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Thread: AS: The Outsiders: Asperger's, social anxiety, and related issues
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Living in Gin
Liturgical Pyromaniac
# 2572
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Posted
Greetings, all...
The Entertaining the socially inept thread in Heaven has taken an interesting tangent, and I thought it might be worthwhile to continue it here.
This past week, as the result of a lot of research and some online tests, I've come to the realization that I most likely have Asperger's. Normally I take such test results with a grain of salt, and of course they are no substitute for a professional evaluation. However, the fact that the results were so conclusive, that most of the typical Asperger's traits fit me to a T, and that I felt like I was reading my own life history when reading up on some other peoples' stories, leads me to feel pretty confident in my self-diagnosis. My only surprise is that it's taken me this long to reach such an epiphany.
Rather than making this all about me, though, I'm hoping this thread can be a place for people with Asperger's, friends and family, and others who have difficulties with social interaction can offer support and share information. It seems there are a number of other Shipmates who have had similar experiences and I'm hoping that we can all benefit from this thread.
Hosts feel free to move or lock this thread as necessary, if this is beyond the remit of All Saints. And of course, the Ship's rules against offering medical advice are to be kept in mind.
[ 12. June 2008, 14:18: Message edited by: Campbellite ]
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It's all fun and games until somebody gets burned at the stake.
Posts: 1893 | From: Cincinnati, USA | Registered: Apr 2002
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amber.
Ship's Aspiedestra
# 11142
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Posted
I think we're ok to run it here - one of the board hosts has already suggested it to me.
As a reintroduction to those who lack the will to trawl back through the Heaven thread, I have Asperger Syndrome and yet am happily married, have a son, run a company, advise the church on social responsibility stuff, am a school governor. All sounds good, eh? But it's exhausting getting any of it right,and sometimes I freely confess I don't. I could do with chatting with some people too.
Those wishing for an excellent guide to asperger syndrome can (IMHO) do no better than to visit Tony Attwood's website at http://www.tonyattwood.com.au/
As he says, "... children and adults with Aspergers Syndrome have a different, not defective, way of thinking."
We're very literal ("Take a seat" "Where to?")
We like to know what the rules are.
We panic (at least in the inside) when we don't know what the rules are.
We haven't much of a clue about body language - our brains just don't 'see' it unless we practice like mad.
We find social situations baffling.
We have very specialised interests and normally have a normal or high IQ.
We get on great with each other, but find the rest of the population ('neurotypical' people or NTs) as mystifying as they find us on occasion.
We find "theory of mind" a challenge, so working out what you're feeling or thinking is not something I find easy. I prefer to know.
We're sometimes very good at things - art, music, facts, figures, encyclopaedic knowledge of specialist topics.
Others find the world so completely different to their own communication style that they cannot cope with it at all.
I personally also find it really difficult to recognise people if they're in a crowd or out of context ("hmm, tall chap, blonde hair...who can it be...ah yes, my son!") though not everyone has that problem.
Often adults with Asperger's Syndrome are never diagnosed/diagnosed very late on, which means they've struggled through a huge amount in life with no or little support or understanding and may be as exhausted as I am sometimes.
Churches have no clue about it, generally, and church communities may either think we're rude or antisocial and tell us to (go forth and multiply) if we ask for help (that actually happened to me). We may also struggle with the more complex theological thinking.
Phew..that's a start, anyway...
Amber
Posts: 5102 | From: Central South of England | Registered: Mar 2006
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WatersOfBabylon
Shipmate
# 11893
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Posted
I come from a long and proud lineage of Asperger's. (Well, one sibling (possibly three) and various extended family members. Not all of them are officially diagnosed, but I would put a LOT of money on it.) And, this past summer, I worked at a camp for kids with Asperger's and various other psychological issues (ADHD, ODD, RAD, you name it.)
One of my family's favorite games to play is "Spot the Aspy." It's pretty self-explanitory. Next time you are in a large social situation, try it. I promise laughter and merriment for hours...
Posts: 515 | From: I'm a nomad. | Registered: Oct 2006
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amber.
Ship's Aspiedestra
# 11142
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by WatersOfBabylon:
One of my family's favorite games to play is "Spot the Aspy." It's pretty self-explanitory. Next time you are in a large social situation, try it. I promise laughter and merriment for hours...
Would that be the people not making appropriate eye contact with folks at a social gathering/leaving early/asleep in the corner/reading a map rather than making conversation/doing the washing up in the kitchen because a task has a purpose? ![[Biased]](wink.gif)
Posts: 5102 | From: Central South of England | Registered: Mar 2006
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WatersOfBabylon
Shipmate
# 11893
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by amber32002:
quote:
Originally posted by WatersOfBabylon:
One of my family's favorite games to play is "Spot the Aspy." It's pretty self-explanitory. Next time you are in a large social situation, try it. I promise laughter and merriment for hours...
Would that be the people not making appropriate eye contact with folks at a social gathering/leaving early/asleep in the corner/reading a map rather than making conversation/doing the washing up in the kitchen because a task has a purpose?
ding ding ding! We have a winner!
Posts: 515 | From: I'm a nomad. | Registered: Oct 2006
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WatersOfBabylon
Shipmate
# 11893
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by amber32002:
I personally also find it really difficult to recognise people if they're in a crowd or out of context ("hmm, tall chap, blonde hair...who can it be...ah yes, my son!") though not everyone has that problem.
Face blindness?
Posts: 515 | From: I'm a nomad. | Registered: Oct 2006
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amber.
Ship's Aspiedestra
# 11142
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Posted
Oh, and the quiz which is vaguely linked to this is in the Circus bit but I can't figure out how to link it to here...the one about "technically minded versus people person". But there's also very good quizzes elsewhere. None are diagnostic. For that you'd need a qualified expert available through your local autism charity.
Posts: 5102 | From: Central South of England | Registered: Mar 2006
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Karl: Liberal Backslider
Shipmate
# 76
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by WatersOfBabylon:
quote:
Originally posted by amber32002:
quote:
Originally posted by WatersOfBabylon:
One of my family's favorite games to play is "Spot the Aspy." It's pretty self-explanitory. Next time you are in a large social situation, try it. I promise laughter and merriment for hours...
Would that be the people not making appropriate eye contact with folks at a social gathering/leaving early/asleep in the corner/reading a map rather than making conversation/doing the washing up in the kitchen because a task has a purpose?
ding ding ding! We have a winner!
Ah, that'll be me. It was only on a page about AS that I learnt that one is not meant to sit and read a book when one is a guest at someone's house. But I hate washing up.
It's awful being at a party when you can see a really interesting bookcase. Some bugger will have something like English Word Origins or <Insert Name of County Here> in the 1700s and The Rules say you can't just pull it off the shelves and spend the evening on it. ![[Frown]](frown.gif)
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Might as well ask the bloody cat.
