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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Hell: The Third Coming of Gerald
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Rev. Gerald Ambulance
Soulsaving supersonic spiritual celebrity
# 359
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Posted
Are you burdened sibling? Do you stumble under the burden of a large burden of some kind?
Well, what you see as a burden, I see as an opportunity - to encourage, chastise, ridicule or to plagiarise in print for the furthering of the kingdom, as the Lord leads.
So come, let us dare to share, care, bare and compare. And repair. Yeah! (as we say these days!)
Alternatively, if you'd just like to drop by for an uplifting chat, or to persecute the Lord's anointed, do please feel free.
{title changed}
[ 10. January 2004, 18:30: Message edited by: Nightlamp ]
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If God had meant women to have longer names than men, he would have created Adam and Evangeline. - Rev. Gerald Ambulance (me!)
Posts: 219 | From: Lewisham | Registered: Jun 2001
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Nightlamp
Shipmate
# 266
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Posted
The hellhosts will expect our normal tithe whilst you grace our board.
Refusal to pay will not be would not be wise.
Nightlamp
Hellhost
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I don't know what you are talking about so it couldn't have been that important- Nightlamp
Posts: 8442 | From: Midlands | Registered: May 2001
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dyfrig
Blue Scarfed Menace
# 15
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Posted
Dear Mr "Ambulance",
It is good for you to grace us with your presence after such a long time. Perhaps you will take time to consider the outstanding allegations against you, viz:
1. That your real name is Amanda and that you are the fourth wife of Osama bin Laden;
2. That you are the evil mastermind behind Steps; and
3. That you, yes you, you in the polkadot hat and pink stilletos, ply your trade under the lamp-post outside my had, in which case I'd like you to stop.
Yours sincerely,
Chief Minister and Apostle of the Church of the Everyday Jesus
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"He was wrong in the long run, but then, who isn't?" - Tony Judt
Posts: 6917 | From: pob dydd Iau, am hanner dydd | Registered: Apr 2001
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Rev. Gerald Ambulance
Soulsaving supersonic spiritual celebrity
# 359
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sibling Nightlamp:
The hellhosts will expect our normal tithe whilst you grace our board.
Refusal to pay will not be would not be wise.
And everyone else expects us all to regurgitate the same "jokes" as ever, so let's not disappoint our public (and women these days!) (oh no, that doesn't work).
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If God had meant women to have longer names than men, he would have created Adam and Evangeline. - Rev. Gerald Ambulance (me!)
Posts: 219 | From: Lewisham | Registered: Jun 2001
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Rev. Gerald Ambulance
Soulsaving supersonic spiritual celebrity
# 359
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Posted
Beloved and deeply forgiven Sibling Dyfrig
I'm glad you asked that. Bless you for the opportunity to consider these challenging comments. Before I do, could you please clarify where and what your "had" is?
Yours in the paths of wholeness
RGA
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If God had meant women to have longer names than men, he would have created Adam and Evangeline. - Rev. Gerald Ambulance (me!)
Posts: 219 | From: Lewisham | Registered: Jun 2001
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Miffy
Ship's elephant
# 1438
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Rev. Gerald Ambulance:
Are you burdened sibling? Do you stumble under the burden of a large burden of some kind?
Well, what you see as a burden, I see as an opportunity - to encourage, chastise, ridicule or to plagiarise in print for the furthering of the kingdom, as the Lord leads.
So come, let us dare to share, care, bare and compare. And repair. Yeah! (as we say these days!)
Alternatively, if you'd just like to drop by for an uplifting chat, or to persecute the Lord's anointed, do please feel free.
To put it in a nutshell...you're thinking about a new book! ![[Wink]](wink.gif)
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"I don't feel like smiling." "You're English dear; fake it!" (Colin Firth "Easy Virtue")
Growing Greenpatches
Posts: 4739 | From: The Kitchen | Registered: Oct 2001
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dyfrig
Blue Scarfed Menace
# 15
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Posted
"Dear" "Mr" "Ambulance" ","
"Had" is, as we all know, a local dialect word for "house".
