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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Scene 4: Meet Mary and Joseph
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Tour Manager
Nativity Play
# 3670
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Posted
(Sound of fax ringing in Joseph's workshop)
Warble warble
Warble warble
iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
grzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz-chunk!
rustle rustle
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Let's get this show on the roaaaaaaaaaaaa- *boink* (Eutychus)
Posts: 46 | From: Magic Tour Bus | Registered: Dec 2002
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Joseph
Nativity Play
# 3666
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Posted
Switches on radio. Glances at BVM.
Well, I'm glad you got that silly idea of telling me "news" out of your head...
Leans back, eyes shut, listening to starting commentary. Radio OFF switch glistens.
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Joseph, the not-so-Jesuitical ex-Lad.
Posts: 177 | From: Palestine | Registered: Dec 2002
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Joseph
Nativity Play
# 3666
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Posted
A fax? At this hour? Darn.
Switches off radio. Runs over to fax machine.
Argh, haven't got my glasses. Mary dear, what does the fax say?
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Joseph, the not-so-Jesuitical ex-Lad.
Posts: 177 | From: Palestine | Registered: Dec 2002
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Virgin Mary
Nativity Play
# 3653
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Posted
Mary heaves herself off the sofa again, readjusts her blue dress, stalks across to the radio and makes really good use of the glistening OFF switch
Look, will you just listen to me for one minute! I. Have. Something. To. Tell. You.
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Can you have a white wedding in blue?
(Smudgie)
Posts: 287 | From: Down the road from the carpenter's shop, Nazareth | Registered: Dec 2002
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Sheep 3
Nativity Play
# 3663
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Posted
[Sheep 3 begins to bolt after having the Pringles snatched from her mouth, but notices a nice pile of alfalfa hay and stops to eat.]
*munch*
*munch*
*mun......bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt*
BAAAAAAAAA!
[Sheep 3 runs off-stage, bleating in distress from minor burns to the mouth due to chewing through a TV cable.]
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jlg the sheep
Posts: 278 | From: lost in a pasture | Registered: Dec 2002
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Director
Nativity Play
# 3664
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Posted
Infuriated by the theft of the pringles, the Director ponders her next move ; wash Joseph's mouth out, or mount a demonstration of 101 Uses for a Toasting fork. ![[Devil]](graemlins/devil.gif)
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Miffy
Posts: 109 | From: Her physiotherapist's couch | Registered: Dec 2002
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Joseph
Nativity Play
# 3666
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Virgin Mary:
Look, will you just listen to me for one minute! I. Have. Something. To. Tell. You.
Tell me what the fax says first! Honestly, I wish your mother had taught you some basic discipline...
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Joseph, the not-so-Jesuitical ex-Lad.
Posts: 177 | From: Palestine | Registered: Dec 2002
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Tour Manager
Nativity Play
# 3670
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Posted
Looking forward to bringing you all the sheep, lap dancers, and so on for the Happy Event. Bus holding up well but being pursued by angry-looking Camel Driver. Make sure the video hookups are working and get something for cat vomit
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Let's get this show on the roaaaaaaaaaaaa- *boink* (Eutychus)
Posts: 46 | From: Magic Tour Bus | Registered: Dec 2002
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Joseph
Nativity Play
# 3666
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Posted
HAPPY EVENT?!
Is this some kind of joke? Mary, I think it's time you gave me an explanation.
The football can wait.
{sigh}
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Joseph, the not-so-Jesuitical ex-Lad.
Posts: 177 | From: Palestine | Registered: Dec 2002
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Virgin Mary
Nativity Play
# 3653
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Posted
It's quite simple really, Joe.
Well, fairly simple....
Well, simple-er---ish
I mean, we talked about how much you'd like children, didn't we? Once we're married and all, of course.
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Can you have a white wedding in blue?
(Smudgie)
Posts: 287 | From: Down the road from the carpenter's shop, Nazareth | Registered: Dec 2002
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Joseph
Nativity Play
# 3666
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Posted
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssss...