Posts: 17938 | From: Chesterfield | Registered: May 2001
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Living in Gin
Liturgical Pyromaniac
# 2572
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Posted
Thanks for the responses so far!
For those of you who discovered you have Asperger's (either officially or unofficially) in adulthood, what was your reaction, and how did you cope with the realization? That's pretty much what I'm struggling with right now.
On one hand, it's a relief to feel like I've finally put enough of the jigsaw puzzle together to have some clue about what makes me tick, and I've already found some great support sites online that seem to be full of interesting people I can actually relate to.
On the other hand, I'm feeling a great deal of anger and sadness that I've pissed away 32 years of my life trying in vain to "fit in" and "be normal", and feeling that my social awkwardness and lack of empathy was the result of some moral flaw or character defect... Only to now discover that this is who I really am, and it probably isn't going to change.
[ 11. January 2008, 14:25: Message edited by: Living in Gin ]
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It's all fun and games until somebody gets burned at the stake.
Posts: 1893 | From: Cincinnati, USA | Registered: Apr 2002
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amber.
Ship's Aspiedestra
# 11142
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by WatersOfBabylon:
quote:
Originally posted by amber32002:
I personally also find it really difficult to recognise people if they're in a crowd or out of context ("hmm, tall chap, blonde hair...who can it be...ah yes, my son!") though not everyone has that problem.
Face blindness?
Sort of, but more "very slow processing of face", and a good bit of "goodness, wish I remembered what your name was - would you mind wearing a label so I have a clue?" Other information I can remember in a flash - car number plates, passwords, random strings of information. I can recall lots of visual information, but my recall about people is sadly lacking.
Posts: 5102 | From: Central South of England | Registered: Mar 2006
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amber.
Ship's Aspiedestra
# 11142
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider:
....It's awful being at a party when you can see a really interesting bookcase. Some bugger will have something like English Word Origins or <Insert Name of County Here> in the 1700s and The Rules say you can't just pull it off the shelves and spend the evening on it. [/QB]
Yup. New Year's Eve party, friend's house, lots of guests, bookshelf full of old historical stuff. I'd have been quite happy to pick a volume and sit down in a nice quiet corner to discuss it with one or two people,but instead we spent many hours discussing people, which I can do but with varying degrees of puzzlement.
Posts: 5102 | From: Central South of England | Registered: Mar 2006
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
I have a theory that many people who sing in church choirs have some of the traits of Asperger's. Especially the special interest, following rules, and extreme distress when the vicar decides to do something 'experimental'.
We used to have a fascinating chap in the choir who could tell you exactly which anthem he sang on which occasion and which date. He was also very pedantic. He had a son with Autism, so it may have run in the family with different degrees of severity. We had a woman in the choir with very fixed ideas and difficulty with getting on with anyone socially. I wonder about her, too.
Of course, I'm perfectly normal.
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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Karl: Liberal Backslider
Shipmate
# 76
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Posted
LiG - it was a relief. It explained why I'd always elicited odd reactions in people. It also allowed me to make the necessary adjustments to myself (SWMBO had already told me that I had a habit of "banging on" and needed to look at people's faces to find out whether I'd gone on long enough about something).
Can I float a theory about AS kids at school? I under-achieved quite badly, comparing my end results with the expectations my teachers had. I think AS kids might have a danger of underachieving (or appearing to do so), for two reasons:
a) teaching methods and school environments are designed for the NT kids, and don't necessarily work for us (put it another way, it's hard to concentrate when you're having your head flushed down the bog every other day for being the school weirdo)
b) our tendency to precise and formal speech in colloquial situations might make our teachers think that we're actually more academic than we are. They tend to think that the kid of 9 who informs them that "the atmosphere on Mars used to be thought to contain oxygen, but it appears actually to have very little and be mostly carbon dioxide, so eukaryotic life there is extremely unlikely" is Nobel Prize material; actually, he's probably just obsessed with planets and has a good book on Mars
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Might as well ask the bloody cat.
Posts: 17938 | From: Chesterfield | Registered: May 2001
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Jengie jon
Semper Reformanda
# 273
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Posted
I wonder if I fit here?
Not an Aspie but ...
Very high levels of social anxiety, extreme introvert, partly natural part due to bad experience.
Yes you will find me in the church kitchen (well I was practically born there) or leaving early but I do make eye contact and such. Get me in a small group and I am fine, get me in a large gathering and I feel a pressure of people and myself shutting down i.e. my ability to respond is less nuanced by the effort so to do.
Bascially I tick some but not all boxes.
Jengie
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"To violate a persons ability to distinguish fact from fantasy is the epistemological equivalent of rape." Noretta Koertge
Back to my blog
Posts: 20894 | From: city of steel, butterflies and rainbows | Registered: May 2001
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amber.
Ship's Aspiedestra
# 11142
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Living in Gin:
Thanks for the responses so far!
For those of you who discovered you have Asperger's (either officially or unofficially) in adulthood, what was your reaction, and how did you cope with the realization? That's pretty much what I'm struggling with right now.
On one hand, it's a relief to feel like I've finally put enough of the jigsaw puzzle together to have some clue about what makes me tick, and I've already found some great support sites online that seem to be full of interesting people I can actually relate to.
On the other hand, I'm feeling a great deal of anger and sadness that I've pissed away 32 years of my life trying in vain to "fit in" and "be normal", and feeling that my social awkwardness and lack of empathy was the result of some moral flaw or character defect... Only to now discover that this is who I really am, and it probably isn't going to change.
In my case, some combination of denial and astonishment. I hadn't even been looking for proof - I'd just done one of the tests 'for fun', thinking I'd score perfectly normally. Nope, entirely WAY off the scale. Then when I started reading more about it, I realised that it all fitted. The rest, as they say, is history.
It's taken me a couple of years to feel comfortable talking about it. Not all reactions have been positive from people, and I think that the better you learn to "cope", the more difficult it is for people to realise the differences between them and us.
It's like, I guess, being someone who is profoundly deaf and has learned to lipread all their life without realising that other people can hear. Perhaps what such a person would like to do is use their own sort of sign language, but suppose every time they try, people tell them that waving their hands about is rude and they're not to do it.
The advantage in the deaf community is that signing is understood and permitted and allowed for.
For us, our 'communication style' is often just considered "rude" and we're not allowed to do it. Certainly very very few other people expect to try to alter their own communcation style to make it fair for us. That's the level of misunderstanding/difference. Very frustrating and tiring to be the ones who always have to cope with NT behaviour.
Posts: 5102 | From: Central South of England | Registered: Mar 2006
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amber.
