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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Hell: F*$#! in the middle of the service.
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motojerry
Shipmate
# 4147
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Posted
I have used the f word, not in a church service but during a short term mission. A few of the locals were pestering me for a financial contribution and I told them loudly to f off. For practical purposes it worked very well as they left me alone - though I wish I could go back in time and respond in a more mature manner. The incident made some of the other Norte Americanos unhappy with me (actually made most of them like me more). But live and learn I guess.
I still have a quick temper. Must be my early career in construction work. Swearing is a great way to let out frustration.
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Always bear this in mind, that very little indeed is necessary for living a happy life. Marcus Aurelius
Posts: 203 | From: Minneapolis, MN USA | Registered: Feb 2003
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
Hey, can I add a Pastor's Wife moment?
Not during the service, but in relation to one. When I was in my eary twenties, during a youth service, I actually preached a sermon from the pulpit. It was on Mary and Martha, and its premise was (in a nutshell) we all have personality traits that will be strengths in one situation and weaknesses in another. It was a big moment for me, as i am pretty shy and Missouri Synod Lutherans don't usually dig girls in the pulpit, etc. Most of the feedback was great. The next week I found a little note from the P.W. in my church mailbox. The P.W. had written something that briefly prased my efforts, but what jumped out at me was the line "...and what I want to ask you is WHY AREN'T YOU WRITING!?" Caps and everything.She went on a little bit to chide me for hiding my light under a bushel, etc.I ahd worked very hard on my sermonette,and was quite crushed by this response.
I was young and very much wowed by authority, so I simply accepted the rebuke and did not repond to her note. If she had the misfortune to hand something like that to me now, I would have answered, "How in the Holy Hell do you think it encourages me to reprimand me for NOT doing something I just freaking DID?!"
More on her husband: I also took a stab at Lay-reading. Each time I got up to read, the Pastor would call out criticisms of my reading style to the snickers of the congregation. The more he did it, the more nervous and weak my voice became and the more he had to criticize. (let me add that I had been having counseling sessions with this man; he was well aware of my shyness and self-esteem issues.)One day I was reading the description of Pentecost from Acts and he kept calling (pretty loudly!) "Slooower...Looouuder.." while the congregation snickered. Finally after the third or fourth "Looouuuder.." I paused and said tersely into the mike, "OKAY." That got a big laugh and my mom claimed there was scattered applause, but I was too furious to hear it. I don't think that man to this day is even capable of understanding the damage he caused.
I can't believe I put up with that crap for as long as I did.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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ChrisT
One of the Good Guys™
# 62
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Posted
Church, this morning. Aongst the good stuff was this one line:
Once you are walking with Jesus, everything else falls into place.*
F^$#
* This was the gist, not the exact words. My memory isn't that good unfortunately.
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Firmly on dry land
Posts: 6489 | From: Here, there and everywhere | Registered: May 2001
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Sarkycow
La belle Dame sans merci
# 1012
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Posted
Welcome to Hell motojerry. Enjoy wandering these godforsaken depths, along with the other wretched mortals who have ended up here. Please note that learning both the Ship's 10 Commandments, and the Hell guidelines may buy you a day pass to go and post on the other boards ![[Wink]](wink.gif)
Viki, hellhost
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“Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.”
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
This is a combination F&^%$ at church and F&^$# at ex moment:
Same minister as before. On my wedding day, my future sister-in-law threw in a couple last minute additions to the service including a poem reading and playing the violin with the other musicians conscripted to play with us. Admittedly the sentiments she expressed were those of a die-hard, new-agey hippie, but she had her heart in the right place.SHe is a very kind person and I welcomed her "blessing" on the service.
On the Sunday we got back from our honeymoon, we went to church--my ex was attending church at the time--and the sermon began with my pastor's most uncharitable remarks about my sister in law. Two of the phrases he used were "Spacey" and Hippy-dippy. From the pulpit. Waiting until John and I would be sure to be in the audience. The crux of the sermon was aren't we Lutheran Christians lucky to have a firmer foundation, etc.
On the way home John started tentatively questioning me about why his sister should be in the sermon . He said he was right about her being a hippy, but wondered why she should be part of a sermon. He showed a great deal of resistace to going to church the next Sunday, and to tell the truth, I wasn't all that hot to go either.
