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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Hell: The Third Coming of Gerald
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Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
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Posted
Ken, I'm going to print that out and tape it by my computer for future reference. ![[Killing me]](graemlins/killingme.gif)
(Erin being ChastMastr explains a lot.)
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
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Gill H
Shipmate
# 68
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Posted
Freudian slip, ken, in combining Gill H and ChrisT.
In fact both of us are Chorister.
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*sigh* We can’t all be Alan Cresswell.
- Lyda Rose
Posts: 9313 | From: London | Registered: May 2001
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chukovsky
Ship's toddler
# 116
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by ken:
And I am Queen Marie of Romania.
Impostor. I am Marie of Roumania. Or maybe Dorothy Parker is. Or I am her. Or Jennifer Jason Leigh is.
[spacing]
[ 22. July 2003, 13:35: Message edited by: chukovsky ]
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This space left intentionally blank. Do not write on both sides of the paper at once.
Posts: 6842 | From: somewhere else | Registered: May 2001
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dyfrig
Blue Scarfed Menace
# 15
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Posted
Of course I'm not Wood.
I'm pyx_e
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"He was wrong in the long run, but then, who isn't?" - Tony Judt
Posts: 6917 | From: pob dydd Iau, am hanner dydd | Registered: Apr 2001
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Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
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Posted
Well, if ken is Marie of Romania, it may help explain why he gets so put out with the common people during rush hour.
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Rev. Gerald Ambulance
Soulsaving supersonic spiritual celebrity
# 359
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Posted
O ye of little faith, less patience and no manners whatsoever! How long must I remain with you? Until I have enough material for a new book, worse luck (or worse providence I should say).
For Rev. Gerald Ambulance is not slow to answer his people as some consider slowness - geologists for example. But all things come in the fullness of time. Such as:
quote:
Originally posted by Jack the Lass, on 3 December 2003
The church singles scene in this neck of the woods is – frankly – a bit woeful, and I was thinking that seeing as I live down the road (or more precisely, up the hill) from St Ursula’s, maybe this Sunday I should hang a left at Brockley Cross and pop into St U’s to check out the talent. In order to make sure any decision I make is suitably Spirit-led I would be most grateful for your honest opinion on the single men at St Ursula’s and whether you think they are in any way suitable prospects.
Desperately (er, I mean gratefully) yours,
JTL
Your humble patience is a model to all of us, sibling Jack. Or should be - I'm sure those who most need to learn from your paths of stillness never will.
I'm afraid my reply is a little late for the Sunday in question, but nevertheless I shall answer as fully as possible. This is my motto as a preacher - what you lack in relevance you can make up in length.
Top Bachelors of St Ursulas
Robin Spoke Age: 32
A nice lad. He's a pillar of the prayer meeting, who can be relied on to make lengthy and doubtless sound contributions, though I'm afraid he mumbles too much for anyone to be sure what he's praying about, or even when he's finished.
Likes: biscuits, Star Trek, prayer meetings.
Dislikes: sogginess, ironing, eye contact.
Alan de Bread Age: 59
A lifelong bachelor, with firm ideas about corporal punishment (for), children (against), and crying (against, unless caused by corporal punishment). A leading demonologist, with firm ideas about territorial spirits, spiritual warfare and loud exorcism.
Likes: birch, belts, cricket
Dislikes: the Devil, marshmallows, family services
Scot Floom Age: (not forthcoming)
Permanently tanned, blowdried and grinning, works for a City of London finance company. Drives a roofless red sports car, a bigwheeled car that's always covered in mud, and a hard bargain. Has been temporarily linked with every moustacheless single woman at St U's, at least in her own estimation. Often reminds me "Money isn't everything, dood", and to be fair does his utmost to prove that it is neither sincerity, depth nor intellect. When I suggested he was "a hit with the ladies", our flautist said "You're only one letter short, Rev." which she wouldn't explain, but I throw it in anyway.
Likes: brunch, shirts, the wind in his hair
Dislikes: men's breakfasts, other drivers, moss
Any of those sound like the ticket?