Ship's Aspiedestra
# 11142
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider:
...They tend to think that the kid of 9 who informs them that "the atmosphere on Mars used to be thought to contain oxygen, but it appears actually to have very little and be mostly carbon dioxide, so eukaryotic life there is extremely unlikely" is Nobel Prize material; actually, he's probably just obsessed with planets and has a good book on Mars [/QB]
Don't even get me started on science...
Posts: 5102 | From: Central South of England | Registered: Mar 2006
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Living in Gin
Liturgical Pyromaniac
# 2572
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Chorister:
I have a theory that many people who sing in church choirs have some of the traits of Asperger's. Especially the special interest, following rules, and extreme distress when the vicar decides to do something 'experimental'.
Sounds like most of the people in Ecclesiantics... No wonder I spend so much time on that board. ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
I'm also a train buff, and I'm fascinated by trains and transit infrastructure... I dare you to ask me about the differences between New York City subway's IRT, BMT, and IND divisions. ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
My primary obsession as a child was designing buildings, and I naturally picked architecture as a career... I'm pretty much convinced that this profession is loaded with Aspies, and it even plays into the age-old stereotype of architects being socially-dysfunctional geniuses who relate better to buildings than they do to people.
Looking back, I'm pretty confident that most of my best friendships and romantic relationships have been with people who may have some form of Asperger's, or who at least share some of the common traits.
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It's all fun and games until somebody gets burned at the stake.
Posts: 1893 | From: Cincinnati, USA | Registered: Apr 2002
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amber.
Ship's Aspiedestra
# 11142
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Jengie Jon:
I wonder if I fit here?
Not an Aspie but ...
Very high levels of social anxiety, extreme introvert, partly natural part due to bad experience.
Yes you will find me in the church kitchen (well I was practically born there) or leaving early but I do make eye contact and such. Get me in a small group and I am fine, get me in a large gathering and I feel a pressure of people and myself shutting down i.e. my ability to respond is less nuanced by the effort so to do.
Bascially I tick some but not all boxes.
Jengie
Yes, I think you fit in just fine
Might not be aspie, but the social anxiety thing is something that I can relate to. It's taken me years to work out which questions are "acceptable" and will get people talking for long enough for me to think of the next one whilst remembering the right body language and eye contact and nodding and verbal feedback and also processing what they've said in case it's something dreadfully sad or a joke, in which case I have to work out which facial expressions are needed next.
Posts: 5102 | From: Central South of England | Registered: Mar 2006
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Zoey
Broken idealist
# 11152
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by amber32002:
For us, our 'communication style' is often just considered "rude" and we're not allowed to do it. Certainly very very few other people expect to try to alter their own communcation style to make it fair for us. That's the level of misunderstanding/difference. Very frustrating and tiring to be the ones who always have to cope with NT behaviour.
Can a sympathetic but relatively-uneducated NT person ask a question here?
If I meet / am at a gathering with somebody who has AS, what changes should I be making to my communication style? How can I make an Aspie more comfortable and for once make myself the person who's adapting her own preferred style of communication rather than expecting the Aspie to adapt theirs, please?
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Pay no mind, I'm doing fine, I'm breathing on my own.
Posts: 3095 | From: the penultimate stop? | Registered: Mar 2006
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Knopwood
Shipmate
# 11596
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by WatersOfBabylon:
One of my family's favorite games to play is "Spot the Aspy." It's pretty self-explanitory. Next time you are in a large social situation, try it. I promise laughter and merriment for hours...
My family enjoys doing this to characters in films. We also do it to each other. Although not an Aspie, my father has definite traits, and my mother has her own mental health history. When one of us is frustrated with another, the third will often try to mollify, saying "It's just his/her Asperger's."
I was diagnosed when I was 8, just two years after the publication of the DSM-IV brought the diagnosis to North America. It was a massive relief to know that there really was something up and I wasn't simply a "bad" person.
Posts: 6806 | From: Tio'tia:ke | Registered: Jun 2006
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amber.
Ship's Aspiedestra
# 11142
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Living in Gin:
I dare you to ask me about the differences between New York City subway's IRT, BMT, and IND divisions.
My primary obsession as a child was designing buildings, and I naturally picked architecture as a career... I'm pretty much convinced that this profession is loaded with Aspies, and it even plays into the age-old stereotype of architects being socially-dysfunctional geniuses who relate better to buildings than they do to people.
[/QB]
Weren't they the three different transit agencies before the 1940s?
Guess which career I'm in 'for a day job'. Yup, buildings.
Posts: 5102 | From: Central South of England | Registered: Mar 2006
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Living in Gin
Liturgical Pyromaniac
# 2572
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider:
a) teaching methods and school environments are designed for the NT kids, and don't necessarily work for us (put it another way, it's hard to concentrate when you're having your head flushed down the bog every other day for being the school weirdo)
So true... I was always placed into the "gifted" classes because of my high IQ score, but more often than not, would usually flunk out and get shunted back to the regular classes because I was always distracted with other interests, or trying to avoid getting the shit kicked out of me during recess. Yeah, good times.... ![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
Things have improved greatly for me since beginning college, especially as I've progressed into more advanced-level courses. There's much more flexibility to explore my own interests and make use of my own learning styles. As a bonus, beating up weirdos is generally frowned upon in a university setting.
quote:
Originally posted by Liturgy Queen:
My family enjoys doing this to characters in films.
I've been looking back at some of my favorite films, and discovering that I empathize with many characters who display Aspie traits, especially people like your stereotypical 1940's film noir detective. Think of Harrison Ford's Deckard character in Blade Runner, probably my all-time favorite film, or Detective Bumstead in Dark City, another favorite.
And of course, there's Garth in Wayne's World. If he's not Aspie, nobody is.
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It's all fun and games until somebody gets burned at the stake.
Posts: 1893 | From: Cincinnati, USA | Registered: Apr 2002
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amber.
Ship's Aspiedestra
# 11142
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by mountainsnowtiger:
..Can a sympathetic but relatively-uneducated NT person ask a question here?
If I meet / am at a gathering with somebody who has AS, what changes should I be making to my communication style? How can I make an Aspie more comfortable and for once make myself the person who's adapting her own preferred style of communication rather than expecting the Aspie to adapt theirs, please? [/QB]
You certainly can ask anything you like (well, within reason... )
I can only speak for myself, though. I would rather be doing something than looking at someone face to face. If I do have to look at someone, I might not be able to also 'hear' what you say, so standing slightly at an angle to someone. e.g. looking out at a view whilst talking to them, is a lot easier than the standard NT way of facing directly at them and looking directly at them. I talk with people whilst I'm driving, or whilst walking along, mostly, or whilst doing a task or studying a painting or something else "neutral".
