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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Hell: Blast of the Trump Against the Monstrous English Regiment of Evangelical Basher
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Hercule
Apprentice
# 2943
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Posted
For a person accustomed to talking about/with Evangelicals and Christians in the US, it's an odd experience reading all the stuff here coming from an assumed English/COE perspective. It all translates pretty well, just slightly out of phase.
And I realize that you're all way more fucked up than we are. I'm a student of early modern English this and that, so I'm often cognizant of the mess of the English church back at its inception. I rarely think about it as it is today at any length except that it's bizarre and clearly going down the crapper. (Which probably means death, rebirth, and survival--such is the nature of most big cultural institutions.)
I also recall finishing my undergrad years and staying in Oxford one summer. Made the mistake of going to some InterVarsity-like event with a Catholic friend. Basically it was a pack of fundamentalists who didn't know shit about their own religious and national past. ALso, they didn't like Catholics. It blew me away. I thought only American Evangelical-Fundamentalists were that stupid. Guess not.
Perhaps the constant bitching about obvious stupidity going down the crapper is rather like a contented turd floating at a distance in the swirl, thinking it's not going to go down, but then...yeah!...it does right at the end with the last gurgle, its trim little tail whisked down the pipe. (An especially common phenomena with English plumbing. Actually flushing twice is the rule, not the exception. Or maybe I just crap bigger 'n you.)
So is there a progressive, prescriptive, less insular faction around these parts?
[ 12. September 2003, 18:58: Message edited by: Erin ]
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Let them hate, so long as they fear
-Accius
He collected audiences around him, and flourished and exhibited and harangued -Aesop
Posts: 49 | From: In transit | Registered: Jun 2002
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sakura
Shipmate
# 1449
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Posted
Yes there is. A large one.
But I don't know if your opening post will bring them out in droves smiling and happy to see you.
Many of them (and I am one) actually quite like, for all its faults, the church you describe as 'bizarre and going down the crapper.'
So welcome - and good luck with that argument about the 'obvious stupidity' of the Anglican church. ![[Eek!]](eek.gif) ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Keep me as the apple of Your eye.
Hide me under the shadow of Your wings.
Posts: 478 | From: Melbourne | Registered: Oct 2001
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Hercule
Apprentice
# 2943
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Posted
"Yes there is. A large one."
Someone needs to post a sign. Been wading in the muck for hours. Another good sign at the front would indicate the prevalence of Anglocentric wieners. Or is it "whienghers" over there on the isle of the backwards?
"But I don't know if your opening post will bring them out in droves smiling and happy to see you."
Jeez, a Barney-like welcome. I prefer machine guns blazing. Might be compensation for the time I've wasted if it's wittily rebarbative.
The "obvious stupidity" remark is in my honest opinion the most defensible and least interesting.
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Let them hate, so long as they fear
-Accius
He collected audiences around him, and flourished and exhibited and harangued -Aesop
Posts: 49 | From: In transit | Registered: Jun 2002
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Ender's Shadow
Shipmate
# 2272
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Posted
The English word is 'whine' - which the OED informs me is from the Old English 'hwinan'. But I guess the German presence in Wisconsin has corrupted the language from the pristine state we gave it to you. ![[Flaming]](graemlins/angryfire.gif)
I'm interested at your comments about a time at Oxford - when I was an undergraduate there some 20 years ago, the OICCU had moved on from knee jerk anti Catholicism, and I have learnt much from that tradition. It was far more negative about liberals, though given the presence of the Martyr's Memorial in Oxford, we do have grounds for a certain anti-Catholicism, at least in its historical behaviour.
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Test everything. Hold on to the good.
Please don't refer to me as 'Ender' - the whole point of Ender's Shadow is that he isn't Ender.
Posts: 5018 | From: Manchester, England | Registered: Feb 2002
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Arrietty
Ship's borrower
# 45
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Posted
quote:
And I realize that you're all way more fucked up than we are.
Could you define who 'you' and 'we' are in this statement?