Now, address the question, fatboy.
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"He was wrong in the long run, but then, who isn't?" - Tony Judt
Posts: 6917 | From: pob dydd Iau, am hanner dydd | Registered: Apr 2001
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Rowen
Shipmate
# 1194
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Posted
Dear Father, or should I call you Reverend? Or maybe Pastor? Or something else?
I belong to a large Protestant Church in Australia. This week the national assembly body is meeting in Melbourne. Although there are lots of items on the agenda, all we ordinary folk in the pews is what we read in the secular media, and all it says is that my Church is into sex and orientation and related things like that. What should I do?
Your sincerely,
A perplexed Rowen
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"May I live this day… compassionate of heart" (John O’Donoghue)...
Posts: 4897 | From: Somewhere cold in Victoria, Australia | Registered: Aug 2001
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Rev. Gerald Ambulance
Soulsaving supersonic spiritual celebrity
# 359
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Posted
Sibling Dyfrig
"Dear" "Mr" "Ambulance" ","
"Had" is, as we all know, a local dialect word for "house".
Now, address the question, fatboy.
I'm afraid this is a dialect that I am not familiar with, so we have a communication problem (or opportunity, I should say!). We shall have to work at it.
I assume that "fatboy" also means something different in your dialect to what it means in Lewisham - probably an expression of reverent devotion.
So applying myself to your 3 "allegations" - what we in Lewisham call "humble suggestions":
1. That your real name is Amanda and that you are the fourth wife of Osama bin Laden
I assume by "the fourth wife of Osama bin Laden" you mean "a mighty man of the Spirit". Far be it from me to say so, but if others wish to acknowledge the precious work of the Lord in me, who am I to argue?
As for my "real name", the Father has indeed told me that he has a True Name for me, written on the palm of his hand, but then transferred to a post-it note because you know what it's like when you have sweaty palms.
No one knows this secret name, not even I, until I am received into glory to sit upon his left hand (another reason why its an inconvenient place for memos). But I have to say if it turns out to be Amanda, it will be hard not to feel a little disappointed.
2. That you are the evil mastermind behind Steps
What you have to realise, Sibling, is that "evil" in Lewisham means quite the opposite of the positive way you are using it here. It's not really a very nice word at all.
That aside, certainly I am. I hadn't realised that the Steps method of evangelism had spread out from Lewisham yet, but it is certainly the way forward.
I recognises that it's harder to convert people instantly in the street, following the traditional method walking up to them quoting Bible verses and then chasing them down the street with your Super Spirt-U-All Holy Water Pistol™.
So Steps offers a gradual programme of spiritual siege, which works wonders, especially in theory. The Steps are:
- Befriend your pagan by engaging in conversation about non-theological issues, such as your favourite colour (don't forget to ask theirs!) and what time it is.
- Invite them round to your house on a convincing pretext.
- Lock them in a darkened basement, feeding them locusts and wild honey, and piping in spiritually powerful music such as the Tim Splendid Worship Trio's 'Jesus Gonna Break Your Head' and sound evangelistically-appropriate Bible readings, until they accept the Lord.
If you've heard about it then I'm sure you've heard the stories doing the rounds about it - but when has the work of the Lord ever been without opposition?
3. That you, yes you, you in the polkadot hat and pink stilletos, ply your trade under the lamp-post outside my had, in which case I'd like you to stop.
Well, I've no idea what "stilletos" are, but otherwise yes, I do ply my trade under lampposts during the hours of night, so that I can read my notes. The hat is an optional extra.
I'm not aware of ever having ministered outside your "had", and it seems unlikely - but your request that I stop just shows how much you need it.
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If God had meant women to have longer names than men, he would have created Adam and Evangeline. - Rev. Gerald Ambulance (me!)
