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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Hell: F*$#! in the middle of the service.
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Tiffer
Shipmate
# 3073
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Posted
Joking, me! Of course not! ![[Yipee]](graemlins/spin.gif)
Well, ok I am, which is annoying because I would like to have this kind of extreme viewpoint, but alas, I unfortunantly love my young lady, so couldnt really do with her as I pleased.
However if she was willing to submit to me entirely then I wouldnt see the problem with it ![[Snigger]](graemlins/snigger.gif)
I do believe Coot used the phrase "'Cos we all know". I have come to realise that that phrase has no meaning on the ship! We cant all agree on there being one God for goodness sake! ![[Snore]](graemlins/snore.gif)
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"All the Fat belongs to the Lord"
-Leviticus 3:16b
Posts: 411 | From: England (all over) | Registered: Jul 2002
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ChastMastr
Shipmate
# 716
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Posted
Drat, Tiffer, I had a lovely thread down in Limbo about just such a situation as you suggest, but it's gone now. We'll have to wait for the return of T & T for another thread like that, methinks. ![[Wink]](wink.gif)
Getting back to the OP, I'll add "clergy making references to 'youth-oriented culture' (which I know more about than some, being into animation, etc.) as if it's something totally alien." I think they mean well, but it comes across as condescending and annoying.
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My essays on comics continuity: http://chastmastr.tumblr.com/tagged/continuity
Posts: 14068 | From: Clearwater, Florida | Registered: Jul 2001
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Sparrow
Shipmate
# 2458
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Bagpuss:
On one such occasion I was attending communion where a lay person was assisting in the distribution of the host.... ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
Anyway the guy dropped a piece of bread - with bated breath I waited to see what he would do. He used his foot to discretely try and push it out of the way whilst continuing to dish out the bread to the communicants. Then after it was all squished and dirty he picked it up and stuffed it in his pocket.
I wanted to shout out what the *&%" do you think you're doing to Jesus!!!! ![[Mad]](angryfire.gif)
Forgive my ignorance, but what SHOULD he have done?
Posts: 3149 | From: Bottom right hand corner of the UK | Registered: Mar 2002
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babybear
Bear faced and cheeky with it
# 34
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by auntbeast:
I have most often seen it as single black male as opposed to DBM (divorced)
Ah, I immediately thought that the D meant 'double'. I don't know if that would mean a married male, or a double-width male. ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
bb
Posts: 13287 | From: Cottage of the 3 Bears (and The Gremlin) | Registered: May 2001
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welsh dragon
Shipmate
# 3249
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Posted
I have never actually said a rude word in church. I don't really think rude words either - maybe I'm just too nice a little Catholic girl to do that.
I have had moments though, when I feel that I can't stand being in church a moment longer. It isn't really to do with the ceremony, or someone saying something tactless or stupid in a service.
When my mother was dying, although she had worked for something like 15 years as a lay minister, she did not once get communion brought to the house by a Catholic priest or minister. It would have meant so much if someone had made that particular sort of effort, if there had been some sort of semblance of caring there.
When we arranged my father's funeral (they died in the same year) the priest told me that the ordering of the service was his business more than mine, because you would not tell a surgeon how to make his incisions (I am a doctor and spend a large part of my working day trying to make my patients feel they have ownership of the clinical decisions we are making).
I just couldn't sit through a church service for 10 months after the last parental funeral. It isn't so much accidental faux pas as the feeling that the whole thing is a charade if it isn't underpinned by human kindness and fellowship.
Posts: 5352 | From: ebay | Registered: Aug 2002
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multipara
Shipmate
# 2918
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Posted
WD, you are exactly right. That stiff-necked cleric who conducted your dad's funeral deserved a monumental kick up the arse. It is very hard at moments like that to summon up the spirit to tell such a pompous twit to get f***ed.
It is even worse that no effort was made to bring the viaticum to your mum; that is inexcusable.
I have to say that my experience with my mother's funeral arrangements was positive-the celebrant was my parish priest and I had the choirmaster on side as well. Dad's (11 years earlier) was awful mainly because my mother was in no fit state to do anything and the whole catastrophe was taken over by a couple of the local holiness brigade who selected the readings. I was informed that 2 Timothy was inappropriate for the occasion and that I would read what the holiness brigadier had selected...I still tremble with rage 16 years later.
cheers,
m
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quod scripsi, scripsi
Posts: 4985 | From: new south wales | Registered: Jun 2002
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Ms Byronic
Apprentice
# 3942
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Posted
The most screamingly annoying thing for me has been at the last two funerals of close family members. On each occasion the sons of the diseased have insisted on reading eulogies. At least one of them has little interest (or knowledge, shamefully) of Catholic custom or practice.