Please also consider what you say. We're literal, so if you say "Let's all stand and sing the hymn on the overhead projector", the aspies will be thinking "no, we'll never all fit on there, matey", and young aspies might even try to climb on it. A Bishop once wrote to me to say "the Church often shoots its best friends". I'm sure he didn't mean it literally, but I've always kept a careful watch for shotguns in his office ever since
I tell people to think of me as a computer that's trying to learn to be friendly in the right way. If you don't ask a specific question or phrase things in a logical way, you'll get some slightly odd answers or a blank look.
Mostly, of course, we're used to coping and will tolerate NT behaviour for as long as we can before collapsing/falling asleep through exhaustion/making a (hopefully) polite excuse to leave early if it's too much.
If you ask us to do something, please can you say exactly what, where, how long for? Even 'where to sit' can be a challenge, and I really like it when people indicate which chair they'd like me to sit on rather than expecting me to know which one to pick.
Find out what we can do rather than worrying about what we can't. We're often excellent at church admin, taking minutes, doing the accounts, the artwork, the music, etc. We're often really concerned about social justice issues and are good at policy-writing or with computers. Not always. Some will struggle.
Whatever the abilities or challenges of the person you're with, value them as a fellow human being, someone with much to bring to each community and someone who probably would absolutely love to have more friends (if only they could work out how ...)
Posts: 5102 | From: Central South of England | Registered: Mar 2006
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Karl: Liberal Backslider
Shipmate
# 76
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by mountainsnowtiger:
quote:
Originally posted by amber32002:
For us, our 'communication style' is often just considered "rude" and we're not allowed to do it. Certainly very very few other people expect to try to alter their own communcation style to make it fair for us. That's the level of misunderstanding/difference. Very frustrating and tiring to be the ones who always have to cope with NT behaviour.
Can a sympathetic but relatively-uneducated NT person ask a question here?
If I meet / am at a gathering with somebody who has AS, what changes should I be making to my communication style? How can I make an Aspie more comfortable and for once make myself the person who's adapting her own preferred style of communication rather than expecting the Aspie to adapt theirs, please?
It might be very hard, because you've not had the practice we have
It can be summed up as "say what you mean, and mean what you say". Don't expect your tone of voice or gestures to express part of what you're saying. It's a bit like posting on the Ship, really, where tones of voice and gestures are not communicated. Think how what you're saying could be ambiguous, and imagine the Aspie cannot see your face and is reading rather than hearing what you're saying.
The vast majority of us can read body language, gestures and tones of voice to a certain extent. But since you don't know to what extent, assume "not much".
If the Aspie starts a monologue on a topic of their choice which bores you to tears, do not nod politely or say "that's interesting", because that's an invitation to dispense Pet Topic 201 as well. Listen for a polite interval, and then change the subject. And don't think you can do that subtly. You may have to say "I'm not really into X myself. What do you think about Y?". Yawning, looking the other way and the other NT signals that you're being bored may not work.
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Might as well ask the bloody cat.
Posts: 17938 | From: Chesterfield | Registered: May 2001
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Living in Gin
Liturgical Pyromaniac
# 2572
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by amber32002:
quote:
Originally posted by Living in Gin:
I dare you to ask me about the differences between New York City subway's IRT, BMT, and IND divisions.
Weren't they the three different transit agencies before the 1940s?
Yes. The IRT (Interboro Rapid Transit) and BMT (Brooklyn-Manhattan Transit) were originally private railroads, while the IND (Independent Subway) was built by the city.
Now they're all part of one system. Today's numbered routes are the former IRT lines, while today's lettered routes are the former BMT and IND lines.
There are ways to tell the former BMT and IND lines apart from each other, but I'll stop here before somebody reaches through the screen and shoots me in the face.
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It's all fun and games until somebody gets burned at the stake.
Posts: 1893 | From: Cincinnati, USA | Registered: Apr 2002
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amber.
Ship's Aspiedestra
# 11142
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Posted
Also, to be sure we include those who are further on the spectrum, the 1 in a 100 people in the world who are on the autistic spectrum also includes a lot who are Autistic rather than having the Asperger's Syndrome sort of autism. They have a lot more difficulty coping, and some are very profoundly disabled.
Often they and their families would love to be included at church, and be supported through pastoral care. Jean Vanier has much to say about how we can value and include everyone including the most profoundly disabled people, and how much they can teach us about our faith. Worth getting one of his books or seeking out his online interviews.
Posts: 5102 | From: Central South of England | Registered: Mar 2006
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Karl: Liberal Backslider
Shipmate
# 76
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Posted
Incidently, Amber's talking about quite seriously affected Aspies. I don't think I'd ever have misunderstood "stand and sing the song on the OHP", but I did once rather foolishly pull my socks up in front of my primary head in response to her comment that I needed to do so.
She wasn't amused.
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Might as well ask the bloody cat.
Posts: 17938 | From: Chesterfield | Registered: May 2001
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Birdseye
I can see my house from here!
# 5280
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Posted
quote:
For those of you who discovered you have Asperger's (either officially or unofficially) in adulthood, what was your reaction, and how did you cope with the realization? That's pretty much what I'm struggling with right now.
Delight -first and foremost... That I was not as 'badly behaved' and 'wilful' as I had always been told- but had in fact been coping phenomenally well adjusting to a world of intensely painful noise and touch and bewildering emotions and seemingly pointless social situations.
I taught myself to cope with everything and I did it alone, learning social skills by intense observation, reading, and painful trial and error,
I taught myself to differentiate between faces by taking up portraiture... it helps I have a near-photographic memory, but when young I didn't pay more intention to the face than I did to any other part of a scene -in fact I still don't... which is a blessing, because I get a very accurate impression of what a person is like by their words and tone of voice, and posturing, without being limited to just their features... so many people say 'she was nice' and mean 'she was pretty'...if I say 'she was pretty' it's probably more likely to be an observation of her character.
Music is still a physical thing and sound is still painful... but I taught myself to cope with apparent disorder by expanding my focus from what is immediately near me, to encompass EVERYTHING, and see the order in patterns in the universe... if you are ever freaked out again by disorder, just think about the electrons/ protons and neutrons in the apparently messy objects, all doing what they are supposed to.
I've taught myself to overcome introversion or socialphobia, by expanding my mind to include the whole world in 'my own space' so i don't feel more or less relaxed anywhere, just sort of universally 'at home' where 'home' is not a special place.
I cope superbly well with crisis situations, as I still sort of expect everything to be unexpected and unpredictable, and I've made a soft model of order in my head where all things still follow rules, but the rules are so complex that , like fractals they end up looking like an accident of nature.
The touch thing is useful too- I am fully aware of other people's 'comfort zones' and pick up on minute signals that people who act on instinct rather than through learning, might miss,
and best of all, by years of reverse-engineering, I have empathy -not quite as instinctive as some people, but fair and reasoned and genuinely hooked up to my emotions.
