Posted 19 June, 2002 23:05                       

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Ariel
Shipmate
Member # 58

Posted 21 February 2002 13:03

I hate cats.
At work I am surrounded by cat people who are
ailurophiles of the worst kind.
One dated a man for two years before she brought him
home to meet the cat. She told me in all seriousness
that if the cat hadn't liked him, she wouldn't have
married him.
Another feeds her two cats solely on smoked salmon and
cream. Her office is full of photos, posters, pictures,
and things with a cat motif to the point of obsession.
Another one referred to another colleague whose cat had
been run over as her having "lost her little boy" and
advised us to be nice to her as she was "bereaved". A
month later, she was "ready to adopt".
Another one spends a large part of her weekend
travelling to different pet shops in different parts of
the county to buy the special food that her cats and
dogs like. We also had to cut lunch short one time
because she had to rush back home to see whether the
pets were all right without her. I have been told that
in a couple of years when they are old enough, she'll be
able to have lunch with me again.
I do not like cats, ever since I had a garden. If you
don't like cats, for whatever reason, this thread is for
you.

Posts: 1598 | From: A cloven pine | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged

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Cuttlefish

Shipmate
Member # 1244

Posted 21 February 2002 13:33

Hope this doesn't derail your thread, but we have a
moggy who is on her last legs. I too will feel somewhat
bereaved when she goes to meet the big cat up in the sky
(which I expect to be in the next week or two). I do
have to say though that she has never prevented me from
having lunch or going on holiday or whatever.
And Ariel, if you had ever met our Cath, you would never
have written your OP, she is sooooo adorable.

Posts: 473 | From: 6 metres below sea level |
Registered: Aug 2001 | IP: Logged

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Jane R
Shipmate
Member # 331

Posted 21 February 2002 14:31

Yay Ariel!
I used to be indifferent to cats, but after 12 years as
the only non-cat-owner in the street I am sick of
cleaning catshit out of the flowerbeds and removing bits
of dead bird and frog from the lawn.
However, what I really, really hate is the kind of
person who thinks that cats can Do No Wrong and that
anyone who even suggests otherwise is Beyond The Pale of
civilised society. We have someone like that at work,
who sincerely believes that any attempts to prevent his
cat from hunting would be 'upsetting the balance of
nature'. I have not asked if he believes in feeding his
cat, though I doubt the cat would stay with him if he
didn't, but I think it's a bit rich preaching to others
about upsetting the balance of nature when you've got
one finger on the scales yourself.
I see from the Radio Times that next week BBC2 are
airing a piece of anti-dog propaganda. In the interests
of balance, it would be nice if they did a follow-up
programme on 'The feline conspiracy', but I don't think
it's very likely. Being rude about cats is not
politically correct.
And Cuttlefish... I do like my friend's cat. But he
lives too far away to use my garden as a toilet.
Jane R

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Astro

Shipmate
Member # 84

Posted 21 February 2002 15:13

I hate cats when they try to chase us rabbits
But be warned we have long claws and big teeth too

--------------------
Only by grace ...

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2001 | IP: Logged

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Campbellite

Shipmate
Member # 1202

Posted 21 February 2002 15:27

quote:

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Originally posted by Cuttlefish:
And Ariel, if you had ever met our Cath, you would
never have written your OP, she is sooooo adorable.

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Oh puke! There is NO SUCH THING as an adorable cat.
They are horrible evil creatures which are evidence that
God was truly having a bad day when he made them. I have
to contend with feral cats who roam my neighborhood,
kill birds and squirrels and leave the rotting carasses
in my yard.
Cats? No thank you.

--------------------
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it is too dark to read.

- Groucho Marx

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2001 | IP: Logged

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sharkshooter

Shipmate
Member # 1589

Posted 21 February 2002 15:32

They don't even taste good - or so I've read

--------------------
"If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble
themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from
their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and
will forgive their sin, and will heal their land."

2 Chronicles 7:14

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Campbellite

Shipmate
Member # 1202

Posted 21 February 2002 15:38

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Originally posted by sharkshooter:

They don't even taste good - or so I've read

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They are tough, stringy, and you have to boil them for
hours to soften them up. And when you do, there is
hardly any meat on them.
Not worth the effort.

--------------------
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it is too dark to read.

- Groucho Marx

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2001 | IP: Logged

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Moo

Host
Member # 107

Posted 21 February 2002 15:57

I would love to have a bird feeder, but I can't. There
are so many cats in the neighborhood that attracting
birds would result in wholesale slaughter.
Moo

--------------------
It's not easy being perfect, but somebody has to do it.