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Joseph, the not-so-Jesuitical ex-Lad.
Posts: 177 | From: Palestine | Registered: Dec 2002
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Tour Manager
Nativity Play
# 3670
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Posted
(Fax page 2)
We want everything to be spit-spot for the Happy Event Nazareth Lap-Dancing Carpentry Festival in ten days' time!
And of course it is most fortuitous that just a few months later, your dear fiancée zbrhdiwexxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxx
(the rest of the page has been chewed off by a sheep)
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Let's get this show on the roaaaaaaaaaaaa- *boink* (Eutychus)
Posts: 46 | From: Magic Tour Bus | Registered: Dec 2002
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Fairy Godmother
Nativity Play
# 3695
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Posted
Wanders backstage from dressing room
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It could only be Nanny Ogg
Posts: 265 | From: Appearing in a pantomime near you | Registered: Dec 2002
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Director
Nativity Play
# 3664
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Tour Manager:
(Fax page 2)
We want everything to be spit-spot for the Happy Event Nazareth Lap-Dancing Carpentry Festival in ten days' time!
And of course it is most fortuitous that just a few months later, your dear fiancée zbrhdiwexxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxx
(the rest of the page has been chewed off by a sheep)
From the wings...
First useful thing the wretched animal's done all night! ![[Killing me]](graemlins/killingme.gif)
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Miffy
Posts: 109 | From: Her physiotherapist's couch | Registered: Dec 2002
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Virgin Mary
Nativity Play
# 3653
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Posted
Well, Joseph darling...
there was this stork...
Well, more of a dove, really....
Well, if you're going to be really pedantic about it, more of a parrot dressed as a dove.....
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Can you have a white wedding in blue?
(Smudgie)
Posts: 287 | From: Down the road from the carpenter's shop, Nazareth | Registered: Dec 2002
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Joseph
Nativity Play
# 3666
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Posted
Mary dear, I'm still waiting for an explanation...
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Joseph, the not-so-Jesuitical ex-Lad.
Posts: 177 | From: Palestine | Registered: Dec 2002
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Virgin Mary
Nativity Play
# 3653
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Posted
Look. I'm pregnant!
Isn't it good? ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Can you have a white wedding in blue?
(Smudgie)
Posts: 287 | From: Down the road from the carpenter's shop, Nazareth | Registered: Dec 2002
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Fairy Godmother
Nativity Play
# 3695
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Posted
Pssst Director - how's it going tonight?
*Finds one her hip flasks and takes a large slurp*
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It could only be Nanny Ogg
Posts: 265 | From: Appearing in a pantomime near you | Registered: Dec 2002
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Joseph
Nativity Play
# 3666
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Virgin Mary:
Look. I'm pregnant!
Isn't it good?
![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
![[Ultra confused]](graemlins/confused2.gif)
![[Waterworks]](graemlins/bawling.gif)
HOW?!
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Joseph, the not-so-Jesuitical ex-Lad.
Posts: 177 | From: Palestine | Registered: Dec 2002
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Musical Director
Nativity Play
# 3651
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Posted
*da da daaaaaaa!*
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ChrisT sez: *sigh* Let's take it once more from the top...
Posts: 284 | From: The Bandstand | Registered: Dec 2002
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Director
Nativity Play
# 3664
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Fairy Godmother:
Pssst Director - how's it going tonight?
*Finds one her hip flasks and takes a large slurp*
OK so far, thanks, but I think Joseph's going to need one of those any minute.
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Miffy
Posts: 109 | From: Her physiotherapist's couch | Registered: Dec 2002
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Virgin Mary
Nativity Play
# 3653
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Posted
Now don't you go jumping to conclusions.....
I'm a good girl, I am.
You know I've kept myself pure. ![[Angel]](graemlins/angel.gif)
There's a perfectly reasonable explanation.
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Can you have a white wedding in blue?
(Smudgie)
Posts: 287 | From: Down the road from the carpenter's shop, Nazareth | Registered: Dec 2002
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Fairy Godmother
Nativity Play
# 3695
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Joseph:
quote:
Originally posted by Virgin Mary:
Look. I'm pregnant!
