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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Kerygmania: The Bible, Non-stop - GENESIS
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BWSmith
Shipmate
# 2981
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Posted
And Shem was Abraham's great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather. Gen 11:10-26
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BWSmith
Shipmate
# 2981
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Posted
And Terah relocated his whole family out of Babylon to the better school districts in Haran, Aram. Gen 11:27-32
Posts: 722 | From: North Carolina, USA | Registered: Jul 2002
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Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
(Wasn't it cool that there didn't have to be something like a Babelfish for God and people and the snake to be able to talk to each other in Genesis? Speaking of Babelfish....)
Noah's descendants moved out into all that space the flood opened up and found a nice bit of flat land in Shinar. "Hey, let's build ourselves something radical that will make us famous and keep us hanging in there strong together forever. A city and a Tower. A BIG Tower. A Tower that nudges God's gates. Yeah, that's the ticket!"
God took a look and said, "Whoa! I may have spared them, but they are still pretty much fuckwits. A whole planet full of fuckwits united can do whatever damage they want. But a whole planet full of fuckwits who can't understand each other will be slowed down a bit."
Whammo! Zappo!
Now the bricklayers couldn't understand the architects; the drainage people couldn't understand the engineers. And the caterers got all the lunch orders wrong. So the Tower idea was scrapped, and everyone moved to the suburbs where they lived in neighborhoods with their kind of people who spoke their kind of language. Which was the best one, of course.
Genesis 11:1-9
ETA: Damn! Damn! Damn! Well, I refuse to delete it. ![[Mad]](angryfire.gif) ![[Waterworks]](graemlins/bawling.gif)
[ 28. January 2008, 21:23: Message edited by: Lyda*Rose ]
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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
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Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
Sigh. Carry on.
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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
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Lynn MagdalenCollege
Shipmate
# 10651
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Posted
Gen 12:1-9
The LORD said to Abram, "Leave your country. Leave your relatives. Leave your father's house and go to the land I'm going to show you. And I am going to turn you into a great nation because I am going to bless you. I am going to bless your name with greatness and thus you shall be a blessing. Not only that, I am going to bless the people that bless you and the people who curse you, I am going to curse them. And in you I will bless all of humanity."
Abram, who was 75 years old, took his barren wife Sarai and all their stuff and their servants and left Haran and his nephew Lot went with him. They entered Canaan and, even though the Canaanites were living in the land, the LORD said, "I'm going to give this land to your offspring." And Abram thought that was pretty amazing so he built an altar there, where the LORD appeared to him (this was near Shechem).
And they went on to set up their tents at the mountain, with Bethel to the west and Ai to the east and Abram built another altar and cried out to God. And they continued south, toward the Negev.
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Erin & Friend; Been there, done that; Ruth musical
Posts: 6263 | From: California | Registered: Nov 2005
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the pilgrim
Ship's Brownist
# 13263
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Posted
When Abram got there he found that there was a famine going on, which isn't surprising, considering that the Negev is a desert. So Abram moved his whole crew on down towards Egypt to stay for a time.
When he was about to cross into Egypt he took his wife, Sarai, aside and said, "Look, everyone knows that you are a major league hotty. When these oversexed Egyptian men see you they are going to want me out of the picture so they can make a move on your bod without having to look over their shoulders for a jealous husband type. SO, why not just tell them that I'm your brother! Then they might even treat me GOOD while they flirt with you! What do you say?"
Genesis 12:10-13
[ 29. January 2008, 01:55: Message edited by: the pilgrim ]
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Life is good in the palm of God's hand.
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
And sure enough, when they got there, they moved her into the palace and gave Abram lots of toys and goodies for being her brother. But soon they were all coming down with something, if you get my drift, and Pharoah figured out the brother thing was a ruse and sent them packing.
Genesis 12:14-20.
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
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Lynn MagdalenCollege
Shipmate
# 10651
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Posted
Genesis 13
So Abram gathered together all his stuff and his wife, his sheep and cattle, his servants and tents and silver and gold and went back up to the Negev and then on up to the place near Bethel where he made an altar. And Lot was still traveling with his uncle Abram. Abram had lots and lots of stuff and Lot had plenty, too, so the time came when they started feeling cramped in the land (the Canaanites and Perizzites were living there, too) and Lot's guys and Abram's guys started to fight over water and grazing rights.
"Let's not fight; after all, we're family," Abram said. "Take a look at this land, to the left and the right - you decide which way you want to go and I'll go the other way."
Lot was no dummy and he could see that the Jordan valley was lush, with plenty of water, almost like the garden of Eden - so he chose to go east and pitch his tents near Sodom (which already had a bit of a reputation) while Abram went west into Canaan.
After Lot's gone the LORD says to Abram, "Look around you: north, south, east, west - all this land is the land I'm giving to you and your offspring forever. And you're going to have a lot of offspring, like the very dust that covers the earth - you can't count it all, can you? Well, your descendants are going to be like that. So get up and walkabout, all over this land, because I'm going to give it to you."
So Abram moved his tent up to The Oaks at Mamre (in Hebron; really nice place) and he built another altar to the LORD.
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Erin & Friend; Been there, done that; Ruth musical
Posts: 6263 | From: California | Registered: Nov 2005
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alienfromzog
Ship's Alien
# 5327
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Posted
Genesis 14
Bera was king of Sodom and Birsha was king of Gomorroah. Now, Bera and Birsha got together with Zoar, King of Bela in the valley of Siddim. For 12 years Kedorloaomer had oppressed and controlled them but now they rebelled. Kedorloaomer called on his mates, the kings of shina, Ellasa and Goiim to help him in this war.
Kedorloaomer and his allies basically defeated everyone else. The kings of Sodom, Gomorrah and Bela and now the king of Admah drew up their battle lines in the valley of siddim. It didn't go very well for them, partly because of the tar pits. Kedorloaomer and his allies seized all the goods and food of Sodom and Gomorrah. This included Lot as he was living in Sodom.
One of the men who escaped this battle went and told Abram that his nephew had been captured. So Abram took his 318 trained men and set off in hot pursuit. Abram decided a special-ops night raid was the best plan so he split his men into two groups and attacked. He routed the kings and recovered Lot, all the booty and all the people too.
After defeating the kings Abram met this strange king of Salem called Melchizedek. Some think Melchizedek was the pre-incarnate Christ but for sure he was a priest of God. He blessed Abram and then as a offering of thanks to God, Abram gave him a tenth of all the plunder.
The king of Sodom, obviously grateful for what Abram had done offered Abram all the goods to keep - obviously he wanted his people back. But Abram said "No, thanks, God has made me rich enough and I have taken an oath not to take anything of yours, so here you go mate."
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Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not his own facts.
[Sen. D.P.Moynihan]
An Alien's View of Earth - my blog (or vanity exercise...)
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Lynn MagdalenCollege
Shipmate
# 10651
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Posted
Genesis 15
So the LORD sent a vision to Abram and said to him, "Don't be afraid, Abram-- I am your shield; I am your enormous reward."
But Abram was blue - Sarai still didn't have any children: "What will You give me, Lord? You haven't given me a child and when I'm gone everything will go to Eliezer of Damascus; at least he was born in my house."
