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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Famous Headlines of Weirdness
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
(From yesterday's news app)
"Girl strip-searched by police aged 12."
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
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Posted
I've just been reading this thread then I went to the BBC to catch up on the news and was met with:
Iceland's Pirates make gains in elections
Well, me hearties, it's good that they espouse democracy before they make you walk the plank!
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I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details
What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
Actually many or most pirate vessels back in the tall-ship day were makeshift democracies, as a despotic pirate captain could be sure of being garroted in his sleep.
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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Pigwidgeon
Ship's Owl
# 10192
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:
Actually many or most pirate vessels back in the tall-ship day were makeshift democracies, as a despotic pirate captain could be sure of being garroted in his sleep.
You mean ♫ it wasn't, it wasn't a glorious thing to be a Pirate King ♫ ?
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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf
Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
Once every 4 years.
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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Wesley J
Silly Shipmate
# 6075
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Posted
Enid Blyton has struck again with a contemporary, urban follow-up:
Five trapped [and 40 injured] after tram overturns in Croydon
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Be it as it may: Wesley J will stay. --- Euthanasia, that sounds good. An alpine neutral neighbourhood. Then back to Britain, all dressed in wood. Things were gonna get worse. (John Cooper Clarke)
Posts: 7354 | From: The Isles of Silly | Registered: May 2004
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Pigwidgeon
Ship's Owl
# 10192
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Posted
I can think of no headline weirder than the one on U.S. newspapers (as well as many others around the world) this morning.
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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf
Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005
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Sipech
Shipmate
# 16870
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
I can think of no headline weirder than the one on U.S. newspapers (as well as many others around the world) this morning.
Just wait. This is only the beginning...
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I try to be self-deprecating; I'm just not very good at it.
Twitter: http://twitter.com/TheAlethiophile
Posts: 3791 | From: On the corporate ladder | Registered: Jan 2012
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Sipech
Shipmate
# 16870
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Posted
In the week following Donald Trump's election, the BBC have just announced: US intelligence chief Clapper resigns.
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I try to be self-deprecating; I'm just not very good at it.
Twitter: http://twitter.com/TheAlethiophile
Posts: 3791 | From: On the corporate ladder | Registered: Jan 2012
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Wesley J
Silly Shipmate
# 6075
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Posted
Man shot dead in stationary car
Dixit BBC News website. So, his own fault 'coz he wasn't driving away? ![[Paranoid]](graemlins/paranoid.gif)
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Be it as it may: Wesley J will stay. --- Euthanasia, that sounds good. An alpine neutral neighbourhood. Then back to Britain, all dressed in wood. Things were gonna get worse. (John Cooper Clarke)
Posts: 7354 | From: The Isles of Silly | Registered: May 2004
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Hedgehog
Ship's Shortstop
# 14125
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Posted
This one doesn't really fit the thread because the headline actually says exactly what it means, but it still brought a "what the hell...?" from me--so a headline of weirdness in that sense.
From Philly.com (the website for the Philadelphia Inquirer and Philadelphia Daily News):
Pa. man facing child porn charges dies in fall off Matterhorn
How the heck did somebody "facing child porn charges" (he was due in Court on Monday) have the ability to leave the country to get to the Matterhorn to begin with?
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"We must regain the conviction that we need one another, that we have a shared responsibility for others and the world, and that being good and decent are worth it."--Pope Francis, Laudato Si'
Posts: 2740 | From: Delaware, USA | Registered: Sep 2008
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Ariston
Insane Unicorn
# 10894
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Posted
Of course their semi-rival publication has a field day with that. Of course.
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“Therefore, let it be explained that nowhere are the proprieties quite so strictly enforced as in men’s colleges that invite young women guests, especially over-night visitors in the fraternity houses.” Emily Post, 1937.
Posts: 6849 | From: The People's Republic of Balcones | Registered: Jan 2006
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Ariston
Insane Unicorn
# 10894
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Posted
Unintentional? No. Bizarrely awesome? Yes.
Flight 666 lands in HEL on Friday the 13th.
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“Therefore, let it be explained that nowhere are the proprieties quite so strictly enforced as in men’s colleges that invite young women guests, especially over-night visitors in the fraternity houses.” Emily Post, 1937.
Posts: 6849 | From: The People's Republic of Balcones | Registered: Jan 2006
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Sandemaniac
Shipmate
# 12829
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Posted
Beach rhino revealed by storm surge.