Eventually (via my mom, who was buddies with his wife) Pastor got wind that we were hurt by his comments. According to PW, he had seemed bewildered by why it would bother us, and PW'S response was "If you don't know what's wrong with that statement, you got a problem"
So Pastor scheduled a conference with us, He sat down in the frontroom and refused the coffe and cookies I offered him, and said he'd heard of our complaint. John let me do all the talking. I said something to the effect that i was fond of Sis-in-law and didn't appreciate his judging her so quickly, especially when it might be likely that family matters might bring her round the church again. He said he used parishioers in sermons all the time and no-one else complained (probably a bald-faced fabrication.) I said, well, that's the point; she's not a parisioner, and you don't know her.
He then turned to John and asked if he had been offended. And my new husband, who I'd been defending, and who had spent much time grumbling about the Pastor's comments,looked innocent and said, "No, I wasn't offended, I knew just what you meant."
Stunned silence from a betrayed Kelly.
So I was told I was being overprotective of John, horning in on his issue, oversensitive where others were not, that while Pastor was "sorry" that I was offended, he didn't think he said anything wrong, would say it all over again if he could, and in all probability would if the opportunity came up (And he did. Many times.)
F&%$# them both. Neither one of them deserved the incredible amount of loyalty I had to offer.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Robert Armin
All licens'd fool
# 182
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Posted
Last week I went to a "Taize Eucharist" in a local Anglican church. I was looking forward to this, as I enjoy Taize music, and wanted something quiet and reflective. The music was fine, but the liturgy was bizzare (nb. I don't think it came from Taize at all). For an opening prayer we had a four-fold invocation: quote:
We greet you, Spirit of the East,
You usher in the dawn of your breeze,
You stretch forth your fingers and paint our skies.
and so, on for South, North and West.
The prayers were all about friendship (great for anyone feeling lonely), with the response: quote:
Loving God, the source of friendship
deepen our love.
Worst of all, to my mind was the Eucharistic Prayer. It began with: quote:
God of the elements of the seasons,
we gave thanks for the seasons of ourselves
had responses such as quote:
Dwell in us, with us.
Share your love with us.
Stay always - stay always.
and no mention of either the Last Supper or the Cross, save for: quote:
We open our hearts to Christ's personal suffering and sacrifice
Just in case I've failed to convince you that I hated it, I had three reasons for my unease:
* This all felt vaguely New Agey, rather than Christian. There are times when I would be quite happy with that - but I was looking for a Christian service.
* The words were not poetic, but twee and banal.
* In my day Anglican clergy had to promise to use only authorised forms of service. I know things are relaxed in all sorts of ways now, but is there anywhere in the Anglican world that would authorise such a pile of old nonsense?
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Keeping fit was an obsession with Fr Moity .... He did chin ups in the vestry, calisthenics in the pulpit, and had developed a series of Tai-Chi exercises to correspond with ritual movements of the Mass. The Antipope Robert Rankin
Posts: 8927 | From: In the pack | Registered: May 2001
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Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
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Posted
This wasn't in the middle of the service but nonetheless...
I was at an internment yesterday. The childless widow was an only child, both parents dead, who this week buried her husband after a long, hard battle with cancer.
The priest was sort of a Spencer Tracy type, straightforward man of the people, etc.
So the internment is over. Everyone is milling around. My friend the widow goes up to speak to the priest who has now buried her father, mother, and husband.
He takes her hand, looks into her eyes and says..."Well, Mary, you're all alone now."
Geez, Louise! Are we sensitive, or what!
[tangent]This same guy had virtually yelled the prayers at us during the internment. We were a small group, huddled together under the tent for warmth, while he stood on the other side of the coffin, not six feet away. Afterward I asked my friend "Does father have a large church?" She said "No. He just likes to be heard. He did the same thing at my mother's funeral."[/tangent]
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
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Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
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Posted
Let's make that "interment", although I do have a friend or two to whom "internment" would apply.
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
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Calypso
Shipmate
# 3692
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Posted
I can't count the times I've just wanted to stand up and scream "#*$% you!". That's why I don't go to church anymore ![[Razz]](tongue.gif) .
I remember one time, the youth pastor wanted to pray for my brother because he kept asking difficult questions ![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif) . He also really hated me, I'm not sure why.
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Dys dógor þu geþyld hafa wéana gehwylces, swá ic þé wéne to.