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Ham'n'Eggs

Ship's pig
Member # 629

Posted 21 February 2002 16:01

I keep a loaded SupaSoaker by the back door.
'Nuff said.

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Ham'n'Eggs posts nowhere else under this name

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2001 | IP: Logged

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jedijudy

Shipmate
Member # 1059

Posted 21 February 2002 16:03

What I don't like are the folks who think they have to
have a cat, but let it roam (to be squashed by cars,
etc.) and don't neuter them. There is one female (my
next-door neighbors' cat) and two males vying for her
attention in my yard. They scream in the night, and
yesterday...peed on my car!!! I have two cats, which are
inside all the time, and are both spayed. They don't
bother others, and I don't worry about them getting
pregnant or killed.
I think a lot of the cat problem is an "irresposible
owner" problem.
jj

--------------------
I own a burial plot, but it's not necessary to use the
thing.

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Cuttlefish

Shipmate
Member # 1244

Posted 21 February 2002 16:04

Ah yes, but you need at least one cat-lover to post on
this thread to stoke up the heat a bit. If I didn't do
it then one of you would have to pretend to like cats
just to wind the rest of you up.

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sarkycow

Shipmate
Member # 1012

Posted 21 February 2002 16:14

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Originally posted by Jane R:

However, what I really, really hate is the kind of
person who thinks that cats can Do No Wrong and that
anyone who even suggests otherwise is Beyond The Pale
of civilised society.

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What do you mean thinks???
I know that cats can Do No Wrong.
How do I know this? Because my two cats told me so
Viki

--------------------
"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a
profoundly sick society."

"Maybe this world is another planet's hell."

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Chorister

Shipmate
Member # 473

Posted 21 February 2002 16:18

My cat has chosen to live with me. I am highly honoured.
Now dogs on the other hand...... Why do they always foul
the MIDDLE of the footpath or pavement - never the edges
where they would miss my shoes?????!

--------------------
Above all else to thine own self be true.

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Karl
Shipmate
Member # 76

Posted 21 February 2002 16:21

jj - I do not think it is irresponsible to let the cat
outside.
Rather, it is possibly cruel to keep such an animal
indoors all the time.
Some cats might cope; others would suffer.

--------------------
Pussy Willow - down fir-lined avenues; brushing the
sleep
from her young woman's eyes
Runs for the train - see 8 o'clock's coming,
Cutting dreams down to size again
- Jethro Tull

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Ariel
Shipmate
Member # 58

Posted 21 February 2002 16:24

quote:

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Originally posted by Jane R:

However, what I really, really hate is the kind of
person who thinks that cats can Do No Wrong and that
anyone who even suggests otherwise is Beyond The Pale
of civilised society.

---

All the cat people I know are like that.
I just don't understand the logic behind their thinking.
Maybe there isn't any. If a human went round and dug up
someone's garden and left a mess in it, there'd be
fireworks and a court case, but because it's a cat,
apparently this is all right and one shouldn't complain.
It's the principle of the thing. Sewage is sewage
whatever animal produces it.
And I don't think cats are clean, and I especially don't
like visiting places where they leap up on kitchen
surfaces while their owner is getting the meal ready.

Posts: 1598 | From: A cloven pine | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged

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jedijudy

Shipmate
Member # 1059

Posted 21 February 2002 16:37

Karl, I have to admit my house is probably easier for a
kitty to be in than others, lots of sunny window-sills,
an iguana to watch, many cat toys, and one of my
fur-babies (Jasmine) is deathly afraid to go outside.
She's definitely a homebody. Belle, however (AKA Bad
Kitty) tries to sneak out sometimes, but chooses to stay
inside where it's dry and she has food available. Her
forays are more in the nature of a game, moving just
beyond me, then running a bit farther, and eventually
going into the garage as if to say "I'm ready to go in,
now...because it's MY choice". The neighbor's cat is out
in the rain, and does not have food available every day.
She will no doubt have kittens in a few weeks, which
will also be outside, and will have a hard time staying
alive.
Also, I don't like the smell of cat pee, and feel like
it is sticking to me, just because it's so strong on my
car.
For a different POV, see my Mom who lets her cats roam
at will, but they are fixed!

--------------------
I own a burial plot, but it's not necessary to use the
thing.

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bessie rosebride

Shipmate
Member # 1738

Posted 21 February 2002 16:49

My sweet cat, Fearless, stays inside at all times and
she loves it. She has her own private bathroom with a
garden tub and her own bedroom. She has sunny windows to
nap beside on my sofa or rocking chair all day while I'm
at work, Her "cat TV" is looking at all the squirrels
and birds outside. (When she sees the neighbor's 7 pound
dog outside, my cat runs and hides.)
In fact, she is so timid...a ladybug got in the kitchen
the other day and my cat was pretending like she was
helping me catch it; making those wistful cat
noises...when I did catch it, I held it out in a paper
towel so she could see it --and she hid behind the sofa!
She gets in no trouble while I'm away - just is happy to
see me come in, so she can have canned food for dinner
and then purr on my lap while I read...