Posts: 219 | From: Lewisham | Registered: Jun 2001
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chukovsky
Ship's toddler
# 116
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Posted
Dear Rev Mr Ambulance Sir
I do indeed labour under a heavy burden. It's very heavy indeed. My friend told me I shouldn't pack twenty King James Bibles in my rucksack for our walking holiday, but I knew they would come in handy for distributing to the unsaved locals in Tintwistle. There must be at least twenty unsaved locals there. After all, the name of the place is pronounced "Tinsel", and everyone knows that is a heathen substance associated with joy in the pagan Christmas season, and other unsound concepts. But the unsaved locals are unforthcoming and refuse to relieve me of my burden.
What should I do?
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This space left intentionally blank. Do not write on both sides of the paper at once.
Posts: 6842 | From: somewhere else | Registered: May 2001
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IntellectByProxy
Larger than you think
# 3185
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Posted
Dear Mr Reverend Ambulance Sir begginyourpardon but one of the big boys keeps making fun of the contents of my trousers, what do you think I should do?
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www.zambiadiaries.blogspot.com
Posts: 3482 | From: The opposite | Registered: Aug 2002
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Stoo
Mighty Pirate
# 254
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Posted
Dear Ger.
I'm going on holiday with my girlfriend tomorrow. We might do naughty things.
This isn't a problem, I just wanted to boast.
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This space left blank
Posts: 5266 | From: the director of "Bikini Traffic School" | Registered: May 2001
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St. Punk the Pious
Biblical™ Punk
# 683
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Posted
Rev. Gerald,
I should inform you that I have declared myself The Incredibly Reverend Dr. Mark T. Punk. Since my title is longer and better than yours, this will serve to inform you that my pronouncements override yours should I deign to make a pronouncement on this thread.
Holier than thou,
The Incredibly Reverend Dr. Mark T. Punk
![[Angel]](graemlins/angel.gif) ![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
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The Society of St. Pius *
Wannabe Anglican, Reader
My reely gud book.
Posts: 4161 | From: Choral Evensong | Registered: Jul 2001
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Rev. Gerald Ambulance
Soulsaving supersonic spiritual celebrity
# 359
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Posted
Sibling Chukovsky:
I do indeed labour under a heavy burden. My friend told me I shouldn't pack twenty King James Bibles in my rucksack for our walking holiday, but I knew they would come in handy for distributing to the unsaved locals in Tintwistle. But the unsaved locals are unforthcoming and refuse to relieve me of my burden.
Your complaint that they refuse to relieve you suggests that you are giving them the option of whether to receive or not.
You must be bolder in your offensive, Sibling. For doeth not the Word say "Be bold"? You know very well it does.
Just get the Bible into their house whatever it takes. Post it through the letterbox. Leave it giftwrapped on the doorstep. Ring the doorbell, hide behind a parked car and hurl it through the open doorway. Tear it into shreds and hide it in the pot pourri and under the carpet.
Once it's in there, it's in the Lord's hands and he can make of it what he will. Something very wonderful no doubt. If not, that's his choice.
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If God had meant women to have longer names than men, he would have created Adam and Evangeline. - Rev. Gerald Ambulance (me!)
Posts: 219 | From: Lewisham | Registered: Jun 2001
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starbelly
but you can call me Neil
# 25
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Rev. Gerald Ambulance:
But I have to say if it turns out to be Amanda, it will be hard not to feel a little disappointed.
If my wifes real name turns out to be Gerald I am sure she will be a touch disappointed as well.
Neil
Posts: 6009 | From: High Wycombe, Buckinghamshire. | Registered: May 2001
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Og: Thread Killer
Ship's token CN Mennonite
# 3200
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Posted
I see it's time for the summer reruns.
It's everybody's favourite game show:
******Spot the Sock Puppet******
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I wish I was seeking justice loving mercy and walking humbly but... "Cease to lament for that thou canst not help, And study help for that which thou lament'st."