[Amanuensis duties. Now there's a clue.]
[ 22. July 2003, 15:19: Message edited by: SteveTom ]
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If God had meant women to have longer names than men, he would have created Adam and Evangeline. - Rev. Gerald Ambulance (me!)
Posts: 219 | From: Lewisham | Registered: Jun 2001
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ken
Ship's Roundhead
# 2460
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Gill H:
Freudian slip, ken, in combining Gill H and ChrisT.
In fact both of us are Chorister.
Slip? I thought about it for all of 2 seconds!
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Ken
L’amor che move il sole e l’altre stelle.
Posts: 39579 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2002
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ken
Ship's Roundhead
# 2460
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by chukovsky:
quote:
Originally posted by ken:
And I am Queen Marie of Romania.
Impostor. I am Marie of Roumania. Or maybe Dorothy Parker is. Or I am her. Or Jennifer Jason Leigh is.
Actually I am Spartacus.
Or was that Spartacist?
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Ken
L’amor che move il sole e l’altre stelle.
Posts: 39579 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2002
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Laura
General nuisance
# 10
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Posted
Dear Rev. Gerald,
In connection with research posted elsewhere on this Board, I located several Biblical passages concerning one of our Hosts. Are you able to comment on these? They seem compelling.
Deuteronomy 28:36
The LORD shall bring thee, and thy king which thou shalt set over thee, unto a nation which neither thou nor thy fathers have known; and there shalt thou serve other gods, Wood and stone.
2 Samuel 18:8
For the battle was there scattered over the face of all the country: and the Wood devoured more people that day than the sword devoured.
Proverbs 26:20
Where no Wood is, there the fire goeth out: ...
Ecclesiastes 10:9
Whoso removeth stones shall be hurt therewith; and he that cleaveth Wood shall be endangered thereby.
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Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence. - Erich Fromm
Posts: 16883 | From: East Coast, USA | Registered: Apr 2001
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Amanuensis
Idler
# 1555
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Rev. Gerald Ambulance:
[Amanuensis duties. Now there's a clue.]
ok, ok... I am Gerald's sockpuppet!
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What's new?
Posts: 547 | From: Cornwall | Registered: Oct 2001
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Rev. Gerald Ambulance
Soulsaving supersonic spiritual celebrity
# 359
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Posted
Jack the Lass
I very much wish to attend St Ursula's High Pentecostal-Reformed Church; however up till now I have been stopped from doing so by the railway bridge at the bottom of Loampit Hill. The underside of said bridge is inhabited by many pigeons, and it is impossible to walk under the bridge without fear of being *ahem* anointed by them, or to pick up the same undesirable anointing on my shoes.
You're telling me. One those Satanic vermin dropped its unholy anointment on me earlier this year.
The answer is plain. Poisoned bread. Rid us all of that winged pestilation and tribulance, giving yourself a clear run down to St U's. It's the only language they understand.
For doeth not the word say, "Not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father?" And if he's all for it, so am I.
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If God had meant women to have longer names than men, he would have created Adam and Evangeline. - Rev. Gerald Ambulance (me!)
Posts: 219 | From: Lewisham | Registered: Jun 2001
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Rev. Gerald Ambulance
Soulsaving supersonic spiritual celebrity
# 359
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Posted
Sibling Ferret
Each time I log on to my PC I am electronically duped into entering said cafe. I am careful not to disclose my true age but all kinds of strange people say they want to meet me in real life.
How can I repent of this behaviour?
Just do it really.
C'mon people, I'm a world famous Christian personality. I deserve better than this. I deal in the shocking-but-ultimately-edifying. I can't publish anything this banal.
[Demons demons everywhere]
[ 22. July 2003, 21:24: Message edited by: SteveTom ]
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If God had meant women to have longer names than men, he would have created Adam and Evangeline. - Rev. Gerald Ambulance (me!)
Posts: 219 | From: Lewisham | Registered: Jun 2001
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Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Rev. Gerald Ambulance:
I can't publish anything this banal.
