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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Fuck you black dog
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Patdys
Iron Wannabe
RooK-Annoyer
# 9397
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Posted
Another fucking funeral. Now a Father and two out of three sons. Fuck this soul destroying, hope crushing lie.
[Fuck you black dog.]
<small>[ 13. February 2013, 00:14: Message buggered about with by: comet ]</small>
[ 14. May 2013, 23:29: Message edited by: comet ]
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Marathon run. Next Dream. Australian this time.
Posts: 3511 | Registered: Apr 2005
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
Holy shit.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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comet
Snowball in Hell
# 10353
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Posted
Sing it, Patdys.
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Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions
"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin
Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
Eep
If I may ask, what lie are we talking about? The view of the world a severely depressed person has?
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
It is a lie. And a seductive one.
I'm not going to ask for details, but the family constellation you have up there is gutting.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
Patdys--
Thanks for the explanation. I've spent my own time way down in that pit.
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
(rephrase) Depression lies to you. I phrased myself clumsily.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Evensong
Shipmate
# 14696
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Posted
Whichever way it is phrased, the idea implies depression is a misperception of reality. A misperception that sucks out joy as Patdys said.
No?
I find that idea curious.
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a theological scrapbook
Posts: 9481 | From: Australia | Registered: Apr 2009
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comet
Snowball in Hell
# 10353
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Posted
What are you, Data?
what the fuck do you think depression is?
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Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions
"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin
Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Evensong:
Whichever way it is phrased, the idea implies depression is a misperception of reality. A misperception that sucks out joy as Patdys said.
No?
I find that idea curious.
I'm gonna try one more time, and then I am going to go play SimCity.
Life is joy and sorrow combined. Depression-- and I speak subjectively, as one who has suffered it-- "tells" you that the joy is illusion, or fleeting, and that the sorrow/ struggle/ failure is the only predictable reality.
I fully understand that it is a complex alignment of biochemicals that "tell" the depressive this, but the "lie" is the thought-stream those chemicals generate. It feels real, though. That's the seductive part.
[Edit-Subjectively, not objectively.]
[ 13. January 2013, 05:34: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Evensong
Shipmate
# 14696
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by comet:
What are you, Data?
![[Killing me]](graemlins/killingme.gif)
Yes.
quote:
Originally posted by comet:
what the fuck do you think depression is?
Dunno.
But the bunny makes a very convincing case. I like it.
[ 13. January 2013, 06:13: Message edited by: Evensong ]
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a theological scrapbook
Posts: 9481 | From: Australia | Registered: Apr 2009
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balaam
Making an ass of myself
# 4543
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Posted
Good to hear you speaking out Patdys.
You care, and depression doesn't give a shit. Carry on screaming.
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Last ever sig ...
blog
Posts: 9049 | From: Hen Ogledd | Registered: May 2003
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Schroedinger's cat
Ship's cool cat
# 64
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Posted
It is so easy to see depression as just a slightly disabling ailment, or just a temporary blues. It I so easy to forget that it can be fatal - more, that it is a chronic, and sometimes fatal illness.
patdys, it is shit when this affects a whole family like this. I can see that each death will have a negative affect of others similarly suffering.
Depression is a hideous and disabling illness.
And Evensong, fuck yourself, and stop being a sanctimonious arse. If you have nothing useful to contribute here, piss of and return to pleasuring yourself.
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Blog
Music for your enjoyment
Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.
Posts: 18859 | From: At the bottom of a deep dark well. | Registered: May 2001
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
Depression is evil. I tend to think of it as a parasite whose aim is to isolate you and feed off you. It doesn't care two hoots about you; if it can't get anything out of you, it'll just go and feed off someone else and make their lives a misery.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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rolyn
Shipmate
# 16840
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Posted
Amen and amen to that. ( to balaam's post mainly)
[ 13. January 2013, 09:36: Message edited by: rolyn ]
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Change is the only certainty of existence
Posts: 3206 | From: U.K. | Registered: Dec 2011
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Evensong
Shipmate
# 14696
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Schroedinger's cat:
And Evensong, fuck yourself, and stop being a sanctimonious arse. If you have nothing useful to contribute here, piss of and return to pleasuring yourself.
Sanctimonious?
quote:
sanc·ti·mo·ni·ous
/ˌsaNG(k)təˈmōnēəs/
Adjective
derogatory. Making a show of being morally superior to other people.
Show me the money baby. I aint done sanctimony.
I'm feeling rather low myself at the mo.
