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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: The Music of Hell
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ArachnidinElmet
Shipmate
# 17346
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by North East Quine:
...
I think Hell would sound like one of those "on hold" telephone tunes on a short loop - 2 minutes of something classical, then "Thank you for holding" and the same 2 minutes of music again. And again. And again.
^This. It's that little pause where you think someone will pickup...and then the voice from Hell "we appreciate your call, no really we do. Mwahaha". ![[Devil]](graemlins/devil.gif) Torture, which I guess is the point.
Posts: 1887 | From: the rhubarb triangle | Registered: Sep 2012
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Bene Gesserit
Shipmate
# 14718
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by North East Quine:
Psalm 139 to "Highland Cathedral."
Highland Cathedral is one of the most moving pieces of music ever written.
I've never had the misfortune of hearing One Direction, thankfully, and I've never actually heard Justin Bieber. Hell for me would be an endless tape of rap.
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Sancta Maria, Mater Dei, ora pro nobis peccatoribus
Posts: 405 | From: Flatlands of the East | Registered: Apr 2009
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Rev per Minute
Shipmate
# 69
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Garasu:
quote:
Originally posted by North East Quine:
I can't believe so many people don't like the bagpipes!
Bagpipes are fine. Provided they're played on a hilltop a long way away.
In another country... on another continent... on a different planet. Sorry, but you need Caledonian genes to like bagpipes - so perhaps the Scottish hell would have music played on one of those tinkly things marching bands use?
Mine would probably be full of children's choirs - all made up of the child in every choir who sings in the wrong key (or a key of their own invention) at the top of their voice. All my favourite music, sung with no idea of tone or rhythm ![[Help]](graemlins/help.gif)
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"Allons-y!" "Geronimo!" "Oh, for God's sake!" The Day of the Doctor
At the end of the day, we face our Maker alongside Jesus. RIP ken
Posts: 2696 | From: my desk (if I can find the keyboard under this mess) | Registered: May 2001
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
... accompanied by a lot of shrill, off-key recorders very vigorously blown...
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Garasu
Shipmate
# 17152
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Rev per Minute:
quote:
Originally posted by Garasu:
quote:
Originally posted by North East Quine:
I can't believe so many people don't like the bagpipes!
Bagpipes are fine. Provided they're played on a hilltop a long way away.
In another country... on another continent... on a different planet.
In fairness, Northumbrian pipes aren't too bad...
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"Could I believe in the doctrine without believing in the deity?". - Modesitt, L. E., Jr., 1943- Imager.
Posts: 889 | From: Surrey Heath (England) | Registered: Jun 2012
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North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
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Posted
You've reminded me how much I love bagpipes; guess what's belting out from my CD player now?
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
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Jack the Lass
Ship's airhead
# 3415
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Posted
My first thought was the theme tune to "The Archers". But actually, even more hellish than that would be that lack of an off button so not only would I have to listen to the entire theme from start to finish (rather than switch it off as quickly as I can after hearing that first dum-de-dum) but then I'd have to listen to the whole programme. *shudder*
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"My body is a temple - it's big and doesn't move." (Jo Brand)
wiblog blipfoto blog
Posts: 5767 | From: the land of the deep-fried Mars Bar | Registered: Oct 2002
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Adeodatus
Shipmate
# 4992
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Garasu:
quote:
Originally posted by Rev per Minute:
quote:
Originally posted by Garasu:
quote:
Originally posted by North East Quine:
I can't believe so many people don't like the bagpipes!
Bagpipes are fine. Provided they're played on a hilltop a long way away.
In another country... on another continent... on a different planet.
In fairness, Northumbrian pipes aren't too bad...
Northumbrian pipes are a sweet, civilised instrument invented by God himself. Bagpipes are what happened when some Northumbrian pipes went bad and were
quote:
Hurl'd headlong flaming from th'ethereal sky,
With hideous ruin and combustion down
To bottomless perdition, there to dwell.
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"What is broken, repair with gold."
Posts: 9779 | From: Manchester | Registered: Sep 2003
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Og, King of Bashan:
... while having my braces slowly tightened ...
