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Source: (consider it) Thread: Christmas, enough already
no prophet's flag is set so...

Proceed to see sea
# 15560

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Happy Christmas in Hell to you! [Devil]

Henrietta and Merna Can't Sing - Go Tell It On The Mountain (youtube)

If this rendition won't get you out the Christmas spirit, you're too drunk to be using a computer.

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Out of this nettle, danger, we pluck this flower, safety.
\_(ツ)_/

Posts: 11181 | From: Treaty 6 territory in the nonexistant Province of Buffalo, Canada ↄ⃝' | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged
Amanda B. Reckondwythe

Dressed for Church
# 5521

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It's incredible what people will post on YouTube.

May I suggest this as an antidote.

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"Stop your noisy songs; I do not want to listen to your praise bands." -- Amos 5:23, Good News Bible (modified)

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Moo

Ship's tough old bird
# 107

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Would someone please post a link to that truly awful rendition of 'O Holy Night'. I haven't heard it in years.

Moo

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Kerygmania host
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See you later, alligator.

Posts: 20258 | From: Alleghany Mountains of Virginia | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Bishops Finger
Shipmate
# 5430

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Here's one, though there seem to be several pretty awful renditions...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mk4woNRD7NQ&nohtml5=False

[Projectile]

IJ

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Our words are giants when they do us an injury, and dwarfs when they do us a service. (Wilkie Collins)

Posts: 9449 | From: Behind The Wheel Again! | Registered: Jan 2004  |  IP: Logged
mousethief

Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953

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quote:
Originally posted by Moo:
Would someone please post a link to that truly awful rendition of 'O Holy Night'. I haven't heard it in years.

You're going to have to be more specific.

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“Religion doesn't fuck up people, people fuck up religion.”—lilBuddha

Posts: 63203 | From: Ecotopia | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
no prophet's flag is set so...

Proceed to see sea
# 15560

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For those who are drowning in gin or a river this Christmas, don't you wish you lived in the 1770s?

Emergency tobacco smoke enema. (I am not making this up, it was the CPR of the 18th century).

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Out of this nettle, danger, we pluck this flower, safety.
\_(ツ)_/

Posts: 11181 | From: Treaty 6 territory in the nonexistant Province of Buffalo, Canada ↄ⃝' | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged
Karl: Liberal Backslider
Shipmate
# 76

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quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:
quote:
Originally posted by Moo:
Would someone please post a link to that truly awful rendition of 'O Holy Night'. I haven't heard it in years.

You're going to have to be more specific.
A lady in the G&S society I was part of used to murder this every year in our Christmas concerts. I don't know if she was any good when she was younger, but in her later years when I heard her she had a vibrato of about a fourth. The similarity to someone playing the saw was notable.

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Might as well ask the bloody cat.

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Sioni Sais
Shipmate
# 5713

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quote:
Originally posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider:
quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:
quote:
Originally posted by Moo:
Would someone please post a link to that truly awful rendition of 'O Holy Night'. I haven't heard it in years.

You're going to have to be more specific.
A lady in the G&S society I was part of used to murder this every year in our Christmas concerts. I don't know if she was any good when she was younger, but in her later years when I heard her she had a vibrato of about a fourth. The similarity to someone playing the saw was notable.
That's not a vibrato. That's a warble. We get quite a bit round here, where the local accent is a mixture of a buzzsaw and a Herring Gull.

Mind you, I've been roped in to do "O Holy Night". The redeeming factor is that it's a three-part arrangement with no soloists!

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"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"

(Paul Sinha, BBC)

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Latchkey Kid
Shipmate
# 12444

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quote:
Originally posted by bib:
I've always found Eccles Cakes infinitely superior to mince pies. When it comes to pumpkin, the only way my family uses them in Australia is to make yummy pumpkin soup(a winter warming staple) and as chunks roasted around the turkey or leg of lamb. I've made pumpkin scones but I'm not a very good scone maker. However my mother in law made excellent ones. Happy Christmas everybody. [Angel]

I agree about the eccles cakes, but I have to make my own in Oz. I have converted the mince pie recipe so it is just a teaspoon of mince in a puff pastry case. That is light enough for the sub-tropics.