Trying not to repeat yourself? I admire that in an author.
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
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Rev. Gerald Ambulance
Soulsaving supersonic spiritual celebrity
# 359
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Posted
Rowen
The immediate ex-leader of my denomination, is being interviewed on the radio. He is talking about social welfare/justice in the church, the validity of women in ministry relations with and within the Anglican Church,and the whole Sydney issue.
As a churchman yourself, such topics must be of interest to you too.
I really cannot tell you how interested I am to hear that.
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If God had meant women to have longer names than men, he would have created Adam and Evangeline. - Rev. Gerald Ambulance (me!)
Posts: 219 | From: Lewisham | Registered: Jun 2001
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duchess
Ship's Blue Blooded Lady
# 2764
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Posted
Rev. Gerald Ambulance, get your head(s) together and edit your latest post to sibling ferret. ![[Snigger]](graemlins/snigger.gif)
[ 22. July 2003, 21:23: Message edited by: duchess ]
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♬♭ We're setting sail to the place on the map from which nobody has ever returned ♫♪♮
Ship of Fools-World Party
Posts: 11197 | From: Do you know the way? | Registered: May 2002
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Jack the Lass
Ship's airhead
# 3415
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Rev. Gerald Ambulance:
O ye of little faith, less patience and no manners whatsoever! How long must I remain with you? Until I have enough material for a new book, worse luck (or worse providence I should say).
For Rev. Gerald Ambulance is not slow to answer his people as some consider slowness - geologists for example. But all things come in the fullness of time. Such as:
[QUOTE] Originally posted by Jack the Lass, on 3 December 2003
<snip> stuff about inadequate Christian men
Far be it from me to be pedantic (and I'm most definitely not at all ungrateful), but it was actually 3 December 2002. Having said that, I have no doubt as to your prophetic ability, and frankly if I don't get any action soon I'll no doubt be saying something similar on 3 December 2003 as well.
I am deeply moved that my patience and Sibling Wibblethorpe's smoke signals moved you to such a stupendous response, and I will immediately request the MW hosts close my "London church recommendations" thread forthwith - with talent like that at St U's, how could I possibly consider going anywhere else?
With regard to the vexed question of the "pigeon's anointing"*, it occurred to me today as I braved said railway bridge that this could possibly be another use for the fabled Super-Spurt-U-All Holy Water Pistol™?
*non-Lewisham residents please note, we're not just noted for our outstanding tourist attractions here, a misconception under which you may have been labouring following ken's rant about commuting on another recent thread. As well as St Ursula's High-Pentecostal Reformed Church, and the fabled site of the (sadly now demised) Sumo Wrestling Gyratory, Lewisham is also covered in pigeon crap.
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"My body is a temple - it's big and doesn't move." (Jo Brand)
wiblog blipfoto blog
Posts: 5767 | From: the land of the deep-fried Mars Bar | Registered: Oct 2002
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Rev. Gerald Ambulance
Soulsaving supersonic spiritual celebrity
# 359
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Posted
Sibling Al
Sometimes during my daily devotions a song such as "Play That Funky Music, White Boy" or "Hang On, Sloopy" will be stuck in my head making it difficult to concentrate on God. Do you know a good way of dealing with this problem?
Well, neither of those title sound like worship songs to me - they're certainly not in Songs of Siblinghood, and I assume if they were worship songs they wouldn't be troubling you.
So what are you doing listening to such music, Sibling? Gratifying the flesh with titillating beats? Allowing worldly attitudes to seep into your consciousness? Flirting with Satan? Dancing with the Devil? Bopping with Beelzebub? Gyrating with Jehoshophat? [Look that one up can you, Tomkins? Not sure about that.] Partying with the Prince of Darkness? Licentuating with Lucifer?
Well don't. I never get invited to those kind of parties, so I certainly don't see why you should.
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If God had meant women to have longer names than men, he would have created Adam and Evangeline. - Rev. Gerald Ambulance (me!)