Posts: 5025 | From: Toronto | Registered: Aug 2002
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dyfrig
Blue Scarfed Menace
# 15
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Og: Thread Killer:
******Spot the Sock Puppet******
Get a grip, man. I am not nor have I ever been a sock-puppet.
Sincerely,
Hooke- er, I mean, Dyfrig.
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"He was wrong in the long run, but then, who isn't?" - Tony Judt
Posts: 6917 | From: pob dydd Iau, am hanner dydd | Registered: Apr 2001
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Erin
Meaner than Godzilla
# 2
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Posted
I am surprised that the Good Reverend has tolerated your presence on this thread, Dyfrig, considering that the first line of your signature sounds like it's coming straight from a porn movie.
He must be getting senile in his old age...
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Commandment number one: shut the hell up.
Posts: 17140 | From: 330 miles north of paradise | Registered: Mar 2001
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dyfrig
Blue Scarfed Menace
# 15
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Posted
Curiously, when I last played that game (where you put your favourite type of paying for meals and the chess piece you most resemble to get your "Dutch Pornstar" name), I got the name "Dutch Pawn".
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"He was wrong in the long run, but then, who isn't?" - Tony Judt
Posts: 6917 | From: pob dydd Iau, am hanner dydd | Registered: Apr 2001
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Og: Thread Killer
Ship's token CN Mennonite
# 3200
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Posted
Sorry, Dyfrig, but, the game isn't about you.
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I wish I was seeking justice loving mercy and walking humbly but... "Cease to lament for that thou canst not help, And study help for that which thou lament'st."
Posts: 5025 | From: Toronto | Registered: Aug 2002
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Emma Louise
Storm in a teapot
# 3571
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Posted
Dear Rev ambulance,
I have a very distressing problem - you see, Im not too sure how when to do my hour of private devotions....
Every morning Im up at 5, in order to have an hours family devotion before my wife gets the children off to school, then im off to work - where I work a long day. Most of my lunch hours are taken up with Christian Fellowship or trying to evangelise in the cafeteria.
Of course, during the evenings I attend the weekly church half night of prayer, as well as home group and the home group prayer meeting. I also go to worship practice, the band prayer meeting and of course the weekly prayer for the childrens work.
I also plan to start a prayer walk group for the immediate area of the church,
So my problem is, when should i think about having my hour of personal devotion, as i know how important this is??
Posts: 12719 | From: Enid Blyton territory. | Registered: Nov 2002
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Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
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Posted
Dear Father Gerald (or "Reverend Ambulance", as you prefer),
I work in the graphics arts industry and have just been asked to work on a project for a moist towelette called "Male Wipe." (Discontinue use if rash or irritation develops.)
I think this is probably a product developed for sinful uses.
How can I reconcile my Christian Beliefs™ with the need to make money? If I refuse this project I will be fired, homeless, and unable to tithe to my church.
Thank-you for your time and attention.
Sincerely,
"Wanting to stay pure in the South"
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
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Jen.
Godless Liberal
# 3131
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Posted
dear, sweet, honourable Revd.
I am going on holiday with my boyfriend tomorrow, I'm afraid he will expect me to do naughty things. How am I to prevent this? The baggage allowance does not permit me to take my iron chastity belt.
J
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Was Jenny Ann, but fancied being more minimal.
Posts: 5318 | From: Manchester, England | Registered: Aug 2002
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Miffy
Ship's elephant
# 1438
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Posted
Dear Rev Gerlad,
As a faithful pew fodd.. (oops!)faithful and upstanding churchgoer, I've recently been overcome by an urge to shout out 'RUBBISH!' in the middle of the service.
What should I do? Is there any hope for me?
p.s. I've got myself involved with this weird outfit called 'Ship of Fools' - and I study theology part time. Do you think this has any bearing on the matter?
