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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Heaven: Drinking rules in Hell, and other formalities
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RooK
1 of 6
# 1852
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Posted
Sometimes a good idea is just a good idea. And, since we all know how many shipmates browse the Ship while imbibing, comet's idea in Hell seemed like a pretty good idea.(1)
The proposed rules so far include:
- everytime a newbie says they thought this was a christian website, take a drink!
- every time they tell RooK that he doesn't scare them, take a drink!
- Every time they claim this place is full of meanies with potty mouths, take a drink!
- and if they flounce, drain the cup and refill!
- Is accusing the H&A of being unfeeling bastards on power trips worth a drink, or "drain the cup"?
- I'll also propose a "Drink, then find the nearest blunt object" for any of the phools who think they're being big and clever by adding "Oh, since we're in Hell: Fuck."
My own additions, which should probably apply to any board, are:
- Whenever somebody uses the phrase "read for comprehension", drink!
- Whenever somebody refutes anything with a single solitary and otherwise unsupported piece of supposed personal experience, drink!"
- Whenever somebody uses an acronym that isn't found on the first page of any search engine, drink some GIN!(2)
Clearly, suitable rules could - should! - be proposed for the other boards (that I don't visit or care about).(3) Be fruitful and ferment.
(1) Keep in mind that drinking and posting rarely mix well, and are not officially advised. Unless you have a Designated Editor.
(2) Unless you're Hooker's Trick, in which case you should put down the gin and have a spacer.
(3) OK, the word "care" was redundant, obviously.
[ 11. September 2008, 11:47: Message edited by: Alan Cresswell ]
Posts: 15274 | From: Portland, Oregon, USA, Earth | Registered: Nov 2001
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Socratic-enigma
Shipmate
# 12074
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Rook:
(1) Keep in mind that drinking and posting rarely mix well, and are not officially advised...
Wot:
'cause one may misinterpret the intent of a hostly admonition?
or
be too quick to take offence,
or
one may say something which one,...
quote:
...Unless you have a Designated Editor.
...upon reflection one might have considered altering?
Naaaaaaaaaah, couldn't happen:
Especially when it's 100F (110 in one's un-airconditioned apartment), and you're looking for a distraction.
Besides, I never remember anything I've said the following day (and I trust no one else does)
...
So, this is Heaven: Nice place - I must remember to drop by here again some time
in the next 12 months
or so
![[Biased]](wink.gif)
S-E
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"Reason is, and ought only to be the slave of the passions, and can never pretend to any other office than to serve and obey them."
David Hume
Posts: 817 | From: Melbourne, Australia | Registered: Nov 2006
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Yorick
Infinite Jester
# 12169
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Posted
- every time someone who has a higher post count than 3000 says ‘this place ain’t what it used to be’, take a drink
- every time someone says ‘preview post is your friend’, take a drink
- every time comet mentions the word Alaska, take a drink
- every time someone says something awed and sycophantic about Erin, finish whatever’s left in the bottle and take a diazepam
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این نیز بگذرد
Posts: 7574 | From: Natural Sources | Registered: Dec 2006
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El Greco
Shipmate
# 9313
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Posted
Every time MouseThief makes an one-liner, take a drink!
Posts: 11285 | Registered: Apr 2005
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Spike
Mostly Harmless
# 36
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Posted
Every time anyone makes a lame joke followed by the phrase "I'll get me coat" take a large swig.
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"May you get to heaven before the devil knows you're dead" - Irish blessing
Posts: 12860 | From: The Valley of Crocuses | Registered: May 2001
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comet
Snowball in Hell
# 10353
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Posted
okay, how about -
- for every use of the term "ad hominem" take a straight shot
- if you see someone Junior Hosting before the host arrives, the host has to take a drink. or two.
- the axe murderer smily means drain your cup!
quote:
Originally posted by Socratic-enigma:
Besides, I never remember anything I've said the following day (and I trust no one else does)
oh... Hosts have long memories. loooooong memories.
and a willingness to use it against you however far in the future it may become necessary. ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
just part of the comprehensive service we provide.
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Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions
"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin
Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005
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Codepoet
Best Bear On Board
# 5964
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Posted
Everytime an Eccles regular mentions GIN, drink some
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It's more important to be kind than to be right.
Posts: 1156 | From: Southampton | Registered: May 2004
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Sir Kevin
Ship's Gaffer
# 3492
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Posted
Every time you're playing a game in Circus and the post after yours is rubbish, take a drink!
Every time someone posts at the same time as you and makes even less sense, take a drink!