Do you mean the ones on your teeth or the ones holding up your trousers? ![[Snigger]](graemlins/snigger.gif)
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Jack the Lass:
My first thought was the theme tune to "The Archers". But actually, even more hellish than that would be that lack of an off button so not only would I have to listen to the entire theme from start to finish (rather than switch it off as quickly as I can after hearing that first dum-de-dum) but then I'd have to listen to the whole programme. *shudder*
I reckon there has been somewhere roughly around four thousand hours of The Archers since it all started way back when so there could be a 4,000 hour tape loop with theme tune, episode and closing theme few bars, theme tune, episode and closing theme few bars something around 16,000 times.
I used to love The Archers, until that hussy Rooooth started getting all physical with the hired help, but that would indeed be Hell!
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I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details
What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
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Grits
Compassionate fundamentalist
# 4169
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Posted
Easy -- jazz fusion. The kind that goes on and on and on, no melody, no real rhythm, lots of snare, lots of crazy sax. Make. It. Stop.
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Lord, fill my mouth with worthwhile stuff, and shut it when I've said enough. Amen.
Posts: 8419 | From: Nashville, TN | Registered: Feb 2003
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Lord Jestocost
Shipmate
# 12909
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Catrine:
Anything on panpipes- least relaxing music ever.
I was recently in San Antonio where the mall outside the hotel was endlessly serenaded by Andean Fusion - I think that was the name of the group rather than the style. Panpipes with everything. Like, "Another brick in the wall", complete with guitar solo ... on panpipes.
So, yes, what Catrine said.
Posts: 761 | From: The Instrumentality of Man | Registered: Aug 2007
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Snags
Utterly socially unrealistic
# 15351
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Posted
Surely in Hell it won't matter what the music is, because it will be played just loud enough that you can't tune it out but just quiet enough that you can't work out which piece it is, and it will all be annoyingly familiar ...
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Vain witterings :-: Vain pretentions :-: The Dog's Blog(locks)
Posts: 1399 | From: just north of That London | Registered: Dec 2009
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
Enya and Jewel sing duets of the Nickelbacks' greatest hits accompanied by Kenny G on kazoo.
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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St. Gwladys
Shipmate
# 14504
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Posted
Classic FM sometimes plays "music" by Jan Garbarek and the Hilyard Ensemble - nasty wail-y saxophone with no real tune over drone-y choral chanting. ![[Projectile]](graemlins/puke2.gif) Don't often turn the car radio off, but I do for that. So unfinished classics - see earlier posts - interspersed with that would really be auditory hell.
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"I say - are you a matelot?"
"Careful what you say sir, we're on board ship here"
From "New York Girls", Steeleye Span, Commoners Crown (Voiced by Peter Sellers)
Posts: 3333 | From: Rhymney Valley, South Wales | Registered: Jan 2009
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Sir Kevin
Ship's Gaffer
# 3492
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Posted
The music of Hell is "rap': bad poetry set to worse music!
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If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Writing is currently my hobby, not yet my profession.
Posts: 30517 | From: White Hart Lane | Registered: Oct 2002
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Sir Kevin
Ship's Gaffer
# 3492
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by St. Gwladys:
Classic FM sometimes plays "music" by Jan Garbarek and the Hilyard Ensemble - nasty wail-y saxophone with no real tune over drone-y choral chanting. Don't often turn the car radio off, but I do for that. So unfinished classics - see earlier posts - interspersed with that would really be auditory hell.
Why not tune into Radio 2 or Radio 4? Mostly harmless!
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If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Writing is currently my hobby, not yet my profession.
Posts: 30517 | From: White Hart Lane | Registered: Oct 2002
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Uncle Pete
Loyaute me lie
# 10422
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Posted
Any music, at all, is Hellish, as it is just cacophony. It would be easy to torment me in Hell, because Heaven would be blissful silence.
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Even more so than I was before
Posts: 20466 | From: No longer where I was | Registered: Sep 2005
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Ann
Curious
# 94
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Posted
Satan drives around Hell in a small car with a six inch diameter chrome exhaust pipe - because it looks baaad!