Miffy
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"I don't feel like smiling." "You're English dear; fake it!" (Colin Firth "Easy Virtue")
Growing Greenpatches
Posts: 4739 | From: The Kitchen | Registered: Oct 2001
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ken
Ship's Roundhead
# 2460
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Miffy:
Dear Rev Gerlad
I'm still not sure whether "Gerlad" is one of King Arthur's lesser-known knights, or a Geordie exclamation.
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Ken
L’amor che move il sole e l’altre stelle.
Posts: 39579 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2002
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Sarkycow
La belle Dame sans merci
# 1012
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Posted
Dear Loony-tunes,
Looks like the three month section finished then. You must have conned the psychs in order to stop it being reapplied. Still, won't take too long before you go back into the locked ward at the local mental hospital.
Sarkycow.
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“Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.”
Posts: 10787 | Registered: Jul 2001
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ken
Ship's Roundhead
# 2460
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Posted
Dear Rev. Gerald.
The esteemed Fr. Fiddleback of this parish drew our attention to the website of Take Heed Ministries.
Amongst many other goodies we have these wise words from Pastor Gary F. Gilley of Southern View Chapel:
quote:
The church, as observed throughout its history, reminds me a lot of my golf swing.
Of what does the church, as observed throughout its history, remind you?
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Ken
L’amor che move il sole e l’altre stelle.
Posts: 39579 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2002
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Rev. Gerald Ambulance
Soulsaving supersonic spiritual celebrity
# 359
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Posted
Sibling Miffy
To put it in a nutshell...you're thinking about a new book!
On the contrary, anything to avoid thinking about it.
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If God had meant women to have longer names than men, he would have created Adam and Evangeline. - Rev. Gerald Ambulance (me!)
Posts: 219 | From: Lewisham | Registered: Jun 2001
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welsh dragon
Shipmate
# 3249
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Posted
Dear Father Gerald,
There are far too many single, female nurses in one of the evangelical churches I go to.
They would very much like to find nice, sane, Christian blokes but these seem a bit scarce.
Do you think that intoducing polygamy into the Anglican church might perhaps make a lot of people very happy?
It could draw the Anglican church closer to the Latter Day saints, as well as to the Islamic traditions.
Maybe in the rejoicing, the celebrations of unity and the clouds of confetti, people would stop fussing about the occasional celibate but gay bishop.
Just really deeply yours,
WD xxx
Posts: 5352 | From: ebay | Registered: Aug 2002
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MrSponge2U
Ship’s scrub
# 3076
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Posted
Dear Esteemed High Right Rev. Ambulance,
It has always been my dream to be an international soulsaving celebrity like yourself, and to have my own television program on the Big-Hair-Christian network. I have faithfully followed your ministry as well as lesser celebrities like the Rev. Hinn and Rev. Tilton to learn how to preach, and have read all the books on prosperity I can find at the popular Christian bookstores. I have also bought a number of fine pearly-white suits and accumulated a number of fine automobiles and airplanes so that as a prosperous television evangelist I should prove myself faithful.
But, I still feel like I'm missing something. Could you humbly assist me in finding what that is? Thank you.
You rock!
The humble Mr. Sponge
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sig? what sig?
Posts: 3558 | From: where two big rivers meet | Registered: Jul 2002
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Jack the Lass
Ship's airhead
# 3415
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Posted
Dear Rev Gerald
How blessed I am to see your return to the boards, as only today as I was wandering round the streets of Lewisham I was reminded of a sticky problem which I believe would just really benefit from your wisdom and anointed counsel.
I very much wish to attend St Ursula's High Pentecostal-Reformed Church; however up till now I have been stopped from doing so by the railway bridge at the bottom of Loampit Hill (in case you are wondering, the one near that den of iniquity the Rising Sun with which I am sure you are familiar). The underside of said bridge is inhabited by many pigeons, and it is impossible to walk under the bridge without fear of being *ahem* anointed by them, or to pick up the same undesirable anointing on my shoes. As I really really don't want to sully the floor of St Ursula's with this inferior anointing I have resisted attending, but I feel I am now in danger of backsliding mightily. Please help.