Curious about how to "change my reality" to make the lie fuck off.
I'm not a chronic depressive but.
I imagine it's a living hell.
And I'm told that after suicide is the worst possible time to talk about causes.
But guess what? We never talk about them otherwise.
But hey, there's my Data archetype.
Go fuck yourself too.
We all deal with difficulty in different ways.
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a theological scrapbook
Posts: 9481 | From: Australia | Registered: Apr 2009
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North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
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Posted
Preach it, Patdys.
This week I have attended the funeral of a suicide, but also, joyfully, the birthday party of a beloved little boy (all party poppers, lego and chocolate cake!) who wouldn't have existed had his mother's attempt at suicide succeeded those many years ago.
It physically hurts to think how close we came to not having this current happiness.
[ 13. January 2013, 10:17: Message edited by: North East Quine ]
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
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Porridge
Shipmate
# 15405
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Evensong:
I'm feeling rather low myself at the mo.
<<snip>>
We all deal with difficulty in different ways.
Evensong, please shut up before you do further damage.
Clinical depression is not a low mood. Neither is it a temporary "difficulty."
It's a life-threatening and sometimes terminal illness which is not helped by ignorant idiots popping in to say "Hi!" or offering empty bromides while demanding attention in ways that greatly add to the incredible guilt that often accompanies episodes.
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Spiggott: Everything I've ever told you is a lie, including that.
Moon: Including what?
Spiggott: That everything I've ever told you is a lie.
Moon: That's not true!
Posts: 3925 | From: Upper right corner | Registered: Jan 2010
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Pyx_e
Quixotic Tilter
# 57
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Posted
........... and PADTYS knows that Hell is no place to come for sympathy (though he has mine) or even common sense.
P
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It is better to be Kind than right.
Posts: 9778 | From: The Dark Tower | Registered: May 2001
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Evensong
Shipmate
# 14696
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Porridge:
quote:
Originally posted by Evensong:
I'm feeling rather low myself at the mo.
<<snip>>
We all deal with difficulty in different ways.
Evensong, please shut up before you do further damage.
Clinical depression is not a low mood. Neither is it a temporary "difficulty."
Yes dear. I'm quite aware of that.
Your <<snip>> was a travesty of my original post.
Present me with a completely fucked up issue (Patdy's OP) and I usually automatically go into "Data" mode.
Sue me.
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a theological scrapbook
Posts: 9481 | From: Australia | Registered: Apr 2009
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Twilight
Puddleglum's sister
# 2832
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Schroedinger's cat:
And Evensong, fuck yourself, and stop being a sanctimonious arse. If you have nothing useful to contribute here, piss of and return to pleasuring yourself.
Evensong's contributions are at least as valuable as yours which seem consist of lots of nasty, juvenile insults. Thanks to her questions, we have some descriptions of depression that are enlightening and worthy of the quotes file. Neither do I think that because she just understated her pain, she isn't feeling it.
-------
My husband's aunt married a man who suffers from this horrible disease and after he killed himself, five of her eight children followed. I don't know how she manages to get through a single day.
Besides depression being a major cause of suicide. Suicide in a family, for any reason, very much ups the likelihood that other family members will follow. It makes the unthinkable more thinkable and prompts a feeling of solidarity with those who have gone before.
![[Votive]](graemlins/votive.gif)
Posts: 6817 | Registered: May 2002
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Anselmina
Ship's barmaid
# 3032
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Patdys:
Depression. The disease. It lies. It eats goodness and joy and hope and health. And like all diseases, sometimes it wins.
And it shouldn't.
It really just shouldn't.
You're right, Patdys. And maybe the worst lie depression tells us is that it has won, when there is still some hope.
Having said that, 'hope' sounds like a dirty word at such times. ![[Frown]](frown.gif)
Posts: 10002 | From: Scotland the Brave | Registered: Jul 2002
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rolyn
Shipmate
# 16840
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Posted
Black dog ?
Stare the fucker down . That's what I say.
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Change is the only certainty of existence
Posts: 3206 | From: U.K. | Registered: Dec 2011
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Soror Magna
Shipmate
# 9881
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Evensong:
Whichever way it is phrased, the idea implies depression is a misperception of reality. A misperception that sucks out joy as Patdys said.
No?
I find that idea curious.
It's called Cognitive distortion, you stupid ignorant cunt, and recognizing these distortions is an important part of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. You're talking shite about other people's lives again, so sit your raggedy ass down and shut your damn fool mouth up.