The boot of the car is home to an oversized amp and the back seats are adapted for two enormous bass speakers. There may be others, but no-one has ever heard anything that might be described as a tune. Just the thud, thud, thud as he drives around.
As he draws up to your little bit of hell, there is a sudden silence followed by the sound of the door opening. Then your blood freezes as the only sound is the tsk, tsk, tsk of his earphones.
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Ann
Posts: 3271 | From: IO 91 PI | Registered: May 2001
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Campbellite
Ut unum sint
# 1202
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Posted
There is no music in Hell. Noise, Noise and more Noise. Cacophony, shouting, grinding.
But no music, no laughter, not even silence. Just noise.
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I upped mine. Up yours.
Suffering for Jesus since 1966.
WTFWED?
Posts: 12001 | From: between keyboard and chair | Registered: Aug 2001
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ChaliceGirl
Shipmate
# 13656
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Posted
That dreaded song from "Titanic" by Celine Dion!
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The Episcopal Church Welcomed Me.
"Welcome home." ++Katharine Jefferts Schori to me on 29Mar2009.
My KJS fansite & chicksinpointyhats
Posts: 710 | From: Philadelphia, PA, USA | Registered: Apr 2008
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Og, King of Bashan
Ship's giant Amorite
# 9562
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by ChaliceGirl:
That dreaded song from "Titanic" by Celine Dion!
We did that one in an all-school choir concert shortly after the film came out- our choir director was a fantastic teacher, and I give her credit for my ability to sing chromatic scales, but she did program some cheesy stuff for all school choir concerts. Consider that one sung by a school choir, and I think we may have another winner.
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"I like to eat crawfish and drink beer. That's despair?" ― Walker Percy
Posts: 3259 | From: Denver, Colorado, USA | Registered: May 2005
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Timothy the Obscure
Mostly Friendly
# 292
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Posted
It is now clear that in Hell, as in Heaven, everyone will have their own iPod.
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When you think of the long and gloomy history of man, you will find more hideous crimes have been committed in the name of obedience than have ever been committed in the name of rebellion.
- C. P. Snow
Posts: 6114 | From: PDX | Registered: May 2001
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Curiosity killed ...
Ship's Mug
# 11770
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:
quote:
Originally posted by balaam:
This is HELL!
Where the hell did you manage to dig that one up?
![[Overused]](graemlins/notworthy.gif)
Wow - I can't conceive of paying for that! But people obviously did.
And please, please, please don't let any of the London buskers who use bagpipes know about that idea.
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Mugs - Keep the Ship afloat
Posts: 13794 | From: outiside the outer ring road | Registered: Aug 2006
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
Kankucho, your link doesn't work for me, and I can't figure out what it could be, sorry. Please feel free to try again.
Thanks
Ariel
Heaven Host
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Lothlorien
Ship's Grandma
# 4927
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Posted
Ravel's Bolero. I'm thinking of the version (video) some years ago. It's a rehearsal and starts with just a few instruments. As the minutes drag on and on, the conductor brings in more and more instruments till the whole orchestra bursts into the theme. This takes at least 15 minutes of the same few bars over and over.
It was used at a a conference to promote team work and unity.
I can't hear even a reasonable performance of this now without squirming at the recollection.
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Buy a bale. Help our Aussie rural communities and farmers. Another great cause needing support The High Country Patrol.
Posts: 9745 | From: girt by sea | Registered: Aug 2003
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Gee D
Shipmate
# 13815
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Posted
There was a Punch cartoon of two Polar explorers looking over a ridge at penguins skating below. Says one: I thought so, Ravel's bloody Bolero.
And the famous criticism of Ravel. He explored the stage when boredom was reached. In one long piece (can't recall which), this was a few bars from the end; in Bolero, a few from the start.
My Hell music? Endless repetitions of any or all Rachmaninov. Not even the value of his own recordings of some works saves them.