But I am watching to avoid the Christmas concerts where some pop singer screams out "Silent Night" adding in twiddles to show how great they.

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'You must never give way for an answer. An answer is always the stretch of road that's behind you. Only a question can point the way forward.'
Mika; in Hello? Is Anybody There?, Jostein Gaardner

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Teekeey Misha
Shipmate
# 18604

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I can probably cope with an occasional Eccles cake better than a ton-and-a-half of mince pies - perhaps because they're less regular and copious than mince pies, and the pastry's nicer. (Or at least people who make Eccles cakes make better pastry than most people who make mince pies - it's more crispy, palatable, nice!)

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Misha
Don't assume I don't care; sometimes I just can't be bothered to put you right.

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Karl: Liberal Backslider
Shipmate
# 76

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quote:
Originally posted by Sioni Sais:
quote:
Originally posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider:
quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:
quote:
Originally posted by Moo:
Would someone please post a link to that truly awful rendition of 'O Holy Night'. I haven't heard it in years.

You're going to have to be more specific.
A lady in the G&S society I was part of used to murder this every year in our Christmas concerts. I don't know if she was any good when she was younger, but in her later years when I heard her she had a vibrato of about a fourth. The similarity to someone playing the saw was notable.
That's not a vibrato. That's a warble.
I was being kind. The worst part was the old biddies we used to sing for seemed to love her. More than they did my rendition of Tom Lehrer's Christmas Carol, anyway.

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Might as well ask the bloody cat.

Posts: 17718 | From: Chesterfield | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Rocinante
Shipmate
# 18541

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The Mr Kipling mince pie deserves a hell thread to itself. The only reward for chewing your way through one of these sickly items will be a gigantic sugar crash 30 mins later.

I was playing at a charity carol concert on Sunday, and afterwards got chatting to a very refined lady who was on some committee or other. Cue a young volunteer with a plate of said sweetmeats. "Would you like to treat yourselves to a mince pie?" she trilled.

"God no, they're fucking horrible" responded the refined lady in her cut-glass RP accent.

I gazed at her with undisguised admiration as the young volunteer scuttled away.

[ 08. December 2016, 08:52: Message edited by: Rocinante ]

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Joesaphat
Shipmate
# 18493

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quote:
Originally posted by Rocinante:
The Mr Kipling mince pie deserves a hell thread to itself. The only reward for chewing your way through one of these sickly items will be a gigantic sugar crash 30 mins later.

I was playing at a charity carol concert on Sunday, and afterwards got chatting to a very refined lady who was on some committee or other. Cue a young volunteer with a plate of said sweetmeats. "Would you like to treat yourselves to a mince pie?" she trilled.

"God no, they're fucking horrible" responded the refined lady in her cut-glass RP accent.

I gazed at her with undisguised admiration as the young volunteer scuttled away.

I've always dreamed of saying this, though last time I said fuck everything seemed to fall silent within miles.

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Opening my mouth and removing all doubt, online.

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L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338

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Why restrict yourself to Mr K's mince pies? ALL of the offerings from that direction are dreadful.

If the Advertising Standards Authority had any teeth (pun intended) they'd do them for misleading advertising for the well-known (and entirely inaccurate) slogan ...makes exceedingly good cakes

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Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet

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Karl: Liberal Backslider
Shipmate
# 76

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quote:
Originally posted by L'organist:
Why restrict yourself to Mr K's mince pies? ALL of the offerings from that direction are dreadful.

If the Advertising Standards Authority had any teeth (pun intended) they'd do them for misleading advertising for the well-known (and entirely inaccurate) slogan ...makes exceedingly good cakes

Yes. "Does make at best exceedingly mediocre, and often bloody horrible, cakes" would be more accurate.

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Might as well ask the bloody cat.

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Rocinante
Shipmate
# 18541

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I think their mince pies are the nadir of that benighted brand. The pastry is mainly sugar, with a nasty aftertaste of cheap fat of dubious origin. The filling has a revolting gelatinous consistency, reminiscent of cat food. I've never actually tasted cat food, but I suspect it may be better to eat.