But God told him, "No, he won't inherit, but your very own offspring from your very own body - he will inherit." And God metaphorically put His arm around Abram's shoulder and took him out to look at the sky, "Can you see the stars? Can you count them? There are a bazillion of 'em (and no light pollution) - that's how many descendants you're going to have."
And, remarkably, in spite of all appearances to the contrary, Abram believed God and the LORD deposited it as righteousness into Abram's spiritual bank account. He said, "I'm the LORD, I brought you out of Ur, away from the Chaldeans, so I could give you this land - this land is yours."
"Lord, how can I know that?"
God told Abram to bring a 3-year old heifer, a 3-year old female goat, a 3-year old male goat, a turtledove and a young pigeon. Abram brought them all, cut them in half and laid the pieces across from each other. Except for the birds; the birds were in one piece. Eagles and vultures came down and tried to eat the flesh but Abram chased them off.
And then it gets weird: at dusk Abram fell asleep, a very deep sleep. Profound darkness and an overwhelming sense of terror filled him. God said, "Listen: your offspring will be strangers in a strange land and they'll be oppressed and made slaves for 400 years-- this is positively going to happen. But I won't leave them there and I'll judge the nation that oppresses them and they will leave as a mighty people with great riches.
"You, Abram, will die peacefully at a very old age. And in the fourth generation your descendants will come back here because the Amorites have more sinning to do before I'm through with them."
In the dark of the night God cut the covenant Himself, walking between the pieces while appearing like a smoking firebox and a blazing torch; that day the LORD said, "I just gave this land to your offspring, from the river of Egypt all the way to the great river Euphrates, even though many people groups are living here now. I have done this."
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Erin & Friend; Been there, done that; Ruth musical
Posts: 6263 | From: California | Registered: Nov 2005
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the pilgrim
Ship's Brownist
# 13263
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Posted
As we know, Abram's wife, Sarai, was quite a hotty, but she was also getting a little 'long in the tooth' and had no children of her own yet. Despite what God had been telling Abram, the prospects didn't look very good to her. So she decided to get some heirs for Abram by letting him knock up her servant girl, Hagar, who, despite her name, was not at all "Horrible" to look at.
Abram thought this would work out fine (silly man) and perhaps even thought that this might be how God was going to keep his promise of endless progeny in Abram's line. (who knows) In any event, he took to sleeping with Hagar and 'show nuff' she got pregnant.
In short order the rosy cheeked and expanding Hagar began to throw it all up in Sarai's face.
Genesis 16:1-4
[ 30. January 2008, 19:08: Message edited by: the pilgrim ]
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Life is good in the palm of God's hand.
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Lynn MagdalenCollege
Shipmate
# 10651
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Posted
Genesis 16:5-16
So Sarai says to Abram, "This is your fault, all that fixation on having a son! Yeah, I gave you my maid but now that she's pregnant she thinks she's more important than I am! God is going to judge between you and me, mister."
Abram answered, "Hey, she's your maid; I don't want to get in the middle of this. You do what you want."
With this permission, Sarai was really mean to Hagar so Hagar ran away and she stopped by a spring in the wilderness; that's where the Angel of the LORD found her. "Hagar, where have you been and where are you going?"
"I'm running away from Sarai, my mistress (she used to be nice to me but then she made me sleep with her old man and she's been really mean ever since I got pregnant - I thought that was what she wanted! *sheeesh!*)."
But the Angel of the LORD said, "Go back to Abram's household and submit to Sarai's authority over you (because, really, you have been a bit of a pill yourself, haven't you?). I am going to bless you in this pregnancy and your offspring will be too many to count. You are pregnant and you're going to have a son and you will name him 'Ishmael' because God has seen that you've been treated unfairly. He's going to be a wild ass; he's going to fight against everybody and they'll fight back. And he's going to live over on the east side of his brothers."
Hagar said, "God, You who see me - and yet, here I am, still breathing after seeing Him." So the well was called Beer-lahai-roi, between Kadesh and Bered. And sure enough, Hagar gave birth to Abram's son and Abram (who was 86 years old) named him Ishmael.
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Erin & Friend; Been there, done that; Ruth musical
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
One year before he hit the big one-oh-oh, Abraham saw God, and God said, "It's me, God. Straighten up. I'm going to make a pact with you, like this: you will have a huge swath of the future gene pool."
And Abraham prostrated himself, as you might expect.
And God went on to say that he was going to give him free and clear deed to the land of Canaan. "All you gotta do is cut off the end of your twanger. And your son's twanger. And him his son's twanger, and so forth down the long years. Your servants and slaves and stuff too. Plus change your wife's name to Sarah, and she'll get pregnant."
Then Abraham, who had inexplicably gotten up somewhere in the last paragraph, prostrated himself again, but not before having a good chuckle at God's expense. "Yeah right," he said. "I'm 100 and Sarai -- I mean Sarah -- is 90. These things just don't happen. It's like somebody coming back from the dead or walking on water. Give me a break. Look, why not make Ishmael the founder of my dynasty? Let's not joke about Sarah."
And God said, "One year's time. And Sarah shall have a son. Deal." Exuent God. (he's plural)
And then Abraham did the twanger-chopping thing. At age 99 (Ishmael was 13). Slaves and servants and stuff too. Ouch.
Genesis 17.
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
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pimple
Ship's Irruption
# 10635
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Posted
Abe (he who used to be called Abram) was sitting at the door of his tent at midday when God appeared to him, in the guise of three visitors.
Abe knew immediately what - or rather Who - he was seeing, prostrated himself before them/it (hereinafter referred to as Him) and prevailed upon Him to stop for some light refreshments.
Abe and Sally (she who used to be called Sarai) and their srvants knocked up a light snack of cakes, succulent fresh-killed veal, yogurt and milk (though not in the same dish as the veal, of course) and gave it to Him. And just in case think Abe was suffeing from the heat or his recent operation, I can tell you that Abe stood there and actually watched Him eat. So He wasn't a ghost or an apparition. He was human. But He was also God.
When He saw Sally, he promised to come back in due course and fix it so Sal could have a child. [Abe looked doubtful. but He said "Look, you want a miracle? Meet me half way - sleep with your wife again and see what happens."] *
Sally spluttered with amusement "What, him ?" she said (to herself of course) " - with me ?" You see, they were both very old and he had stopped having, you know, what women have. But He did not see the joke, which made Sally nervous. She got away with it, though, as you'll soon discover.
Genesis 18 *Some ancient authorities omit this verse ![[Biased]](wink.gif)
[ 31. January 2008, 16:09: Message edited by: pimple ]
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In other words, just because I made it all up, doesn't mean it isn't true (Reginald Hill)
Posts: 8018 | From: Wonderland | Registered: Nov 2005
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pimple
Ship's Irruption
# 10635
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Posted
Oh bugger. The edit window's too small! That should be "She had stopped having, you know..."