Isn't it good?
HOW?!
Want me to tell you the facts of life dearie?
[ 12. December 2002, 21:30: Message edited by: Musical Director ]
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It could only be Nanny Ogg
Posts: 265 | From: Appearing in a pantomime near you | Registered: Dec 2002
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Joseph
Nativity Play
# 3666
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Virgin Mary:
Now don't you go jumping to conclusions.....
I'm a good girl, I am.
You know I've kept myself pure.
There's a perfectly reasonable explanation.
Oh REALLY? Well, I'd just love to hear it. I really would. I can't believe this.
How could you do this?
I don't know what to say. This is terrible. Terrible. Absolutely awful.
(And I'm not talking about the acting.)
How can you possibly be pregnant and still be pure?
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
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Joseph, the not-so-Jesuitical ex-Lad.
Posts: 177 | From: Palestine | Registered: Dec 2002
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Director
Nativity Play
# 3664
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Posted
Yells into the wings...
Angel alert, Angel alert! Reinforcements needed...Nazareth....Joe's Quick-Stop Chop Shop!
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Miffy
Posts: 109 | From: Her physiotherapist's couch | Registered: Dec 2002
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Sheep 3
Nativity Play
# 3663
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Director:
quote:
Originally posted by Tour Manager:
(Fax page 2)
We want everything to be spit-spot for the Happy Event Nazareth Lap-Dancing Carpentry Festival in ten days' time!
And of course it is most fortuitous that just a few months later, your dear fiancée zbrhdiwexxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxx
(the rest of the page has been chewed off by a sheep)
From the wings...
First useful thing the wretched animal's done all night!
[Sheep 3, having received first aid for the mouth burns suffered while chewing throught the TV signal cable which turned out to be a radio power cord, wanders over to Director and stares.]
Aaaaaaaa.
[Due to the mouth burns, Sheep 3 cannot pronounce consonants.]
Aaaaaaaa.
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jlg the sheep
Posts: 278 | From: lost in a pasture | Registered: Dec 2002
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Virgin Mary
Nativity Play
# 3653
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Posted
But Joey, my sweet *sniff* Surely you trust me *sniff* You don't think I'd two time you do you? *sniff*
It's just that I was sitting in the garden and got this message from Gabriel...and he said I'd get pregnant... and...and....
Is about to mention the parrot again but thinks better of it
...Joseph, darling, you know you're the only one for me *simpering smile*
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Can you have a white wedding in blue?
(Smudgie)
Posts: 287 | From: Down the road from the carpenter's shop, Nazareth | Registered: Dec 2002
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Fourth Angel
Nativity Play
# 3647
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Posted
*flutters on in a seraphic glow*
Did someone call for angels?
Can I do the appearing to him in a dream thing? He might put it down to the alcohol....
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From the goddess Inanna to the fourth angel from the left.
Posts: 62 | From: The Realms of Glory | Registered: Dec 2002
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Musical Director
Nativity Play
# 3651
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Posted
*dark and moody piano piece, with undercurrents of murderous strings*
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ChrisT sez: *sigh* Let's take it once more from the top...
Posts: 284 | From: The Bandstand | Registered: Dec 2002
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Director
Nativity Play
# 3664
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Virgin Mary:
But Joey, my sweet *sniff* Surely you trust me *sniff* You don't think I'd two time you do you? *sniff*
It's just that I was sitting in the garden and got this message from Gabriel...and he said I'd get pregnant... and...and....
Is about to mention the parrot again but thinks better of it
...Joseph, darling, you know you're the only one for me *simpering smile*
Huh! And you expect Gabriel to back you up? If you can find him. He turned up 25 hours late for the Annunciation, don't forget! ![[Wink]](wink.gif)
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Miffy
Posts: 109 | From: Her physiotherapist's couch | Registered: Dec 2002
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Joseph
Nativity Play
# 3666
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Posted
Mary dear, that's possibly the lamest excuse I've ever heard. Now, you have ten minutes to pack up your stuff and leave. I won't tell anyone - although, dammit, I should - but I don't want you in here any more.