[ 08. December 2016, 12:57: Message edited by: Rocinante ]

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Doc Tor
Deepest Red
# 9748

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To me, there are very few manufactured confections and cakes that don't simply have the overwhelming flavour of 'sweet'.

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Forward the New Republic

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Uncle Pete

Loyaute me lie
# 10422

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I agree with that. I am a diabetic and some of the sugar substitutes that supposedly make an item "diabetic friendly" are absolutely foul, foul,foul. [Projectile]
[Projectile]

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Even more so than I was before

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rolyn
Shipmate
# 16840

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Eating shit tasting bought mince pies this time of year makes me enjoy my partner's home made ones on Christmas Eve all the more.

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Change is the only certainty of existence

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Joesaphat
Shipmate
# 18493

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quote:
Originally posted by rolyn:
Eating shit tasting bought mince pies this time of year makes me enjoy my partner's home made ones on Christmas Eve all the more.

Mine's a Christmas junkie. It begins in September. Peaks with three different, gargantuan dinners. And peters out with post-Christmas depression.

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Opening my mouth and removing all doubt, online.

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rolyn
Shipmate
# 16840

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Our crammed Christmas goodies cupboard is being regularly raided in the evenings since a week ago, '.....kin mad.

With all due respect to Christmas crazy other halves here, and across the land of course.

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Change is the only certainty of existence

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L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338

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I don't bother making mince pies. Instead we have little filo pastry parcels with gooseberries and dates in lemon curd - delicious.

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Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet

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Bishops Finger
Shipmate
# 5430

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Mmm....tasty. But - given that we are currently in Hell - why not add a dash of very hot chili to the mix?

[Two face]

IJ

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Our words are giants when they do us an injury, and dwarfs when they do us a service. (Wilkie Collins)

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Twilight

Puddleglum's sister
# 2832

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My favorite O Holy Night from South Park.
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rolyn
Shipmate
# 16840

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quote:
Originally posted by rolyn:
Our crammed Christmas goodies cupboard is being regularly raided in the evenings since a week ago, '.....kin mad.

Just rescued the missus from stuffed-by-tin-of-Heroes syndrome.
Can't see that tin full lasting til anywhere near Christmas Day [Roll Eyes]

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Change is the only certainty of existence

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bib
Shipmate
# 13074

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I'm rolling round the floor laughing at the O Holy Night renditions. I don't know which is funnier. I'm taking them to my choir practice this afternoon to share - we probably won't get much practice done after we stop laughing.

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"My Lord, my Life, my Way, my End, accept the praise I bring"

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anoesis
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# 14189

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quote:
Originally posted by Twilight:
My favorite O Holy Night from South Park.

No, no, this one is the best! It has a cattle prod! How could it get any better?

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The history of humanity give one little hope that strength left to its own devices won't be abused. Indeed, it gives one little ground to think that strength would continue to exist if it were not abused. -- Dafyd --

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Brenda Clough
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# 18061

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What fresh Hell is this? We drove past the local Lutheran church, which has a large new sign out front: "Live Puppy Nativity" and some dates. Is this like Puppy Halftime Football?

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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page

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sabine
Shipmate
# 3861

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quote:
Originally posted by Brenda Clough:

What fresh Hell is this? We drove past the local Lutheran church, which has a large new sign out front: "Live Puppy Nativity" and some dates. Is this like Puppy Halftime Football?

Too funny. Which breed is best suited to be the baby Jesus?

sabine

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"Hunger looks like the man that hunger is killing." Eduardo Galeano

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Pigwidgeon

Ship's Owl
# 10192

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quote:
Originally posted by Brenda Clough:
What fresh Hell is this? We drove past the local Lutheran church, which has a large new sign out front: "Live Puppy Nativity" and some dates. Is this like Puppy Halftime Football?

Live Puppy Nativity
[Big Grin]

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Don't keep calm. Go change the world.

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Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061

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Ye gods, this =is= the church. Apologies, Lutherans -- it was the Methodists after all.