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In other words, just because I made it all up, doesn't mean it isn't true (Reginald Hill)
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Lynn MagdalenCollege
Shipmate
# 10651
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Posted
[tangent]
I'm always intrigued that this is the extent of Sarai/Sarah's interaction with God, as recorded in scripture - she laughs, denies it and God says, "you did too laugh." But Hagar gets two profound interactions-- I see a pattern of God ministering to and caring for those without provision; Sarah didn't need Him nearly so much as Hagar did, Sarah had Abraham.
[/tangent]
Genesis 18:16-33
The two 'men' got up and looked down across the land toward Sodom and Abraham accompanied them a little way. So the LORD ponders, "Do I hide from Abraham what I'm about to do? My design is that he will become a great and powerful nation and all humanity will be blessed through him-- in order for all that to happen, he must teach his children and his household the right way to live and how to honor Me."
So the LORD said, "The clamor of Sodom and Gomorrah is deafening and their sin is overwhelming and the complaints are bitter. I've descended to consider and observe whether they're really as bad as all that or did they get a bad rap?"
The two 'men' left for Sodom, leaving Abraham standing in the presence of the LORD (thinking of Lot, no doubt). Trembling Abraham asked, "Will You destroy the righteous with the wicked? What if there are 50 good people living in the city, won't you preserve them and spare the city for their sake? You judge and vindicate all creation, surely You wouldn't destroy 50 good people who just happen to live in a wicked place?"
God told him, "I won't destroy it if I find 50 good people there."
Abraham screwed up his courage and said, "What if the fifty is short by 10% - will you destroy the whole city because of 5 people?"
And God told him, "I won't destroy it if I find 45 good people there."
"How about forty? Will You spare them for forty?"
"I won't destroy it, for the sake of 40 righteous."
"Please don't be angry, LORD! What about 30, would You be merciful for 30?"
"I won't destroy it, for the sake of 30 righteous."
Abraham said, "I've been bold so far; would you believe 20?"
"I won't destroy it, for the sake of 20 righteous."
"Lord, please don't be angry with me as I speak one last time: what if there are only 10 found?"
"I won't destroy it, for the sake of the ten," and as soon as He finished speaking He left. Abraham walked back home (troubled but relieved, because surely Lot had surrounded himself with 9 good people).
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Erin & Friend; Been there, done that; Ruth musical
Posts: 6263 | From: California | Registered: Nov 2005
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alienfromzog
Ship's Alien
# 5327
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Posted
Genesis 19:1-29
So, these two guys (who we all know by now were actually angels) arrive in Sodom around sundown. Lot was sitting in the gate of the city, kicking back and relaxing. Now Lot wasn't a stupid as he looked and he realised they were important so he invited them back to his place for the night.
"No," they replied "We'll kip in the square"
"Not a chance, come-on, I insist."
"Oh alright then," then said "lead on"
So Lot fed them and got them settled in the guest rooms - toothbrushes, soap-on-a-rope, fresh towels, the lot if you pardon the pun... anyway, whilst this was going on there was a bit of a Mardi Gras going on in the street as all the men of the town surrounded Lot's place and demanded that Lot sent the men out so they could have sex with them. ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
Now, as we know Lot was a good bloke, and he went to the guys of the town, making sure he closed the door behind him so they couldn't just rush him and said "No, my friends, do not do this really evil thing, they are guests in my house you shall not touch them, they are under my protection. I would let you have what I value most in this world - my own daughters rather than betray that trust."
"Bugger off" (sorry bad pun again!) they said "Look you're an immigrant here and there's no way we, as Daily Sodom Mail readers are gonna let an immigrant judge us coz we are the right-thinking silent majority! well we were until we starting speaking, anyway..."
So they went to break down his door. Lot was in a bit of a spot here. On the up side these blokes were not exactly ordinary, so firstly they got Lot back in the house and then they struck blind all the men outside the door. Neat trick! Daughters must have been relieved too!
The two men/angels then told Lot to gather all the people who belonged to him and run from the city - and quickly as they were (unsurprisingly) feeling that destruction was the best plan at this point.
So Lot went and found the two young men who were engaged to his daughters;
"Come with me," he pleaded, "God is about to destroy the city!"
"Pull the other one Lot," they replied, "it's got bells* on!" Despite much trying of Lot's part they couldn't stop laughing long enough to listen.
Soon the dawn was approaching and the angels started to get a bit anxious:
"Lot, mate hurry up, you really really don't want to get caught in the back-wash of this thing. Trust us. See those mountains over there; run and this bit is important, don't whatever you do, look back."
Lot wasn't too keen on the mountains so he persuaded them to let him go to a nearby village and for them to not destroy said village.
So Lot and his wife and daughters pull into the village at sunrise. At this point God does a little pyrotechnical act on Sodom and Gomorrah, destroying the whole lot. (No pun this time.) Lot's wife, sadly wasn't quite as smart as Lot and hadn't paid attention to everything and she thought she'd have a good look and see what the fire from heaven looked like. "I mean," she thought "What will I tell the grandchildren; 'so, granny, tell us, what was it like when God destroyed Godom and Somorrah? Please tell us...please' 'Sodom and Gomorrah...well, to be honest, I didn't actually see anything.' 'oh. Bye granny.'" Sadly she looked back. This was a big mistake, I mean it's around 2000 years from this point until Jesus told his followers to be salt and light, and I don't think he meant it literally in this way. On the upside if you find yourself eating chips in this part of the desert, you only need to take your own vinegar.
The next day Abraham had a look and saw that God had destroyed the cities as he said he would.
AFZ
*Hebrew scholars debate the exact meaning of this word as it is not clear that bells - as we would understand them had as yet been invented. It is possible that it referred to a cart-load of scrap metal. Many dodgy pedlars toured the ancient world selling scrap metal as gold or silver. Their carts (hand-, rather than oxen-drawn) were known for their tinkling sound from all the scraps of metal and 'bells' is thought to refer to these scraps. This is first place in history this phrase has been documented; pull the other one - it's got bells on ; meaning an obvious fake or ruse.
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Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not his own facts.
[Sen. D.P.Moynihan]
An Alien's View of Earth - my blog (or vanity exercise...)
Posts: 2150 | From: Zog, obviously! Straight past Alpha Centauri, 2nd planet on the left... | Registered: Dec 2003
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Lynn MagdalenCollege
Shipmate
# 10651
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Posted
Genesis 19:28-38
The whole land around Sodom was smoking like a massive furnace, really dramatic (and no doubt scary for Abraham).
But Abraham was right about the nature of God: He didn't destroy the righteous with the wicked; His angels rescued Lot, who didn't stay in Zoar with his daughters but went up into the mountains and lived in a cave-- a little freaked out.
And, of course, when Dad is freaked the kids are freaked and so the oldest daughter turned to her younger sister and said, "we're the last people on earth and we'll all die off if we don't do something. Let's get Dad drunk and then we'll, you know, and that way our family will survive."
So they did. Lot was so drunk he didn't even know what happened. The next day the younger sister did the same thing and they both got pregnant by their father. The oldest daughter named her son Moab (the Moabites come from him) and the younger daughter named her son Ben-Ammi and the Ammonites are his offspring.