Posts: 204 | From: New Zealand | Registered: Dec 2002
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
Wasn't a Calypso fan ,then?
![[Killing me]](graemlins/killingme.gif)
(I am so, so, terribly sorry...)
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Calypso
Shipmate
# 3692
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Posted
Har har .
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Dys dógor þu geþyld hafa wéana gehwylces, swá ic þé wéne to.
Posts: 204 | From: New Zealand | Registered: Dec 2002
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John Donne
Renaissance Man
# 220
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Posted
Wanderer, I've come across that liturgy also, I have a feeling it is cultural pillaging of a traditional American Indian Christian liturgy - in fact, I seem to have a memory of someone in MW saying their father was a pastor on a reservation that used this form.
Wasn't comfortable with it 'cos it felt a bit animisty. That, and I just hate friggin' white middle class Anglicans seconding indigenous Oz/American Indian culture for their trendy aren't-we-so-broadminded-and- cutting-edge modern use.
Posts: 13667 | From: Perth, W.A. | Registered: May 2001
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
Out of interest I looked this one up and found it was an amended and abridged version of an American Indian prayer to the Five Winds (they left out the Earth Wind and the bit about invoking the Great Mother). Fine in its right setting, but not in a church.
What surprised me during the online search for it was discovering it used in services elsewhere - adapted by an American nun as well - but suitably topped and tailed with a nice sort of prayer that didn't mention God, just invoked the "longtime light".
I have to say I agree with you, Coot. While I'm all in favour of learning from other traditions, if I was a churchgoer, I would find this a step too far. Some things are simply not compatible with Christianity and you can amend them as much as you want but by doing so, you compromise the spirit of either one or the other.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Robert Armin
All licens'd fool
# 182
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Posted
Thank you Coot and Ariel, it's good to have my gut feelings confirmed. Like you I think there is something rather false about wrenching items from one tradition and forcing them into another. The whole thing smacked more than a little of the naff, and I've since heard several members of the choir wanted to walk out but felt they couldn't.
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Keeping fit was an obsession with Fr Moity .... He did chin ups in the vestry, calisthenics in the pulpit, and had developed a series of Tai-Chi exercises to correspond with ritual movements of the Mass. The Antipope Robert Rankin
Posts: 8927 | From: In the pack | Registered: May 2001
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kittylou
Apprentice
# 4036
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Posted
My F-bomb moment came on Good Friday last year. Our church had a traditional service in the middle of the day, from noon to 3 p.m., very solemn and quiet. So far, so good. However, we weren't done yet. At 5 p.m. there was a service/program targeted toward children to help them understand the Stations of the Cross. The children (plus parents and anyone else who wanted to attend) went to different places in the church buildings to hear the Stations of the Cross in story form and to participate in some sort of tactile experience such as washing of the hands, pounding nails into a piece of wood, etc., so reinforce what they were hearing. The groups that came to my station were very reverent and the children really got into the story and seemed to understand the solemnity of the occasion.
The f*$#! moment came when we went back to the church itself for the closing part of the service. I expected a prayer, possibly a reminder about the next evening's Easter Vigil service, and a dismissal. Nope. Our Director of Christian Ed (who was in charge of the service) apparently decided that the Passion of Our Lord Jesus Christ was too "heavy" and sad for the kids, so we had 10 minutes of happy-clappy-shouty songs so that everybody could "feel good" before we left. I'm afraid it left me outraged instead. ![[Mad]](angryfire.gif)
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I'm still thinking...
Posts: 18 | From: under the sun | Registered: Feb 2003
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magnum mysterium
Shipmate
# 3418
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Posted
Had a f*** moment yesterday on the first Sunday in lent when the rector, despite my exhortations about proper custom, included the Alleluia before the Gospel. AAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!
At least he omitted the Gloria.
Posts: 3095 | Registered: Oct 2002
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Old Hundredth
Shipmate
# 112
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Magnum Mysterium:
At least he omitted the Gloria.
Ours didn't. We will probably have it throughout Lent unless the clergy remember to omit it (however we have been known to accidentally omit it at other times than Lent), but on Easter Sunday we don't have it at the 10.30 service, which is the major one, because we have a truncated form of Common Worship Communion following an All-Age service. Because of the structure of Common Worship with the Gloria at the beginning (as opposed to BCP where it is at the end) it means that we miss it out on the day for which it is most appropriate.