I need some space.
I need some time.
What we had was so beautiful!
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Joseph, the not-so-Jesuitical ex-Lad.
Posts: 177 | From: Palestine | Registered: Dec 2002
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Virgin Mary
Nativity Play
# 3653
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Posted
But Joseph.... it was God, I tell you.
I'm still a virgin, honest...
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Can you have a white wedding in blue?
(Smudgie)
Posts: 287 | From: Down the road from the carpenter's shop, Nazareth | Registered: Dec 2002
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Musical Director
Nativity Play
# 3651
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Posted
*strings have finished murdering each other, and are now garotting the bassoonist*
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ChrisT sez: *sigh* Let's take it once more from the top...
Posts: 284 | From: The Bandstand | Registered: Dec 2002
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Joseph
Nativity Play
# 3666
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Posted
Mary, unless an angel tells me that himself, I'm afraid it just doesn't wash.
Who's going to bring me my Pringles from now on?
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Joseph, the not-so-Jesuitical ex-Lad.
Posts: 177 | From: Palestine | Registered: Dec 2002
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Director
Nativity Play
# 3664
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Musical Director:
*strings have finished murdering each other, and are now garotting the bassoonist*
Musical Director - If you're having problems with the orchestra, I could always sing for you instead. Remember my virtuoso performance this morning?!
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Miffy
Posts: 109 | From: Her physiotherapist's couch | Registered: Dec 2002
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Fairy Godmother
Nativity Play
# 3695
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Virgin Mary:
But Joseph.... it was God, I tell you.
I'm still a virgin, honest...
*Under breath*
In the play maybe ![[Snigger]](graemlins/snigger.gif)
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It could only be Nanny Ogg
Posts: 265 | From: Appearing in a pantomime near you | Registered: Dec 2002
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Virgin Mary
Nativity Play
# 3653
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Posted
But Joseph, please....
And I thought you'd be so happy... at least about little Jesus. I mean, it's understandable that you're less chuffed about the twin, I feel the same way myself, but little Jesus is so meek and mild, and sleeps so sweetly.
God's been so gracious to me
I know it's hard to believe.....
Oh Joe, please please let me still get your Pringles....
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Can you have a white wedding in blue?
(Smudgie)
Posts: 287 | From: Down the road from the carpenter's shop, Nazareth | Registered: Dec 2002
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Wise Guy
Nativity Play
# 3707
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Posted
Meow!
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KELLY ALVES makes a flip remark and ends up in a play. Hi, Mom!
Posts: 205 | From: Second star to the right | Registered: Dec 2002
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Virgin Mary
Nativity Play
# 3653
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Posted
Gazes around desperately Please please God... now would be a really good time to send another angel!
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Can you have a white wedding in blue?
(Smudgie)
Posts: 287 | From: Down the road from the carpenter's shop, Nazareth | Registered: Dec 2002
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Director
Nativity Play
# 3664
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Fourth Angel:
*flutters on in a seraphic glow*
Did someone call for angels?
Can I do the appearing to him in a dream thing? He might put it down to the alcohol....
And I think we scripted a curry in there somewhere. ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
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Miffy
Posts: 109 | From: Her physiotherapist's couch | Registered: Dec 2002
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Joseph
Nativity Play
# 3666
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Virgin Mary:
And I thought you'd be so happy... at least about little Jesus. I mean, it's understandable that you're less chuffed about the twin, I feel the same way myself, but little Jesus is so meek and mild, and sleeps so sweetly.
Twin?! There's more than ONE?!
Well, I have to be honest. I'm not sure I buy this angel malarkey. Sounds a bit fishy to me. However, my Pringles are important to me, and I need someone to shovel up the vomit and sheep "ploppings" (happy, you Puritanical whingers?) around here. So you can stay.
For the time being.
Oh Mary, I love you!
![[Love]](graemlins/lovedrops.gif)
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Joseph, the not-so-Jesuitical ex-Lad.