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If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Writing is currently my hobby, not yet my profession.
Posts: 30517 | From: White Hart Lane | Registered: Oct 2002
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Robert Armin
All licens'd fool
# 182
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Posted
Everytime someone in Purgatory mentions Calvinism take a drink. (Things will begin to make sense then )
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Keeping fit was an obsession with Fr Moity .... He did chin ups in the vestry, calisthenics in the pulpit, and had developed a series of Tai-Chi exercises to correspond with ritual movements of the Mass. The Antipope Robert Rankin
Posts: 8927 | From: In the pack | Registered: May 2001
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Jack o' the Green
Shipmate
# 11091
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Posted
Everytime someone makes a comment which is potentially offensive and thinks that by putting a , or ![[Razz]](tongue.gif) after it, they make it OK, have a drink.
[ 05. January 2008, 12:58: Message edited by: Jon J ]
Posts: 3121 | From: Lancashire, England | Registered: Feb 2006
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Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
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Posted
- Everytime a post in styx with a tech query is followed by another post from someone else thanking the volunteers take a drink - if it includes a smilie take two, and drain the cup and refill for a bowing smilie
- Everytime someone mentions the organ fund, drain your cup, calculate the cost of the drink and donate a sum of that value
- Everytime someone you have posted in reply to is suspended, finish off the bottle and log off for 24 hours
- Everytime someone you have posted in reply to is permenantly banned, hold an alcohol fuelled wake and invite at least two other shipmates to share it with you and log off for 48 hours
- Whilst reading the prayer thread, have a pitcher of long island iced tea by your side - add an ice-cube for every votive smilie and take a drink for every group of three votive candles. Vodka shot for every prayer post that included reference to someone else's prayer request. (For the sake of your liver this activity should be limited to 5 minutes).
- Everytime you see a host post in their offical capacity you must drink a quarter of a pint of carrot juice
- Everytime a swearword is included in a post to you, you must add a dash of angastura bitters to your current drink
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All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
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Jack o' the Green
Shipmate
# 11091
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Posted
Every time you check a shipmate's profile and they have hilariously reinterpreted the question 'Favourite Boards' - take a stiff one.
Posts: 3121 | From: Lancashire, England | Registered: Feb 2006
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Spike
Mostly Harmless
# 36
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Doublethink:
- Everytime a swearword is included in a post to you, you must add a dash of angastura bitters to your current drink
But if the poster has asterisked out the swear word, double the qualtuty.
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"May you get to heaven before the devil knows you're dead" - Irish blessing
Posts: 12860 | From: The Valley of Crocuses | Registered: May 2001
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Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
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Posted
Everytime someone uses the shower of hearts smilie you must add a dash of peach schnapps to your current drink and drain the cup .... mmmmmmm sweety goodness
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All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
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Janine
The Endless Simmer
# 3337
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Jon J:
Everytime someone makes a comment which is potentially offensive and thinks that by putting a , or after it, they make it OK, have a drink.
Every time you make a comment that is potentially offensive --
And you put in a smilie like or to show that you don't particularly care if it's offensive or not -- 'cause you're feel plenty of bonhomie toward the guy you're answering (even though you think his opinion has all the well-thought-out long-lasting value of sneezed-in tissue paper) --
Mail him a bottle of Tequila. With an especially hairy-larva worm in it.
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I'm a Fundagelical Evangimentalist. What are you?
Take Me Home * My Heart * An hour with Rich Mullins *
Posts: 13788 | From: Below the Bible Belt | Registered: Sep 2002
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Jack o' the Green
Shipmate
# 11091
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Janine:
quote:
Originally posted by Jon J:
Everytime someone makes a comment which is potentially offensive and thinks that by putting a , or after it, they make it OK, have a drink.
Every time you make a comment that is potentially offensive --
And you put in a smilie like or to show that you don't particularly care if it's offensive or not -- 'cause you're feel plenty of bonhomie toward the guy you're answering (even though you think his opinion has all the well-thought-out long-lasting value of sneezed-in tissue paper) --
Mail him a bottle of Tequila. With an especially hairy-larva worm in it.
Jon goes off to look up the word 'bonhomie' in the dictionary.
Posts: 3121 | From: Lancashire, England | Registered: Feb 2006
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Adam.
Like as the
# 4991
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by dogwonderer:
- every time someone who has a higher post count than 3000 says ‘this place ain’t what it used to be’, take a drink
Every time someone who has a lower post count than 300 says `this place ain't what it used to be', take many drinks.
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Ave Crux, Spes Unica!
