953

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Once every 4 years.

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“Religion doesn't fuck up people, people fuck up religion.”—lilBuddha

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Wesley J

Silly Shipmate
# 6075

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Enid Blyton has struck again with a contemporary, urban follow-up:

Five trapped [and 40 injured] after tram overturns in Croydon

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Be it as it may: Wesley J will stay. --- Euthanasia, that sounds good. An alpine neutral neighbourhood. Then back to Britain, all dressed in wood. Things were gonna get worse. (John Cooper Clarke)

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Pigwidgeon

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# 10192

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I can think of no headline weirder than the one on U.S. newspapers (as well as many others around the world) this morning.

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Don't keep calm. Go change the world.

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Sipech
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# 16870

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quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
I can think of no headline weirder than the one on U.S. newspapers (as well as many others around the world) this morning.

Just wait. This is only the beginning...

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I try to be self-deprecating; I'm just not very good at it.
Twitter: http://twitter.com/TheAlethiophile

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Sipech
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# 16870

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In the week following Donald Trump's election, the BBC have just announced: US intelligence chief Clapper resigns.

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I try to be self-deprecating; I'm just not very good at it.
Twitter: http://twitter.com/TheAlethiophile

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Wesley J

Silly Shipmate
# 6075

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Man shot dead in stationary car

Dixit BBC News website. So, his own fault 'coz he wasn't driving away? [Paranoid]

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Be it as it may: Wesley J will stay. --- Euthanasia, that sounds good. An alpine neutral neighbourhood. Then back to Britain, all dressed in wood. Things were gonna get worse. (John Cooper Clarke)

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Hedgehog

Ship's Shortstop
# 14125

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This one doesn't really fit the thread because the headline actually says exactly what it means, but it still brought a "what the hell...?" from me--so a headline of weirdness in that sense.

From Philly.com (the website for the Philadelphia Inquirer and Philadelphia Daily News):

Pa. man facing child porn charges dies in fall off Matterhorn

How the heck did somebody "facing child porn charges" (he was due in Court on Monday) have the ability to leave the country to get to the Matterhorn to begin with?

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"We must regain the conviction that we need one another, that we have a shared responsibility for others and the world, and that being good and decent are worth it."--Pope Francis, Laudato Si'

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Goldfish Stew
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# 5512

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A visual error courtesy of the Washington Post

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.

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Ariston
Insane Unicorn
# 10894

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Of course their semi-rival publication has a field day with that. Of course.

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“Therefore, let it be explained that nowhere are the proprieties quite so strictly enforced as in men’s colleges that invite young women guests, especially over-night visitors in the fraternity houses.” Emily Post, 1937.

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Ariston
Insane Unicorn
# 10894

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Unintentional? No. Bizarrely awesome? Yes.

Flight 666 lands in HEL on Friday the 13th.

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“Therefore, let it be explained that nowhere are the proprieties quite so strictly enforced as in men’s colleges that invite young women guests, especially over-night visitors in the fraternity houses.” Emily Post, 1937.

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Sandemaniac
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# 12829

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Beach rhino revealed by storm surge.

AG

(Aren't I just helpful? Coochie coo, yes I am, yes I am! —A)

[ 14. February 2017, 02:29: Message edited by: Ariston ]

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"It becomes soon pleasantly apparent that change-ringing is by no means merely an excuse for beer" Charles Dickens gets it wrong, 1869

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Horseman Bree
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# 5290

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The link about the rhino has a superfluous square bracket, and the word Beach" should be removed as well, in order to read the story.

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It's Not That Simple

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Pigwidgeon

Ship's Owl
# 10192

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It's not the headline on this Dominican newspaper that's weird -- it's the accompanying photograph. They mistakenly(?) used a photo of Alec Baldwin portraying Trump on Saturday Night Live, rather than an actual picture of the PG.
[Big Grin]

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Don't keep calm. Go change the world.

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Hedgehog

Ship's Shortstop
# 14125

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On my internet provider's "news" page this morning:

Former Lions Player Arrested while Naked for Third Time

I, for one, am amazed that he managed to get to be as old as he is and has only been naked three times.