--------------------
I never eat anything that comes when you call it.....
(Bobcat Goldwaith)

Posts: 375 | From: ni de aqui, ni de alla | Registered:
Nov 2001 | IP: Logged

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Newman's Own
Shipmate
Member # 420

Posted 21 February 2002 16:52

I am Newman's Own's cat, Leonora - I never bothered to
establish my own user ID, since, being of a regal
nature, I was not about to register for anything when
the process involved clicking a button which read, of
all things, "Submit." (I have no interest in a theology
forum in any case. It is bad enough that, when Mums is
studying, I have to listen to her presenting theological
arguments allowed.) However, for all that the computer
keyboard is far from paw friendly, I thought that some
comment here from one of the feline community was in
order. (Please do not take this as some sort of crusade.
We cats are far too dignified and secure to have to
indulge in all sorts of human behaviour that is
basically self-defeating.)
First, some of you need quite a broadened perspective.
We kitties are quite accommodating (and actually very
loving, aloof though we are... the latter not an unusual
trait for Anglicans), but can only work with what our
humans provide. The cat who was screaming during the
night, for example, would not have made such a public
display of herself had she been provided with a suitable
bridal suite. And please do not have such a contempuous
view of cats who dig in gardens and leave "messes"...
associating us with humans who would do so is quite
unjust, since humans, unlike us, tend to have the keys
to the loo - not to mention that they are capable of
relieving themselves with neither the fear of falling
into the toilet nor of difficulty flushing. Please
accord us the same respect as you would to others with
handicaps.
As for the contention that cats are incapable of being
adorable, this only shows your limited scope of
experience. I am the most beautiful cat in the world,
and believe that you would find me quite adorable were
you to stop treating my species with such outright,
prejudicial contempt. If you behaved properly, I would
be quite likely to wrap my paw around your wrist. Nor do
I walk on kitchen tables (very crass, that!), largely
because, when I was a kitten, the first human word I
learnt was "Down."
Sigh! I occasionally lurk on this forum, and know, all
too well, the philosophical problems which can occur
when terms are not properly defined. Kindly do not knock
an entire species for the actions of a few, nor judge us
according to human standards. Our standards are far
higher.
Purrs,
Leonora, aristocat

--------------------
Cheers,
Newman's Own
"In successfully draining the swamp, one must accept the
inevitable point of being up to one's arse in
alligators." - Newman's Own on the Spiritual Life, Vol
II

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Mrs Tubbs

Shipmate
Member # 440

Posted 21 February 2002 17:11

Ham n Eggs

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I keep a loaded SupaSoaker by the back door. 'Nuff
said.

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Shame on you! Shame
Tubbs

--------------------
"We can pray for the sun, Let it shine on everyone,
Sunshine brings love". Cosmic Rough Riders

Posts: 770 | From: Posting my life away | Registered:
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Ariel
Shipmate
Member # 58

Posted 21 February 2002 17:20

Leonora is clearly one of the more articulate cats of
this world, but none the less I feel I must pursue my
case. There is the little matter of spraying the
furniture. And dealing with the claw marks. And cat
hairs everywhere. And fleas. And headless birds.
No, I don't think these creatures are more than
superficially appealing.

Posts: 1598 | From: A cloven pine | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged

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bessie rosebride

Shipmate
Member # 1738

Posted 21 February 2002 17:25

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Originally posted by Newman's Own:

Sigh! I occasionally lurk on this forum, and know, all
too well, the philosophical problems which can occur
when terms are not properly defined. Kindly do not
knock an entire species for the actions of a few, nor
judge us according to human standards. Our standards
are far higher.
Purrs,
Leonora, aristocat

---

Dearest Leonora,
This is Bess, speaking for Fearless.
Unfortunately I have failed her by not providing her a
computer for her intellectual stimulation whilst I am
away all day. I have already promised to rectify this
ASAP.
Meanwhile, she sends her deepest regards and gratitude
for the forthright manner in which
you so regally have defended the most supreme species
that God ever created. (That's a quote )

--------------------
I never eat anything that comes when you call it.....
(Bobcat Goldwaith)

Posts: 375 | From: ni de aqui, ni de alla | Registered:
Nov 2001 | IP: Logged

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UnShaggy

Shipmate
Member # 82

Posted 21 February 2002 17:50

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Oh puke! There is NO SUCH THING as an adorable cat.
They are horrible evil creatures which are evidence
that God was truly having a bad day when he made them.