Preaching blog
Posts: 8164 | From: Notre Dame, IN | Registered: Sep 2003
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Josephine
Orthodox Belle
# 3899
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Posted
Every time someone starts a post by saying, "I haven't read the rest of this thread, but ... " take a drink. If the thread has yet to make it to the third page when this is said, drain the cup!
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I've written a book! Catherine's Pascha: A celebration of Easter in the Orthodox Church. It's a lovely book for children. Take a look!
Posts: 10273 | From: Pacific Northwest, USA | Registered: Jan 2003
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Leetle Masha
Cantankerous Anchoress
# 8209
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Posted
If you run completely out of booze, chocolate, and money to buy more of same, while carefully following the above drinking rules, do not resort to drinking anti-freeze. Ask a friend to share with you, but if that fails,
Put a steaming hot towel over your head or cool your brain with an ice pack.
Try to remember that it's just a bulletin board, and it's the best one around so it's all we've got.
Mary
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eleison me, tin amartolin: have mercy on me, the sinner
Posts: 6351 | From: Hesychia, in Hyperdulia | Registered: Aug 2004
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beachpsalms
Shipmate
# 4979
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Posted
Anytime a newcomer with a post count lower than 5 starts a thread take a drink.
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"You willing to die for that belief?"
"I am. 'Course, that ain't exactly Plan A."
Posts: 826 | From: a hamster's cheek-pouch full of raisins | Registered: Sep 2003
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Amazing Grace
High Church Protestant
# 95
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Hart:
quote:
Originally posted by dogwonderer:
- every time someone who has a higher post count than 3000 says ‘this place ain’t what it used to be’, take a drink
Every time someone who has a lower post count than 300 says `this place ain't what it used to be', take many drinks.
Every time someone who's been here less than six months starts telling the H&A how to run the site, drain the cup, yell "I THOUGHT THIS WAS A CHRISTIAN WEBSITE!" and pass out in a fit of laughter.
Charlotte
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WTFWED? "Remember to always be yourself, unless you suck" - the Gator
Memory Eternal! Sheep 3, Phil the Wise Guy, and Jesus' Evil Twin in the SoF Nativity Play
Posts: 6593 | From: Sittin' by the dock of the [SF] bay | Registered: Jul 2003
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Jack o' the Green
Shipmate
# 11091
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Liverpool fan:
quote:
Originally posted by Jon J:
Every time you check a shipmate's profile and they have hilariously reinterpreted the question 'Favourite Boards' - take a stiff one.
But remember to take a drink afterwards.
ITTWACWS
Posts: 3121 | From: Lancashire, England | Registered: Feb 2006
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jlg
What is this place?
Why am I here?
# 98
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by beachlass:
Anytime a newcomer with a post count lower than 5 starts a thread take a drink.
If they start a thread in Hell, take an additional two drinks.
Posts: 17391 | From: Just a Town, New Hampshire, USA | Registered: May 2001
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Hiro's Leap
Shipmate
# 12470
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Posted
When someone makes a grammar/spelling mistake, take a drink. Then write a post to kindly point it out.
The next day, when you notice the sadly ironic grammar/spelling mistakes in ALL your drunken posts, take a painkiller.
Posts: 3418 | From: UK, OK | Registered: Mar 2007
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Mamacita
Lakefront liberal
# 3659
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Posted
If you see botched UBB code from someone with less than 100 posts, take a drink. If it's from someone with over 100 posts, take two. Unless you're a host on that board, in which case you can drain your glass.
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Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world’s grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.
Posts: 20761 | From: where the purple line ends | Registered: Dec 2002
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Campbellite
Ut unum sint
# 1202
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Mamacita:
If you see botched UBB code from someone with less than 100 posts, take a drink. If it's from someone with over 100 posts, take two. Unless you're a host on that board, in which case you can drain your glass.
If the botched code is by a fellow host, correct it, and then mock them unmercifully in your [ETA: ]
Making damn sure you don't botch your own code. ![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
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I upped mine. Up yours.
Suffering for Jesus since 1966.
WTFWED?
Posts: 12001 | From: between keyboard and chair | Registered: Aug 2001
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Rosa Winkel
Saint Anger round my neck
# 11424
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Jon J:
quote:
Originally posted by Liverpool fan:
quote:
Originally posted by Jon J:
Every time you check a shipmate's profile and they have hilariously reinterpreted the question 'Favourite Boards' - take a stiff one.
But remember to take a drink afterwards.
ITTWACWS
What does that mean?