Is it a nationalistic statement - in which case, do you mean just the English, or are you extending it to the rest of the British Isles - or are you merely dismissing my church rather than my whole country?
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i-church
Online Mission and Ministry
Posts: 6634 | From: Coventry, UK | Registered: May 2001
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sakura
Shipmate
# 1449
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by scyndan heofon-cyning:
The "obvious stupidity" remark is in my honest opinion the most defensible and least interesting.
Care to explain why you hold that opinion?
quote:
Been wading in the muck for hours.
Why did you bother?
quote:
Or is it "whienghers" over there on the isle of the backwards?
Actually, like many other shipmates, I am not from England, I'm from the New World just like you, dear, though a different part of it from you. I don't have the stats on this - a host may - but to the extent that there is a "anglocentric" focus it may be explained by the percentage of shipmates who hail from those parts.
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Keep me as the apple of Your eye.
Hide me under the shadow of Your wings.
Posts: 478 | From: Melbourne | Registered: Oct 2001
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Wood
The Milkman of Human Kindness
# 7
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Posted
"Isle of the backwards", my arse.
I'm not from England, either. ![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
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Narcissism.
Posts: 7842 | From: Wood Towers | Registered: Apr 2001
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
Well, Edward was accused of being biased towards Evangelicals after several bad experiences. But you (how do you pronounce that name?) seem to base all your prejudice on one visit to a University CU!
There are far more young people in CUs than any other age group and like all young people (including myself way back in the mists of time!) need to try things out and examine our faith. Later on we might admit we got some things wrong. But you cannot judge the whole of the English Church on one experience at a CU meeting!
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
And how come you have an avatar - I thought they were not given out to apprentices until they proved they could be polite! Very 'cyning' indeed........ I see from your profile that you are a provocateur - well you certainly have stirred up a hornet's nest here ![[Mad]](mad.gif)
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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Sean D
Cheery barman
# 2271
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Posted
Thank you for those lovely toilet metaphors ![[Snigger]](graemlins/snigger.gif)
I'd like to let you know that the Oxford Christian Union (OICCU) is now the enlightened home of warm and loving Christian unity but I did hear the other day that they were thinking of putting on an event about whether Catholics were real Christians. When I turned purple and started foaming at the mouth I think the person who told me this worked out I wouldn't be overly keen on such an idea. ![[Puke]](graemlins/puke.gif) [At last, a chance to use a vomming smilie!!]
Sadly, in other words, the British quasi-fundamentalists are still going just as strong as in your day.
But at the end of the day, Scyndan, I think I prefer the method of trying to change it from within. We're not all like that - how'd you like it if I assumed you were just like Jerry Falwell or George W just because of the country you hail from?
"So is there a progressive, prescriptive, less insular faction around these parts?"
I'm not sure if you'd want it to be both progressive and prescriptive, but yes, it's here, it just tends to get mixed up in all the other stuff...
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postpostevangelical
http://www.stmellitus.org/
Posts: 2126 | From: North and South Kensington | Registered: Feb 2002
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Wood
The Milkman of Human Kindness
# 7
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Posted
scyndan heofon-cyning.
In some ways it's kind of refreshing to see an American giving us British (British - not English, thank you very much. There are other countries in Great Britain apart from England. Or had you not got that far in your 'English History' textbook?) the kind of treatment that Brits give Americans.
Thing is, right, the accusations of stupidity, the claims of political naïveté, the crass generalisations about a nation based on a single experience of the one group which is widely regarded as one of the most conservative and extreme university groups in England...
They're a pile of bollocks.
Now if I were to come in here with one of my first posts, scundyn hfrnoon-cyntly, and display that attitude against *any* national group... they'd leave here with a charred demeanour, a couple extra orifices, and a footprint in their arse.
You appear to think that the Christian church in the UK is composed entirely of either these evo-bashing jerks (did you even read that last thread I started?) or mad "fundies" (God, I hate that word) - yeah, there are some, but so what? It's not like they're the majority or anything).
quote:
Posted by slrfhn hedfrck-cluffish:
So is there a progressive, prescriptive, less insular faction around these parts?