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Campbellite spoke the truth. What I think should concern
us all is people playing God by cloning the !*%@ing
things. I mean, where will it end - mutant cats?

--------------------
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in
their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a
mile away and you have their shoes.

Posts: 218 | From: Somewhere near Daybreak | Registered:
May 2001 | IP: Logged

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Ham'n'Eggs

Ship's pig
Member # 629

Posted 21 February 2002 18:29

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Originally posted by Tubbs:

Ham n Eggs
Shame on you! Shame
Tubbs

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You an' your pusse wanna make somfin of it?

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Ham'n'Eggs posts nowhere else under this name

Posts: 1038 | From: Milan to Yucatán | Registered: Jun
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Newman's Own
Shipmate
Member # 420

Posted 21 February 2002 19:10

Leonora here.
Ariel, the problems to which you refer are not the fault
of us cats, but of the humans. For example, Mums had me
"done" as soon as I was old enough. Regrettably, one
difficulty is that people take on pets without wanting
the responsibility for them.
However, my point was that rather different standards
apply to cats and humans. It is, I understand,
acceptable amongst the less than regal to defecate in a
garden, have sex in the street (even if things become
noisy), and so forth... provided, of course, that one is
a cat.

--------------------
Cheers,
Newman's Own
"In successfully draining the swamp, one must accept the
inevitable point of being up to one's arse in
alligators." - Newman's Own on the Spiritual Life, Vol
II

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Nunc Dimittis

Host
Member # 848

Posted 21 February 2002 23:44

Leonora, most excellent of fellow cats:
As a fellow feline, I have to agree with the banners you
raise...
We are very intelligent beings, truly. And if neutered
and locked up at night in our safe
laundries/beds/houses, pose little harm to other fauna.
Indeed, though I would not want to shame the feline
community by saying so, birds are sooo scary! My son
Ezekiel takes after me in that when the birds come down
and peck our food, we move out of pecking distance and
tell them to go away by rawrhing at them. Most of those
birds are far too scary to go near!
Rather consider the danger we Cats must face from day to
day when outside in the sun: neighbours with shotguns
(yes, I was shot by the next door neighbour as a kitten
- have a bullet hole in my back leg to prove it); big
dogs that can pick us up and shake us, bruising us badly
(Ezekiel had this happen to him last year and had to
stay at the - ugh - vet's place overnight); we have to
be careful not to curl up in someone else's garage, esp
as the door might be closed and not opened again for a
week.
Ezekiel and I are on the whole very well behaved (he
does have a spraying problem when stressed, but is ok
when life is balanced and regular)... Though I won't
mention the stovetop.
Silly humans. They getcross with me for relieving myself
on the stovetop, when it looks just like a suitable
place, being brown and having good drainage. When one
has to go, one simply has to go. Well, they've done the
sensible thing now, and cover it with a towel. Makes a
wonderful bed - though for some reason they don't like
that either.
I feel very sorry for one of my Mummies; she came down
to feed us this morning to find I'd been sick
everywhere. She wasn't very happy about me bogging into
breakfast, for some reason, and chased me away with the
hose, while she was cleaning up the laundry.
Anyway, I've just spotted a beautiful place in the sun,
and simply must go and sleep for a bit. *yawns
luxuriously*
Keep on Leonora darling!
*purrs*
Sandy (and Ezekiel - though I haven't asked him what he
thinks)

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Nightlamp

Host
Member # 266

Posted 22 February 2002 00:20

I believe if you own a pet then you should simply take
responsibility for it's actions. If a cat damage other
peoples gardens then the owner is duty bound to repay
the owner of the garden.
Dog's don't mess in my garden they are on leads so why
should cats mess in my gardens why are they not on
leads?
When dogs go for walks the owners should pick up the
mess due to the health risk of shit then why don't the
owners of cats do the same.
Explain why I should allow my neighbours cat in the
garden?

--------------------
Instead of spa, we'll drink brown ale
And pay the reckoning on the nail;
No man for debt shall go to jail
From Garryowen in glory.

From Garryowen

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Papa Smurf
Shipmate
Member # 1654

Posted 22 February 2002 00:31

I'm with the anti-moggy brigade on this one.
I'm allergic to them too.