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The Disability and Jesus "Locked out for Lent" project
Posts: 3271 | From: Wrocław | Registered: May 2006
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RooK
1 of 6
# 1852
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Liverpool fan:
What does that mean?
I means you should bend your elbow.
Posts: 15274 | From: Portland, Oregon, USA, Earth | Registered: Nov 2001
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Jack o' the Green
Shipmate
# 11091
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Liverpool fan:
quote:
Originally posted by Jon J:
quote:
Originally posted by Liverpool fan:
quote:
Originally posted by Jon J:
Every time you check a shipmate's profile and they have hilariously reinterpreted the question 'Favourite Boards' - take a stiff one.
But remember to take a drink afterwards.
ITTWACWS
What does that mean?
It means you should have a stiff one on me.
Posts: 3121 | From: Lancashire, England | Registered: Feb 2006
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Beautiful Dreamer
Shipmate
# 10880
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Posted
Every time someone tries to make a joke but it completely bombs, take a drink.
Every time someone talks crap about someone else and then gets upset when that person calls them on it, take two drinks.
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More where that came from
Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!
Posts: 6028 | From: Outside Atlanta, GA | Registered: Jan 2006
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Moo
Ship's tough old bird
# 107
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Liverpool fan:
quote:
Originally posted by Jon J:
quote:
Originally posted by Liverpool fan:
quote:
Originally posted by Jon J:
Every time you check a shipmate's profile and they have hilariously reinterpreted the question 'Favourite Boards' - take a stiff one.
But remember to take a drink afterwards.
ITTWACWS
What does that mean?
There is a thread in the Styx that answers your question.
Moo
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Kerygmania host
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See you later, alligator.
Posts: 20365 | From: Alleghany Mountains of Virginia | Registered: May 2001
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
Every time somebody uses the phrase tu quoque, balance your glass on top of your head, shout "DO AS I SAY, NOT AS I DO!", and drain the glass.
Every time somebody uses a or a to mollify a truly foul insult, take a drink and tell everyone in the room you didn't.
[ 06. January 2008, 00:03: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Beautiful Dreamer
Shipmate
# 10880
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Posted
Every time you see the person who thinks they know everything get something wrong, take a drink.
If they actually admit to being wrong, break out your snowblower. Hell has frozen over.
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More where that came from
Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!
Posts: 6028 | From: Outside Atlanta, GA | Registered: Jan 2006
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Zwingli
Shipmate
# 4438
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by The Wanderer:
Everytime someone in Purgatory mentions Calvinism take a drink. (Things will begin to make sense then )
Every time someone uses "Calvinist" to mean "a conservative evangelical whom I don't happen to like" take a drink. Every time that uses it of someone who in't really a Calvinist at all, eg. most Sydney Anglicans, take two drinks, have a lie down and refrain from putting your fist through the monitor.
[ 06. January 2008, 11:45: Message edited by: Zwingli ]
Posts: 4283 | Registered: Apr 2003
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Robert Armin
All licens'd fool
# 182
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Posted
OK - my comment was meant to raise a smile, rather than to cause offence. Clearly I got that wrong. I apologise.
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Keeping fit was an obsession with Fr Moity .... He did chin ups in the vestry, calisthenics in the pulpit, and had developed a series of Tai-Chi exercises to correspond with ritual movements of the Mass. The Antipope Robert Rankin
Posts: 8927 | From: In the pack | Registered: May 2001
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Jengie jon
Semper Reformanda
# 273
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by The Wanderer:
Everytime someone in Purgatory mentions Calvinism take a drink. (Things will begin to make sense then )
I think Calvin would approve. One of his conditions of settlement in Geneva was a good cellar of wine.
Jengie
p.s. he was trying not to have to accept the post.
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"To violate a persons ability to distinguish fact from fantasy is the epistemological equivalent of rape." Noretta Koertge
Back to my blog
Posts: 20894 | From: city of steel, butterflies and rainbows | Registered: May 2001
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sabine
Shipmate
# 3861
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Posted
Hmmmm.....it would be fun to see all of you sliding off your chairs and staggering around after taking those drinks.
All I would have to do is use all the phrases and smilies mentioned on this thread--all of them! If I had time, I could do it all in one post, and then we'd have to have a belly-up meet!