--------------------
"We must regain the conviction that we need one another, that we have a shared responsibility for others and the world, and that being good and decent are worth it."--Pope Francis, Laudato Si'

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Wesley J

Silly Shipmate
# 6075

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Bristol Police who Tasered own race adviser issued gross misconduct notices

Hm... not clear if 'issued' is in the active or passive form, and if passive, whether past or present. Rubbish headline from the Grauniad! - Story here, in any interest. [Paranoid]

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Be it as it may: Wesley J will stay. --- Euthanasia, that sounds good. An alpine neutral neighbourhood. Then back to Britain, all dressed in wood. Things were gonna get worse. (John Cooper Clarke)

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Pigwidgeon

Ship's Owl
# 10192

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3 teens wanted for throwing beer at clerk

I imagine they'll have a lot more than three applicants.

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Don't keep calm. Go change the world.

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Sioni Sais
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# 5713

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Not weird, just obvious.


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"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"

(Paul Sinha, BBC)

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Horseman Bree
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# 5290

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Just wondering, from far away: why does yon Boris feel the need to look like a stroppy 14-year-old? Or is that his actual age?

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It's Not That Simple

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matthew_dixon
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# 12278

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You've heard of the "Hand of God" - well I think Manchester City have had something similar against Middlebrough today...

Jesus rescues point for Man City at Boro

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Amanda B. Reckondwythe

Dressed for Church
# 5521

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Headline in a newspaper story that appeared on the TV crime drama Criminal Minds:

Woman escapes in collision with her life

Yeah, life has a way of sneaking up on you and smacking you over the head, doesn't it?

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"It used to be that being crazy meant something. But not anymore – nowadays everybody's crazy!" – Charles Manson

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Amanda B. Reckondwythe

Dressed for Church
# 5521

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And another one: crawl on one of the local TV news broadcasts this morning:

Missing woman last seen with Yorkshire terrier driving red SUV

Well, no wonder she's missing! Everyone knows Yorkshire terriers are horrible drivers!

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"It used to be that being crazy meant something. But not anymore – nowadays everybody's crazy!" – Charles Manson

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Baptist Trainfan
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# 15128

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Well, they're little and have difficulty seeing over the steering wheel!

On today's BBC lunchtime news, a correspondent declared that Trump's decision to fire Coney "has come back to bite him in the backside with the ferocity of a swarm of hornets".

Do hornets bite?

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Tobias
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# 18613

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Those wanting more exercise can now Take the leg workout of house-hunting.

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Vocatus atque non vocatus, Deus aderit.

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Pigwidgeon

Ship's Owl
# 10192

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quote:
Originally posted by Tobias:
Those wanting more exercise can now Take the leg workout of house-hunting.

One should probably visit lots of homes that have stairways, maybe several floors.

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Don't keep calm. Go change the world.

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Hedgehog

Ship's Shortstop
# 14125

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It has been a particularly odd day on the BBC webpage today.

There was: Treasure hunter 'found dead' in US and Alaskan gold miner killed by black bear. As it turns out, these are two totally separate stories (and, no, the treasure hunter was not looking for dead--that story is even weirder than the headline).

But, wait, we are also informed Severed toe stolen from Canadian pub (because, if you are going to steal a toe, naturally a Canadian pub is the first place you head), while we learn that it is Too hot for planes to fly in Phoenix.

Now, these headlines are reasonably accurate descriptions of their respective articles. But how much weirdness can you pack into a single day?

Oh, and Chelsea Clinton is coming to the defense of Sean Spicer. Because it has been THAT kind of day.

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"We must regain the conviction that we need one another, that we have a shared responsibility for others and the world, and that being good and decent are worth it."--Pope Francis, Laudato Si'

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Mere Nick
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# 11827

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I was Bigfoots love slave

He appears to swing both ways, too.

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"Well that's it, boys. I've been redeemed. The preacher's done warshed away all my sins and transgressions. It's the straight and narrow from here on out, and heaven everlasting's my reward."
Delmar O'Donnell

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lilBuddha
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# 14333

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quote:
Originally posted by Hedgehog:

But, wait, we are also informed Severed toe stolen from Canadian pub (because, if you are going to steal a toe, naturally a Canadian pub is the first place you head),

Kinda is.

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So goodnight moon, I want the sun
If it's not here soon, I might be done
No it won't be too soon 'til I say goodnight moon

- A. N. Parsley, D. Mcvinni

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Mere Nick
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# 11827

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quote:
Originally posted by Hedgehog:

But, wait, we are also informed Severed toe stolen from Canadian pub (because, if you are going to steal a toe, naturally a Canadian pub is the first place you head), while we learn that it is [b]Too hot for planes to fly in Phoenix

Some planes, depending on the plane and the time of day. Some 20-25 years ago our plane sat on the side of the runway at Denver. The pilot said the weight of the plane, the temperature, etc meant we might not get off the ground. They had to do additional caculations, he said. After a long wait, he got the intercom and told to buckle up because "we are going to go for it".