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Store in a cool, dry place

Posts: 575 | From: A small, untidy, yellow walled room |
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Campbellite

Shipmate
Member # 1202

Posted 22 February 2002 00:51

You cat people are all insane! Those minions of the Evil
One have lulled you into a false sense of security, and
deceived you into thinking they are *ugh* cute *ugh*.
There is nothing "cute" about the spawn of Satan. They
are the very embodiment of the Father of Lies. Their
sole purpose is to be worshipped, leading you "cat
fanciers" into violating the very first commandment!
No one "owns" a cat. The cat OWNS you! It is a life of
slavery to the servants of Beelzebub. Flee from the
wrath to come!

--------------------
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it is too dark to read.

- Groucho Marx

Posts: 502 | From: a cat-free home | Registered: Aug
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Pig
Apprentice
Member # 1919

Posted 22 February 2002 00:58

Cat people can be annoying, I admit, but give a break to
the bereaved one. Even if it is just an animal, a living
thing that's been sharing your home for years becomes
part of your family. Who could help grieving when it
dies?

Posts: 20 | From: scenic southern Ohio | Registered: Dec
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Louise

Host
Member # 30

Posted 22 February 2002 01:41

Mea Culpa - I posted this on the other thread in heaven
too - but it struck me that some people might find it to
be the epitome of Hellish.... It all depends on your
point of view really - I'm such a relativist
Here you go folks -Random Kitten Generator [URL lost in copying]
God's lovely kittens! Just the thing Reverend Gerald
would like all us nice single Christian women to be
thinking about instead of sex!
Enjoy.
Louise

--------------------
"There are people who do not love their fellow man and I
HATE people like that!"
- Tom Lehrer

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Newman's Own
Shipmate
Member # 420

Posted 22 February 2002 02:27

Leonora here once again (we're nocturnal animals). Has
it ever occurred to any of you what we cats must endure
from humans? For example, Mums is forever harping on the
Middle Ages.. a time during which those of my species
were thought to be agents of the devil... and now to see
such thoughts revived on the Ship!
Since I have noticed other kitties lurking, I must pass
along a folk story from Asia, which I always included
when I taught kittengarten.
Once there was a man who was trying to find a name for
his cat, whom he loved very much. So proud was he of his
kitty, and so convinced of its extraordinary qualities
(but, of course!), that he decided to name it Sky.
One day, a friend said to him, "Permit me to point out
that there is something stronger than the sky - the
clouds, which hide it." The mandarin saw his point, and
changed his remarkable cat's name to Cloud.
Shortly afterward, another mandarin, who was sharing a
pot of Earl Grey with the cat's "master", questioned why
said kitty bore the name of Cloud. "There is something
much stronger than the clouds," he said, "and that is
the wind that scatters them." And straight away the
cat's name was changed to Wind.
But not a week had passed before the mayor, whom the
mandarin had invited home for a snack, commented that
Wind was an inadequate name for a creature so
remarkable. "The wind daily meets its master in the wall
that it cannot penetrate!" So kitty was subjected to yet
another name change, this time to Wall.
Not long after, a great scholar commented to the
mandarin that the name of Wall remained
inadequate for the exquisite cat. He remarked that even
a wall can be conquered by the mouse who can nibble a
hole through it. Is it any surprise that our friend was
then re-named Mouse? (Oh, the indignity of that!)
Just then, the gardener's little son happened by.
"Mouse!", exclaimed the child, "I know of
something much stronger! The cat that eats him up!"
The mandarin then realised his folly, and gave the
remarkable animal the most noble name he felt he could
bestow - that of Cat.

--------------------
Cheers,
Newman's Own
"In successfully draining the swamp, one must accept the
inevitable point of being up to one's arse in
alligators." - Newman's Own on the Spiritual Life, Vol
II

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i and i
Shipmate
Member # 2189

Posted 22 February 2002 04:18

i've heard coplaints by people of cats making little
holes in the garden, so i'm going to complain about
people making big holes in the garden to build houses
with cat toilets front and back surrounded by fences.

--------------------
And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb
bearing seed, which is upon the face of the earth

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Sophie Aubrey

Shipmate
Member # 2339

Posted 22 February 2002 06:52

Leonora, of course all of your species' admirers know
that what we call each cat is
not its name, but just an agreed upon salutation. As
that great sage, aome of whose poems were made into the
musical "cats", observed, each one of you has its own
ineffable secret name.
By the way, forces of felinedom, aren't we doing a dandy
job of hijacking this thresd.
Keep up the good work, everyone, and we can shortly ask
for this thread to be moved to its true home in heaven!

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"Behavior controls off! Just call me badass."

Crichton

Posts: 570 | From: between the salt water and the sea
strand | Registered: Feb 2002 | IP: Logged

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quote:

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Ariel
Shipmate
Member # 58

Posted 22 February 2002 07:17

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sophie:

Keep up the good work, everyone, and we can shortly
ask for this thread to be moved to its true home in
heaven!