Have you even looked at the main site? Have you absorbed the idea of 'Christian Unrest'? Small Fire? Any of the other columns? The Palestine Monitor?
Do you get sarcasm? (I posted a helpful link to the dictionary definition of the word on my other 'evo-bashing' thread. Since you're obviously of awesome intellignece and discernment, I'll let you find it yourself.)
Pay attention, moron. I may be asking questions later.
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Narcissism.
Posts: 7842 | From: Wood Towers | Registered: Apr 2001
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sakura
Shipmate
# 1449
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Posted
Wittily rebarbative enough for you so far, scundyn?
(PS. For 'England' in my last post, read 'Great Britain'. Sorry, Wood. ![[Embarrassed]](redface.gif) )
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Keep me as the apple of Your eye.
Hide me under the shadow of Your wings.
Posts: 478 | From: Melbourne | Registered: Oct 2001
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frin
Drinking coffee for Jesus
# 9
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Posted
cyning - as in King. Heofon as in heaven.
Cunning indeed. You aren't doing your homework today, Chorister.
Moreover, all users can set an avatar through their profile. Only Shipmates can ask for a custom avatar. See the custom avatar link on the front page of the boards.
'frin
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"Even the crocodile looks after her young" - Lamentations 4, remembering Erin.
Posts: 4496 | From: a library | Registered: Apr 2001
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Nightlamp
Shipmate
# 266
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Posted
Golly gosh, well colour me purple with envy I do so want to join scyndan heofon-cyning's church. I so want to learn how he comes up with such incisive knowledge of the English church after such a brief stay here.
The way you expresses yourself is such an advert for theological depth, your knowledge from your studies shows how much superior you are to us who are part of the English church.
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I don't know what you are talking about so it couldn't have been that important- Nightlamp
Posts: 8442 | From: Midlands | Registered: May 2001
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John Donne
Renaissance Man
# 220
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Posted
Well, there's been some nice Hellish style here - I'd give S H-C points because his post made me laugh (then again any mention of floating poo makes me laugh 'cos I'm a simple aussie soul) even though I don't know what he is talking about.
S H-C, is it evos, fundies, evo-bashers, liberals, the world-wide Anglican Communion, the Anglican Church in Britain, Britain, pommies, or what, that you are having a go at?
Beaut little riposte there by Ender's Shadow, and a fairly restrained didactic post by Wood. I thought 'I may be asking questions later' was quite sublime and could have even done without the 'moron' yet retained the same impact as a refined parting smack-down.
Posts: 13667 | From: Perth, W.A. | Registered: May 2001
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Wood
The Milkman of Human Kindness
# 7
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by The Coot:
Beaut little riposte there by Ender's Shadow, and a fairly restrained didactic post by Wood. I thought 'I may be asking questions later' was quite sublime and could have even done without the 'moron' yet retained the same impact as a refined parting smack-down.
Thank you, Coot.
So. Any thoughts on points scores?
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Narcissism.
Posts: 7842 | From: Wood Towers | Registered: Apr 2001
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David
Complete Bastard
# 3
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Posted
Ok.
Which fuckwit forgot to put the ShitMagnet away?
Posts: 3815 | From: Redneck Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2001
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John Donne
Renaissance Man
# 220
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Posted
Well, (Richie Benaud voice), the board is lovely today, and it's lovely to be here and it's lovely to have you in the studio today Mr Wood. S H-C appears to have won the toss-off, and we are on the edges of our seats - as are the viewers at home - to see if he will bat or be battered.
Posts: 13667 | From: Perth, W.A. | Registered: May 2001
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Wood
The Milkman of Human Kindness
# 7
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Posted
Oh, and a stunning hit from the corner by David there. That has to set up for a goal, that does...
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Narcissism.
Posts: 7842 | From: Wood Towers | Registered: Apr 2001
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John Donne
Renaissance Man
# 220
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Posted
Oh blast, here's the tea lady, I'll leave you with the beautiful Wendy who'll draw some phallic symbols with the telestrator. I don't think this match will go to penalties, and there is an umpire hovering close by with a black card. In fact, I can sniff a forced follow on and by the time I get back I suspect it will be all over bar the shouting.