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If I'm not in the Chapel, I'll be in the bar (Reno Sweeney, 'Anything Goes')
Posts: 976 | From: The land of the barm cake | Registered: May 2001
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Laura
General nuisance
# 10
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by The Wanderer:
* The words were not poetic, but twee and banal.
This is mostly what I object to in "new, improved" language. It is not only not a theological improvement on the authorized or traditional versions; it is often hackneyed, twee, or Hallmark-card-y.
I recently talked a good friend out of "writing their own vows" as a way of giving a nod to both Jewish and Christian backgrounds. I'm not normally an interfer-er, but since I was consulted, I recommended using one or the other tradition's vows; I told her that if she wrote her own vows, 5% of the twee members of the congregation woould think it sweet; and everyone else would stifle giggles at the "I promise to affirm your individuality..." kinda stuff. And in what way is "I promise to respect your space and help you grow as a person," an improvement on the assorted variations of the timeless, "I n, take thee, n, to be my wedded wife/husband ... for better, for worse..." or "Be sanctified unto me as my wife/husband according to the traditions of Moses and Israel..."
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Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence. - Erich Fromm
Posts: 16883 | From: East Coast, USA | Registered: Apr 2001
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jugular
Voice of Treason
# 4174
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Posted
I include here an account of the worst baptism I have ever experienced.
The context : four female 8th grade (2nd form) students at the school I was teaching at, wanted to get confirmed, but had not been baptised, and so needed to get "done". ![[brick wall]](graemlins/brick_wall.gif)
The Cast : Fr Arthur. Australians will be familiar with "Uncle Arthur", a comical character who is completely deaf and quite mad. They are practically one and the same person.
The "Service": The four kids (one of whom was buddhist and had never been to church before!) turned up and Father turned up about 15 minutes late. Each of the girls were dressed in the best outfits. For "best" read "sluttiest" i.e, midrifs, gaudy jewellery, knee high boots. Father Arthur had decided that, for the first time in his life, he would use the new prayer book service, seeing as how they were young people and all. Unfortunately he had only made four copies of the liturgy, for the 15 or so people there.
Oh, did I mention he forgot his glasses?
So he races through the prayers at breakneck speed, not stopping to breath, then launches into 20 minutes of weak, wandering stories from his weak, wandering life to illustrate his main point which was.... um... well something.
He then summoned the girls to the front and proceeded to manhandle them into place, leering at their scanty clothing. He says, "So, who wants to go first?". They all, embarassed, look away. "how about you", he says, "what's your name?". May I, at this point, emphasise that Father Arthur had been preparing the class for baptism for SIX WEEKS. So one of the girls says her name, he throws water over her and mumbles the right words. Of course, she's standing up, so water runs down onto her skimpy white top so, hello!, we've got a wet t-shirt competition happening! ![[Two face]](graemlins/scot_twoface.gif)
The part, though, that really made me say F*#k, was when he said, at the end, "There you go, girls, now that's over with!". It was a truly spiritual moment. ![[Projectile]](graemlins/puke2.gif)
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We’ve got to act like a church that hasn’t already internalized the narrative of its own decline Ray Suarez
Posts: 2599 | From: Australia | Registered: Feb 2003
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ChrisT
One of the Good Guys™
# 62
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Posted
The Rev. Geralds' influence stretches far and wide...
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Firmly on dry land
Posts: 6489 | From: Here, there and everywhere | Registered: May 2001
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jugular
Voice of Treason
# 4174
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Posted
It would be funny if it weren't true. This description actually leaves out my muttered "Oh F*^% throughout the whole thing. ![[Frown]](frown.gif)
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We’ve got to act like a church that hasn’t already internalized the narrative of its own decline Ray Suarez
Posts: 2599 | From: Australia | Registered: Feb 2003
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Sooty Puss
Shipmate
# 4155
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Posted
. . . wet t-shirt competition
Now that sounds like progress
Posts: 108 | From: SUSPENDED | Registered: Feb 2003
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
I think that one wins my "Best of Thread" pick.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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plato
Apprentice
# 4034
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Posted
hmm...? listening to the most boring bastard going, (filling in for holidaying vicar).. He was at least 150 yrs old, and telling us how we need never suffer pain or illness ever. we just needed to say the sinners prayer and we would all be healed instantly, if you were'nt, then you had no faith. took an ex-biker with me that morn. he suffers from migraines and ms.
old fart comes over afterwards and tries to talk. I'm desperate to get him away from said biker, because I know the way he thinks. old fart starts to berate him over his lack of faith. arm extends, fist connects and preacher folds up in the middle, biker says in a loud voice, well? i can't hear the fucking prayer! where's the bloody miracle then?
for some reason he gave up preaching, strange that?