(kind of a bizarre mirror with Lot's offer of his daughters to the ravenous crowd--)
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Erin & Friend; Been there, done that; Ruth musical
Posts: 6263 | From: California | Registered: Nov 2005
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the pilgrim
Ship's Brownist
# 13263
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Posted
After all this Abe and Sarah moved back to the Negev, which they had always thought was a much nicer neighborhood. That is, until Abimelech, the King of Gerar, started making eyes at Sarah, who was still a "hotty" at age 90.
Old habits are hard to break, and again Abraham went around saying of his wife, "She's just my sister, REALLY!" What a guy! So King Abimelech sent for Sarah and took her into the palace.
Genesis 20:1-2
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Life is good in the palm of God's hand.
Posts: 841 | From: the palm of the mitten | Registered: Dec 2007
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
Abimelech realized something was up, though. He didn't touch her and dialed up God, saying, "He said she was his sister, what's up with that? Don't hold this against my people!"
"Yeah," God said, "you're okay. I kept you from sinning cos I knew your heart was in the right place. Send her back and I'll have him pray for you. Believe it or not he's a prophet. Your people are safe."
And Abimelech had a cabinet meeting where they discussed the thing with fear and trembling. They summoned Abraham and said, "Look, pal, that was a dirty deed. God could have wiped out the whole nation. What's up with you?"
"I was afraid of dying," he said. "And she kind of is my sister, coming as we do from a small town. So I asked her to lie to save my own skin."
Then Abimelech gave him nice gifts and a free ticket to move wherever he wanted in the kingdom. Finally wearying of talking to Abraham, he told Sarah he was giving Abraham money to atone for moving her into the palace.
Abraham prayed for Abimelech and God, who contrary to what was said above punished him by preventing all his womenfolk from having kids, removed the curse.
Gen 20:3-18
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
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the pilgrim
Ship's Brownist
# 13263
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Posted
God really did have a soft spot in his heart for Sarah, and finally the time came to keep his promise that she would mother Abraham's child. Well, 'Sho nuff,' she soon had a bun in the oven.
When the tyke made his entry Abraham named him Issac. When he was eight days old his dad nipped the tip off his tallywhacker just as God had commanded and what a party they had!
Gust think of it! Abraham, one hundred years old! Sarah, ninty years old! Sarah laughed and laughed and laughed, and everyone who was there and had seen it with their own eyes laughed with her. Who would have thunk it?
Genesis 21: 1-7
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Life is good in the palm of God's hand.
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
But of course, nothing stays happy forever. The anklebiter turned into a toddler, and Abraham threw a big party to celebrate. But big brother Ishmael was teasing him, in a typical annoying teenager way, and Sarah (who had a monstrous case of PMS) said, "Get that bitch and her no-good son out of my face, my baby's not sharing anything with HIM, ya hear me!?!"
Abraham was like, "WTF? It's my kid too."
But God said, "Stop freaking out and just do what your wife says, after all you wouldn't be in this mess if you'd gotten the term of my promise straight from the beginning. Isaac is the da man. But I know you love Ishmael, so I'll make him a great nation too."
And Abraham stifled the rude things he wanted to say and went away and did as he was told.
Genesis 21 verses 8-13
[ 02. February 2008, 00:57: Message edited by: Lamb Chopped ]
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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Twilight
Puddleglum's sister
# 2832
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Posted
So the next morning Abraham got up very early and packed some bread and water and set them on Hagar's shoulder so she would have her arms free to hold the boy. Then he sent them away. Hagar walked straight out into the sunrise until she was alone in the wilderness of Beersheba.
Genesis 21: 14
Posts: 6817 | Registered: May 2002
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the pilgrim
Ship's Brownist
# 13263
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Posted
Now comes one of the most heartbreaking scenes in the whole Good Book IMHO. Hagar keeps walking until she plumb runs out of water. She looks around and it's like 'Death Valley at high noon' baby!
The kid is pretty well out of it already, so she gets him arranged as comfortably as she can in the shade of a shrub and walks off so that she was still near him but can't see him or hear him moan as he dies. Then she starts bawling her eyes out. If you aren't tearing up a bit yourself just reading about it, there's something wrong with you.
Genesis 21:15-16
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Life is good in the palm of God's hand.
Posts: 841 | From: the palm of the mitten | Registered: Dec 2007
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pimple
Ship's Irruption
# 10635
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Posted
Amen. It's appropriate to take a pause here. It's good to remember that among all the violence of the OT there is real pathos. These writers - many of them - knew their stuff.
In case you misread me, I mean that they read the human situation - as well as the divine - with great insight and compassion - two aspects not always fully appreciated by those affronted by all the gore (like me).
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In other words, just because I made it all up, doesn't mean it isn't true (Reginald Hill)
Posts: 8018 | From: Wonderland | Registered: Nov 2005
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Twilight
Puddleglum's sister
# 2832
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Posted
It was truly a scene of sadness and desperation as Hagar sobbed in the desert. Surely she must have wondered what she had done wrong to end this way. She had been born an Egyptian Princess! When her father had presented her to the handsome and charismatic Abraham she truly thought her noble destiny was to be fulfilled, but her joyous wedding plans had been dashed into humiliation and panic when she learned that the beautiful woman Sarah was his true wife and not his sister.
From princess to slave in one fell swoop and then later to be used as a vessel for "Sarah's" child. Haggar's only real happiness had come as a mother who loved her son even as she had to take second claim on him.
Now she was watching him die.
Seven times, legend has it, Haggar climbed the surrounding mountains looking for water. Now she was too exhausted to go on and the only sound in the desert was her son's crys of pain.
At the last moment, an angel appeared before Haggar. As angels must always do, he first assured Haggar not to be afraid. Then the angel told her that God had heard Ishmael crying and everything was going to be just fine. Haggar was to lift her son up and take him by the hand. God was going to make him the head of a great family-nation.
Then he showed Haggar a well and they drank and drank.
God watched over Ishmael as he grew-up in the Desert of Paran and he turned out to be a fine archer.
Haggar went to Eygpt to chose a wife for him from her own people.
Genesis 21: 17-20
Posts: 6817 | Registered: May 2002
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Twilight
Puddleglum's sister
# 2832
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Posted
{ Note: Islamic traditions added to Haggar's story}
Posts: 6817 | Registered: May 2002
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
Now Abimelech, and Phicol his generalissimo, whoever they are, came down to see Abraham 'cause they had heard God was on his side and didn't want any trouble from that direction.
"You've got God on your side," Abimelech said to Abraham, "that much is clear. Now we've been good to you while you've been here, haven't we? Yes, by golly we've been good to you. So promise us you won't screw us over."
"Sure," said Abraham. "But about this well..."
"Well? What well?" said Abimelech. "First I've heard of it."
"Your servants took it from me. I swear I dug it, really. Take these sheep" (presents sheep).
"Um, yeah, thanks. Why the sheep?" said Abimelech
"Take them as earnest money that I dug this well."
So they made their agreement, and Abimelech and Phicol headed off back home. Abraham planted a tamarinth tree and called the place "Beersheba" which is Hebrew for "We made a pact here and I planted a tamarinth tree and gave some sheep to prove I wasn't lying about a well."
Then he prayed to God using the names "YHWH" and "Eternal God", and for a long while he was surrounded by Philistines.