Posts: 13667 | From: Perth, W.A. | Registered: May 2001
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Tim V
Shipmate
# 830
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Posted
Hey, OICCU's alright. Some of my friends are/have been on the exec. OK, so their relationship with CathSoc might not be particularly touchy-feely but that's to be expected, isn't it? We pray for their ministry and they....well, don't pray for ours but that's fine.
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Scots steel tempered wi' Irish fire.
Is the weapon that I desire.
Posts: 212 | From: The crow's nest | Registered: Jul 2001
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Wood
The Milkman of Human Kindness
# 7
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Posted
Thank you Coot.
Now it's time for some half-time analysis.
Dyfrig?
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Narcissism.
Posts: 7842 | From: Wood Towers | Registered: Apr 2001
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dyfrig
Blue Scarfed Menace
# 15
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Posted
Mmmm? Religious disagreements? Eh? Boys playing theological football in the park, deacons for goalposts? Mm? Marvellous. Oh no! The ball's gone near the road! Screech of breaks - splat! Mummy mummy, that boy did it! Take that you horrid Catholic. Mmmm? Marvellous.
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"He was wrong in the long run, but then, who isn't?" - Tony Judt
Posts: 6917 | From: pob dydd Iau, am hanner dydd | Registered: Apr 2001
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Erin
Meaner than Godzilla
# 2
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Posted
Oh Lord. Like I said, even though per capita the UK seems to contribute more raving loons to these boards than any other area, there's no nut quite like an American nut. What we lack in quantity we more than make up for in quality.
I'm SO proud.
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Commandment number one: shut the hell up.
Posts: 17140 | From: 330 miles north of paradise | Registered: Mar 2001
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Wood
The Milkman of Human Kindness
# 7
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Posted
And a midfield punt from Erin there. Great play from all concerned.
She's been on great form this season. Her play's really benefitted from a change of position, I think.
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Narcissism.
Posts: 7842 | From: Wood Towers | Registered: Apr 2001
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John Donne
Renaissance Man
# 220
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Posted
And I think - yes, let's replay that. If you listen closely the field mike is picking up the Gators play codes. *muffled noises* 'Hut!Hut!Hut!Goteam!Sancti!6!Weenie!6!Monious!6!'
Posts: 13667 | From: Perth, W.A. | Registered: May 2001
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Wood
The Milkman of Human Kindness
# 7
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Posted
And in the slow-mo replay, you can just see that - yes, look at that - Erin's deft word control, her mastery of tactical capitalisation... and she doesn't even need to use a smiley.
Effortless. You don't see play like that every day.
So, how have they done this season, do you think?
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Narcissism.
Posts: 7842 | From: Wood Towers | Registered: Apr 2001
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dyfrig
Blue Scarfed Menace
# 15
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Posted
Well, Brian, I think they have the chance to go all the way this year - of course, being the only team in The Ship of Fools league means that they go all the way every year, but maybe this time they can avoid coming bottom yet again. I'm sure the fans are getting pretty bored of always finishing mid-table year after year.
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"He was wrong in the long run, but then, who isn't?" - Tony Judt
Posts: 6917 | From: pob dydd Iau, am hanner dydd | Registered: Apr 2001
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John Donne
Renaissance Man
# 220
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Posted
I'm sorry I have to interrupt you now Dyfrig, for a special interview with our Stateside expert:
'Our bigger things are bigger than your bigger things. And our big things from Texas are far bigger than your biggest thing. Because we choose to go to the moon. And the other things'.
(Cue back to commentary room - slightly earlier than anticipated)
Bugger that. I thought we were gunna see the bloody cheerleaders? Oh. What do you mean 'we're on'?
Posts: 13667 | From: Perth, W.A. | Registered: May 2001
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Wood
The Milkman of Human Kindness
# 7
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Posted
*Ahem*.
Ok. Now our exclusive footage of our interview with Anna Kournikova...