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Not every Anglican in Sydney is Sydney Anglican
Posts: 7028 | From: Warrawee NSW Australia | Registered: Jun 2008
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WearyPilgrim
Shipmate
# 14593
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Posted
Over here across the Pond, there are radio stations --- several hundred of them --- that suspend their normal formats around Thanksgiving (the third week in November) and play nothing but Christmas music until New Year's. It goes without saying that I'm not talking classical Christmas music.
I find that it gets old really, really fast.
Hell would be well served by this.
Posts: 383 | From: Sedgwick, Maine USA | Registered: Feb 2009
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the giant cheeseburger
Shipmate
# 10942
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by WearyPilgrim:
Over here across the Pond, there are radio stations --- several hundred of them --- that suspend their normal formats around Thanksgiving (the third week in November) and play nothing but Christmas music until New Year's. It goes without saying that I'm not talking classical Christmas music.
I find that it gets old really, really fast.
Hell would be well served by this.
Hell would be well served by doing that for every month of the year except December.
People who get snooty about Advent would have it extended to cover all but last week of December.
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If I give a homeopathy advocate a really huge punch in the face, can the injury be cured by giving them another really small punch in the face?
Posts: 4834 | From: Adelaide, South Australia. | Registered: Jan 2006
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jedijudy
Organist of the Jedi Temple
# 333
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Lothlorien:
Ravel's Bolero. I'm thinking of the version (video) some years ago. It's a rehearsal and starts with just a few instruments. As the minutes drag on and on, the conductor brings in more and more instruments till the whole orchestra bursts into the theme. This takes at least 15 minutes of the same few bars over and over.
It was used at a a conference to promote team work and unity.
I can't hear even a reasonable performance of this now without squirming at the recollection.
I agree. ![[Biased]](wink.gif)
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Jasmine, little cat with a big heart.
Posts: 18017 | From: 'Twixt the 'Glades and the Gulf | Registered: Aug 2001
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Lothlorien:
Ravel's Bolero ...
Not long before D. and I went on our first date, my mother had seen the film 10 which involves Dudley Moore and Bo Derek using that piece as background music for getting ... intimate.
The last thing Mum said to me before I went out was "have a lovely time, dear, and I don't want to come back and find you listening to Ravel's Bolero."
Guess what started playing on the piped music at the restaurant just as our starters arrived?
![[Hot and Hormonal]](icon_redface.gif)
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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PaulBC
Shipmate
# 13712
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Posted
endless runs of choruses But then I have had that already hmmm maybe acid rock played at 3000x normal volume
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"He has told you O mortal,what is good;and what does the Lord require of youbut to do justice and to love kindness ,and to walk humbly with your God."Micah 6:8
Posts: 873 | From: Victoria B.C. Canada | Registered: May 2008
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hugorune
Apprentice
# 17793
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Posted
I really want to say something disparaging here about the music produced by a certain prominent Christian organisation, but I'm not sure how Christian it is to do that ![[Paranoid]](graemlins/paranoid.gif)
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“A proud man is always looking down on things and people; and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you.”
C.S. Lewis - Mere Christianity
Posts: 47 | From: Melbourne | Registered: Aug 2013
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Quinquireme
Shipmate
# 17384
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Posted
Floaty New Age crap in D minor such as idiot yoga teachers use in the background, in an attempt to help you relax. Like the chauffeur in my underpants, it drives me nuts!
Posts: 56 | From: SE London | Registered: Oct 2012
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The Rhythm Methodist
Shipmate
# 17064
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Posted
Originally posted by hugorune:
I really want to say something disparaging here about the music produced by a certain prominent Christian organisation, but I'm not sure how Christian it is to do that.
Maybe you'd feel more comfortable using a pseudonym for that 'prominent Christian organisation'. Perhaps we could refer to them as "Hellsongs", or something similar?:
Personally, I'm with Sir Kevin: Rap music...and I use the word 'music' very loosely. I imagine the devil himself to be clad in a reversed baseball-cap, with his buttocks protruding from a half-mast pair of oversize clown's pantaloons. There'll be those absurd and slightly disturbing hand-gestures - somewhere on the cusp between affectation and affliction - as he mouths an endless stream of mindless doggerel, set to an electronic beat. If there is the smallest chance that Hell will be "rap music central", then there is all the more reason to be grateful to Christ.