AG
(Aren't I just helpful? Coochie coo, yes I am, yes I am! —A)
[ 14. February 2017, 02:29: Message edited by: Ariston ]
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"It becomes soon pleasantly apparent that change-ringing is by no means merely an excuse for beer" Charles Dickens gets it wrong, 1869
Posts: 3574 | From: The wardrobe of my soul | Registered: Jul 2007
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Horseman Bree
Shipmate
# 5290
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Posted
The link about the rhino has a superfluous square bracket, and the word Beach" should be removed as well, in order to read the story.
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It's Not That Simple
Posts: 5372 | From: more herring choker than bluenose | Registered: Dec 2003
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Pigwidgeon
Ship's Owl
# 10192
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Posted
It's not the headline on this Dominican newspaper that's weird -- it's the accompanying photograph. They mistakenly(?) used a photo of Alec Baldwin portraying Trump on Saturday Night Live, rather than an actual picture of the PG.
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf
Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005
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Hedgehog
Ship's Shortstop
# 14125
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Posted
On my internet provider's "news" page this morning:
Former Lions Player Arrested while Naked for Third Time
I, for one, am amazed that he managed to get to be as old as he is and has only been naked three times.
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"We must regain the conviction that we need one another, that we have a shared responsibility for others and the world, and that being good and decent are worth it."--Pope Francis, Laudato Si'
Posts: 2740 | From: Delaware, USA | Registered: Sep 2008
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Wesley J
Silly Shipmate
# 6075
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Posted
Bristol Police who Tasered own race adviser issued gross misconduct notices
Hm... not clear if 'issued' is in the active or passive form, and if passive, whether past or present. Rubbish headline from the Grauniad! - Story here, in any interest.
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Be it as it may: Wesley J will stay. --- Euthanasia, that sounds good. An alpine neutral neighbourhood. Then back to Britain, all dressed in wood. Things were gonna get worse. (John Cooper Clarke)
Posts: 7354 | From: The Isles of Silly | Registered: May 2004
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Pigwidgeon
Ship's Owl
# 10192
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Posted
3 teens wanted for throwing beer at clerk
I imagine they'll have a lot more than three applicants.
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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf
Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005
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Horseman Bree
Shipmate
# 5290
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Posted
Just wondering, from far away: why does yon Boris feel the need to look like a stroppy 14-year-old? Or is that his actual age?
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It's Not That Simple
Posts: 5372 | From: more herring choker than bluenose | Registered: Dec 2003
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matthew_dixon
Shipmate
# 12278
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Posted
You've heard of the "Hand of God" - well I think Manchester City have had something similar against Middlebrough today...
Jesus rescues point for Man City at Boro
Posts: 321 | From: Cardiff | Registered: Jan 2007
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Amanda B. Reckondwythe
Dressed for Church
# 5521
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Posted
Headline in a newspaper story that appeared on the TV crime drama Criminal Minds:
Woman escapes in collision with her life
Yeah, life has a way of sneaking up on you and smacking you over the head, doesn't it?
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"I take prayer too seriously to use it as an excuse for avoiding work and responsibility." -- The Revd Martin Luther King Jr.
Posts: 10542 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004
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Amanda B. Reckondwythe
Dressed for Church
# 5521
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Posted
And another one: crawl on one of the local TV news broadcasts this morning:
Missing woman last seen with Yorkshire terrier driving red SUV
Well, no wonder she's missing! Everyone knows Yorkshire terriers are horrible drivers!
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"I take prayer too seriously to use it as an excuse for avoiding work and responsibility." -- The Revd Martin Luther King Jr.
Posts: 10542 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004
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Baptist Trainfan
Shipmate
# 15128
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Posted
Well, they're little and have difficulty seeing over the steering wheel!
On today's BBC lunchtime news, a correspondent declared that Trump's decision to fire Coney "has come back to bite him in the backside with the ferocity of a swarm of hornets".
Do hornets bite?
Posts: 9750 | From: The other side of the Severn | Registered: Sep 2009
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Tobias
Shipmate
# 18613
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Posted
Those wanting more exercise can now Take the leg workout of house-hunting.
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Vocatus atque non vocatus, Deus aderit.
Posts: 269 | From: Terra Australis Incognita | Registered: Jul 2016
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Pigwidgeon
Ship's Owl
# 10192
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Tobias:
Those wanting more exercise can now Take the leg workout of house-hunting.
One should probably visit lots of homes that have stairways, maybe several floors.
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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf
Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005
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Hedgehog
Ship's Shortstop
# 14125
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Posted
It has been a particularly odd day on the BBC webpage today.
There was: Treasure hunter 'found dead' in US and Alaskan gold miner killed by black bear. As it turns out, these are two totally separate stories (and, no, the treasure hunter was not looking for dead--that story is even weirder than the headline).