Gen 21:22-32
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
[pardon me]
quote:
Originally posted by BWSmith:
And Shem was Abraham's great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather. Gen 11:10-26
![[Snigger]](graemlins/snigger.gif)
[sorry, carry on.]
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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alienfromzog
Ship's Alien
# 5327
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Posted
A few years later, (some say as many as 30...) God tested Abraham.
"Hey Abraham!"
"Yes God?" Abraham replied,
"Take Isaac, your son, whom you love more than anything else in the world and go to Moriah. In the mountains there sacrifice him as a burnt offering."
"Um....ok" Abraham replied doubtfully
At dawn Abraham and Isaac and two servants set out for Moriah with lots of chopped wood for the burnt offering. After three days of travelling Abraham could see the place God had in mind so he told the his servants to wait and he and Isaac went on alone.
As they walked Isaac notice there was something missing;
"Dad?"
"Yes, son?"
"We have fire and wood but no lamb for the burnt offering, what's up with that?" Abraham replied;
"God will provide the lamb."
So when they reached the place God had told Abraham about, he built an altar and put the wood on it. Then he bound his son on top of the wood and took the knife the slay Isaac.
(It's all a bit tense isn't it....)
At the last moment a voice from heaven called:
"Abraham, Abraham!"
"yes?"
"Don't harm the boy. I know that you fear God because you have not withheld from me your only son"
When Abraham looked up, in the thicket he saw a ram and sacrificed that instead. The place is now called Yaweh will provide.
Then that voice from heaven came again:
"I swear by me, says Yaweh, because you did not withhold even your son from me I will massively bless you. Look at the stars (still no light pollution) and think of the sand by the sea - I will make your descendants as numerous as these. They will take possession of the cities of your enemies but more than that - through them I will bless all nations on earth."
So then they all went home.
Genesis 22: 1-19
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Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not his own facts.
[Sen. D.P.Moynihan]
An Alien's View of Earth - my blog (or vanity exercise...)
Posts: 2150 | From: Zog, obviously! Straight past Alpha Centauri, 2nd planet on the left... | Registered: Dec 2003
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pimple
Ship's Irruption
# 10635
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Posted
"Dear Abraham,
I hope this reaches you safely. Where have you and Isaac been? . I keep telling your brother Nahor to write but, as you'll see in a minute, he has been rather busy...
Anyway, Nahor and Milcah have eight kids now - Uz, Buz (where do they get these names from?) -
Kemuel, Chesed, Hazo, Pildash, Jidlaph and Bethuel. Actually, Kemuel's hardly a kid now - married with a child of his own called Aram. Now that's what I call a nice name.
Well anyroad after Ches, Haz, Pill, Jiddle and Beth (in fairly quick succession), Milcah said 'Enough boyo!' so he had a few more children
with his live-in comforter Reumah. They're called Tebah, Gaham (Nahor never could pronounce hi Rs_) Tahash and Maacah.
Isn't it time we all got together for a hootnanny?"
Editor's note: sender unknown. Bethuel became the father of Rebekah, who in due course married Isaac.
Genesis 22:20-24
[ 04. February 2008, 17:15: Message edited by: pimple ]
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In other words, just because I made it all up, doesn't mean it isn't true (Reginald Hill)
Posts: 8018 | From: Wonderland | Registered: Nov 2005
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
It probably was time for a party, but by now Sarah was 127 (or so she said: nobody wanted to contradict her) but before they could have a birthday party for her, she died. So Abraham consulted his local Hittite estate agent, who sold him a field with trees and a cave for the bargain price of Sh.400 (which was about four times what it was actually worth: the trees and cave meant it wasn't any good for farming) and buried her in the cave.
(Gen 23: 1-20)
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Lynn MagdalenCollege
Shipmate
# 10651
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Posted
FWIW, I'd like to see this thread remain a paraphrase of scripture rather than bringing in legends from other faiths. Here, if you want to discuss it.
Genesis 24:1-9
Now Abraham was one old dude (maybe not compared to the guys in Genesis 5 but ancient as we reckon old) and he called his most-trusted servant and said, "Put your hand under my thigh," which is to say, "Take hold of my three-piece-set," and made him promise not to let Isaac marry a Canaanite girl but to go and fetch him a bride from his family back in Ur. "But whatever you do, don't take Isaac back there!"
"Um, how am I supposed to manage this? Bring a wife for Isaac but she doesn't get to meet him first?"
So Abraham told him, "The LORD, the God of Heaven Who took me from that place and has blessed me and promised to give this land to my descendants after me, He will make it possible; He will send His angel with you. But if the woman isn't willing to come back to marry Isaac, you will be released from this oath. But whatever you do, don't take my son back there!"
So the servant put his hand under Abraham's thigh and swore to do the job to Abraham's specifications.
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Erin & Friend; Been there, done that; Ruth musical
Posts: 6263 | From: California | Registered: Nov 2005
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the pilgrim
Ship's Brownist
# 13263
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Posted
The servant took ten of Abraham's best camels, packed up a lot of really nice stuff for gifts, and set out for Abraham's old stomping grounds around Nahor in Aram Naharaim. When he got there it was coming on to the hour when the young women would come out to draw water from the town well in the cool of the evening air.
Now Abraham's servant was no dummy. He knew that the only way this whole project was going to turn out well would be if Abraham's God had his hand in the mix. So he lifted up a little prayer something like this; 'Yahweh, God of my master, It's time to show how much you love Abraham. Please help me out here. I've got no idea what kind of a bride to pick out for young Isaac, so I'm putting it in your hands. I'm just going to pick out one of these young ladies coming out to draw water and ask her to give me a drink. If she replies "Drink your fill and I'll water your camels too," I'll know that she is the one you have chosen to be Isaac's bride, and that you really do love Abraham.'
The servant hadn't even finished the prayer when who should he see coming down the lane to the well with a water jug but the beautiful local homecoming queen, Rebekah, the daughter of Abraham's own nephew, Bethuel. She was a knockout, and as pure as the driven snow. The servant watched as she filled her water jug and then took off after her on a dead run.
When he had caught up to her he asked, 'May I have a sip of water?' She replied, 'You betcha! And while your wettin' your whistle, why don't I just draw some water for your ten camels too!'
This she did, and Abraham's servant could hardly believe his eyes. He didn't know what to say!
'Could Abraham's God really have answered his prayer so quickly?' he thought to himself.
Genesis 24:10-21
[ 05. February 2008, 02:45: Message edited by: the pilgrim ]
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Life is good in the palm of God's hand.
Posts: 841 | From: the palm of the mitten | Registered: Dec 2007
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
So once the camels had drunk their fill (which is to say, several hours later), the man took out a really stylish nose-ring and a couple of nice bracelets (we're not talking cheap mall franchise junk either), and he gave them to the maiden. "So who's your daddy?" he asked.
And she spilled her whole family tree (daughter of Bethuel, whose folks were Micah and Nahor), and indicated that he could come to their house, and they had plenty for the camels to eat.
So he praised God saying, "Hot dang, pay dirt! Blessed be the God of my master Abraham! He wanted relatives and here we are!"