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"You come with me to room 1013 over at the hospital, I'll show you America. Terminal, crazy and mean." -- Tony Kushner, "Angels in America"
Posts: 5430 | From: Caprica City | Registered: Jul 2005
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roybart
Shipmate
# 17357
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Posted
All of these posts are making me think right now of the role of severe depression in my own family -- especially the instances, long, long ago, when I was a child and became aware of stories whispered, explanations never given. A great uncle, who had "something" wrong with him, who disappeared and was not heard of until his body was discovered in a flop house in a distant city. A great aunt who I knew only as the end-product of years of incarceration in a state mental institution. When she was released, she was unable to leave her bedroom. The few times we visited, she ventured as far as to stand at the doorway of her darkened room. She smiled sadly. I can still hear her saying my name gently, drawing out one syllable into two or three, before she vanished back into the room. I was about 6 at the time.
All of this was, as I say, whispered about in a "not in front of the children" way. Only as a grownup was I able to piece the stories together and come to an understanding of what had actually occurred, as well as its impact on family members who came afterwards.
My anger is not so much aimed at the disease of depression itself as at the system which imposed so much secrecy and ignorance in the past, and practices so much avoidance in the present. This is especially striking when one lives in a "rich" country whose grasp of mental health issues sometimes seems minimal -- or of benefit only to those with incomes or benefits large enough to purchase the best of care -- and which systematically under-funds mental health education and treatment.
Sincere thanks to all who are posting here.
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"The consolations of the imaginary are not imaginary consolations."
-- Roger Scruton
Posts: 547 | From: here | Registered: Sep 2012
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Soror Magna
Shipmate
# 9881
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Evensong:
... Present me with a completely fucked up issue (Patdy's OP) and I usually automatically go into "Data" mode. ...
Nobody wants your fucking data mode when they're depressed. Got it? Your "automatic data mode" means you're not thinking about the other person, you're thinking about your awesomely incredible ability to solve other people's problems with your amazing "data mode".
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"You come with me to room 1013 over at the hospital, I'll show you America. Terminal, crazy and mean." -- Tony Kushner, "Angels in America"
Posts: 5430 | From: Caprica City | Registered: Jul 2005
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balaam
Making an ass of myself
# 4543
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by rolyn:
Black dog ?
Stare the fucker down . That's what I say.
Where do you find the energy to do that when you're depressed?
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Last ever sig ...
blog
Posts: 9049 | From: Hen Ogledd | Registered: May 2003
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chive
Ship's nude
# 208
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Posted
In my, unfortunately all to long experience, depression is a dementor sucking anything that resembles joy from my soul.
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'Edward was the kind of man who thought there was no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who hadn't done one-to-one Bible study with him.' Catherine Fox, Love to the Lost
Posts: 3542 | From: the cupboard under the stairs | Registered: May 2001
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Jengie jon
Semper Reformanda
# 273
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Posted
Depression is like an abusive mistress. She sets out to feel worthless, to separate you from all that care for you and to rob you of every single pleasure. She will tell lies to get you to do that and distort your thinking so you believe her.
The only problem I have with the model is that I for the life of me can't think of single thing about her that is attractive and would make one want to have her as a mistress to start with.
Jengie
p.s. lost a family friend to her just before Christmas.
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"To violate a persons ability to distinguish fact from fantasy is the epistemological equivalent of rape." Noretta Koertge
Back to my blog
Posts: 20894 | From: city of steel, butterflies and rainbows | Registered: May 2001
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Soror Magna
Shipmate
# 9881
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by balaam:
quote:
Originally posted by rolyn:
Black dog ?
Stare the fucker down . That's what I say.
Where do you find the energy to do that when you're depressed?
What worked for me - and that's all I'm saying - is realizing that depression wants me to do things that are bad for me and will keep me depressed. I fight my depression by doing the exact opposite of what it tells me to do. So if it tells me to lie in bed all day, I get up, no matter how awful I feels, and that's a win. It's the Homer Simpson rule: do the opposite of what Bart says.
And it's really hard, and it takes a long time, and I got a lot of help from friends, my sister, my employer, and many, many health professionals. ![[Overused]](graemlins/notworthy.gif) And I am incredibly grateful to be living in Canada, because if I lived anywhere else, I'd be homeless or dead.