"So, Ms. Kournikova. It's been a disappointing year so far. What went wrong?"
"How dare you ask me that? I'm sorry, I'm not answering that. You can all go-"
OK. Maybe not. Back to our scheduled footage...
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Narcissism.
Posts: 7842 | From: Wood Towers | Registered: Apr 2001
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Tubbs
Miss Congeniality
# 440
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Posted
Is the match over yet? I wanna change channels. There must be something on the other side ....
Tubbs
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"It's better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than open it up and remove all doubt" - Dennis Thatcher. My blog. Decide for yourself which I am
Posts: 12701 | From: Someplace strange | Registered: Jun 2001
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Sarkycow
La belle Dame sans merci
# 1012
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Posted
I think that Wood and Dyfrig's little one-two there frightened SH-C off. Shame. No really. Honestly.
Oh alright, it's not a shame at all.
But Wood's right - the change of position for Erin has made all the difference. ![[Smile]](smile.gif) Go Erin
Viki
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“Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.”
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Stoo
Mighty Pirate
# 254
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Posted
you, know...
i've been thinking of getting an Erin-cut.
Do you think my barber would do that?
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Posts: 5266 | From: the director of "Bikini Traffic School" | Registered: May 2001
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Wood
The Milkman of Human Kindness
# 7
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Posted
Hand of God: Foot of Erin.
Ghost exorcised.
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Narcissism.
Posts: 7842 | From: Wood Towers | Registered: Apr 2001
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dyfrig
Blue Scarfed Menace
# 15
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Stoo:
Do you think my barber would do that?
Does your barber do bright yellow mohicans?
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"He was wrong in the long run, but then, who isn't?" - Tony Judt
Posts: 6917 | From: pob dydd Iau, am hanner dydd | Registered: Apr 2001
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
This is your on-the-sidelines roving reporter with a word or two from the pitch.
There may be no nut like an American nut, but how can you discern which is which if the bollocks are all piled up, as Wood suggests? Some of us Americans think we're not nuts at all, but don't have the balls to say it.
Should we take Scyndan's post as a last will and testicle, or is he/she/it coming back for more?
His post, however, may have to go into some sort of ship's archive for great non-starters. "Dear Anglicans. Why are you so fucked up. Over."
What do they teach them in these schools?
Back to you in the booth, Wood.
Reader Alexis
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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babybear
Bear faced and cheeky with it
# 34
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Mousethief:
Some of us Americans think we're not nuts at all, but don't have the balls to say it.
Let's get personal and close, Are you asking us to believe that you aren't nuts Mouse-boy?
bb
Posts: 13287 | From: Cottage of the 3 Bears (and The Gremlin) | Registered: May 2001
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ken
Ship's Roundhead
# 2460
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Posted
A Troll! I sawed a Troll! A GREAT BIG TROLL! It went that way!
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Ken
L’amor che move il sole e l’altre stelle.
Posts: 39579 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2002
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by babybear:
quote:
Originally posted by Mousethief:
Some of us Americans think we're not nuts at all, but don't have the balls to say it.
Let's get personal and close, Are you asking us to believe that you aren't nuts Mouse-boy?
bb
Babybear, I'll get personal and close with you any day.
Which answers your other question.
Reader Alexis
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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simon 2
Shipmate
# 1524
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Posted
WEYHEY .... STREAKER!!!!!!
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sorry for my spelling and bad gramma
Posts: 495 | From: in a forest | Registered: Oct 2001
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ChastMastr
Shipmate
# 716
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Posted
Dear Mxyzptlk,
The irony that your name quotes Old English while you attack the main church most people here belong to -- in your first post no less -- astounds me.
But mainly I just wanted to call you Mxyzptlk, because I can.
David
That's Mister Mix-yez-pitel-ick to you, bub
Also went on a real pilgrimage to Durham Cathedral to say hi to Cuthbert in 1994, and is also, apparently, a Tractarian
Also notes that this seems to be not only a trollish thing but a "let's get the Brits and the US people riled up at each other" thing -- UGH!