I still sometimes make social gaffs -that my husband spots and gently mentions (I make sense to him) and I still hurt at loud sounds, and have minor panic attacks secretly when things become too much for me to process.
But I think the understanding that this learning process has created, ultimately far outweighed the pain.
Oh -and I can't tell lies.
(But I have learnt that it's okay to stop speaking before you have revealed ALL the minutiae)
And I did the sock thing too... and a hundred other things which grown-ups thought was me being cheeky.
[ 11. January 2008, 15:16: Message edited by: Birdseye ]
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Life is what happens whilst you're busy making other plans.
a birdseye view
Posts: 1615 | From: West Yorkshire | Registered: Dec 2003
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amber.
Ship's Aspiedestra
# 11142
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider:
Incidently, Amber's talking about quite seriously affected Aspies. I don't think I'd ever have misunderstood "stand and sing the song on the OHP", but I did once rather foolishly pull my socks up in front of my primary head in response to her comment that I needed to do so.
She wasn't amused.
Yes, true, though mostly I spend my life giggling at the very bizarre things that NT people ask me to do,and then working out what they could possibly have actually meant instead.
Posts: 5102 | From: Central South of England | Registered: Mar 2006
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Karl: Liberal Backslider
Shipmate
# 76
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Posted
I can lie. I was expert at it at school. Since I had no strategies for study, and frequently failed to do work, I needed to be.
One quirk I have, which I don't know if AS related, is that I cannot stand the sound of people eating. I sometimes have to make excuses and leave the room if I finish before others (which I usually do), because it just draws my attention and it's like fingernails on a blackboard, only worse. I wonder whether that's like the sensitivity many Aspies report, like Birdseye above. I also tend to have very strong food preferences - stuff I don't like I really loathe; I HATE being labelled "picky" because there are some things I cannot force myself to eat. Bizarrely, they're often things other people think of as delicacies. The posher the buffet, the more likely I am to be hungry afterwards.
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Might as well ask the bloody cat.
Posts: 17938 | From: Chesterfield | Registered: May 2001
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flags_fiend
Shipmate
# 12211
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Jengie Jon:
I wonder if I fit here?
Not an Aspie but ...
Very high levels of social anxiety, extreme introvert, partly natural part due to bad experience.
Yes you will find me in the church kitchen (well I was practically born there) or leaving early but I do make eye contact and such. Get me in a small group and I am fine, get me in a large gathering and I feel a pressure of people and myself shutting down i.e. my ability to respond is less nuanced by the effort so to do.
Bascially I tick some but not all boxes.
Jengie
Some of this sounds a bit like me, although I tend to hide in the toilets when it all gets too much (so I try to make sure I position myself near an escape route) - I'm fine with small groups of people I know, or even complete strangers - the problem I have always found is those people you know the name of, what they do, etc. but have no idea what to actually try and talk to them about; I also really struggle to focus on what one person is saying when there is loads of noise around and there are only so many times I can ask them to repeat something before I just give up, usually when they start getting exasperated with me (found that if asked 'are you deaf?' and you answer 'I'm a bit worried that I might be slightly,' they go very quiet ).
flags x
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"Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so."
Posts: 238 | From: UK | Registered: Jan 2007
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dj_ordinaire
Host
# 4643
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Living in Gin:
quote:
Originally posted by amber32002:
quote:
Originally posted by Living in Gin:
I dare you to ask me about the differences between New York City subway's IRT, BMT, and IND divisions.
Weren't they the three different transit agencies before the 1940s?
Yes. The IRT (Interboro Rapid Transit) and BMT (Brooklyn-Manhattan Transit) were originally private railroads, while the IND (Independent Subway) was built by the city.
Now they're all part of one system. Today's numbered routes are the former IRT lines, while today's lettered routes are the former BMT and IND lines.
There are ways to tell the former BMT and IND lines apart from each other, but I'll stop here before somebody reaches through the screen and shoots me in the face.
This is similar to the division between the London Underground's Metropolitan Line which remained independent of LU from its foundation in the 1860s until 1934, after all the other lines had been amalgamated by Yerkes in the 1900's. The sole exception is the Waterloo and City line which only has two stops, and, building built by the LSWR became part of SR, then BR, and was only taken over by LU in 1993.
I've often had to stop myself from starting a Purg thread on the wonders of metro systems and the like ![[Paranoid]](graemlins/paranoid.gif) I'm don't think I'd place myself anywhere on the Asperger's Spectrum, but I do have some of the tendencies, as does my father (he says he can't do any activity without counting whatever it involves, his own footsteps if nothing else).
One of my younger brothers is very much moreso. He shares my obsession with the London Underground, to the extent of once vanishing for a whole day just to ride around on it. He's also very excessive about genealogies, mathematics, science-fiction shows and many other things.
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Flinging wide the gates...
Posts: 10335 | From: Hanging in the balance of the reality of man | Registered: Jun 2003
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Carys
Ship's Celticist
# 78
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider:
One quirk I have, which I don't know if AS related, is that I cannot stand the sound of people eating. I sometimes have to make excuses and leave the room if I finish before others (which I usually do), because it just draws my attention and it's like fingernails on a blackboard, only worse.
A friend of mine has that but I'm not sure whether she's an Aspie.
Carys
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O Lord, you have searched me and know me
You know when I sit and when I rise
Posts: 6896 | From: Bryste mwy na thebyg | Registered: May 2001
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Living in Gin
Liturgical Pyromaniac
# 2572
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Posted
I have issues with sound as well. I love steady sounds such as rainfall, the ocean, subway train motors, or air conditioners (in fact, I find it almost impossible to sleep without some sort of white noise such as a box fan), but I have a hard time dealing with very sudden or abrupt noises such as banging pots and pans. I also find it impossible to follow a conversation if there's a lot of background noise, such as at a loud bar or party.
The other night I was riding the subway home, and the guy sitting across the aisle from me was subconsciously tapping his fingers on the metal grab bar... It just about drove me up the wall, and I probably would have moved to the next car if my stop hadn't been coming up shortly.
Right now my roommate is closely following college basketball games on TV, and I've been trying to figure out why I loathe basketball with a passion that passes all human understanding. I'm now pretty sure it has something to do with the squeaking of the players' shoes against the polished wood floor of the court, the crowd cheering and yelling, the referee's whistle, and the loud buzzer that sounds periodically throughout the game. All those sounds are like fingernails on a chalkboard to me, and they make me want to throw a brick through the television whenever my roomie has a game on.
[ 11. January 2008, 15:35: Message edited by: Living in Gin ]
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It's all fun and games until somebody gets burned at the stake.
Posts: 1893 | From: Cincinnati, USA | Registered: Apr 2002
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Birdseye
I can see my house from here!