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"You come with me to room 1013 over at the hospital, I'll show you America. Terminal, crazy and mean." -- Tony Kushner, "Angels in America"
Posts: 5430 | From: Caprica City | Registered: Jul 2005
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quetzalcoatl
Shipmate
# 16740
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Posted
I found that therapy worked for me, but it doesn't for everyone. I used to exist under layers of guilt and depression, but somehow I got out from it, but I could not have done it alone.
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I can't talk to you today; I talked to two people yesterday.
Posts: 9878 | From: UK | Registered: Oct 2011
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Drifting Star
Drifting against the wind
# 12799
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by rolyn:
Black dog ?
Stare the fucker down . That's what I say.
And I'd say don't make eye contact with it or it will consume you. Seems like it would be a bad idea for either of us to offer advice to others.
Depression is the liar that wakes you up in the night and tells you that every good thing in your life is bad. Not necessarily because the good things are fleeting, or not real, but because there is no good, no joy, no pleasure.
[ 13. January 2013, 17:01: Message edited by: Drifting Star ]
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The soul is dyed the color of its thoughts. Heraclitus
Posts: 3126 | From: A thin place. | Registered: Jul 2007
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Porridge
Shipmate
# 15405
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Posted
If I catch myself early enough on the trip down, I can sometimes stop or at least slow the descent by finding a single small finishable task, and doing it. Then another (though it may take a week or month or whatever) another, and so on.
Don't tackle anything bigger than your dog, though.
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Spiggott: Everything I've ever told you is a lie, including that.
Moon: Including what?
Spiggott: That everything I've ever told you is a lie.
Moon: That's not true!
Posts: 3925 | From: Upper right corner | Registered: Jan 2010
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sophs
Sardonic Angel
# 2296
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Porridge:
If I catch myself early enough on the trip down, I can sometimes stop or at least slow the descent by finding a single small finishable task, and doing it. Then another (though it may take a week or month or whatever) another, and so on.
But if you don't finish it the Dog shouts at you. I've come to realise that there's no beating the Dog, it's just there and always will be for me. There will always be the damp greyness surrounding my life and the few moments I have away from it are to be cherished, but I know it will never be a regular thing.
Posts: 5407 | From: searching saharas of sorrow | Registered: Feb 2002
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Porridge
Shipmate
# 15405
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Posted
Damn straight. And some days, even straightening the sock drawer is bigger than the dog.
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Spiggott: Everything I've ever told you is a lie, including that.
Moon: Including what?
Spiggott: That everything I've ever told you is a lie.
Moon: That's not true!
Posts: 3925 | From: Upper right corner | Registered: Jan 2010
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Anselmina:
You're right, Patdys. And maybe the worst lie depression tells us is that it has won, when there is still some hope.
Having said that, 'hope' sounds like a dirty word at such times.
Wow, I'm not the only one. I had reached a point a while back where not only did the word "hope"annoy me, but any time I felt the sensation I'd beat it down, rather than risk setting myself up. Bad, bad place to be.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Jengie jon
Semper Reformanda
# 273
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Posted
Kelly
Have you seen Esmeralda's sig recently?
Jengie
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"To violate a persons ability to distinguish fact from fantasy is the epistemological equivalent of rape." Noretta Koertge
Back to my blog
Posts: 20894 | From: city of steel, butterflies and rainbows | Registered: May 2001
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
(Just tracked it down.)
Heh. Yeah.
quote:
I can take the despair. It's the hope I can't stand.
Think about that statement-- it goes back to what I was saying about the fleetingness of joy. Depression convinces you that despair is more consistent, so learning to embrace it gives you power over it. Again, a fucking lie--embracing despair* is handing over the car keys of your soul.
*This being different that grief or sorrow, or frustration, or any of the vast number of normal healthy negative emotions you really do need to give yourself permission to feel. Maybe depression is a form of psychic pain management-- you narcoticize with depression to avoid feelings that are hard to cope with?
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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alienfromzog
Ship's Alien
# 5327
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Posted
I think my black dog is beaten.
I think.
He still follows me around all the time. It's been over ten years now since he did any real damage but he still keeps on following me. He seems to think that one day he'll be able to catch me again. Maybe he's right. He does keep plodding along behind me expectantly. He's got closer recently than for a long time, but not too close. Not yet.
Hey, you don't suppose he's not actually beaten do you? You don't suppose that he ever really goes away?
No.
I realised a long time ago that he'll always be there, just a few steps behind me, hoping for an opportunity to pounce.
But that's ok. That's the truth of being me.
Of course it's not ok, at all.