Posts: 219 | From: Lewisham | Registered: Jun 2001
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Rev. Gerald Ambulance
Soulsaving supersonic spiritual celebrity
# 359
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Posted
JimT
Dear Gerald, Dear Gerald, you suck at complaints,
You act like a sinner while ya talk like a saint,
So listen up buster and listen up good,
Stop wishinˇŻyou're JimT and postinˇŻlike Wood,
Signed, ˇ°Admirer.ˇ±
Well, I haven't got a clue what you're going on about, but I assume it means you don't want me to answer your previous question. Which suits me fine, as rhyming is no substitute for actually having something to say.
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If God had meant women to have longer names than men, he would have created Adam and Evangeline. - Rev. Gerald Ambulance (me!)
Posts: 219 | From: Lewisham | Registered: Jun 2001
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Rev. Gerald Ambulance
Soulsaving supersonic spiritual celebrity
# 359
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Posted
tomb
Dearest Rev. Fr. Ambulance,
I fear I am getting old.
I'll say. You seem but a broken shadow of the spook you once were. My heart goes out to you in a smug but caring way.
The students seem wiser (or at least, more edgy) than their teacher.
How much do you think this could be put down to a change in perception on your part?
The jokes don't work any more.
Ditto.
Do you think it would be possible to draw a bulls-eye on my chest that would strike them dead if they shot at it?
Errrrrrrrrmmmmmm..., not really.
Or at least cripple them sexually?
Ditto.
I despair unless you share your wisdom with me.
Take a holiday (may I suggest the RGA Ministries "Sun Sand and Salvation" Holy Land tour), light a candle to St Michael patron of fallen spirits, send a substantial donation to the usual address, and pull yourself together.
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If God had meant women to have longer names than men, he would have created Adam and Evangeline. - Rev. Gerald Ambulance (me!)
Posts: 219 | From: Lewisham | Registered: Jun 2001
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Rev. Gerald Ambulance
Soulsaving supersonic spiritual celebrity
# 359
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by golden key:
Are you really the Rev. Caleb, who was featured prominently in the last several episodes of "Buffy The Vampire Slayer"?
No.
(Sorry if that seems a little abrupt, but it wasn't exactly an open-ended question, and my knowledge of Satanic entertainment is limited. As a consolation, here's a word of knowledge just for you: Repressing desires can be unhealthy, but in your case nowhere near as unhealthy as the alternative. Someone called Chris has one of your socks. Green doesn't suit you. It's hard to say what does. You have kindly hands.)
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If God had meant women to have longer names than men, he would have created Adam and Evangeline. - Rev. Gerald Ambulance (me!)
Posts: 219 | From: Lewisham | Registered: Jun 2001
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tomb
Shipmate
# 174
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Rev. Gerald Ambulance:
.... send a substantial donation to the usual address, and pull yourself together ...
Well, actually that bank draft continues to pull a very satisfying hell-rent tithe out of your account on a regular basis, in spite of the fact that I'm no longer One of the Management. So no, I don't think I'll be donating. It strikes me as too, er, incestuous.
So sorry you think I'm loosing my edge, but these days I'm into Deepening my nastiness, not Sharpening it. It was a calculated decision because I was concerned that people were beginning to find me boring. (Just between the two of us, you might want to undertake a similar strategy.)
Sententiously yours,
tomb
[ 24. July 2003, 15:45: Message edited by: tomb ]
Posts: 5039 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: May 2001
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Rev. Gerald Ambulance
Soulsaving supersonic spiritual celebrity
# 359
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Posted
W
It was kind of you to include that chapter in the book about 'Alternative Worship' even though I could tell your heart wasn't really in it.
To be honest I'm a little bit bored of the whole concept myself by now. Time to move on. Can you tell me what the next trendy thing in church life is going to be?
I'm afraid, Sibling Wibble, you lot have rather cooked your goose calling this thing "alternative worship". There's nowhere to go from here.