# 5280
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Posted
quote:
I have issues with sound as well. I love steady sounds such as rainfall, the ocean
Ooh -you would just LOVE Gamelan music -traditional rythmic wood and brass drumming from Bali (in case you don't know it already) it seems to bore some people to tears -but it is hypnotically soothing to me -and you might love it as much -it's one of the horrendously few things that can switch my brain off, imagine organised rainfall with a lilting musical undercurrent.
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Life is what happens whilst you're busy making other plans.
a birdseye view
Posts: 1615 | From: West Yorkshire | Registered: Dec 2003
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Living in Gin
Liturgical Pyromaniac
# 2572
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Posted
You're probably right... I'll have to check that out. I also love electronic atmospheric/ambient space music, which tends to be very smooth and rhythmic with subtle transitions between movements.
A few weeks ago I saw Radio Massacre International, one of my favorite bands, live in Philadelphia. I could swear most of the people in the audience were probably Aspies! ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
[ 11. January 2008, 15:48: Message edited by: Living in Gin ]
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It's all fun and games until somebody gets burned at the stake.
Posts: 1893 | From: Cincinnati, USA | Registered: Apr 2002
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luvanddaisies
the'fun'in'fundie'™
# 5761
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Posted
As far as I can tell, I don't feature anywhere interesting on the Asperger/Autism spectrum, but something about both states of being fascinates me.
It's not the sort of fascinated that makes me want to run after you, shrink you, and view you through a microscope, it's just a general and genuine interest in a different perspective on the world. I've read quite a few books people with Aspergers or Autism have written about themselves and their lives, as well as a couple written by their families, and can imagine a bit that trying to 'fit in' to a world in which the majority of people operate in a different way to one is a bit knackering and can be a bit scary.
Some of the things you guys on this thread have been saying about 'where exactly do you want me to sit?', or wishing you could grab a book off of the shelf at a party (I just avoid parties, and now they avoid me, after 5 years off the social scene with M.E.!) or whatever just sort of make sense, but I know they don't fit into The Rules, and I've never had a particular difficulty in sussing out The Rules in most situations myself.
I was wondering, though (in an idle questioning and conceptual sort of way) if any of you could wave some sort of magic wand, would you change yourself to being 'neurotypical' or not? Would there be anything to gain from doing so, or would you lose more than you gained?
There's quite an interesting novel I read years ago (called "Speed of Dark", I think) in which a guy with Aspergers/mild Autism has to decide whether to be 'cured' or not.
It was really interesting, and was a really interesting question, well handled in a fictional setting.
I know this post doesn't add much to the thread, but I just thought I'd wave a textual hand around a bit and say hello
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"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." (Mark Twain)
Posts: 3711 | From: all at sea. | Registered: Apr 2004
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Living in Gin
Liturgical Pyromaniac
# 2572
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Posted
dj_ordinaire: Since we're talking about sounds and metro systems, I have to point out that I absolutely love the sound of the AC traction motors of the new Jubilee Line trains. Bliss! ![[Yipee]](graemlins/spin.gif)
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It's all fun and games until somebody gets burned at the stake.
Posts: 1893 | From: Cincinnati, USA | Registered: Apr 2002
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Amanda B. Reckondwythe
Dressed for Church
# 5521
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by flags_fiend:
I'm fine with small groups of people I know, or even complete strangers - the problem I have always found is those people you know the name of, what they do, etc. but have no idea what to actually try and talk to them about; I also really struggle to focus on what one person is saying when there is loads of noise around and there are only so many times I can ask them to repeat something before I just give up.
That's me in every detail. Even with small groups of close friends, I'm usually "the quiet one," content to listen to the conversation rather than join in. "You're not saying anything, Amanda. Are you OK?" they'll ask.
I've been known to get up from the table in a restaurant and walk out if the conversation is such that I don't even want to listen, let alone join in.
With large groups, especially of strangers, I'm hopeless. I'll either keep completely to myself or allow myself to be honed in on by someone who, for whatever reason, has taken an interest in me. I've been known to walk into a room full of strangers, take a look around, and walk right back out again, using "panic attack" as an excuse.
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"I take prayer too seriously to use it as an excuse for avoiding work and responsibility." -- The Revd Martin Luther King Jr.
Posts: 10542 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004
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Living in Gin
Liturgical Pyromaniac
# 2572
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Posted
Ditto here. If you really want to torture me, just throw me into the middle of a party and tell me to “mingle” for a while. Sometimes I get lucky and engage in some decent conversation if I meet the right person, but more likely I end up going home even more lonely and depressed than I was when I showed up.
Better yet, find a way to put me on the spot and watch me squirm. A couple years ago I was at a bar with some people I barely knew from my health club, and it turned out to be Karaoke Night at that particular bar. Oh, joy.
A couple people from our group took turns at the microphone and generally made jackasses of themselves before somebody had the brilliant idea that I should go up and do a song. I resisted, but of course that only fueled their desire to see me up there.
When it became apparent to me that they weren’t going to drop the idea, I finally got up from the table and walked toward the microphone, with my group wildly cheering me on. I kept on walking, past the microphone and out the front door, grabbed a taxi, and went home. They may as well have asked me to shove a sharp pencil through my left eyeball, which incidentally, I would have gladly done rather than sing karaoke. I never spoke to any of those people again.
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It's all fun and games until somebody gets burned at the stake.
Posts: 1893 | From: Cincinnati, USA | Registered: Apr 2002
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Amanda B. Reckondwythe
Dressed for Church
# 5521
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Living in Gin:
I've been trying to figure out why I loathe basketball with a passion that passes all human understanding. I'm now pretty sure it has something to do with the squeaking of the players' shoes against the polished wood floor of the court, the crowd cheering and yelling, the referee's whistle, and the loud buzzer that sounds periodically throughout the game.
But it's so rude! All that grabbing and waving of arms in front of others. If they'd just share the ball nicely it would be so much more civilized! And they wouldn't sweat as much, and thus smell ever so much better.
The same is true of football -- all that pushing and shoving. Rude!
Sports are nothing more than organized rudeness. But we could start another thread on that.
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"I take prayer too seriously to use it as an excuse for avoiding work and responsibility." -- The Revd Martin Luther King Jr.
Posts: 10542 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004
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Josephine
Orthodox Belle
# 3899
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by amber32002:
Also, to be sure we include those who are further on the spectrum, the 1 in a 100 people in the world who are on the autistic spectrum also includes a lot who are Autistic rather than having the Asperger's Syndrome sort of autism. They have a lot more difficulty coping, and some are very profoundly disabled.
Often they and their families would love to be included at church, and be supported through pastoral care.
In my experience, families of children who are profoundly autistic probably have a better chance of being welcomed and accepted at church than families that include Aspie kids.