But when he finished praying and looked up she was gone -- she ran ahead to the house, and told everybody what had happened. Her brother Laban saw all the fancy bling and went out to meet the servant, and said, "Wow, clearly you and God have an agreement. Don't stand outside, come on it! I made everything ready for you and your camels in the space of the last two paragraphs!"
So they took care of his camels, and gave him water to wash his feet, and brought him food. But he said, "Whoa! I'd rather not eat until I tell you why I'm here."
"Spill it!" said Laban. "We're all ears."
Genesis 24:22-33
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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scribbler
Shipmate
# 12268
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Posted
"So it's like this," the servant said. "You know that feeling you get when you find a twenty in the pocket of a jacket you haven't worn in a year? That's how my boss, Abraham, feels all the time. The LORD has totally hooked him up--cash, camels, Camel Cash, an entourage--even Abraham: The Next Generation long after everyone thought the franchise was over. What he wants, he gets. And next on the list is a wife for his son from his people, your people. (Not those honey-breathed Canaanites!)
"And I was totally like, 'What if little miss theknot.com doesn't feel like joining Team Abraham?'"
But my boss said, "The LORD will send his angel before you, and I'm talking theologically-murky-but-potentially-pre-incarnate-Jesus angel, not some Botticelli cherub. So park that whambulance and fetch the wife from my people. Buy the ticket, take the ride"
Genesis 24:34-41
[ 05. February 2008, 04:30: Message edited by: scribbler ]
Posts: 309 | From: U.S.A. | Registered: Jan 2007
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Lynn MagdalenCollege
Shipmate
# 10651
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Posted
![[Killing me]](graemlins/killingme.gif)
Genesis 24:42-67
The servant continued: "So I asked the LORD, Abraham's God, if He would give favor to my task, to cause the maiden whom I ask for water to not only offer water to me but also offer to water my camels. And almost before I finished praying in my heart your Rebekah appeared with her jar - so I asked and she answered exactly as I prayed she would.
"I asked, 'Who's your daddy?' and she told me y'all - the exact right family and everything-- so a little bling was called for, methinks. And while she watered the camels I bowed down to Abraham's God because, whoa, that was quick!
"So let me know if you're going to honor this request because otherwise I'm wasting my time and need to look for someone else."
Rebekah's fathter Bethuel and her brother Lot looked at each other, "What can we say? Clearly this is a God thing-- here is Rebekah before you (and looking at her we can tell this is all pretty exciting and appealing; none of the other offers have been this attractive or mystical - we think she's up for it) - take her and go."
Once again the servant bowed to the ground to honor the LORD. Then he brought out a large amount of gold, silver, rich garments and many other items of great value; he gave most of it to Rebekah but he also was very generous with her brother and her mother.
The servant and the company with him ate and drank and spent the night. In the morning he said, "I'm ready to get back to my master," but Lot and his mother said, "Oh, not so soon! Let Rebekah stay a few more days --say, oh, ten-- and then you can go."
"I really need to get back to Abraham and let him know this joyous outcome; please don't delay me!"
And they shrugged and said, "We'll let Rebekah decide." And Rebekah was ready to start living her new life and didn't particularly want to hang around another ten days while Lot thought of more reasons to delay her departure.
So she left with her maid and Abraham's servant and all his company and her family blessed her: "May you become millions upon millions and may your offspring possess the gate of those who hate them." Which was a really cool blessing in that time, even if it sounds kind of weird to us now.
In the meantime, Isaac came from the well at Lahai-roi because he'd been living in the Negev; he went out in the field to meditate as the evening fell and he saw a company of camels approaching.
Rebekah saw him and dismounted, "Who is that (rather fine, if I do say so myself) man in the field? He's coming to meet us--" and the servant answered, "That is my master, your intended." So she covered herself with her veil.
Meanwhile the servant told Isaac all the wonderful details and Isaac drew Rebekah into the fine tent which had belonged to his mother Sarah. Isaac caught her up and embraced her and kissed her and he wouldn've inspired Rudolph Valentino.
And so it was that Rebekah became his wife and Isaac was comforted because he still grieved for his mother.
[ 05. February 2008, 23:44: Message edited by: Lynn MagdalenCollege ]
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Erin & Friend; Been there, done that; Ruth musical
Posts: 6263 | From: California | Registered: Nov 2005
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the pilgrim
Ship's Brownist
# 13263
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Posted
Being the randy ol' duffer that he was, Abraham took another wife, Keturah, who turned out to be quite the fertile filly. She bore Abraham six more children, who in turn started the nations of the Asshurites, Letushites, Leummites and various other 'ites'.
But Abraham cared for none of them as he did for Isaac. When he realized that he was reaching the end of his rope, Abraham gave his concubines and their children some really nice stuff and sent them all on their way to unspecified lands to the east, so that they wouldn't cause any trouble, and then left everything else that he had to his boy, Isaac.
When he reached the ripe old age of a hundred and seventy-five Abraham kicked the bucket, as we are all bound to do sooner or later.
Funerals have a funny way of bringing families back together again, and this one was no exception. Believe it or not, Ishmael flew in on the red-eye to be there in time to help Isaac bury the old man next to Sarah, in the cave that the family had bought years ago from Ephron the Hitite.
God then blessed Isaac, who moved to a new place down neer Beer Lahai Roi.
Ishmael wasn't doing so bad either. He had twelve sons of his own, each of whom became the head of his own tribe! When Ishmael reached the even riper old age of a hundred and and thirty-seven, he expired as well (again, as we are all bound to do sooner or later). His descendants all moved off in the direction of Egypt, and became one feudin', fightin', fussin', bunch of folk to deal with.
GENESIS 25:1-18
[ 06. February 2008, 16:39: Message edited by: the pilgrim ]
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Life is good in the palm of God's hand.
Posts: 841 | From: the palm of the mitten | Registered: Dec 2007
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Autenrieth Road
Shipmate
# 10509
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Posted
But enough about Ishmael, let's talk about Isaac Abrahamson again. Isaac had hit the big four-oh when his dad's servant brought back Rebekah, who was some kind of relation to Isaac already because of her dad being Bethuel and her brother being Laban, even if they were living back in Aram.
And whaddya know, Rebekah couldn't have kids either. Which makes you wonder if maybe it's the male side of the family that was shooting blanks, seeing as Abraham's wife spent a long time without kids either, but this is Isaac's story so we're going to blame it all on someone else, like say Rebekah.
Anyway, Isaac prayed about this saying "Father God, I just wanna say that I really wanna have a kid and your daughter Rebekah wants to have a kid, and I just wanna say, Father God, that I thank you for laying it on my heart to want a kid, and on your daughter Rebekah's heart to want a kid, and Father God, if it's your will, could you make it so that sometime when your daughter Rebekah and I are playing hide the salami, that we could get a bun in the oven?"
So the Lord said yes.
And it turned out that Rebekah had two buns in the oven and they were rising in a tumultous and clamourous way, and Rebekah said, "This sucks."
And the Lord said "Well of course it does, you have two whole nations inside of you, and they're going to keep fighting, and not only that, the younger is going to be like younger brothers everywhere and get whatever he wants and the older brother is going to have to do what he says."