---

Not while I'm around.
I agree about the allergic to cats bit. Every time one
of the evil beasts rubs against my legs (which is not to
show affection, it's to leave its scent and mark its
"territory") I come out in a rash.
I've had to look after cats in various landladies'
absence and there's no way I'd have one. They are
spoilt, ungrateful, unreliable, unclean beasts that
expect to be waited on hand and foot and cleared up
after. One pair of cats I got lumbered with would wake
me up at all hours of the night wanting to go out, and
if I didn't get up immediately, would do it on the
carpet outside my door. And because I wasn't their
landlady, they wouldn't eat their meals, and I had to
put platefuls of revolting cat food down the toilet
every day while they looked smugly at me from on top of
the fridge. I've had that from more than one set.
No, I am not convinced that cats are a good thing.
Campbellite is right. They are evil.

Posts: 1598 | From: A cloven pine | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged

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Gill B
Shipmate
Member # 112

Posted 22 February 2002 12:19

My garden has a sign, invisible to humans, but glaringly
obvious to cats, which says 'Cats' toilet'. Cat-lovers
refuse to believe that the little beasts defecate on the
lawn and on top of plants and claim that they only go on
the soil and always cover it up ('oh, they are such
clean animals' - well of course they are perceived as
clean because they do not crap in their owners'
gardens). I blame them for an enduring skin infection
which I have had since 1996 and has even led to months
of leg ulcers. When I was diagnosed, the dermatologist
asked me three times during the consultation 'Have you
any pets? Cats or dogs? .... Are you sure you haven't
any pets?' and I can only blame contact through infected
grass clippings in the days when I did my own gardening.
I also feel somewhat disconcerted when visiting
cat-owning friends and see the cats walking on the
dining table and eating out of mainstream family
crockery instead of out of their own bowls.
And the crowning irony of it all is that cats can smell
out cat-haters and make a fuss of them. The number of
times I have been fawned over by friends' cats wrapping
themselves round my legs and their owners say 'Oh, I can
tell you're a cat person' and I haven't the heart to say
no, I can't stand the little b***ers.

Posts: 253 | From: Manchester, England | Registered: May
2001 | IP: Logged

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Ginga
Shipmate
Member # 1899

Posted 22 February 2002 12:41

There is a cat down the road from my parents called
Chloe. Her owners believe her to be the loveliest,
snuggliest, most wonderfullest little kitty in the
world. However, given the amount of time "she" spends in
my parents' garden chasing birds and guinea pigs, and
spraying everything that doesn't move, I suspect she's
actually one of the viciousest toms I've ever met.
Poor thing gets ever so confused though: she runs a mile
every time she sees the bottle for a certain brand of
washing-up liquid, a response learned over years of
being attacked by jets of water from said bottle (or
similar). However, whenever mum is at her owners' house,
all of a sudden the scary ginger ogre with the water
bottle becomes a doting visitor, all stoking and smiles.

Both psychological and physical attack; my mum doesn't
much like cats in her garden

--------------------
Friends without Faces, and odd little names (lmw)

Posts: 205 | From: London | Registered: Nov 2001 | IP:
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Ariel
Shipmate
Member # 58

Posted 22 February 2002 13:25

quote:

---

Cat-lovers refuse to believe that the little beasts
defecate on the lawn and on top of plants and claim
that they only go on the soil and always cover it up

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Mostly, they don't bother to cover their tracks.
However, I came out one morning to find that the lobelia
I had planted the day before was at a strange angle.
Close examination revealed that some blasted cat had dug
it up, left a mess in the hole, then kindly tried to
replant the lobelia back on top of it.
I wasn't fooled. I excavated the hole and flung the
offending contents at the nearest passing cat. The only
thing I regret about this is that I missed.

Posts: 1598 | From: A cloven pine | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged

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Ham'n'Eggs

Ship's pig
Member # 629

Posted 22 February 2002 14:14

Curses! I can't find my copy of "A Hundred And One Uses
For A Dead Cat".
One of my favourites was the salad bowl utensils...

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Ham'n'Eggs posts nowhere else under this name

Posts: 1038 | From: Milan to Yucatán | Registered: Jun
2001 | IP: Logged

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Mrs Tubbs

Shipmate
Member # 440

Posted 22 February 2002 14:47

quote:

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You an' your pusse wanna make somfin of it?