My experience was very much of an all-enveloping black cloud. It's very difficult to describe but the descent of the black cloud means the absence of hope not only are things really terrible but there is no possibility of them not being terrible and the absence of hope is met by the impossibility of the hope of hope.
And the worst part is anhedonia because most of the time I can stay ok by distraction anhedonia makes distraction impossible so... u know what?
I'm ok....
but yeah, seriously; Fuck you, black dog. You are not welcome. Not at all.
AFZ
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Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not his own facts.
[Sen. D.P.Moynihan]
An Alien's View of Earth - my blog (or vanity exercise...)
Posts: 2150 | From: Zog, obviously! Straight past Alpha Centauri, 2nd planet on the left... | Registered: Dec 2003
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rolyn
Shipmate
# 16840
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Drifting Star:
Seems like it would be a bad idea for either of us to offer advice to others.
I agree , and consequently thought long and hard before hitting "add reply" on that one line.
I've read many posts on this subject on the Ship and elsewhere, and Job's comforters can sometimes receive an F-off for their troubles. (This is Hell after-all)
Mine method is intended as sheer bloody-mindedness as much as it is advice . This creature has to be dealt with on various fronts.
I don't want to make presumptions about others on this matter, I can only relate my own life experiences with it's manifestations of the Dog, (not clinical thank goodness).
I agree about that energy thing, and indeed there are times where you just have to let that dark-haired mutt follow you about. Chasing it away isn't just energy-sapping it's damn near impossible.
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Change is the only certainty of existence
Posts: 3206 | From: U.K. | Registered: Dec 2011
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claret10
Ship's Paranoid Android
# 16341
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Posted
is it's not a fucking lie it's true
wtf are good things?
ok you aly yep
and my anger is at irritating people who say
'i'm soooo depressed today'
without realising their talking bull
Ok was discussing this post with a friend and the above was my comment. Yes I’m perfectly capable of rationalising that it’s my illness that makes me feel this way. But half the time I’m just conning myself that there is a point to living, that things could be better. I fully accept that yes it would hurt others. I have too many years of suicidal ideation and attempts behind me not to know that, and fully understand that one day I might not be able to stop myself. In some ways I’m lucky, I’m used to battling these thoughts, it takes a lot now to push me to impulsive on this. It’s not the fact that depression (for me) makes things look bad, it’s just a fact the bad far outweighs the good and I can totally rationally and logically convince myself that it is the best option for everyone involved. I’m also very lucky that I have a close friend who willing listens and doesn’t over react to my suicidal outbursts. However I’ve also had my fair share of idiots who think just telling me I’m a nice person etc should make all this difference and that I’m just being awkward thinking and feeling this way, they do have a habit of making me get very close to the edge.
I guess what I’m really trying to say is that despite being intelligent, having a good understanding of psychology, I am fully capable of making irrational things sound rational and I fully accept peoples comments about it being a lie, however that isn’t always a helpful approach. It's such a good lie that most of the time I KNOW it's the truth
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Just when you think life can't possibly get any worse it suddenly does
Posts: 137 | From: Somewhere, nowhere, anywhere | Registered: Apr 2011
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Mad Cat
Shipmate
# 9104
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Posted
Be thou my breastplate, my sword for the fight;
Be thou my whole armour, be thou my true might;
Be thou my soul's shelter, be thou my strong tower:
O raise thou me heavenward, great Power of my power.
Posts: 1844 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Feb 2005
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Mad Cat
Shipmate
# 9104
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Posted
Be thou my breastplate, my sword for the fight;
Be thou my whole armour, be thou my true might;
Be thou my soul's shelter, be thou my strong tower:
O raise thou me heavenward, great Power of my power.
Come get some SMITING black thing.... (I like dogs)
ETA: Firefox f*** up. Soz.
[ 13. January 2013, 20:04: Message edited by: Mad Cat ]
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Weird and sweary.
Posts: 1844 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Feb 2005
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churchgeek
Have candles, will pray
# 5557
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Soror Magna:
quote:
Originally posted by Evensong:
... Present me with a completely fucked up issue (Patdy's OP) and I usually automatically go into "Data" mode. ...
Nobody wants your fucking data mode when they're depressed. Got it? Your "automatic data mode" means you're not thinking about the other person, you're thinking about your awesomely incredible ability to solve other people's problems with your amazing "data mode".
We're not all alike. I actually think sometimes getting analytical can help, because it can focus on objective things at a time when subjectivity is dangerous. That's me; YMMV.