On each occasion I have wanted to scream - WE'RE CATHOLIC G-DDAMNIT AND WE DON'T EULOGISE.
On each occasion the eulogies were saccharine sentimental and owed more to Hollywood than spiritual tradition.
Both times the eulogies were tacked on at the end of the service because they are not the point of the funeral Mass.
I wish priests would crack down on this soft-focus rubbish and encourage people to concentrate on the sacraments.
Posts: 22 | Registered: Jan 2003
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multipara
Shipmate
# 2918
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Posted
Ms Byronic, some of my British mates have told me that eulogies are not the thing over there; here in Oz it is a rare RC funeral where there is not one (and on occasion 2 or even 3). These are generally after Communion and before the dismissal.
I have to disagree with you in that I believe that it is not the celebrant's place to forbid eulogies, sappy as they might be.
I personally don't like eulogies and neither do my 2 sibs ( who are retired Catholics); so at Mum's requiem there was no eulogy. However my naughty parish priest preached a brief homily and commented to those present (about 20-odd at the funeral Mass and 100-odd at the sung requiem 2 weeks later) that She Who Must Be Obeyed (nodding in my direction) had slapped an interdict on any unnecessary speechifying.
cheers,
m
Posts: 4985 | From: new south wales | Registered: Jun 2002
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auntbeast
Shipmate
# 377
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Posted
Posted by Ms. Byronic
quote:
I wish priests would crack down on this soft-focus rubbish and encourage people to concentrate on the sacraments.
[Gut response seeing as this it Hell...]
...and if they have to have a eulogy it shouldn't be sappy, in fact they should get up there and tell everyone what a miserable shit the deceased was. Furthermore, while they are at it they should tell all those wimpering gits to be quiet and quit their crying. The deceased has gone wherever they were going to go and no amount of wailing on this end makes any difference. The congregation should just shut the hell up and get on with the sacrament, which might make some difference to the disposition of the deceased in the after life.
[Hellish response finished explanation to follow...]
Funerals are not just about the sacrament, they are also about family and friends coming together to mourn. One way that many many people mourn is to remember the deceased and to have a sense of closure at the end of their life. Of course if you don't want a eulogy it would be nice if your family abided that wish, however, there is nothing wrong with rememberances of the departed loved one over and above "Oh Lord we come togethr today to remember(insert name of deceased here)"
From a long line of storytellers (who by the way also throw kick ass wakes),
Auntbeast
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"My vices are the children of a forced solitude that I abhor; and my virtues will necessarily arise when I live in communion with an equal" - Mary Shelley (Frankenstein)
Posts: 820 | From: Vancouver, Canada | Registered: Jun 2001
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Misercordia Adulterina Killsin:
Y'all make it sound like yelling fuck in church is so unusual!?
Hey, weren't we confirmed together?
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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KenWritez
Shipmate
# 3238
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by auntbeast:
From a long line of storytellers (who by the way also throw kick ass wakes),
Auntbeast
Auntbeast, you rock! When the time comes for me to hand in my dinner pail, would you please oversee my wake?
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"The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd." --Quentin Tarantino, Pulp Fiction
My blog: http://oxygenofgrace.blogspot.com
Posts: 11102 | From: Left coast of Wonderland, by the rabbit hole | Registered: Aug 2002
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starrina
The rose warrior
# 3549
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Posted
I have only ever walked out of two services in my long time as a believer.
The first was at a CU meeting at the beginning of my second year of university. The speaker mocked all those on campus who don't share our beliefs because God is obviously real and Christianity is obviously the only way to truth. I was so shocked that the entire congregation laughed in agreement with him that I just had to walk out.
THe second was at my "home" church. While I was at uni we'd got a new vicar so although he'd been there for a couple of years he was still new to me.
In the evening service he did a sermon on how to solve the problem of falling church numbers. Naturally I was expecting a tirade against post-modernism, liberalism, etc. But I was wrong. The answer to why people are falling away from the church is actually because the early church went from being free, evangelical and charismatic to became the catholic church (bearing in mind this is an anglican church) and went on to say because of this the church in the dark ages didn't exist.
I bit my tongue wanting to shout out "what F*&^% version of history have you read then? He then went on to say all sorts of bizarre things like "doctrinal unity poses a threat to the authority of the church" to which I replied "well then the church of england has nothing to worry about then," as I walked out, but sadly I was too close to the back for anyone to hear (he;d made the other 6 people there sit at the front, but what can I say, I'm a rebel)
I'm also amazed at the contradictory attitudes people have. I was having a conversation with someone in CU once who said "of course the pope can't possibly be infallible," and then in the next breath made a remark to the effect that everything their church leader says is true because he's their church leader.