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"Well that's it, boys. I've been redeemed. The preacher's done warshed away all my sins and transgressions. It's the straight and narrow from here on out, and heaven everlasting's my reward."
Delmar O'Donnell

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lilBuddha
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# 14333

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Shark Attacks Mother Of 3, Bites Off Arm While Snorkeling In Bahamas
I was relived to find the woman survived, but shocked to see that sharks can snorkle.

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So goodnight moon, I want the sun
If it's not here soon, I might be done
No it won't be too soon 'til I say goodnight moon

- A. N. Parsley, D. Mcvinni

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Baptist Trainfan
Shipmate
# 15128

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No, it was the Arm that was snorkeling! No wonder it got attacked.
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Amanda B. Reckondwythe

Dressed for Church
# 5521

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On tonight's newscast:

"The birth rate has fallen to its lowest in decades. The reason? People are having fewer babies."

Well, no sh*it, Sherlock! I would have thought it was because the stork is an endangered species.

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"It used to be that being crazy meant something. But not anymore – nowadays everybody's crazy!" – Charles Manson

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Wesley J

Silly Shipmate
# 6075

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From the BBC News website:

Man who killed two girlfriends gets life

Always chilling: they give death, and receive life!

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Be it as it may: Wesley J will stay. --- Euthanasia, that sounds good. An alpine neutral neighbourhood. Then back to Britain, all dressed in wood. Things were gonna get worse. (John Cooper Clarke)

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Wesley J

Silly Shipmate
# 6075

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From the Washington Post; really made me wonder what that was all about, but as the internet's still there... (there was 'just' a huge reaction to Pence's gesture, apparently)! [Paranoid]

Internet explodes after Pence touches flight hardware labeled ‘DO NOT TOUCH’

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Be it as it may: Wesley J will stay. --- Euthanasia, that sounds good. An alpine neutral neighbourhood. Then back to Britain, all dressed in wood. Things were gonna get worse. (John Cooper Clarke)

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Sioni Sais
Shipmate
# 5713

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From the BBC website re Trump

Well it wouldn't be realistic, would it.

--------------------
"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"

(Paul Sinha, BBC)

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Wesley J

Silly Shipmate
# 6075

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From the Guardian:

NHS: Sick patients dying ‘unnecessarily’ because of poor care

Leaving out the adverb might have belped. Sick headline dies necessarily because of poor care! [Roll Eyes]

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Be it as it may: Wesley J will stay. --- Euthanasia, that sounds good. An alpine neutral neighbourhood. Then back to Britain, all dressed in wood. Things were gonna get worse. (John Cooper Clarke)

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Hedgehog

Ship's Shortstop
# 14125

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Stretching the remit of this thread, but an interesting juxtaposition of headlines at the BBC site today:

Canada opens stadium for migrants from US

Trump aims to curb legal immigration

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"We must regain the conviction that we need one another, that we have a shared responsibility for others and the world, and that being good and decent are worth it."--Pope Francis, Laudato Si'

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Wesley J

Silly Shipmate
# 6075

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New dangerous cycling laws considered

(From the BBC News main UK page)

What about considering non-dangerous laws? Typical politicians! Bloody useless! [Mad]

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Be it as it may: Wesley J will stay. --- Euthanasia, that sounds good. An alpine neutral neighbourhood. Then back to Britain, all dressed in wood. Things were gonna get worse. (John Cooper Clarke)

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churchgeek

Have candles, will pray
# 5557

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From a local "paper" (online):

Shooting Leaves Rochester Man In Stable Condition

Who knew that shooting a patient could stabilize their condition? I really hope this doesn't spread; I'd think the potential side-effects are too great.

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I reserve the right to change my mind.

My article on the Virgin of Vladimir

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Leorning Cniht
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# 17564

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quote:
Originally posted by churchgeek:

Who knew that shooting a patient could stabilize their condition? I really hope this doesn't spread; I'd think the potential side-effects are too great.

Dead is a pretty stable condition, right?
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Hedgehog

Ship's Shortstop
# 14125

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quote:
Originally posted by Leorning Cniht:
Dead is a pretty stable condition, right?

The patient has reached "Maximum Medical Improvement" at that point, yes.

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"We must regain the conviction that we need one another, that we have a shared responsibility for others and the world, and that being good and decent are worth it."--Pope Francis, Laudato Si'

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