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My essays on comics continuity: http://chastmastr.tumblr.com/tagged/continuity
Posts: 14068 | From: Clearwater, Florida | Registered: Jul 2001
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tomb
Shipmate
# 174
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Posted
[tomb removes one of his gloves and drags a nail down a piece of slate. At this signal that he is in hosting mode, small children scream and a woman (not Sophie Aubrey) faints]:
Let's let Scyndan digest the riposts and sort out the cricket metaphors for a while, shall we?
Perhaps he will then grace us with a more irenic--not to say ironic--reply.
If he doesn't reply, than he's either more thin-scyndaned than we suspect, which would be a disappointment; or he's a troll, which would be a sin.
tomb confesses to some admiration for the comet-like quality of the initial post; he hopes it will signal a meteoric rise to Shipmate status for Scyndan and not be yet another fizzpot.
If tomb has a quarrel, it is with the boy's name. The "heofon-cyning" seems a trifle over-stated and probably not true. Moreover, it's been a long time since tomb wrapped his lips around Old English umlauts, and he tends to spit when he pronounces them. This is unfortunate and inconvenient because it makes the paint peel off the walls where the drool hits.
Nevertheless, tomb has no plans to remove the dental prostheses that cap his fangs unless it is for the purpose of eating Scyfan heofon-cyning for breakfast and washing down the chunks with gin. He hopes and prays that Scyfan isn't a troll. They taste bad, and the flossing takes forever.
[glove on. hosting mode off]
[corrected spelling of Sophie Aubrey's name; changed a verb to a more apposite selection]
[ 25 June 2002, 17:03: Message edited by: tomb ]
Posts: 5039 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: May 2001
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
I didn't see any umlauts?? ![[Confused]](confused.gif)
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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tomb
Shipmate
# 174
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Posted
It's the "y"s. They're pronounced similarly to a German u-umlaut or a (classical) Latin "y". Damn inconvenient with fangs as long as mine.
Posts: 5039 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: May 2001
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Boot
Shipmate
# 2611
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Posted
Dear Mr Whateveryournameis,
I found your OP a little hard to understand, for various reasons (including what I consider to be a over-enthuastic use of toliet metaphors) but I understand that it would be fair to say that you are slagging off the church in the UK.
Now, being a member of said church, I would agree with you that there is a lot wrong with it. However, there is also a lot right with it, and at the end of the day the Church (of which your target is a part) is the Bride of Christ. This does not mean that she cannot be called to account, but it does mean that you are in effect calling the Bride of Christ a minger. Which in my opinion is not a terribly good thing to do.
And how you can categorically say the church here in the UK is worse than anywhere else is beyond me.
However, your OP has had the effect of causing some very entertaining replies, not least a post from Mr Tomb our Friendly HellHost(always worth a read, so I am very grateful to you for that.
Yours in Christ
b
Posts: 116 | From: Essex, England | Registered: Apr 2002
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
Thanks, Tomb! Golly, I learned something new today! A red-letter day!
Saaaaay. I wonder if this Aulde Englysshe troll isn't related to Madamoiselle Dree-Saint? They both self-report as being holier than me, and turned up at roughly the same time. Hmmmm.
Reader Alexis
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
Sorry to double post (actually I'm not but it's customary to say that), but I want to commend Boot for the phrase
quote:
a[n] over-enthuastic use of toliet metaphors
This should win some sort of prize for circumlocutions.
Reader Alexis
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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tomb
Shipmate
# 174
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Posted
It's the "y"s. They're pronounced similarly to a German u-umlaut or a (classical) Latin "y". Damn inconvenient with fangs as long as mine.
Posts: 5039 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: May 2001
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Wood
The Milkman of Human Kindness
# 7
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by tomb:
It's the "y"s. They're pronounced similarly to a German u-umlaut or a (classical) Latin "y". Damn inconvenient with fangs as long as mine.
Hang on. When has classical Latin ever had a 'y' in it?
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Narcissism.
Posts: 7842 | From: Wood Towers | Registered: Apr 2001
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