If your Aspie kid doesn't look people in the eye, or gives odd answers to questions, he's clearly disprespectful and ill-mannered. If he has low muscle tone (as many Aspies do), so that he slumps and slouches instead of standing up straight, that's more evidence of his disrespect. If he doesn't care to go to a football game with the youth group, he's clearly unsocial. And just as clearly, if his parents were just better parents, he'd stand up straight, look people in the eye, and enjoy going to football games with the rest of the youth.
Both Middle Son (who has AS) and Littlest One (who has many Aspie traits) wanted to be altar servers. But the way the rota was set up didn't work for them, and they couldn't manage to keep doing it. They either needed to serve every week, or every other week, or on some other absolutely predictable schedule. And if it wasn't every week, they needed to always serve with the same group of kids. Having to adjust to different people and different days was simply too hard.
Middle Son took a lot of flack from one of our yayas for not serving in the altar. In spite of being told that he has an autism-spectrum condition, and that it was too difficult for him. He's clearly a smart boy, so she simply refused to believe it.
Sunday school is hard for Aspie kids, too. As others have noted, school is typically a negative experience for Aspies, and doing more of it on Sunday is just not something they're up for. But Aspie-friendly alternatives are simply not available.
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I've written a book! Catherine's Pascha: A celebration of Easter in the Orthodox Church. It's a lovely book for children. Take a look!
Posts: 10273 | From: Pacific Northwest, USA | Registered: Jan 2003
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Curiosity killed ...
Ship's Mug
# 11770
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Posted
The school I used to work in had a very good reputation for working with Asperger's kids, so I've worked with a few. The lunchtime and break supervised area has a crowd of them, both identified and unrecognised, playing chess and Yu-Gi-Oh games together - not a lot of conversation, but contented.
Metaphor is what you are all complaining of - to take a stab in the dark (now you're talking about stabbing and you just told me off for that), Oh look! flying pigs! (telling another child I knew he was lying, with an Aspie there, who got interested, looked for them and then told me it was a very bad joke).
The other big problem with ASD (autistic spectrum disorder) in secondary school is dealing with change - having to forewarn them that a lesson is in a different classroom, has a different teacher or is not going to follow the plan discussed in the previous lesson (for example, because a teacher is off sick), or they can't cope, and that isn't always possible. Persuading them to deal with topics they find difficult or upsets them: Black Death, global warming and death have come up a lot.
But I've worked with ASD kids who have gone on to study drama, or have coped with drama, and others whose least favourite, least accessible subject is drama. Mostly computing, science, maths and technology are OK, but English is a real struggle - it's back to metaphor.
When they say say what you mean and mean what you say it is clear instructions about behaviour too - "We need to listen to the teacher now, tell me when he has finished". "It is good that you are interested in, but we need to talk about ..."
That school ran social skills groups specifically for ASD kids, teaching appropriate ways into conversations, how to use the bus or go to the shops, giving them scripts for certain situations. This helps a bit, but social interaction doesn't fit rigid scripts.
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Mugs - Keep the Ship afloat
Posts: 13794 | From: outiside the outer ring road | Registered: Aug 2006
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amber.
Ship's Aspiedestra
# 11142
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider:
I can lie. I was expert at it at school. Since I had no strategies for study, and frequently failed to do work, I needed to be.
One quirk I have, which I don't know if AS related, is that I cannot stand the sound of people eating. I sometimes have to make excuses and leave the room if I finish before others (which I usually do), because it just draws my attention and it's like fingernails on a blackboard, only worse. I wonder whether that's like the sensitivity many Aspies report, like Birdseye above. I also tend to have very strong food preferences - stuff I don't like I really loathe; I HATE being labelled "picky" because there are some things I cannot force myself to eat. Bizarrely, they're often things other people think of as delicacies. The posher the buffet, the more likely I am to be hungry afterwards.
I can lie, but I'm spectacularly bad at it so there's no point.
Lots of people report problems with sound/particular sounds/sound of people eating so yes, that may be related. And I have problems with certain foods/textures/flashing lights.
Posts: 5102 | From: Central South of England | Registered: Mar 2006
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amber.
Ship's Aspiedestra
# 11142
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by luvanddaisies:
I was wondering, though (in an idle questioning and conceptual sort of way) if any of you could wave some sort of magic wand, would you change yourself to being 'neurotypical' or not? Would there be anything to gain from doing so, or would you lose more than you gained?
Ah, now that's a "million dollar question", to use an expression I understand. From observation of message boards for those on the spectrum over the years, the answer varies. Some definitely do want a cure. Others are quite happy as they are and wish they had the same disability rights as the other disabilities rather than being seen as some sort of mental illness that needs a 'cure', and many more are somewhere in between.
I'd like to wave a wand and have all the NTs understand us better and learn to communicate in Aspie. That would be my ideal.
Some definitely would like
Posts: 5102 | From: Central South of England | Registered: Mar 2006
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Loveheart
Blue-scarved menace
# 12249
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Posted
I don't know where to start?
How about being told that if you don't make eye contact you are lying, so I taught myself to MAKE eye contact. Except people I don't like, when I studiously avoid eye contact, or deliberately keep conversations as short as possible.
How about obsessing about all possible outcomes in a situation, not only what the outcomes might be but fantasising in exact detail how I would respond to every question that could possibly ever arise.
How about boring someone to tears with a conversation about something I'm interested in.
How about withdrawing into myself to work out an answer to a problem, then coming up with the answer ages after everyone else had given up. Or indeed any problem solving, I have to keep going until I've got the answer. I was even caught on video doing this once, withdrawing from a group discussion until the light came on (you could almost see it happening) and I'd worked out the answer!
Often I concentrate on resolving the minutest detail, to the extent I leave something much bigger that needs doing because I'm not sure how to start it.
I overreact to certain types of criticism, to the point where I become so overanxious I burst into tears or start an argument. Most commonly when I feel I am being unfairly criticised or because I don't understand the criticism. I have certain trigger phrases too "don't take it personally" or "you are being oversensitive".
I love Ecclesiantics and anything to do with liturgy - I can quote huge chunks of the Mass verbatim from my childhood - and will correct anyone who gets it slightly wrong. I'm an excellent proofreader for service sheets for this reason. There's an interesting thread (well I thought it was interesting) I started about whether or not the chalice bearer should hand over the chalice or not at communion, that I would not stop worrying over (until I twigged I was doing it).
I find it much easier to get on with men rather than women as (sorry men) men are much easier to read and women give many more non-verbal clues (apparently, I've not noticed!).
I am extremely analytical and pedantic.
When I was 14 I suffered terrible anxiety attacks, to the extent they put me on tranquillisers (Ativan). Only I worried so much about taking tranquillisers they had the opposite effect, and I was taken off them.