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Well Ham ... I think that Polly could take you on
Tubbs

--------------------
"We can pray for the sun, Let it shine on everyone,
Sunshine brings love". Cosmic Rough Riders

Posts: 770 | From: Posting my life away | Registered:
Jun 2001 | IP: Logged

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Eldo

Shipmate
Member # 1861

Posted 22 February 2002 14:54

On the intelligence of cats, I would like to point out
that the evil little doom machine that is kept by my
parents should learn what a lit cigarette is!
As my habit had banned me from the house for a quiet
respose by the pond in the back garden, the stupid thing
decided to come and be friendly. Of course sitting
behind me near the ashtray and trying to play with my
smoke is not a clever idea.
Grilled and washed in one easy motion. I did like that.
But I'm quite annoyed that the splash got me.

--------------------
Eldo the slightly minty

Posts: 132 | From: Sutton/Woking (depends when!) |
Registered: Nov 2001 | IP: Logged

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Campbellite

Shipmate
Member # 1202

Posted 22 February 2002 15:23

Here are a few uses for a dead cat. [URL lost in copying]
(Not that I would want one of those vile things around,
even a dead one.)
I have a friend who has two cats - stuffed and mounted
over his mantle!

--------------------
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it is too dark to read.

- Groucho Marx

Posts: 502 | From: a cat-free home | Registered: Aug
2001 | IP: Logged

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jedijudy

Shipmate
Member # 1059

Posted 22 February 2002 17:19

Dearest Campbellite and others who hate me, my human mom
gave me permission to use her computer, because I was so
very distressed at the very idea that there are those
who don't like cats! My HM has tried to shelter me and
my sister, but now it's time for me to become a little
wiser in the ways of the world. My first response to you
is to win you over the way I won my HM over at the
shelter when she rescued me: I would put my paws around
your neck and kiss your face. Then I would apologize for
what ever offenses my kindred have given you. I'm so
very sorry! I don't even know this Satan guy! I'm sure I
wouldn't like him, and would probably defend my HM
against him if he would come calling.
My very best wishes to you and yours,
Your humble servant:
Belle (Also Known As Bad Kitty)

--------------------
I own a burial plot, but it's not necessary to use the
thing.

Posts: 732 | From: 'Twixt the 'Glades and the Gulf |
Registered: Aug 2001 | IP: Logged

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sharkshooter

Shipmate
Member # 1589

Posted 22 February 2002 18:23

quote:

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Rather consider the danger we Cats must face from day
to day when outside in the sun: neighbours with
shotguns (yes, I was shot by the next door neighbour
as a kitten - have a bullet hole in my back leg to
prove it);

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Too bad he missed.

quote:

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I am the most beautiful cat in the world,

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Not saying much.

quote:

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Who could help grieving when it dies?

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Me.

quote:

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I would put my paws around your neck and kiss your
face.

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How disgusting! Keep the pest away from me! Or I'll have
to try out some of the 101 things to do with a dead cat.

--------------------
"If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble
themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from
their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and
will forgive their sin, and will heal their land."

2 Chronicles 7:14

Posts: 532 | From: Ottawa, Canada | Registered: Oct 2001
| IP: Logged

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mother hubbard
Shipmate
Member # 640

Posted 22 February 2002 19:19

A colleague of mine now has six cats in her house. My
children refuse to enter her home…surely I don’t need to
expand? However, I am rapidly becoming fond of next
doors cat. It provides hours of entertainment for our
rabbit that not only chases said feline, but has also
begun a life-long ambition to dock the cats tail
completely. Next door did complain, but, as I pointed
out to them, the cat can climb the fence, the rabbit
can’t. If they want their cat to have a long tail, then
keep it out of my rabbits play area!
btw, can i join you with those supasoakers?

--------------------
i know God has a sense of humour, its just that we laugh
at different things

Posts: 104 | From: essex | Registered: Jun 2001 | IP:
Logged

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Ariel
Shipmate
Member # 58

Posted 22 February 2002 19:22

Baked Cat
1 medium cat
1 pkt stuffing
red wine
garlic, herbs
olive oil, salt
Stuff cat (remove stuffing from packet first). Place in
baking dish, sprinkle with olive oil and salt, bake
until done. Throw away garlic and herbs which you have
forgotten to put in, drink red wine while waiting.
Serves as many people as there are portions.

Posts: 1598 | From: A cloven pine | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged

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daisymay

Shipmate
Member # 1480

Posted 22 February 2002 20:08

Campbellite,
Doesn't have Huck Finn's/Tom Sawyer's use of dead cat to
get rid of warts. Something like burying it in a
churchyard at midnight with a scrape of the wart?

--------------------
"My druid is Christ, the Son of God,
The Son of Mary, the Great Abbot,
The Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit."