Posts: 177 | From: Palestine | Registered: Dec 2002
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Virgin Mary
Nativity Play
# 3653
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Posted
Oh Joseph... I just knew I could rely on you
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Can you have a white wedding in blue?
(Smudgie)
Posts: 287 | From: Down the road from the carpenter's shop, Nazareth | Registered: Dec 2002
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Director
Nativity Play
# 3664
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Joseph:
quote:
Originally posted by Virgin Mary:
And I thought you'd be so happy... at least about little Jesus. I mean, it's understandable that you're less chuffed about the twin, I feel the same way myself, but little Jesus is so meek and mild, and sleeps so sweetly.
Twin?! There's more than ONE?!
Well, I have to be honest. I'm not sure I buy this angel malarkey. Sounds a bit fishy to me. However, my Pringles are important to me, and I need someone to shovel up the vomit and sheep "ploppings" (happy, you Puritanical whingers?) around here. So you can stay.
For the time being.
Oh Mary, I love you!
Humph! grudgingly That'll just about pass...I suppose. ![[Paranoid]](graemlins/paranoid.gif)
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Miffy
Posts: 109 | From: Her physiotherapist's couch | Registered: Dec 2002
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Joseph
Nativity Play
# 3666
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Virgin Mary:
Oh Joseph... I just knew I could rely on you
You certainly can. All this excitement has me famished, though...
How about some pretzels, babe? A beer would be good too.
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Joseph, the not-so-Jesuitical ex-Lad.
Posts: 177 | From: Palestine | Registered: Dec 2002
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Fairy Godmother
Nativity Play
# 3695
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Posted
Whispers to director
Why can't that MCP get his own Pringles and clear up the sheep droppings himself? ![[Mad]](angryfire.gif)
Takes another slurp from hip flask
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It could only be Nanny Ogg
Posts: 265 | From: Appearing in a pantomime near you | Registered: Dec 2002
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Musical Director
Nativity Play
# 3651
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Posted
No no no, cancel 'It Must Have been Love' by Roxette, we need something happier ... I don't know, anything!
Great. Just great.
*band breaks into 'Celebrations' by Cliff Richard*
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ChrisT sez: *sigh* Let's take it once more from the top...
Posts: 284 | From: The Bandstand | Registered: Dec 2002
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Director
Nativity Play
# 3664
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Fairy Godmother:
Whispers to director
Why can't that MCP get his own Pringles and clear up the sheep droppings himself?
Takes another slurp from hip flask
Grabs flask from Fairy Godmother
Never again! Next year it's panto or nothing.!
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Miffy
Posts: 109 | From: Her physiotherapist's couch | Registered: Dec 2002
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Joseph
Nativity Play
# 3666
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Musical Director:
*band breaks into 'Celebrations' by Cliff Richard*
![[Projectile]](graemlins/puke2.gif)
Oh dear. Mary, might want to bring the shovel again...
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Joseph, the not-so-Jesuitical ex-Lad.
Posts: 177 | From: Palestine | Registered: Dec 2002
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Musical Director
Nativity Play
# 3651
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Joseph:
happy, you Puritanical whingers?
*cancels order for Josephs Christmas present - a Makita WorkMate 400watt bandsaw*
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ChrisT sez: *sigh* Let's take it once more from the top...
Posts: 284 | From: The Bandstand | Registered: Dec 2002
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Virgin Mary
Nativity Play
# 3653
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Posted
Mutters to herself Hmmmm... well, he seems to have taken it surprisingly well, considering. I suppose.
And at least we have a stage hand to deal with the sheep mess.
I don't know, though, somehow I wonder if I'd have been better off sticking with that shepherd after all.
A little louder, with a real attempt to remain serene
Pretzels, sweetheart? I'll get them for you now, my dear. Let me put the radio back on for you... you're in time for the second half.
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Can you have a white wedding in blue?
(Smudgie)
Posts: 287 | From: Down the road from the carpenter's shop, Nazareth | Registered: Dec 2002
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