Personally I'm of the opinion people are leaving the church because they are fed up of being taught by ignorant, arrogant bastards and being surrounded by the same!!
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"what have you been doing while Bells has been maturing?"
"Drinking better whiskey."
Posts: 275 | From: the kwoon | Registered: Nov 2002
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starrina
The rose warrior
# 3549
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Posted
ps after I walked out of my "home" church, I never went back and now attend a church that is evangleical and sacramental (it all depends on what service you attend).
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"what have you been doing while Bells has been maturing?"
"Drinking better whiskey."
Posts: 275 | From: the kwoon | Registered: Nov 2002
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chukovsky
Ship's toddler
# 116
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Ms Byronic:
The most screamingly annoying thing for me has been at the last two funerals of close family members. On each occasion the sons of the diseased have insisted on reading eulogies. At least one of them has little interest (or knowledge, shamefully) of Catholic custom or practice.
And if the person was only diseased it was a little premature, wasn't it?
![[Killing me]](graemlins/killingme.gif)
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Posts: 6842 | From: somewhere else | Registered: May 2001
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Schroedinger's cat
Ship's cool cat
# 64
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by chukovsky:
quote:
Originally posted by Ms Byronic:
The most screamingly annoying thing for me has been at the last two funerals of close family members. On each occasion the sons of the diseased have insisted on reading eulogies. At least one of them has little interest (or knowledge, shamefully) of Catholic custom or practice.
And if the person was only diseased it was a little premature, wasn't it?
I think Alan might have a contender for best typo of the year!
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Blog
Music for your enjoyment
Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.
Posts: 18859 | From: At the bottom of a deep dark well. | Registered: May 2001
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Huntress
Shipmate
# 2595
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Posted
I inwardly screamed %#*@ at the first CU meeting in my first year of university (I had abstained from joining the Catholic Society at Freshers' Fayre because I assumed (mea culpa!) that it would be full of scary fundamentalists ![[Embarrassed]](icon_redface.gif) ). Seated on the front row, I enjoyed the meeting during the praise bits, eg. praying and worship songs, but their speaker!!!!!! he said words to the effect that the 300 people in the room were Christian, which left 21,700 students who obviously weren't - denoted by their absence - and these people were 'walking on rotting floorboards over hell' and needed to be saved. HUGE round of applause from the audience, which did not include any of my subsequent friends from the Catholic Society or other non-CU Christian societies, while I squirmed and vowed not to go back. ![[Disappointed]](graemlins/disappointed.gif)
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The Amazing Chronoscope
Posts: 431 | From: Lancashire / Nottingham | Registered: Apr 2002
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Tiffer
Shipmate
# 3073
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Posted
As I was completely taken apart for my swearing moment earlier I am returning the favour (in love) because of two of the posts above. ![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
I do agree the papal fallibility guy was quite silly though - these narrow minded fundies!
I have many problems with my CU, but encouraging evangilism is not one of them! Some of the talkers are a little bland and over the top challenging - the other week this guy was telling us of the challenges of mission week and my friend whispered to me "The challenge is walking out not feeling guilty". But the concept of evangilism? It is not only biblical - it is obvious.
I am a Christian because I follow Christ. Christ said that there was no way to heaven except through him, and then he died for our sins. Paul is quite clear that we have to accept Christ in order to be saved. Now even if you believe that everyone is saved anyway (although Jesus is pretty clear that this isnt the case - open to interpretation), I still want others to have a relationship with God because I know it is the best thing in the world.
Plus it is a direct command from Jesus after his resurrection "Go and make disciples of men" Matthew 28 isnt it?
I do see why you may have got upset, but you cant blame them for believing what the bible says, I would say a large percentage of the Christians in this country do (even if they dont believe it is infallible or whatever!) I respect you for enjoying the worship however - and I am not a mad supporter of CUs, so dont label me as a UCCF puppet.
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"All the Fat belongs to the Lord"
-Leviticus 3:16b
Posts: 411 | From: England (all over) | Registered: Jul 2002
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Tiffer
Shipmate
# 3073
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Posted
Oh wait - have I got this entirely wrong!
Were the problems with the speakers mocking non-Christians as opposed to loving them (because that is wrong and I would have sworn too) and that anyone who hadnt made it into the meeting were not saved (also complete codswallop!) respectively? If so Im sorry I had a go at you both.
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"All the Fat belongs to the Lord"
-Leviticus 3:16b
Posts: 411 | From: England (all over) | Registered: Jul 2002
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welsh dragon
Shipmate
# 3249
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Posted
Tiffer, if evangelism is so important to you, you could try and remember to spell it right...just to help the "message" get across...