But, wait, we are also informed Severed toe stolen from Canadian pub (because, if you are going to steal a toe, naturally a Canadian pub is the first place you head), while we learn that it is Too hot for planes to fly in Phoenix.
Now, these headlines are reasonably accurate descriptions of their respective articles. But how much weirdness can you pack into a single day?
Oh, and Chelsea Clinton is coming to the defense of Sean Spicer. Because it has been THAT kind of day.
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"We must regain the conviction that we need one another, that we have a shared responsibility for others and the world, and that being good and decent are worth it."--Pope Francis, Laudato Si'
Posts: 2740 | From: Delaware, USA | Registered: Sep 2008
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Mere Nick
Shipmate
# 11827
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Posted
I was Bigfoots love slave
He appears to swing both ways, too.
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"Well that's it, boys. I've been redeemed. The preacher's done warshed away all my sins and transgressions. It's the straight and narrow from here on out, and heaven everlasting's my reward."
Delmar O'Donnell
Posts: 2797 | From: West Carolina | Registered: Sep 2006
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lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Hedgehog:
But, wait, we are also informed Severed toe stolen from Canadian pub (because, if you are going to steal a toe, naturally a Canadian pub is the first place you head),
Kinda is.
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I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning
Hallellou, hallellou
Posts: 17627 | From: the round earth's imagined corners | Registered: Dec 2008
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Mere Nick
Shipmate
# 11827
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Hedgehog:
But, wait, we are also informed Severed toe stolen from Canadian pub (because, if you are going to steal a toe, naturally a Canadian pub is the first place you head), while we learn that it is [b]Too hot for planes to fly in Phoenix
Some planes, depending on the plane and the time of day. Some 20-25 years ago our plane sat on the side of the runway at Denver. The pilot said the weight of the plane, the temperature, etc meant we might not get off the ground. They had to do additional caculations, he said. After a long wait, he got the intercom and told to buckle up because "we are going to go for it".
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"Well that's it, boys. I've been redeemed. The preacher's done warshed away all my sins and transgressions. It's the straight and narrow from here on out, and heaven everlasting's my reward."
Delmar O'Donnell
Posts: 2797 | From: West Carolina | Registered: Sep 2006
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lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333
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Posted
Shark Attacks Mother Of 3, Bites Off Arm While Snorkeling In Bahamas
I was relived to find the woman survived, but shocked to see that sharks can snorkle.
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I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning
Hallellou, hallellou
Posts: 17627 | From: the round earth's imagined corners | Registered: Dec 2008
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Baptist Trainfan
Shipmate
# 15128
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Posted
No, it was the Arm that was snorkeling! No wonder it got attacked.
Posts: 9750 | From: The other side of the Severn | Registered: Sep 2009
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Amanda B. Reckondwythe
Dressed for Church
# 5521
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Posted
On tonight's newscast:
"The birth rate has fallen to its lowest in decades. The reason? People are having fewer babies."
Well, no sh*it, Sherlock! I would have thought it was because the stork is an endangered species.
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"I take prayer too seriously to use it as an excuse for avoiding work and responsibility." -- The Revd Martin Luther King Jr.
Posts: 10542 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004
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Wesley J
Silly Shipmate
# 6075
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Posted
From the BBC News website:
Man who killed two girlfriends gets life
Always chilling: they give death, and receive life!
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Be it as it may: Wesley J will stay. --- Euthanasia, that sounds good. An alpine neutral neighbourhood. Then back to Britain, all dressed in wood. Things were gonna get worse. (John Cooper Clarke)
Posts: 7354 | From: The Isles of Silly | Registered: May 2004
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Wesley J
Silly Shipmate
# 6075
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Posted
From the Washington Post; really made me wonder what that was all about, but as the internet's still there... (there was 'just' a huge reaction to Pence's gesture, apparently)!
Internet explodes after Pence touches flight hardware labeled ‘DO NOT TOUCH’
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Be it as it may: Wesley J will stay. --- Euthanasia, that sounds good. An alpine neutral neighbourhood. Then back to Britain, all dressed in wood. Things were gonna get worse. (John Cooper Clarke)
Posts: 7354 | From: The Isles of Silly | Registered: May 2004
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Sioni Sais
Shipmate
# 5713
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Posted
From the BBC website re Trump
Well it wouldn't be realistic, would it.