Yours in desperation,
Jack
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"My body is a temple - it's big and doesn't move." (Jo Brand)
wiblog blipfoto blog
Posts: 5767 | From: the land of the deep-fried Mars Bar | Registered: Oct 2002
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ken
Ship's Roundhead
# 2460
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Jack the Lass:
that den of iniquity the Rising Sun with which I am sure you are familiar
Actually , he isn't, I suspect. Not very familiar with it. If he was I'd have seen him. But I'm sure either of you is welcome for a pint any time. Just tell Phyllis the landlady that I sent you round ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
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Ken
L’amor che move il sole e l’altre stelle.
Posts: 39579 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2002
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Rev. Gerald Ambulance
Soulsaving supersonic spiritual celebrity
# 359
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Posted
Rowen
Although there are lots of items on the agenda, all we ordinary folk in the pews hear is what we read in the secular media, and all it says is that my Church is into sex and orientation and related things like that. What should I do?
Well, stop reading the soul-sapping propaganda of the enemy, or "secular media" as you call it, for a start.
But as for what you hear your church is "into" (as we say these days!):
Orientation Relax, there's really nothing so very bad about orientation. In fact my own youth groups (the Crusaders and the Inquisition) went on an orientation weekend only last year down in Tonbridge. Admittedly there was an unfortunate incident with a cow giving another cow a piggy back, but then you can see equally polluting spectacles performed by so-called human beings in our local park, if you know what time to go.
Related things These sound a little dodgier. Just how related are they?
The other thing you mentioned How sad that in our days even the house of God is not free from the vile shadow of this degradation that contaminates even to speak of it. I promise to give it my full attention in both private and public intercession. To aid that ministry, could you share some more precise details?
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If God had meant women to have longer names than men, he would have created Adam and Evangeline. - Rev. Gerald Ambulance (me!)
Posts: 219 | From: Lewisham | Registered: Jun 2001
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Mr. Spouse
Ship's Pedant
# 3353
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Posted
Dear most eminent Rev G, Sir, I think I am being led astray by one of those internet-thingy chatterooms. It goes by the name of shipoffools.com cafe.
Each time I log on to my PC I am electronically duped into entering said cafe. I am careful not to disclose my true age but all kinds of strange people say they want to meet me in real life.
How can I repent of this behaviour and be free of temptation?
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Try to have a thought of your own, thinking is so important. - Blackadder
Posts: 1814 | From: Here, there & everywhere | Registered: Sep 2002
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Rev. Gerald Ambulance
Soulsaving supersonic spiritual celebrity
# 359
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Posted
Sibling ChrisT
Reverend G, is it true that you are destined for high and lofty places?
Sibling, you have made an old man very happy. (Bet you thought I didn't know about that, didn't you?)
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If God had meant women to have longer names than men, he would have created Adam and Evangeline. - Rev. Gerald Ambulance (me!)
Posts: 219 | From: Lewisham | Registered: Jun 2001
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Rev. Gerald Ambulance
Soulsaving supersonic spiritual celebrity
# 359
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Posted
IntellectByProxy
Dear Mr Reverend Ambulance Sir begginyourpardon but one of the big boys keeps making fun of the contents of my trousers, what do you think I should do?
You could start by telling us what you keep in your trousers.
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If God had meant women to have longer names than men, he would have created Adam and Evangeline. - Rev. Gerald Ambulance (me!)
Posts: 219 | From: Lewisham | Registered: Jun 2001
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Rowen
Shipmate
# 1194
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Rev. Gerald Ambulance:
Rowen
Related things These sound a little dodgier. Just how related are they?