Posts: 2 | From: England | Registered: Feb 2003
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Sarkycow
La belle Dame sans merci
# 1012
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Posted
Welcome plato to both Hell and the Ship in general. Please check the guidelines for each board before posting on them - saves unintentional roastings
Apart from that, all I can say is that biker mate's response sounds like a good one ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
Viki, hellhost
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“Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.”
Posts: 10787 | Registered: Jul 2001
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magnum mysterium
Shipmate
# 3418
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Magnum Mysterium:
Had a f*** moment yesterday on the first Sunday in lent when the rector, despite my exhortations about proper custom, included the Alleluia before the Gospel. AAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!
At least he omitted the Gloria.
And on Lent II they put the Alleluia in again, despite more pleas for us to do it properly.
So I left.
I probably shouldn't have, as I suppose it was a sign of defeat. But I shall keep up the fight.
Posts: 3095 | Registered: Oct 2002
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
What DO they train 'em at Theological College these days? How to plug in the Alpha video, I suppose ......
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
Ok, yesterday is Easter sunday. I come to church with my family. Sis has been fighting with her boyfriend for two days and is in tears, nephew has a sigularly unconvincing brave-little-soldier smile on his face, mom is freaked out because a checkbook mishap has left her 2000 in the red, and I am having a couple of days of seriously missing my ex-in-laws. In other words, a typical fucking Alves family gathering.
Th sermon is about ressurection, and while the minister isn't really saying anything new, I am trying to follow and get into the spirit of things. At one point he says," but I want to warn you because it sounds like I'm saying thatbecause Jesus is risen, everything will be all right. This is not true."
I sigh with relief. Good, I think, He will take time to acknowledge the brokenhearted.
"...it is not true," he continues'because some people graduate,and some don't."
Huh?
"Some people embrace the Resurrection, and some don't.Some people claim Jesus as their Lord and Savior, and some push him away. Some accept the blessings of Jesus Christ, and some reject them. Therefore some experience resurrection, and some remain in their sin."
I have never wished so fervently that Erin Etheridge attended my church. My now decidedly ex-churc. Refer to "calling God to Hell" for a detailed description of my opinon of people who imply that the abscence or prescence of 'blessing' in a person's life indicates the quality of their relationship with God.
Happy freaking Easter, you name-it-and-claim-it potzer.By the way, what did my nephew (who sings "Jesus loves me" all day) do to push God away? I'd be happy to tell him that his folks will stop fighting if he just stops rejecting the Resurrection. Up yours, you ecclesiastical infant.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
Ok, yesterday is Easter sunday. I come to church with my family. Sis has been fighting with her boyfriend for two days and is in tears, nephew has a sigularly unconvincing brave-little-soldier smile on his face, mom is freaked out because a checkbook mishap has left her 2000 in the red, and I am having a couple of days of seriously missing my ex-in-laws. In other words, a typical fucking Alves family gathering.
Th sermon is about ressurection, and while the minister isn't really saying anything new, I am trying to follow and get into the spirit of things. At one point he says," but I want to warn you because it sounds like I'm saying thatbecause Jesus is risen, everything will be all right. This is not true."
I sigh with relief. Good, I think, He will take time to acknowledge the brokenhearted.
"...it is not true," he continues'because some people graduate,and some don't."
Huh?
"Some people embrace the Resurrection, and some don't.Some people claim Jesus as their Lord and Savior, and some push him away. Some accept the blessings of Jesus Christ, and some reject them. Therefore some experience resurrection, and some remain in their sin."
I have never wished so fervently that Erin Etheridge attended my church. My now decidedly ex-churc. Refer to "calling God to Hell" for a detailed description of my opinon of people who imply that the abscence or prescence of 'blessing' in a person's life indicates the quality of their relationship with God.