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"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"
(Paul Sinha, BBC)
Posts: 24276 | From: Newport, Wales | Registered: Apr 2004
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Wesley J
Silly Shipmate
# 6075
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Posted
From the Guardian:
NHS: Sick patients dying ‘unnecessarily’ because of poor care
Leaving out the adverb might have belped. Sick headline dies necessarily because of poor care! ![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
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Be it as it may: Wesley J will stay. --- Euthanasia, that sounds good. An alpine neutral neighbourhood. Then back to Britain, all dressed in wood. Things were gonna get worse. (John Cooper Clarke)
Posts: 7354 | From: The Isles of Silly | Registered: May 2004
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Hedgehog
Ship's Shortstop
# 14125
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Posted
Stretching the remit of this thread, but an interesting juxtaposition of headlines at the BBC site today:
Canada opens stadium for migrants from US
Trump aims to curb legal immigration
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"We must regain the conviction that we need one another, that we have a shared responsibility for others and the world, and that being good and decent are worth it."--Pope Francis, Laudato Si'
Posts: 2740 | From: Delaware, USA | Registered: Sep 2008
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Wesley J
Silly Shipmate
# 6075
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Posted
New dangerous cycling laws considered
(From the BBC News main UK page)
What about considering non-dangerous laws? Typical politicians! Bloody useless! ![[Mad]](angryfire.gif)
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Be it as it may: Wesley J will stay. --- Euthanasia, that sounds good. An alpine neutral neighbourhood. Then back to Britain, all dressed in wood. Things were gonna get worse. (John Cooper Clarke)
Posts: 7354 | From: The Isles of Silly | Registered: May 2004
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churchgeek
Have candles, will pray
# 5557
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Posted
From a local "paper" (online):
Shooting Leaves Rochester Man In Stable Condition
Who knew that shooting a patient could stabilize their condition? I really hope this doesn't spread; I'd think the potential side-effects are too great.
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I reserve the right to change my mind.
My article on the Virgin of Vladimir
Posts: 7773 | From: Detroit | Registered: Feb 2004
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Leorning Cniht
Shipmate
# 17564
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by churchgeek:
Who knew that shooting a patient could stabilize their condition? I really hope this doesn't spread; I'd think the potential side-effects are too great.
Dead is a pretty stable condition, right?
Posts: 5026 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2013
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Hedgehog
Ship's Shortstop
# 14125
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Leorning Cniht:
Dead is a pretty stable condition, right?
The patient has reached "Maximum Medical Improvement" at that point, yes.
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"We must regain the conviction that we need one another, that we have a shared responsibility for others and the world, and that being good and decent are worth it."--Pope Francis, Laudato Si'
Posts: 2740 | From: Delaware, USA | Registered: Sep 2008
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Wesley J
Silly Shipmate
# 6075
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Posted
Voters question whether congressman whose nude photo leaked online could win seat
(From the Washington Post)
If he does, let's hope he'll put a towel down before sitting!
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Be it as it may: Wesley J will stay. --- Euthanasia, that sounds good. An alpine neutral neighbourhood. Then back to Britain, all dressed in wood. Things were gonna get worse. (John Cooper Clarke)
Posts: 7354 | From: The Isles of Silly | Registered: May 2004
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Amanda B. Reckondwythe
Dressed for Church
# 5521
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Posted
On this morning's TV news crawl:
Man dies after being hit and killed by car
Well, guess what? Most people who have been killed do die. There was one notable exception back in biblical times, but that's about it.
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"I take prayer too seriously to use it as an excuse for avoiding work and responsibility." -- The Revd Martin Luther King Jr.
Posts: 10542 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004
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Stejjie
Shipmate
# 13941
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Posted
Don't know the original source, I saw it on the "Crap Local News" Twitter feed; but it's gloriously, amazingly weird in just about every respect:
Escaped emu named flees along snow covered street before being caught in headlock by three men inside graveyard
Apart from the random word "named" thrown in there, it pretty much says it all really!
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A not particularly-alt-worshippy, fairly mainstream, mildly evangelical, vaguely post-modern-ish Baptist
Posts: 1117 | From: Urmston, Manchester, UK | Registered: Jul 2008
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Hedgehog
Ship's Shortstop
# 14125
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Posted
The Mirror. The URL link reads "escaped emu named flees" but the actual article states that the emu is named 'Farage'.
Of course.
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"We must regain the conviction that we need one another, that we have a shared responsibility for others and the world, and that being good and decent are worth it."--Pope Francis, Laudato Si'
Posts: 2740 | From: Delaware, USA | Registered: Sep 2008
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Stejjie
Shipmate
# 13941
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Hedgehog:
The Mirror. The URL link reads "escaped emu named flees" but the actual article states that the emu is named 'Farage'.
Of course.
![[Killing me]](graemlins/killingme.gif) Somehow that makes it even funnier!
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A not particularly-alt-worshippy, fairly mainstream, mildly evangelical, vaguely post-modern-ish Baptist
Posts: 1117 | From: Urmston, Manchester, UK | Registered: Jul 2008
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