Posts: 675 | From: Capital City of Hell | Registered:
Oct 2001 | IP: Logged

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JoyfulNoise

Shipmate
Member # 2049

Posted 22 February 2002 22:19

Past treacle along the top of your garden wall or fence
to keep those moggys out. They hate getting their paddy
paws dirty.

--------------------
Stand genst da devil+da devil wil run frm u Jms 4:7 (txt
msgs frm God)

Posts: 290 | From: CAMBRIDGE UK | Registered: Dec 2001
| IP: Logged

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Louise

Host
Member # 30

Posted 22 February 2002 22:35

quote:

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I have a friend who has two cats - stuffed and mounted
over his mantle!

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Campbellite,
Couldn't he just have had them shaking hands?
Louise

--------------------
"There are people who do not love their fellow man and I
HATE people like that!"
- Tom Lehrer

Posts: 719 | From: Scotland | Registered: May 2001 |
IP: Logged

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Sophie Aubrey

Shipmate
Member # 2339

Posted 23 February 2002 01:51

Our black cat, Mahalia, wishes to offer
a musical selection to all of you out there, especially
the lonely, cat-deprived ones.
Hit it Mahalia!!
#People, people who need pussies,
Are the luckiest people in the world...

And yes, you scoffers out there, she really
does sing, in the key of Cmajor

--------------------
"Behavior controls off! Just call me badass."

Crichton

Posts: 570 | From: between the salt water and the sea
strand | Registered: Feb 2002 | IP: Logged

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quote:

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Toadpipe
Apprentice
Member # 1688

Posted 23 February 2002 14:15

quote:

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Originally posted by i and i:

i've heard coplaints by people of cats making little
holes in the garden, so i'm going to complain about
people making big holes in the garden to build houses
with cat toilets front and back surrounded by fences.

---

or faeces. I had to put that in
Seriously though,I have two cats and they're fine. But
I like to keep a level head about them. Magazines like
'Your Cat' are so sentimental about them that it it
vomit making. I'm sure people can own a pet without
being soppy about it. I think this sort of soppiness
indicates a kind of mental imbalance or emotional
insecurity.
I await your flames, oh soppy ones

Posts: 8 | Registered: Nov 2001 | IP: Logged

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Posted 19 June, 2002 23:35                       

quote:

---

Originally posted by nicolemrw:
only one word, ham n' eggs:

WHY???

---

Wrong thread, m'dear!

WHY???

--------------------
"...the heresies that men do leave / Are hated most of those they did deceive" - Will S

Posted 27 June, 2002 22:38                       

quote:

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Originally posted by Sophie Aubrey:
<snip> ... kindly auspices of TonyK.

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Posted 28 June, 2002 17:37                       

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sophie Aubrey:
All I know is that kitty treats have appeared morning and evening on the steps of the Jedi Temple.

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I hope you are not implying that I am in any way responsible!!

I don't even know where that edifice is.

--------------------
Yours aye ... TonyK

Posted 28 June, 2002 19:17                       

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sophie Aubrey:
Perhaps it is simply Providence.

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Posted 04 July, 2002 17:50                      

quote:

---

Originally posted by Miss_Molly:
Perhaps you are referring to their toilet facilities? Well, if those have an unpleasant aroma it is because their human companions are lazy.

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quote:

---

Originally posted by Miss_Molly:
As for sight, it was Leonardo da Vinci IIRC , who opined that the smallest feline was a "work of art".

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quote:

---

Originally posted by Miss_Molly:
In terms of sound, Mahalia does sing. Her companions make more conventional feline noises. They make these noises to obtain their needs from humans and to communicate with each other. The noises are never unpleasant. Caterwauling occurs when unspayed animals are being sought after by other unspayed animals. Again, this is the fault of humans.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Miss_Molly:
Against good sense and good taste? Well, I can think of marriages I know that were made against both! No one tried to say the brides or grooms should be squeezed for oil, skinned in support of the Canadian fur industry or otherwise wiped off the face of the earth.

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Posted 05 July, 2002 11:37                       

quote:

---

Originally posted by Miss_Molly:
Dear Sharky--I have missed you.

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Miss Molly... get practising so that your aim improves !

--------------------
Miss you, Erin.

Posted 15 July, 2002 19:37                      

quote:

---

Originally posted by Miss_Molly:


Thank you dear Sharky, for encouraging me to elaborate on how entrancing the kitties are out walking. The cats do pounce on butterflies and walk proudly, tails high. Occasionally, one asks to be carried for a bit, as well.

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Entrancing - it seems they have you in a trance.

Your cats murder poor little innocent beautiful butterflies!?!? How could they? How could you let them?

They "ask" to be carried? Like when my father used to "ask" me to clean my room.

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Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer. [Psalm 19:14]