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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page

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Bishops Finger
Shipmate
# 5430

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Son of Dog, have mercy on us...

...and therein lies a tail...

I'll get me blanket.

IJ

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Our words are giants when they do us an injury, and dwarfs when they do us a service. (Wilkie Collins)

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Golden Key
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# 1468

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quote:
Originally posted by sabine:
quote:
Originally posted by Brenda Clough:

What fresh Hell is this? We drove past the local Lutheran church, which has a large new sign out front: "Live Puppy Nativity" and some dates. Is this like Puppy Halftime Football?

Too funny. Which breed is best suited to be the baby Jesus?

sabine

Shepherd or sheep dogs, of course! Shaggy and friendly ones preferred.

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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")

Posts: 18177 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061

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There is a considerable trend in the US for 'living nativity' scenes, which mean hiring the ox, ass, a camel or two, and so on. There was a piece in the paper the other day about a guy at one of these things who was bitten by the camel.

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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page

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Pigwidgeon

Ship's Owl
# 10192

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quote:
Originally posted by Brenda Clough:
There is a considerable trend in the US for 'living nativity' scenes, which mean hiring the ox, ass, a camel or two, and so on. There was a piece in the paper the other day about a guy at one of these things who was bitten by the camel.

A number of years ago a couple of the goats got a little "overly friendly" during ours.
[Biased]

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Don't keep calm. Go change the world.

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Bishops Finger
Shipmate
# 5430

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A shaggy (sic) goat story?

Ahem.

Meanwhile, in other news...

Coming away from The Bus Stop this morning, I noticed that a neighbouring house had decorations in its front window, to wit, two silver/white reindeer, some white lights, and a sign saying 'Winter Welcome'. A new one on me, and I wondered if it was offering a welcome to the season of winter, IYSWIM, or a warm welcome inside the house (as opposed to the cold outside).

IJ

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Our words are giants when they do us an injury, and dwarfs when they do us a service. (Wilkie Collins)

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rolyn
Shipmate
# 16840

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quote:
Originally posted by Brenda Clough:
There is a considerable trend in the US for 'living nativity' scenes, which mean hiring the ox, ass, a camel or two, and so on. There was a piece in the paper the other day about a guy at one of these things who was bitten by the camel.

Added to well known fact that animals in those situations usually can't help but do a dump.

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Change is the only certainty of existence

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Pangolin Guerre
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# 18686

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quote:
Originally posted by L'organist:
I don't bother making mince pies. Instead we have little filo pastry parcels with gooseberries and dates in lemon curd - delicious.

Ooooh.... could you post or PM the recipe for me? Sounds delicious!
Posts: 675 | From: 30 arpents de neige | Registered: Nov 2016  |  IP: Logged
L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338

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OK:

2 Bramley apples: peeled, cored and stewed with 2 handsful of topped & tailed gooseberries and 1 handful chopped dated.

Take 4 sheets of filo pastry, brush melted butter between each then cut into 3inch squares.

Place spoonful apple mix into centre of square, topped with a little lemon curd. Draw edges of 'parcel' together. CHILL

When required, heat oven to 200C and bake parcels for c10 minutes.

HELLFIRE PARCELS:
Chop 2 red chillies very fine with handful of parsley. Mix with handful of chopped pine nuts and then fold into cream cheese.

Make parcels as above.

Bon appetit

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Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet

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Doc Tor
Deepest Red
# 9748

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So let's head this one off at the pass.

There is a perfectly decent recipe thread in Heaven. Use it.

DT
HH


--------------------
Forward the New Republic

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Twilight

Puddleglum's sister
# 2832

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Our local "live," nativity scene has two sheep and a donkey, and of course a tall fence to keep the animals in. This year, for some reason, they've added cardboard cut outs of the human characters, standing facing front, just inside the fence. It looks, for all the world like the whole gang is in some sort of internment camp. I blame Donald Trump.
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Ariston
Insane Unicorn
# 10894

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"We'll be having the children's Christmas pageant next Sunday. You should come—it's very cute, and they've been working on it for weeks! One of our parishioners wrote the script a few years ago and we've loved it ever since."