Happy freaking Easter, you name-it-and-claim-it potzer.By the way, what did my nephew (who sings "Jesus loves me" all day) do to push God away? I'd be happy to tell him that his folks will stop fighting if he just stops rejecting the Resurrection. Up yours, you ecclesiastical infant.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
(Please ignore duplicate post. Flood control issues. I thought I had stopped the post.I suck. I have not fully embraced the ressurection, and my fruits are revealing me. mea cupla, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa. Flog, flog, flog.)
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Alt Wally
Cardinal Ximinez
# 3245
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Posted
Kelly, you need to start carrying an air horn to church.
Posts: 3684 | Registered: Aug 2002
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Rowen
Shipmate
# 1194
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Posted
It was a large and modern church, easily seating 700 hundred. At night however, the 50 or so sat down the front, and we turned the back lights mostly off, after the start of the service. It was more cosy that way. However the street lights shone thru the windows, and the minister at least could see right thru the building to the night outside. It was my first year of ministry, and that night I took the service, whilst the senior minister sat with his family down the front.
The organist was a dear woman- so committed to the task that she came with the reasonably newish babe- but that night she looked a little tired. So after the readings she took said babe down to the Cry Room, a large glassed-off area at the back of church, with a good sound system (she could hear me but not vice-a-versa.) Some curtains gave her an element of privacy- but, this night at least not enough. The outside lights shone gently into the Cry Room, as I could see from the pulpit. The congregation, of course, faced the wrong way to see in there.
She spent a lont time in there, and I wondered if she had fallen asleep. Her husband obviously wondered that too- so he quietly tiptoes down there to check. Unaware that I could see it all.... he went into the Room, and walked over to her- to give her a hug- or so I thought. But lo! He was carried away, and the hug was not enough. They proceeded then to "know each other" in the biblical sense- gently, quietly, but thoroughly. I was somewhat flummoxed.
Should I have spoken into the mic system, thus alerting them that I could see into the Room- and letting the whole congregation know what was happening? Well, unsure of the correct procedure, I decided to continue the sermon. I figured that maybe they had turned the sound system off. The senior minister knew something had stunned me andtaken my attention away from the body of my sermon, but obviously he was unsure as to what exactly...
As my sermon stumblingly drew to an end, the couple reappeared- in time for the next hymn. Her clothes looked a bit rumpled- but those around her smiled benignly at them- no doubt pleased she had gone off to care for the baby, and that her husband had slipped out to help. Oh yes, he had helped all right.
And ever after that, whenever I looked at them.... ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
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"May I live this day… compassionate of heart" (John O’Donoghue)...
Posts: 4897 | From: Somewhere cold in Victoria, Australia | Registered: Aug 2001
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Second Mouse
Citizen of Grand Fenwick
# 2793
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Posted
((Kelly)) - That's so rubbish.
Your post reminded me of a home group I once went to, discussing healing and faith and related issues. One guy was holding forth that healing could still happen today, (which I don't have a problem with), and that if only we prayed with enough faith, then it would happen.
This was only a few months after my dad had died, and I was still very fragile. He knew this, and was a caring sort of chap, but I think he just wasn't thinking through the implications of what he was spouting. I asked him if that meant it was my fault my dad had died, because I hadn't had enough faith when I'd prayed, and he got all embarrassed and started changing what he was saying.
Rowan -
Claire
Posts: 1254 | From: West Yorkshire | Registered: May 2002
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St. Punk the Pious
Biblical™ Punk
# 683
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Posted
Rowen, that is hilarious! I wonder if you found out that evening the reason they like church so much. ![[Snigger]](graemlins/snigger.gif)
Kelly, I'm with you on that name-it-and-claim-it garbage. Faith does make a difference. And "God is a rewarder of those who seek Him." But prosperity theology and it's influence is poison.
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The Society of St. Pius *
Wannabe Anglican, Reader
My reely gud book.
Posts: 4161 | From: Choral Evensong | Registered: Jul 2001
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
Wally----
Rowen--I'd rather go to your church.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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David
Complete Bastard
# 3
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Posted
On Sunday my 5-yr old another were amusing themselves during church by casting spell at each other - you know, "Wingardium Leviosa" and the type. Nothing too dangerous or demonic. A woman sitting behind them stood up and suggested that we pray as a church regarding the influence that TV and movies have on children these days.
Had I been there at that point, she would have got an Easter punch in the head.