How can you can have an alternative to alternative worship? I'm afraid any new kind of worship you come up with will still be alternative. And if it isn't alternative, then you'll be back where you started from.
Actually, maybe that's from the Lord - retro worship. Rediscovering the kitsch riches of the 1970s. Acoustic guitars, sandals and hand-written OHPs. Buzz magazine, 6" wide paisley ties, and Smile Jesus Loves You t-shirts. Typed notice sheets run off an a banda (sp?) machine. Typed song books run off an a banda (sp?) machine, with 30 songs, including Bind Us Together, Abba Father and Let Me Have My Way Among You.
Mm, thank you Jesus.
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If God had meant women to have longer names than men, he would have created Adam and Evangeline. - Rev. Gerald Ambulance (me!)
Posts: 219 | From: Lewisham | Registered: Jun 2001
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welsh dragon
Shipmate
# 3249
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Posted
btw sibling ambulance, are you going to be hanging out at Greenbelt this year?
I unaccountably managed to miss your performance last year... and it's just not going to be the same if I can't miss your performance this year as well...
they don't call me your biggest fan for nothing.
avidly awaiting news...
Posts: 5352 | From: ebay | Registered: Aug 2002
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duchess
Ship's Blue Blooded Lady
# 2764
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Posted
Rev. G., still praying for you, my dear brother.
May God turn your advice around to the RIGHT way of thinking. Mercy me. ![[Angel]](graemlins/angel.gif) Hope my prayers help. Flying high again are we?
[ 25. July 2003, 17:14: Message edited by: duchess ]
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♬♭ We're setting sail to the place on the map from which nobody has ever returned ♫♪♮
Ship of Fools-World Party
Posts: 11197 | From: Do you know the way? | Registered: May 2002
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Mr. Spouse
Ship's Pedant
# 3353
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Rev. Gerald Ambulance:
Actually, maybe that's from the Lord - retro worship. Rediscovering the kitsch riches of the 1970s. Acoustic guitars, sandals and hand-written OHPs. Buzz magazine, 6" wide paisley ties, and Smile Jesus Loves You t-shirts.
Yes, then we will get "I love the 1980s" and magazines like, errm, Ship of Fools... ![[Embarrassed]](icon_redface.gif)
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Try to have a thought of your own, thinking is so important. - Blackadder
Posts: 1814 | From: Here, there & everywhere | Registered: Sep 2002
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tomb
Shipmate
# 174
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Rev. Gerald Ambulance:
...Rediscovering the kitsch riches of the 1970s....
It only takes a spark
to get a fire going,
And soon all those about
can warm up to its glowing:
That's how it is with God's love
once you experience it:
You want to sing;
It's fresh like spring;
You want to Pass it On.
and they wonder why people lose their religion.
Posts: 5039 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: May 2001
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Scot
Deck hand
# 2095
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by tomb:
It only takes a spark
to get a fire going,
And soon all those about
can warm up to its glowing:
That's how it is with God's love
once you experience it:
You want to sing;
It's fresh like spring;
You want to Pass it On.
tomb, between your posts and your sig, there seems to be a new theme in your life. Good for you.
Now where's Flausa? I can't remember the second verse.
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“Here, we are not afraid to follow truth wherever it may lead, nor tolerate any error so long as reason is left free to combat it.” - Thomas Jefferson
Posts: 9515 | From: Southern California | Registered: Jan 2002
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Rev. Gerald Ambulance
Soulsaving supersonic spiritual celebrity
# 359
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Posted
Sibling Chukovsky
Dear Rev Professor Ambulance your Lordship,
I must bow down mightily before you in your wisdom at the advice vouchsafed to me by your good self regarding the copies of the Word of the Lord.
That's the spirit.
My healthful Christian hiking holiday being scheduled for the North of England in July I felt confident that my warmest and most modest clothes were appropriate, and that packing a cardigan or five was definitely necessary. However the North of England appears to be undergoing a heatwave and I am feeling a little faint. What should I do?
The key to your problem, sibling, is dressing modestly without resorting to cardigans - that could be the title of my next tract. I'm not even convinced that cardigans are biblical.