Oh darn. Finals, you know. So sad. So, so, very sad.

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“Therefore, let it be explained that nowhere are the proprieties quite so strictly enforced as in men’s colleges that invite young women guests, especially over-night visitors in the fraternity houses.” Emily Post, 1937.

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sharkshooter

Not your average shark
# 1589

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quote:
Originally posted by no prophet's flag is set so...:
Which is everything ain't it? I really dislike quite a number of Christmas songs: Jingle Bell Rock, Feliz Navidad, and the entire Boney M Christmas album.

Well, I can tolerate those, but if I hear Santa Baby, I turn the radio to a different station quickly. How is that not the absolutely most horrid of "Christmas" songs, no matter who sings it?

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Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer. [Psalm 19:14]

Posts: 7752 | From: Canada; Washington DC; Phoenix; it's complicated | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
Lucia

Looking for light
# 15201

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quote:
Originally posted by sharkshooter:
quote:
Originally posted by no prophet's flag is set so...:
Which is everything ain't it? I really dislike quite a number of Christmas songs: Jingle Bell Rock, Feliz Navidad, and the entire Boney M Christmas album.

Well, I can tolerate those, but if I hear Santa Baby, I turn the radio to a different station quickly. How is that not the absolutely most horrid of "Christmas" songs, no matter who sings it?
My son would agree with you, the one Christmas song that has him covering his ears and yelling 'No, stop, stop!' is that one!
Posts: 1066 | From: Nigh golden stone and spires | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged
Drifting Star

Drifting against the wind
# 12799

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Yes, me too. I hate it. I have to let my eyes drift over the words in case the ear-worm catches me.

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The soul is dyed the color of its thoughts. Heraclitus

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Stercus Tauri
Shipmate
# 16668

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None of that soppy sentimental stuff for the Victorians. Their taste in Christmas cards was not for the children. Or me.

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Thay haif said. Quhat say thay, Lat thame say (George Keith, 5th Earl Marischal)

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Ariston
Insane Unicorn
# 10894

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Greetings from Krampus indeed!

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“Therefore, let it be explained that nowhere are the proprieties quite so strictly enforced as in men’s colleges that invite young women guests, especially over-night visitors in the fraternity houses.” Emily Post, 1937.

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The5thMary
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# 12953

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RuthW and Lyda Rose, I completely feel your (ear) pain. A few years ago I was waiting and waiting for my wife to finish grocery shopping or we were waiting for a taxi...at any rate, we were stuck inside a Kroger grocery store and some awful R&B singer was murdering the hell out of a Christmas hymn. I wanted to scream, rip my hair out, rip the sound system out of the store...just to not have to hear that singer drawing out some long notes...it was dreadful. This is also why I don't like a lot of popular gospel music. The singers are supposed to be praising God, not themselves. Ugh!

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God gave me my face but She let me pick my nose.

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The5thMary
Shipmate
# 12953

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With all the forced cheer and merchandise being shoved in our faces every minute, I found myself singing a little ditty under my breath the other day. It won't win any awards for lyrical content but it did make me feel better: "F*ck Christmas, f*ck Christmas, f*ck you and your holiday cheer!" I added some more 'R' rated words to that but I'll not burden you all with them at this time.

Normally, I love the lawn decorations and lights, the hymns, the true giving of the season. I am definitely not a Scrooge.

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God gave me my face but She let me pick my nose.

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Pigwidgeon

Ship's Owl
# 10192

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quote:
Originally posted by The5thMary:
With all the forced cheer and merchandise being shoved in our faces every minute, I found myself singing a little ditty under my breath the other day. It won't win any awards for lyrical content but it did make me feel better: "F*ck Christmas, f*ck Christmas, f*ck you and your holiday cheer!" I added some more 'R' rated words to that but I'll not burden you all with them at this time.

I saw Eric Idle and John Cleese a few weeks ago. The show ended with them singing "F*ck Christmas!"

[ 14. December 2016, 02:07: Message edited by: Pigwidgeon ]

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Don't keep calm. Go change the world.

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