Posts: 3815 | From: Redneck Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2001
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Sarkycow
La belle Dame sans merci
# 1012
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by David:
Had I been there at that point, she would have got an Easter punch in the head.
Is that the type of punch that lifts them off their feet? Or am I thinking of an Ascension punch?
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“Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.”
Posts: 10787 | Registered: Jul 2001
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Warrior Tortoise
Shipmate
# 2682
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Posted
Originally quoted by Magnum Mysterium quote:
Had a f*** moment yesterday on the first Sunday in lent when the rector, despite my exhortations about proper custom, included the Alleluia before the Gospel. AAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!
At least he omitted the Gloria.
Can someone explain why this is such a dreadful thing to do?
I'm a Methodist.... ![[Embarrassed]](icon_redface.gif)
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"Inconceivable!" You use that word a lot, I do not think it means what you think it means. - The Princess Bride
Posts: 82 | From: the pit of despair | Registered: Apr 2002
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
Mr. Tortoise? In liturgical churches, it is traditional to withhold the "alleluiah" during Lent, out of deference to the somber nature of the season.
Now back to our scheduled bitch session
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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babybear
Bear faced and cheeky with it
# 34
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Rowen:
It was a large and modern church.....
Rowen, you have been a minister for a few years now. Why is this the first time that I have heard this tale? I ask because this thread has been around for quite a while, and your tale is obviously about 'fucking in the middle of the service'.
Are you being truthful? Or have you constructed a rather lush urban myth for us?
bb
Posts: 13287 | From: Cottage of the 3 Bears (and The Gremlin) | Registered: May 2001
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Alt Wally
Cardinal Ximinez
# 3245
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Posted
Rowen, is there a branch of your church in the U.S.?
Posts: 3684 | Registered: Aug 2002
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
No kidding, Wally.
Babybear--oh ye of little faith! ![[Disappointed]](graemlins/disappointed.gif)
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Beenster
Shipmate
# 242
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Posted
Rowen - did you discover whether the coupling couple had enjoyed the sermon?
Posts: 1885 | Registered: May 2001
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Alt Wally
Cardinal Ximinez
# 3245
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Posted
quote:
No kidding, Wally.
I never used to look in Hell either. Turns out this is where all the "action" is.
Posts: 3684 | Registered: Aug 2002
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Warrior Tortoise
Shipmate
# 2682
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Posted
I'm a Ms Tortoise, but that's OK.
I asked about the Alleluia thing cos it's seems remarkably petty (IMHO).
What makes me say fuck is the abomination of how the Karen people of Myanmar are being treated by the military, how oppressed Christians are in China, the political situation in North Korea, those who are victims of domestic violence etc etc
Not whether (God forbid) someone got a piece of liturgy wrong and upset custom.
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"Inconceivable!" You use that word a lot, I do not think it means what you think it means. - The Princess Bride
Posts: 82 | From: the pit of despair | Registered: Apr 2002
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
Obviously Magnum hasn't graduated, and needs to embrace the resurrection properly so as not to be bothered by such petty things. Go flog yourself, Magnum!
NOW! I MEAN IT!
oh, and I shall flog myself, too, for the gender cock-up. Actually deserve one on that issue for someone else. So many reasons to flog one's self. Sigh. I could get to like this. Any advice, Chastmastr?
Seriously though? There are plenty of dead serious thread on these boards, both in Hell and Purgatory. On this thread we give ourselves permission to be a little petty.Helps release the steam, you know what I mean?
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Warrior Tortoise:
Not whether (God forbid) someone got a piece of liturgy wrong and upset custom.
But Warrior Tortoise, don't you understand? We're talking about AN ALLELUIA DURING LENT! not something petty like too much charcoal in the thurible. Everybody knows God is fairly laid back about things like that as long as it doesn't happen too often.
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
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Nightlamp
Shipmate
# 266
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Warrior Tortoise:
What makes me say fuck is the abomination of how the Karen people of Myanmar are being treated by the military, how oppressed Christians are in China, the political situation in North Korea, those who are victims of domestic violence etc etc
I find swearing a completely inadaquate response for these things.
I reserve my swearing to the petty irritations of life and indeed if ain't noticed it this what this thread is about.
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I don't know what you are talking about so it couldn't have been that important- Nightlamp
Posts: 8442 | From: Midlands | Registered: May 2001
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