Posts: 202 | From: Wales | Registered: Apr 2012
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roybart
Shipmate
# 17357
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Posted
I agree with just about every the don't-like listed here. But the problem posed by WW's opening post has more to do with "eternity" than with musical taste. Even my favorite music -- the kind that fascinates, seduces, and rewards repeated listening -- would produce agony if I were forced to listen to it for ever and ever ... and ever.
I will never forget an RC catechism class in which a priest tried to terrify us about the Hellish consequences of indulging in "impure thoughts."
quote:
Imagine this. God sends a dove whose task it is to carry every particle of dust on the earth to the moon, one particle at a time. When the task was done ... eternity had not even begun.
[ 21. September 2013, 13:22: Message edited by: roybart ]
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"The consolations of the imaginary are not imaginary consolations."
-- Roger Scruton
Posts: 547 | From: here | Registered: Sep 2012
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balaam
Making an ass of myself
# 4543
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by The Rhythm Methodist:
I'm with Sir Kevin: Rap music...
Correction - You spell it with a letter 'C'
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Last ever sig ...
blog
Posts: 9049 | From: Hen Ogledd | Registered: May 2003
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The5thMary
Shipmate
# 12953
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Grits:
Easy -- jazz fusion. The kind that goes on and on and on, no melody, no real rhythm, lots of snare, lots of crazy sax. Make. It. Stop.
Hey, now! There's no call for dissing snare drums! I'm a drummer and I quite like snare drums. Jazz Fusion (Weather Report, Billy Cobham, Mahavishnu Orchestra) is great but I'm not crazy about "Smooth Jazz" which is of the Kenny G., Yanni, Michael Bloated... uh, I mean Michael Bolton ilk. Fluffy bunch of insulin-laden crap.
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God gave me my face but She let me pick my nose.
Posts: 3451 | From: Tacoma, WA USA | Registered: Aug 2007
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The5thMary
Shipmate
# 12953
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Posted
Any of Enya's recordings after "Watermark". Ugh! Took a cool concept with ethereal vocals and ran it repeatedly into the ground.
ANYTHING by Celine Dion. Seriously, she is a spawn of Satan.
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God gave me my face but She let me pick my nose.
Posts: 3451 | From: Tacoma, WA USA | Registered: Aug 2007
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Galloping Granny
Shipmate
# 13814
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by balaam:
This is HELL!
Did anyone click on that and then listen to all four+ minutes?
My offering for hell is for 'on hold' music of any kind over a very crackly line.
And hands up anyone whose favourite music has been listed above for torment (some have already identified themselves).
GG
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The Kingdom of Heaven is spread upon the earth, and men do not see it. Gospel of Thomas, 113
Posts: 2629 | From: Matarangi | Registered: Jun 2008
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Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by The5thMary:
...ANYTHING by Celine Dion. Seriously, she is a spawn of Satan.
Absolutely!
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I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details
What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
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North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
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Posted
This weekend, I was at a party in our village hall, which is a bit bigger than a badminton court, and a medley which ended with "Happy Birthday" was played by six bagpipers, three small drums and one large drum.
Perhaps, "Happy Birthday" on the pipes isn't heavenly, but the bagpipes, up close, in a confined space, are sublime!
![[Axe murder]](graemlins/lovedrops.gif)
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
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Galloping Granny
Shipmate
# 13814
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Posted
So the pipes will be playing in heaven.
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The Kingdom of Heaven is spread upon the earth, and men do not see it. Gospel of Thomas, 113
Posts: 2629 | From: Matarangi | Registered: Jun 2008
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The5thMary
Shipmate
# 12953
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by ChaliceGirl:
That dreaded song from "Titanic" by Celine Dion!
If I was on a ship and that song was playing, I would jump into the drink just to get away from it. Wow. A song that would cause me to commit suicide. Yep, as I said before and Welease agreed, Celine Dion is an unholy spawn of Satan.
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God gave me my face but She let me pick my nose.
Posts: 3451 | From: Tacoma, WA USA | Registered: Aug 2007
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