I'm sure a long-sleeved dress of sober cut and substantial fabric, weighted around the hem, would do fine.
If you are still tempted to feel the heat is too much for you, just remember Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego praising the Lord in the fiery furnace - and the countless souls burning as we speak in nether torments, probably not praising the Lord, but nevertheless an example to us all in a way that has momentarily slipped out of mind.
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If God had meant women to have longer names than men, he would have created Adam and Evangeline. - Rev. Gerald Ambulance (me!)
Posts: 219 | From: Lewisham | Registered: Jun 2001
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Rev. Gerald Ambulance
Soulsaving supersonic spiritual celebrity
# 359
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Posted
Spong
I heard the sainted Graham Norton explaining this evening that 31 July 2003 is National Orgasm Day. Does the title of this thread refer to this in any way?
Bless you sibling Spong for this opportunity to demonstrate how unshockable I am - an important quality in the pastoral ministry in these Godless and shockingly depraved days.
Let me simply tell you, gently, acceptingly, and without shock or judgmentalism, that the answer to your question is no, the title of this thread does not refer to National what-you-said Day.
May I also take this opportunity to suggest that if you wish to move forward in the spiritual life (and I think we both know that from your present point pretty much any direction would be forward) you might want to try:
a) watching fewer wickedly reprobate television programmes;
b) mentioning fewer wickedly reprobate calendar entries;
c) paying a visit to the Rev. Gerald Ambulance Penance Clinic in Deptford for a refreshing course of mortification and mind-enrichment. All major credit cards accepted.
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If God had meant women to have longer names than men, he would have created Adam and Evangeline. - Rev. Gerald Ambulance (me!)
Posts: 219 | From: Lewisham | Registered: Jun 2001
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Joyeux
Ship's Lady of Laughter
# 3851
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Posted
Rev. Ambulance,
I must confess to being an Evangelical Protestant American that had never heard of you before.
I like both hymns and praise/worship choruses (including some of the ones where people clap, raise their hands, and even sometimes dance).
Is there any hope for me?
Joyeux
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Float?...Do science too
Posts: 4318 | From: over th... no, there! | Registered: Dec 2002
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Beenster
Shipmate
# 242
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Posted
Rev my ole mate - how's it hanging.
I have a q. Just a small q, but if you can answer it will be well worth it for you as I will let you feel my breasts.
So. This if is your Third Coming, when the hell are you going to arrive? And how will we know when you have come?
Posts: 1885 | Registered: May 2001
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starbelly
but you can call me Neil
# 25
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Posted
Damn, I wish I could answer that one, but I can't ![[Frown]](frown.gif)
Neil
Posts: 6009 | From: High Wycombe, Buckinghamshire. | Registered: May 2001
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tomb
Shipmate
# 174
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Scot:
quote:
Originally posted by tomb:
...
You want to Pass it On.
tomb, between your posts and your sig, there seems to be a new theme in your life. Good for you.
Now where's Flausa? I can't remember the second verse.
Oh, Scot, I remember the second verse very well indeed. Inasmuch as the first brought on such teasing, however, I have no intention of posting it on the Ship--unless, of course, you send me rather a large quantity of gin.
Posts: 5039 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: May 2001
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Rev. Gerald Ambulance
Soulsaving supersonic spiritual celebrity
# 359
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Posted
Gill H
Not that I would want to pre-empt the sainted Rev Gerald in any way, but are you aware that according to Genesis, you have dominion over these pigeons? Claim your sovereignty boldly as you step under that bridge, sister!
Pre-empt away, sibling. I couldn't agree with you more. It's just that dominion and sovereignty are little consolation when you're trying to streetpreach with distinctly inappropriate markings on your Baptism of Our Lord t-shirt. This not at all the visual aid one wants when preaching on the deposit of the Spirit.
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If God had meant women to have longer names than men, he would have created Adam and Evangeline. - Rev. Gerald Ambulance (me!)