Well, lo and behold, Rebekah went into labor, and guess what? It was just as the Lord said. And the first one came out all red, which isn't so surprising in a new-born baby, but he was also all hairy, which is surprising, so they called him Hairy. And the other one came out right away because the grasping bugger had grabbed onto Hairy's heel, so they called him Holds The Heel. By this time Isaac had hit the big six-oh.
Genesis 25:19-26
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Truth
Posts: 9559 | From: starlight | Registered: Oct 2005
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Lynn MagdalenCollege
Shipmate
# 10651
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Posted
Genesis 25:27-34
Esau a.k.a. Hairy was a real outdoorsman: a great hunter, a master at ranching; Yakov was gentle and hung around the tents and, as is sometimes the case with two parents and two kids, Itzchak had a special relationship with Esau and Rebekah loved that Jacob (and maybe she told him about what the LORD said to her when she was pregnant--).
So one day Jacob's home as usual, making a really nice pot of red chili, and Esau has been out toiling in the hot sun and he's faint with hunger. "Hey!" he says, "let me have some of that red stew because it smells good and I'm wasting away here" (this is where he gets the nickname 'Red' a.k.a. Edom).
But there are no flies on Jacob and he's always figuring a way to get ahead of Esau so he just comes right out and says, "Sure, if you sell me your rights as the firstborn son."
And Esau wasn't always the sharpest tack in the drawer and at the moment he can't see any value in being the firstborn son, "I'm going to die; what does my birthright mean to me?"
"Swear?" Jacob asked.
"Yes, alright already! I swear!"
So Jacob smiled a smug little smile and served up a nice hearty portion of that red chili pottage soup stew stuff and a big hunk of fresh bread. Esau sat down and tucked in, finished it off, wiped his mouth with his arm, belched, and went back out to the fields.
What little regard Esau had for his rights as the firstborn!
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Erin & Friend; Been there, done that; Ruth musical
Posts: 6263 | From: California | Registered: Nov 2005
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Swish
Shipmate
# 8566
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Posted
Now History has a way of repeating itself, especially Biblical History. Once again there was a famine, or time of hunger, and Isaac must have been pondering a trip to Egypt like his dad. God being God had different ideas and told him to stay in a town called Gerar so that the descendants-like-stars prophecy might come true.
Issac was a lot like his dad and when he realised how good looking his wife Rebekah was (seems Abraham and his family were either good looking or just got really lucky with their wives) decided on the tried and tested method of lying and saying that she was his sister. Didn't work well, and when King Abimelech found out, he had a go at Isaac about it and decided, being nicer and more honest than Isaac, to protect them both.
(Gen 26 v1-11)
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Sorry Ted. I was concentrating too hard on looking holy.
Posts: 114 | From: Sheffield | Registered: Sep 2004
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Lynn MagdalenCollege
Shipmate
# 10651
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Posted
Genesis 26:12-35
Isaac was doing really well. Really well. And the Philistines were going a bit green with envy so Abimelech said, "You'd best be moving along..."
And the Philistines had filled the wells dug by Abraham with earth, so when Isaac left he went to Gerar, settled, and re-dug the well his father Abraham had established there and called it by the name his father gave it. It was a good well with deep flowing water but the herdsmen of Gerar fought with Isaac's people, claiming the water as their own. So Isaac renamed it "Esek," which means 'contention.'
Isaac re-dug another well and the local herdsmen quarreled over that one, too; so he renamed it "Sitnah," which means 'strife.'
Isaac moved farther away and dug a third well; this one they didn't fight over so he called it "Rehoboth" because at last there was enough room.
Then Isaac moved up to Beersheba and right away the LORD showed up: "Don't be afraid! I am the God of your father Abraham and I'm with you, I'm going to bless you and give you a vast number of descendants because of the promise I made My servant, your father Abraham." And Isaac thought that was a good thing and he built an altar there and worshiped the LORD.
Meanwhile his servants were digging another well.
Then Abimelech showed up with his adviser (Ahuzzath) and military chief (Philcol) and Isaac said, "What's up with this? You send me away and then you come calling?"
After hemming and hawing a bit, the three came right out and said, "Look, we can see that the LORD has blessed you and made you strong and wealthy, so let's have a treaty between us, what say? You won't hurt us, just as we sent you away without harm."
And Isaac thought about it and said, "I'll drink to that," and so they did - and had a nice feast while they were at it.
In the morning shortly after they left Isaac's servants came in from digging the well and said, "We found water," so Isaac named it "Shebah," which means 'an oath.' That's why the place is called Beersheba to this very day.
But enough about Isaac and wells: Esau was now 40 years old and he married a local Hittite girl named Judith and another local Hittite girl named Basemath and these two wives were a torment to Isaac and Rebekah.
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Erin & Friend; Been there, done that; Ruth musical
Posts: 6263 | From: California | Registered: Nov 2005
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Nigel M
Shipmate
# 11256
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Posted
Gen. 27:1-40
He-Laughed was humming a ditty (to the tune Doe of the Morning, of course), “My eyes are dim, I cannot see; I have not brought my specs with me.” This put him in mind of feeling cold, losing contact with his legs and lights at the end of tunnels, so he decided to put his affairs in order.
“Oi, Hairy-One,” he bellowed, “Remember I used to tell you that one day all this will be yours? Well today's the day. First things first, though; go shoot something tasty and serve it up. I'd do it meself, you know, but me rheumatics are playing up and me wounds from falling down all them wells me blasted servants kept digging....” But Hairy-One had already gone with his trusty bow and merry men.
Now, unbeknown to either of them (but about to be known to you, gentle reader), the woman of the tent, She-Noose, had been doing a bit of the old ear-flapping in the background. Post-haste, she put into practice a devious scheme of her own devising that she had prepped for some time, ready for just this occasion. She short-circuited the tasty-food routine by sending out her younger son, Heel-Grabber, to the local to fetch the fast food version of kebab, with a view to subverting the blessing routine. Heel-grabber was quick to note a flaw in the scheme – to wit his overindulgence with hair-removing unguent.
She-Noose was not named a trapper for nothing. She attired Heel-Grabber with Hairy-One's togs and patched Heel-Grabber's exposed skin with Hair of Goat. Step forward one hairy heel with kebab, ready to travel.
Just as well, because He-Laughed was confused (something to do with age, apparently); he heard Heel-Grabber's voice, but smelt Hairy-One's clothes. Throwing caution to the winds, however, He-Laughed went ahead and coughed up the family blessing.
Time passed and, Lo! (one needs to say that from time to time) in from the hunt came the really Hairy-One. Plot was uncovered and pleas entered, to no avail. The Dastardly Deed was Done and Dusted. Hairy-One's lineage was doomed to work for that of the Heel-Grabber. The only consolation He-Laughed could offer his first son was that 2 Kings 8:20-22 would come eventually.
The moral of this story is: If you really want the last laugh in this world, avoid snares by doing your blessing while you are still in control of your faculties. Otherwise you won't know heel from hair.