At any rate, I personally am not reading Evensong's comments here as offensive. I agree that they've actually contributed to the discussion. Again - YMMV.
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I reserve the right to change my mind.
My article on the Virgin of Vladimir
Posts: 7773 | From: Detroit | Registered: Feb 2004
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churchgeek
Have candles, will pray
# 5557
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by roybart:
All of these posts are making me think right now of the role of severe depression in my own family -- especially the instances, long, long ago, when I was a child and became aware of stories whispered, explanations never given. A great uncle, who had "something" wrong with him, who disappeared and was not heard of until his body was discovered in a flop house in a distant city. A great aunt who I knew only as the end-product of years of incarceration in a state mental institution. When she was released, she was unable to leave her bedroom. The few times we visited, she ventured as far as to stand at the doorway of her darkened room. She smiled sadly. I can still hear her saying my name gently, drawing out one syllable into two or three, before she vanished back into the room. I was about 6 at the time.
All of this was, as I say, whispered about in a "not in front of the children" way. Only as a grownup was I able to piece the stories together and come to an understanding of what had actually occurred, as well as its impact on family members who came afterwards.
My anger is not so much aimed at the disease of depression itself as at the system which imposed so much secrecy and ignorance in the past, and practices so much avoidance in the present. This is especially striking when one lives in a "rich" country whose grasp of mental health issues sometimes seems minimal -- or of benefit only to those with incomes or benefits large enough to purchase the best of care -- and which systematically under-funds mental health education and treatment.
Sincere thanks to all who are posting here.
Those memories of yours are so heart-wrenching. I have a few shadows in my family, too, most of which I heard second-hand, although I've seen some of it. Like I learned about a cousin I never met when I heard she went off her mood stabilizer and succumbed to suicide. (Ever since then, my mother's always worried that I'll go off mine.)
Right now depression's just making me low on energy and unmotivated as fuck. Which is NOT good, 'cause I have a couple of papers to get written soon.
People forget sometimes that depression isn't just about feeling sad, or "down," but can also be about energy and motivation levels. And for those of us who are bipolar and have "mixed episodes," it can be just about the opposite - the negativity of depression (all those lies) plus the aggravation of mania. That's actually a dangerous place to be, 'cause with the mania churning inside you, you're more likely to act on the thoughts depression feeds you.
Sometimes it's taken me a while to recognize depression, 'cause I actually didn't feel sad - in fact I've felt sorta happy (probably a bipolar thing. We're known for cracking jokes while depressed). But the other signs were there: not enjoying anything, feeling bored and listless with everything, having no energy or motivation, feeling irritable, getting angry quickly...
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I reserve the right to change my mind.
My article on the Virgin of Vladimir
Posts: 7773 | From: Detroit | Registered: Feb 2004
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by churchgeek:
But the other signs were there: not enjoying anything, feeling bored and listless with everything, having no energy or motivation, feeling irritable, getting angry quickly...
That's depression? Bugger.
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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Robert Armin
All licens'd fool
# 182
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Posted
As far as I know I'm the only person in my family to suffer from depression. But it's always been there - a blackness in the background for as long as I can remember.
I imagine it as a sort of illness that affects my mental sight, rather than my physical. When it is bad I cannot see things that I should know are there; it is as though they do not exist. That is why suicide is such a tempting thought at times; there are periods when I honestly believe that no one would miss me, and the world would be a better place without me. When I'm OK I know that that is not the truth but, when the darkness falls, I believe that it is.
[ 13. January 2013, 21:32: Message edited by: Robert Armin ]
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Keeping fit was an obsession with Fr Moity .... He did chin ups in the vestry, calisthenics in the pulpit, and had developed a series of Tai-Chi exercises to correspond with ritual movements of the Mass. The Antipope Robert Rankin
Posts: 8927 | From: In the pack | Registered: May 2001
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Sioni Sais
Shipmate
# 5713
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Posted
Hostly Notice:
I'm not going to pretend that depression isn't a severe and debilitating illness, but I would be failing in my duty if I were not to mention that All Saints exists for support, prayer and fellowship and that there is a private board, Waving, Not Drowning, hosted by Esmeralda that some may find helpful.
Do note that there is nowhere on the Ship that can give advice - for that you need those who are professionally qualified.
Meanwhile, this remains the place for rants and righteous anger.
Sioni Sais
Hellhost
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"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"
(Paul Sinha, BBC)
Posts: 24276 | From: Newport, Wales | Registered: Apr 2004
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