Posts: 219 | From: Lewisham | Registered: Jun 2001
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welsh dragon
Shipmate
# 3249
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Posted
Rev Gerald
One of the churches I go to has taken out all its pews, put in a total immersion jacuzzi and installed lots of overhead video monitors...
What it really needs, for the boring bits of the service, are some attention grabbing computer games..."hit the gay bishop with your bible" or "stone Peter Tatchell" maybe. Or even "pile up prayers for James Jones to be Archbishop of Canterbury..."
Or else some funky videos to show.
I see an opening here for you... do you think this could be a Word?
Maybe you should team up with the Funereal Sibling to produce some inspiring music for these efforts...
In eager anticipation
Sibling dragon.
Posts: 5352 | From: ebay | Registered: Aug 2002
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Ultraspike
Incensemeister
# 268
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Posted
Pass It On is one of my absolute favorite tunes. We must have the second verse:
What a wondrous time is Spring
When all the trees are budding
The birds begin to sing
The flowers start their blooming
That's how it is with God's love
Once you've experienced it
You want to sing, it's fresh like Spring
You want to pass it on.
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
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A cowgirl's work is never done.
Posts: 2732 | From: NYC | Registered: May 2001
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tomb
Shipmate
# 174
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Ultraspike:
Pass It On is one of my absolute favorite tunes. We must have the second verse:
What a wondrous time is Spring
When all the trees are budding
The birds begin to sing
The flowers start their blooming
That's how it is with God's love
Once you've experienced it
You want to sing, it's fresh like Spring
You want to pass it on.
Damn you. No gin for tomb this time around....
Posts: 5039 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: May 2001
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Scot
Deck hand
# 2095
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by tomb:
Damn you. No gin for tomb this time around....
I'll make with the gin if you can remember any of the other, non-traditional verses that celebrate some of the other wonders of spring. You know, the ones that would get you kicked out of Youth Group.
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“Here, we are not afraid to follow truth wherever it may lead, nor tolerate any error so long as reason is left free to combat it.” - Thomas Jefferson
Posts: 9515 | From: Southern California | Registered: Jan 2002
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welsh dragon
Shipmate
# 3249
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Posted
lemme guess...
when the girls are flowers plucking....
by any chance...?
Posts: 5352 | From: ebay | Registered: Aug 2002
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Rev. Gerald Ambulance
Soulsaving supersonic spiritual celebrity
# 359
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Posted
DP
I very much feel that this is a safe environment for indulging oneself in private jokes.
Private jokes are welcome in these parts and vice versa.
So: if you were to preach at a wedding, what message would you bring to the bride & groom?
I always tell husbands and wives that their love for each other should be like that between Christ and the church - pure, spiritual, and communicated largely through hymns.
And what better expression is there of the love between Christ and the church, than these deeply uplifting words of Solomon:
quote:
My beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him.
I rose up to open to my beloved; and my hands dropped with myrrh, and my fingers with sweet smelling myrrh, upon the handles of the lock.
I opened to my beloved; but my beloved had withdrawn himself, and was gone
Mmm, thank you Jesus.
I think it's quite clear what that's getting at, don't you? (But just as well the translators added those words in italics, just to make sure that the plain meaing of scripture was not lost on anyone.)
[ 29. July 2003, 10:08: Message edited by: Rev. Gerald Ambulance ]
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If God had meant women to have longer names than men, he would have created Adam and Evangeline. - Rev. Gerald Ambulance (me!)
Posts: 219 | From: Lewisham | Registered: Jun 2001
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Wood
The Milkman of Human Kindness
# 7
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Posted
Dear Reverend Gerald,
May I take this opportunity to prostrate myself humbly before the Lord and ask for succour from a fellow traveller in Christ?
Thank you. Very kind of you.
Thing is, see, I need your advice. I have this deadbeat editor who has promised to send me copies of a magazine to which I have contributed on a number of occasions. But he hasn't sent me anything.
How do I pester him in a Christlike manner?
Yours subliminally
Wood
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Narcissism.