Posts: 2826 | From: London, UK | Registered: Apr 2006
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the pilgrim
Ship's Brownist
# 13263
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Posted
Well, as you might expect, the red and hairy brother was more than a wee bit put out over what his thieving younger sib had done to trick him out of his father's blessing. So he said to himself, (and to anyone else who might be listening) "Pops ain't long for this world now, and once he kicks the bucket, and we get him in the grave good and proper, I'm gona KILL that no good *&$#@* brother of mine!"
Well word of what Esau was saying got around to Mom, and when she heard it she sent for her younger son and told him to high-tail it over to Uncle Laban's place and hole-up there until ol' Esau calmed down a bit (a few years, at the least). When he did, she would send word for Jacob to come home.
Then Mom went and talked things over with Pops. "Your boy Esau's two Hittite floozies make me want to vomit! If Jacob hooks up with one of their sisters you might as well shoot me!"
So Pops called in Jacob, blessed him again, and told him about Mom's prejudice against the local girls. "Go visit your Mom's folks, boy, and find yourself a cousin to marry. It's a bit of a family tradition you know. May the Good Lord bless you lad, and may you have more kids than you know what to do with, oodles of em, so that they spread out over this whole land God gave to your Grandpa." And with that Isaac sent Jacob on his way.
When older brother Esau learned what had happened he finally wised up about how Mom and Dad felt about his choice in babes. So he took a short trip himself to visit uncle Ishmael, and he married one of his grand daughters thinking it might help make things better at home. (yea, right! ha, ha, ha!)
Genesis 27:41 - 28:9
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Life is good in the palm of God's hand.
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Lynn MagdalenCollege
Shipmate
# 10651
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Posted
Genesis 28:10-22
Thus Jacob left Beersheba and hied himself off toward Haran. But it's a long journey and he stopped to sleep after the sun set; he took a stone and put it under his head (now, if you're like me, this has always bothered you - a stone?! for a pillow? - but perhaps he just needed to align his spine).
Jacob had a dream. In this dream there was a ladder upon the earth that stretched all the way into heaven and God's angels were climbing up and climbing down upon the ladder. And the LORD stood at the top of the ladder and said, "I am the LORD, God of Abraham, God of Isaac. This place where you're sleeping? I'm going to give it to you and your descendants - and you're going to have a lot of descendants; you'll spread west and east and north and south and you and your offspring will be a blessing to all the people of the earth. I'm going to watch over you and be with you and bring you back to this land; I won't leave until I've done everything I've promised."
Jacob woke up and said, "Wow! What a dream! What a place! GOD is in this place and I didn't even know it. This is God's house and heaven's gate." So he put up a pillar and put the stone (the pillow-stone) on top of the pillar and poured oil on top - and he called the place Bethel (which means 'house of God') even though the locals called it Luz.
And Jacob promised that if God would protect him and provide for him and see him safely back to his father's home, he would give 10% of everything to God.
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Erin & Friend; Been there, done that; Ruth musical
Posts: 6263 | From: California | Registered: Nov 2005
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la vie en rouge
Parisienne
# 10688
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Posted
Gen 29 1-14
Heel-grabber continued on his journey, hoping to find some friends soon, since he’d run away from home in a hurry without any food or clean underwear.
Later in the day, he ran into a group of shepherds with their sheep. Then the head shepherd’s daughter, Little Lamb appeared. Heel-grabber fell in love with her at first sight and cried because Little Lamb was so BEAUTIFUL.
Little Lamb’s father turned out to be Heel-grabber’s Uncle Laban and he invited Heel-grabber to stay.
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Lynn MagdalenCollege
Shipmate
# 10651
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Posted
Genesis 29:15-35
Uncle Laban said, "Hey, we're family - I should pay you something for your labor - what do you think?"
And moonstruck Jacob said, "I'll work seven years for your goodlookin' younger daughter, the Little Lamb" (because, you know, the older daughter's eyes are Weary). And that sounded good to Laban: better his girl should marry within the family.
And because Jacob was so smitten the years flew by and soon he said, "Hey! It's been seven years; give me my wife!" So Laban threw a big party and celebrated with a lot of wine and Jacob was rather pie-eyed when he went in to his wife so when he woke in the morning he had a terrible shock! There was Leah of the weary eyes and not his delightful little Rachel Lamb. Horrors!
"AUGH! What have you done to me? Whey did you deceive me?! I worked for Rachel, not Leah!" And Laban said, "Calm down, calm down - it's not right to marry the younger daughter before the older. Finish her week and then you can have Rachel... for another seven years' work!"
So pretty soon Jacob had two wives and each wife had her own maid servant: Tricksy was Leah's maid and Rachel's maid was Bothered. Jacob loved his Little Lamb more than Leah.
The LORD saw that Leah was unloved, so He caused her to be fertile; she had a son and said, "Look, a son! Now my husband will love me."
And she had another son and said, "The LORD heard I am unloved and gave me a second son."
And she had a third son and said, "Finally my husband will become attached to me," (and still Jacob loved Rachel more).
Leah had a fourth son and this time she said, "I will praise the LORD." And then she didn't get pregnant again.
{Reuben, Simeon, Levi, and Judah}
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Erin & Friend; Been there, done that; Ruth musical
Posts: 6263 | From: California | Registered: Nov 2005
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la vie en rouge
Parisienne
# 10688
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Posted
(Apparently no one likes the looks of this chapter, so in the interests of keeping the story moving, I'll have a go...)
Leah had had four babies and Rachel hadn't had any, and she was feeling a bit smug that just for once she'd managed to get one up on her pretty sister. Consequently Rachel got all upset and said to Jacob 'Why does Leah have all the babies and I don't have any? It's not fair, I want babies too'. Fertility treatment wasn't available on the NHS yet and Jacob said 'What I am supposed to do about it?' So Rachel came up with the plan that she would give him her maid for an extra wife and any babies that the maid had would count as hers. That's what they did and the maid had a baby and Rachel felt a bit better.
Leah felt a bit threatened by this even though she was still winning really (she had four babies, all her own and Rachel only had one, and that one was kind of cheating) so she gave Jacob her maid too, to make sure she'd keep her place in the pecking order. Result: baby can't remember how many.
Leah's son went out in the fields and found some mandrakes, and apparently he didn't think there was anything weird about giving your mother an aphrodisiac so she can have sex with your father. Rachel and Leah squabbled about them, but eventually Leah won the catfight and got pregnant again and had another son. (Oh, and she had a girl too, which we wouldn't normally bother to tell you about, this being patriarchy and all, but you need to know because something noteworthy happens to her in a few chapters time).
Finally Rachel got pregnant and had her own baby.
Looking after that many wives and babies is kind of expensive, so Jacob decided he needed to consolidate his financial position and negotiated a sheep sharing settlement with his father-in-law. They agreed that Laban would have all the plain coloured sheep and Jacob could have all the spotty ones. Being very cunning, Jacob came up with a plan to make sure all the lambs would end up spotty by putting spotty things in front of them when they were mating. The sheep hadn't heard of genetics so this worked.
By the end of all this, Jacob had four wives, twelve (I think...) children, lots of sheep and a big shortage of peace and quiet.
Gen 30
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Rent my holiday home in the South of France
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