Bwahahahaha! ![[Devil]](graemlins/devil.gif) (what, no drinks for the devil smiley??)
love and kisses ![[Axe murder]](graemlins/lovedrops.gif)
...and don't take the diazepam!
sabine
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"Hunger looks like the man that hunger is killing." Eduardo Galeano
Posts: 5887 | From: the US Heartland | Registered: Dec 2002
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comet
Snowball in Hell
# 10353
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Posted
quote:
Originally post by The Wanderer:
OK - my comment was meant to raise a smile, rather than to cause offence. Clearly I got that wrong. I apologise.
quote:
Originally posted by Beautiful_Dreamer:
Every time someone tries to make a joke but it completely bombs, take a drink.
Bottoms up!
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Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions
"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin
Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005
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RooK
1 of 6
# 1852
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Posted
I thought of one that's a few years out of date...
- If Mousethief hands you a Mousethief Cooler, take a drink. (Duh)
Posts: 15274 | From: Portland, Oregon, USA, Earth | Registered: Nov 2001
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Spike
Mostly Harmless
# 36
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by The Wanderer:
OK - my comment was meant to raise a smile, rather than to cause offence. Clearly I got that wrong. I apologise.
Well, it made me laugh if that's any consolation.
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"May you get to heaven before the devil knows you're dead" - Irish blessing
Posts: 12860 | From: The Valley of Crocuses | Registered: May 2001
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Robert Armin
All licens'd fool
# 182
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Posted
Thank you. The comment was supposed to be a reference to the complexity of Calvinistic thought. At least, I find it complex, but YMMV. Clearly my "thread cred" isn't as high as I thought it was.
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Keeping fit was an obsession with Fr Moity .... He did chin ups in the vestry, calisthenics in the pulpit, and had developed a series of Tai-Chi exercises to correspond with ritual movements of the Mass. The Antipope Robert Rankin
Posts: 8927 | From: In the pack | Registered: May 2001
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balaam
Making an ass of myself
# 4543
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Jon J:
Every time you check a shipmate's profile and they have hilariously reinterpreted the question 'Favourite Boards' - take a stiff one.
Hey, I resemble that remark.
If the bottom line of the profile reads Profile last updated by Erin take two drinks, with a chaser.
If the profile was last updated by Simon, drain both bottles.
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Last ever sig ...
blog
Posts: 9049 | From: Hen Ogledd | Registered: May 2003
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
Ok, two more for Hell:
If several people completely depart from the Op for two or three pages to discuss what Hell is for, how to navigate Hell, or what makes the Hellions cooler than any other shipmates, take three very large swigs of your favorite laxative.
If someone tells somebody else to "stay out of the kitchen if you can't stand the heat" and then later gets inordinately offended over something really stupid, (or vice-versa), take a big mouthful then spit it right back in your glass.
(Circus)
if somebody gets genuinely offended on the Offended thread (hey, it's happened), take a drink of a Shirley Temple.
(Heaven)
If someone (for instance) hops onto a "favorite book/ movie" thread with no other contribution than "your favorite book/ movie sucks", take a drink of Zima. And like it.
All boards:
Every time shipmates discuss a hostly action on the thread itself rather than taking it to the Styx, send that host a bottle of their favorite libation. (sorry, pet peeve of mine.)
--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Beautiful Dreamer
Shipmate
# 10880
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Posted
(Circus)
If someone posts on a 'quote thread' using a movie/song/book quote that no normal person would have heard of, take a drink.
If someone actually guesses one of these obscure references correctly, take two drinks.
If someone quotes a book/song/movie and attributes the quote to the wrong person or misquotes, take a drink. Take two drinks if they argue when they are corrected.
(Hell)
When someone personally insults you and only succeeds in making themselves look like an ass, drain your bottle.
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More where that came from
Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!
Posts: 6028 | From: Outside Atlanta, GA | Registered: Jan 2006
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Spike
Mostly Harmless
# 36
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Posted
Whenever a newbie starts a Styx thread asking why a board such as Hell is necessary on a Christian website, take 3 drinks and, while you're at it, post a Hell call against that poster.
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"May you get to heaven before the devil knows you're dead" - Irish blessing
Posts: 12860 | From: The Valley of Crocuses | Registered: May 2001
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jedijudy
Organist of the Jedi Temple
# 333
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Posted
When someone quotes a post and adds "What he/she said", take a drink.
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Jasmine, little cat with a big heart.
Posts: 18017 | From: 'Twixt the 'Glades and the Gulf | Registered: Aug 2001
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Alfred E. Neuman
What? Me worry?
# 6855
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Spike:
... and, while you're at it, post a Hell call against that poster.
More rewarding to run through the fields naked at midnight while howling at the moon.
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--Formerly: Gort--
Posts: 12954 | Registered: May 2004
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