I self-diagnosed myself in pregnancy with Obstetric Cholestasis (this really upset my GP). I knew so much about the condition that the specialist who looked after me in pregnancy would refer the junior house doctors to me so that I could explain it to them. I even had research papers on the subject, and I read up on it until I could understand them. I've used this knowledge many times to help other women with the condition.
My son was diagnosed in September with Asperger's, and as the Dr explained the diagnosis and ticking boxes, I realised I was ticking more boxes than he was. I asked the doc about it at the time and she told me "yes, its familial". Since then I've tried to read up on the subject, but I become overanxious every time I recognise another trait in me and stop reading.
Note that I'm not one for reading medical dictionaries and finding diseases I've "got". I would not be declaring I have AS unless I was totally convinced by what's happened in my life and the way I've learned to cope throughout my life. The last time I convinced myself I had something was when I had Obstetric Cholestasis and proved my GP wrong when he told me it was very unlikely.
I'm told I'm very difficult to read, but I always thought I was completely transparent and that it was obvious when I am joking and when I am serious. I can make "inappropriate" comments but am bewildered sometimes when it is pointed out to me that it is inappropriate.
I have to do the best I can at things. After criticism on a couple of essays I did, I spent weeks perfecting the last one, writing in the style my tutor expected, so that he couldn't find anything to criticise (although he still did) - I got top marks for this essay but nearly killed myself in the process.
When I am anxious I spend time on the internet - far too MUCH time on the internet.
I used to be a computer programmer - a common pursuit for Aspies, although it doesn't necessarily follow that all computer programmers are Aspies, or vice versa.
I can give a couple of instances about literalness, but to be honest, I still find them embarrassing.
Convinced yet? ![[Hot and Hormonal]](icon_redface.gif)
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You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty. Mahatma Gandhi
Posts: 3638 | From: UK | Registered: Jan 2007
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jlg
What is this place?
Why am I here?
# 98
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by amber32002:
Would that be the people not making appropriate eye contact with folks at a social gathering
That one I can handle.
quote:
leaving early
Check.
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asleep in the corner[qb]
Maybe.
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[qb]reading a map rather than making conversation[qb]
Check.
quote:
[qb]doing the washing up in the kitchen because a task has a purpose?
Definitely. It's so much easier to socialize while actually doing something.
When I took that EQ/SQ quiz on the other thread, I landed just over the edge into the red area on the grid-version of the results, so I guess I have some Aspie tendencies. I've always just called it Male/Engineer personality.
I have trouble with faces out of context, too. When I run into people I know (as acquaintances, not people I know well) at the grocery store, I can't remember their name or anything else until I figure out where I know them from. Once I picture them in the proper context, everything else comes up from memory. I figured this out some years back when I was greeted in the check-out line and the guy obviously saw my brain madly churning; he simply said "Hardware store" and click! went the light-bulb.
Posts: 17391 | From: Just a Town, New Hampshire, USA | Registered: May 2001
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amber.
Ship's Aspiedestra
# 11142
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Love the You you hide:
I don't know where to start?
How about being told that if you don't make eye contact you are lying, so I taught myself to MAKE eye contact. Except people I don't like, when I studiously avoid eye contact, or deliberately keep conversations as short as possible.
How about obsessing about all possible outcomes in a situation, not only what the outcomes might be but fantasising in exact detail how I would respond to every question that could possibly ever arise.
How about boring someone to tears with a conversation about something I'm interested in.
How about withdrawing into myself to work out an answer to a problem, then coming up with the answer ages after everyone else had given up. Or indeed any problem solving, I have to keep going until I've got the answer. I was even caught on video doing this once, withdrawing from a group discussion until the light came on (you could almost see it happening) and I'd worked out the answer!
Often I concentrate on resolving the minutest detail, to the extent I leave something much bigger that needs doing because I'm not sure how to start it.
I overreact to certain types of criticism, to the point where I become so overanxious I burst into tears or start an argument. Most commonly when I feel I am being unfairly criticised or because I don't understand the criticism. I have certain trigger phrases too "don't take it personally" or "you are being oversensitive".
I love Ecclesiantics and anything to do with liturgy - I can quote huge chunks of the Mass verbatim from my childhood - and will correct anyone who gets it slightly wrong. I'm an excellent proofreader for service sheets for this reason. There's an interesting thread (well I thought it was interesting) I started about whether or not the chalice bearer should hand over the chalice or not at communion, that I would not stop worrying over (until I twigged I was doing it).
I find it much easier to get on with men rather than women as (sorry men) men are much easier to read and women give many more non-verbal clues (apparently, I've not noticed!).
I am extremely analytical and pedantic.
When I was 14 I suffered terrible anxiety attacks, to the extent they put me on tranquillisers (Ativan). Only I worried so much about taking tranquillisers they had the opposite effect, and I was taken off them.
I self-diagnosed myself in pregnancy with Obstetric Cholestasis (this really upset my GP). I knew so much about the condition that the specialist who looked after me in pregnancy would refer the junior house doctors to me so that I could explain it to them. I even had research papers on the subject, and I read up on it until I could understand them. I've used this knowledge many times to help other women with the condition.
My son was diagnosed in September with Asperger's, and as the Dr explained the diagnosis and ticking boxes, I realised I was ticking more boxes than he was. I asked the doc about it at the time and she told me "yes, its familial". Since then I've tried to read up on the subject, but I become overanxious every time I recognise another trait in me and stop reading.
Note that I'm not one for reading medical dictionaries and finding diseases I've "got". I would not be declaring I have AS unless I was totally convinced by what's happened in my life and the way I've learned to cope throughout my life. The last time I convinced myself I had something was when I had Obstetric Cholestasis and proved my GP wrong when he told me it was very unlikely.
I'm told I'm very difficult to read, but I always thought I was completely transparent and that it was obvious when I am joking and when I am serious. I can make "inappropriate" comments but am bewildered sometimes when it is pointed out to me that it is inappropriate.
I have to do the best I can at things. After criticism on a couple of essays I did, I spent weeks perfecting the last one, writing in the style my tutor expected, so that he couldn't find anything to criticise (although he still did) - I got top marks for this essay but nearly killed myself in the process.
When I am anxious I spend time on the internet - far too MUCH time on the internet.
I used to be a computer programmer - a common pursuit for Aspies, although it doesn't necessarily follow that all computer programmers are Aspies, or vice versa.
I can give a couple of instances about literalness, but to be honest, I still find them embarrassing.
Convinced yet?
Good grief, that's me!
Posts: 5102 | From: Central South of England | Registered: Mar 2006
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Knopwood
Shipmate
# 11596
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Posted
![[Confused]](confused.gif) So where does that leave those of us who are both?
Posts: 6806 | From: Tio'tia:ke | Registered: Jun 2006
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