Posts: 7842 | From: Wood Towers | Registered: Apr 2001
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Gill H
Shipmate
# 68
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Posted
Dear Rev Gerald
I know that someone as holy as yourself watches only godly television channels, and hence probably does not know about a forthcoming documentary on Channel 4:
Ibiza mission
May I ask if these are fellow believers who have joined your anointed mission to the lost souls of Ibiza, or dangerous heretics trying to pinch your idea?
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*sigh* We can’t all be Alan Cresswell.
- Lyda Rose
Posts: 9313 | From: London | Registered: May 2001
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
I bet it's that Kevin again..... ![[Paranoid]](graemlins/paranoid.gif)
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
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Posted
Dear Reverend Gerald,
I'm sorry to bother you again, but several months ago I asked God for a newer car, and he has not yet answered my prayer. The situation is daily becoming more critical. My twenty year old piece of British-made junk won't last much longer and I really need God to send me a late model Toyota.
I vaguely recall that God enjoys burnt offerings and I thought maybe that might get His attention since my fervent prayers apparently have not. I tried find a bible at my house but could only come up with six copies of the BCP.
My question to you is: What kind of burnt offerings does the Lord enjoy? Does that steak I left unattended on the grill last week-end count? Does it have to be a perfect, unblemished offering if I'm only asking for a used car?
I checked at the local pet shop and they didn't have any white bullocks. Does the Lord have a preference between burnt puppies versus burnt kitties? If puppies, any particular breed?
I know you are a busy reverend, but I would appreciate an answer as soon as possible. My muffler fell off yesterday.
Sincerely,
Having to hoof it in the USA
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
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Wood
The Milkman of Human Kindness
# 7
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Posted
Dear Reverend Gerald,
Would it be presuming too much on the all-sufficient grace of our Lord to bother you again?
No? Why, very kind of you.
See, we have thise deadbeat supersonic soul-saving spiritual celebrity who, although having promised to answer our queries, has vanished without explanation.
How does one politely pester him in a Christian manner?
Yours pesteringly
Wood
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Narcissism.
Posts: 7842 | From: Wood Towers | Registered: Apr 2001
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Rev. Gerald Ambulance
Soulsaving supersonic spiritual celebrity
# 359
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Posted
Invaluable Sibling Wood, etc.
Am on mission in Ireland,converting Catholics to Protestantism, and Protestants to Catholicism. It's a kind of exchange scheme.
Shall attend to/ignore all things on return.
ta ra
Posts: 219 | From: Lewisham | Registered: Jun 2001
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Rev. Gerald Ambulance
Soulsaving supersonic spiritual celebrity
# 359
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Posted
Sibling Spike
Down in the pits of Mystery Worship, there has been a discussion on the various levels of reverendness.
Can you tell me how reverend you are so that I know how to address you correctly in future?
Well, just how revered I am varies from person to person, sadly. If everyone addressed me in terms that reflected his (or her these days!) reverence, I would of course face a bewildering variety of terminology, as I deal in my ministry with all kinds from soul-hardened enemies of the light to crawly aspergilium lickers.
I am indeed all things (with some notable exceptions) to all men (and to all you-know-whom too these days, though with rather more exceptions).
Fortunately, "Rev." encompasses all these possibilities, as it can stand for many things from "reviled" to "revenant".
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If God had meant women to have longer names than men, he would have created Adam and Evangeline. - Rev. Gerald Ambulance (me!)
Posts: 219 | From: Lewisham | Registered: Jun 2001
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dyfrig
Blue Scarfed Menace
# 15
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Posted
"Dear" "Rev" "Ambulance" ","
I know that your "sig" purports to link your foolish followers to your despicable diocese, but I have now discovered this is only a cover.
I put it to you that your true website is here.
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"He was wrong in the long run, but then, who isn't?" - Tony Judt
Posts: 6917 | From: pob dydd Iau, am hanner dydd | Registered: Apr 2001
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
Aha, so it's that sort of 'rev' (as in revs per minute)!
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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