The other thing you mentioned How sad that in our days even the house of God is not free from the vile shadow of this degradation that contaminates even to speak of it. I promise to give it my full attention in both private and public intercession. To aid that ministry, could you share some more precise details?
Thankyou for the above reply (which was fascinating,) some of which I quote here... By "related things", I guess I mean the possible ordination of gay folk into the ministry....
And as to the last comment of yours.... Although I am not sure what terrible thing it is that you refer to in my letter, I presume you must mean about how I belong to a large Protestant Church- which may indeed be my major problem, or were you refering to sexuality in general?
As I type this, the immediate ex-leader of my denomination, is being interviewed on the radio. He is talking about social welfare/justice in the church, the validity of women in ministry relations with and within the Anglican Church,and the whole Sydney issue. It is interesting indeed to hear this on the secular radio.
As a churchman yourself, such topics must be of interest to you too.
With thanks
A less-perplexed Rowen.
[ 15. July 2003, 22:53: Message edited by: Rowen ]
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"May I live this day… compassionate of heart" (John O’Donoghue)...
Posts: 4897 | From: Somewhere cold in Victoria, Australia | Registered: Aug 2001
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JimT
Ship'th Mythtic
# 142
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Posted
Dear Gerald, Dear Gerald, you won’t believe this,
The fundies that post here have stolen my bliss,
The doctors they tell me it’s all in my head,
But I know that you know what God thinks instead,
Signed, Just Wondrin’.
Posts: 2619 | From: Now On | Registered: May 2001
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tomb
Shipmate
# 174
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Posted
Dearest Rev. Fr. Ambulance,
I fear I am getting old. The students seem wiser (or at least, more edgy) than their teacher. The jokes don't work any more. How can I raise them to a yet higher level? I despair, inasmuch as they fancy themselves so very clever--which is a joke of the first water in and of itself. Do you think it would be possible to draw a bulls-eye on my chest that would strike them dead if they shot at it? Or at least cripple them sexually?
I despair unless you share your wisdom with me.
++an humble tomb
Posts: 5039 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: May 2001
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
Reverend Sir--
Are you really the Rev. Caleb, who was featured prominently in the last several episodes of "Buffy The Vampire Slayer"?
'Fess up, sir. Inquiring minds want to know!
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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IntellectByProxy
Larger than you think
# 3185
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Rev. Gerald Ambulance:
IntellectByProxy
Dear Mr Reverend Ambulance Sir begginyourpardon but one of the big boys keeps making fun of the contents of my trousers, what do you think I should do?
You could start by telling us what you keep in your trousers.
Well you see, that's the core of the problem...
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www.zambiadiaries.blogspot.com
Posts: 3482 | From: The opposite | Registered: Aug 2002
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Rev. Gerald Ambulance
Soulsaving supersonic spiritual celebrity
# 359
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Posted
Stoo
I'm going on holiday with my girlfriend tomorrow. We might do naughty things.
This isn't a problem, I just wanted to boast.
Jenny Ann
I am going on holiday with my boyfriend tomorrow, I'm afraid he will expect me to do naughty things. How am I to prevent this? The baggage allowance does not permit me to take my iron chastity belt.
I may be leaping to unjustifiable conclusions in linking these two posts, but let's assume not. Even if I am, it's hardly the most unjustifiable thing that any of us are doing today, by the sound of it.
The two of you have probably gone by now, so my adjudication will be academic, though I suspect it would have been anyway.
Jenny Ann, your pure-hearted fears are well expressed - and well founded if my experience is anything to go by. Which of course it is. It is minimal but authoritative.
You do well to fear the subtle manipulations of the flesh, at which our enemy (no offence, Sibling Stoo!) is so well practised. But I have to say that you're asking for it really in having a "boyfriend" (as we say these days), or even if you're not, probably soon will be. He certainly will.
What I'm trying to say, in plain language, is cast all abominations from thee and rest content in the arms of him who has loved you with an inexhaustible love. (I.e. the Lord.)
As for you, Stoo, what can I say. Is it truly the Christian way to boast beforehand about committing the sins of carnalness? By no means! The Christian way is to express modest anxiety about your temptation beforehand, and then afterwards to offer up a full and candid public confession for the purging of your soul and the edification of the flock.
Do let us know how you got on.
Posts: 219 | From: Lewisham | Registered: Jun 2001
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Rev. Gerald Ambulance
Soulsaving supersonic spiritual celebrity
# 359
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Posted
Og
It's everybody's favourite game show
Are you sure your research is up to date there?
Spot the Sock Puppet
Is it lambchops?
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If God had meant women to have longer names than men, he would have created Adam and Evangeline. - Rev. Gerald Ambulance (me!)
Posts: 219 | From: Lewisham | Registered: Jun 2001
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Dave Walker
Contributing Editor
# 14
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Posted
Dear Uncle Reverend,
It was kind of you to include that chapter in the book about 'Alternative Worship' even though I could tell your heart wasn't really in it.
To be honest I'm a little bit bored of the whole concept myself by now. Time to move on. Can you tell me what the next trendy thing in church life is going to be?
Yours in Siblingtude,
Wibblethorpe
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Cartoon blog / @davewalker
Posts: 1045 | Registered: Apr 2001
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Sarkycow
La belle Dame sans merci
# 1012
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Posted
Hey Rev,
I'm just wondering at what point you'll forget which of your multiple identities is logged in, and so post using the wrong voice? See, I'm going to be away soon for a bit, and I'd hate to miss you embarassing yourself ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
Never yours,
Sarkycow
PS Thanks for funding my drinking last night!
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“Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.”
Posts: 10787 | Registered: Jul 2001
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ken
Ship's Roundhead
# 2460
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by tomb:
I fear I am getting old. The students seem wiser (or at least, more edgy) than their teacher. The jokes don't work any more. How can I raise them to a yet higher level? I despair, inasmuch as they fancy themselves so very clever--which is a joke of the first water in and of itself. Do you think it would be possible to draw a bulls-eye on my chest that would strike them dead if they shot at it? Or at least cripple them sexually?
A friend of mine, who is a University teacher posted in Another Place, that he changed his normal first lecture last year.
Usually he welcomes the new class, makes a few encouraging noises, and gets on with the subject.
But this year: "I'm doctor so-and-so. I have to start by saying that I hate you all. Not for anything you have done (yet) but for having the temerity to be the fist class I ever taught most of whom were born AFTER I GRADUATED"
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Ken
L’amor che move il sole e l’altre stelle.
Posts: 39579 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2002
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Rev. Gerald Ambulance
Soulsaving supersonic spiritual celebrity
# 359
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Posted
Sibling T
I have a very distressing problem - you see, Im not too sure how when to do my hour of private devotions....
Have you tried doing them a bit at a time in the quiet bits of prayer meetings?
Or, if there aren't many quiet bits because everyone's desparate for a chance to lead his brothers (or sisters these days!) (and her sisters!) (and vice versa, I think) to the throne of intercession, then you could always have some devotions when someone else is praying.
As long as God is listening, I don't suppose it makes much difference whether you are. And if he isn't, it doesn't make much difference whether you are either.
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If God had meant women to have longer names than men, he would have created Adam and Evangeline. - Rev. Gerald Ambulance (me!)
Posts: 219 | From: Lewisham | Registered: Jun 2001
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JimT
Ship'th Mythtic
# 142
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Posted
Dear Gerald, Dear Gerald, you suck at complaints,
You act like a sinner while ya talk like a saint,
So listen up buster and listen up good,
Stop wishin¡¯you're JimT and postin¡¯like Wood,
Signed, ¡°Admirer.¡±
Posts: 2619 | From: Now On | Registered: May 2001
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