Posts: 5352 | From: ebay | Registered: Aug 2002
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chukovsky
Ship's toddler
# 116
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Posted
Well said that woman.
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Posts: 6842 | From: somewhere else | Registered: May 2001
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Nicolemr
Shipmate
# 28
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Posted
well i've just had my f-you moment on this thread:
quote:
On each occasion the sons of the diseased have insisted on reading eulogies. At least one of them has little interest (or knowledge, shamefully) of Catholic custom or practice.
On each occasion I have wanted to scream - WE'RE CATHOLIC G-DDAMNIT AND WE DON'T EULOGISE.
On each occasion the eulogies were saccharine sentimental and owed more to Hollywood than spiritual tradition.
ms bryonic, speaking as someone who's just recently (4 months ago) lost her own father, where the HELL do you get off telling anyone how they should memorialize their father?
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On pilgrimage in the endless realms of Cyberia, currently traveling by ship. Now with live journal!
Posts: 11803 | From: New York City "The City Carries On" | Registered: May 2001
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Chris Lewis
Apprentice
# 4048
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Posted
I generally find it good to submit to leaders. Even ones with their heads in the sands and no idea of what life is about. I think this reflects positively on me. I have had some jerks in leadership over me but the bible says we should submit to those in authority. It doesn't say we should submit irrespectively of their abuse of authority. But I do anyway.
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
This doesn't mean I like what they do. No far from it. Sometimes I take it on myself to go and clean up the political/emotional mess they have left.
One thing I would like to %*(^&( about is what my fellow brothers and sisters say and do. I think they are far more prone to be idiots than leaders. And sometimes they cause leaders real problems.
There was this woman at my church at home (she's still there) who is the wife of an (now ex-) elder. It appeared she thought that this gave her the position of "oracle" in the church. This of course lead to her manipulating and steering meetings around in some really shocking ways but her classic seemed to be getting people she didn't like to leave her club, er I mean the Church.
On one particular occasion she even went as far as telling the father of this particular friendly approachable family that she could hear Satan in his voice.
Speechless? So was I. Needless to say the family left her club er sorry - the church. Many of us are still good friends with them, just not "the oracle". That was years ago and even today I cannot get over how astonished I am that anyone could have the gall to say such a thing to a person who had never invited any criticism from anyone.
Her husband isn't in a position of leadership anymore. Heck if he can't reign her in just what can he lead?
![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
Chris Lewis
Posts: 1 | From: Sheffield, UK | Registered: Feb 2003
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St. Punk the Pious
Biblical™ Punk
# 683
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Posted
I don't have a dog in that fight as we say here in Texas. But I read recently (Sorry, don't remember where.) of a Catholic diocese that banned eulogies. There's been a bit of controversy about it. I want to say the diocese is in Pennsyvania. Perhaps someone else here knows of a good link concerning this.
Some, including in the leadership, felt that eulogies were getting out of hand with length and language among other things. So the diocese decided to ban them.
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The Society of St. Pius *
Wannabe Anglican, Reader
My reely gud book.
Posts: 4161 | From: Choral Evensong | Registered: Jul 2001
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jlg
What is this place?
Why am I here?
# 98
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Posted
I somebody wants to start a thread on Eulogies (RC or whatever), I'll contribute, but I think I see Sarkycow's Toasting Fork approaching...
Posts: 17391 | From: Just a Town, New Hampshire, USA | Registered: May 2001
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jlg
What is this place?
Why am I here?
# 98
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Posted
That first word is "If"; you can see the 'f' there, right?
Welcome, Chris Lewis, and here's a little pin to honor you for jumping right into Hell with your first post!
Posts: 17391 | From: Just a Town, New Hampshire, USA | Registered: May 2001
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ChastMastr
Shipmate
# 716
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by MarkthePunk:
But I read recently (Sorry, don't remember where.) of a Catholic diocese that banned eulogies. There's been a bit of controversy about it. I want to say the diocese is in Pennsyvania. Perhaps someone else here knows of a good link concerning this.
N ewark.
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My essays on comics continuity: http://chastmastr.tumblr.com/tagged/continuity
Posts: 14068 | From: Clearwater, Florida | Registered: Jul 2001
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multipara
Shipmate
# 2918
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Posted
Today I consign to hell all stiff-necked control-freak clerics.
What is this, 1959????!!!!!
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quod scripsi, scripsi
Posts: 4985 | From: new south wales | Registered: Jun 2002
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ej
Shipmate
# 2259
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Posted
ahem... anyway, I just want to break the hellishness and say how most chuffed I was to see this thread hit the front SOF page... I never would've thunk it when I started it, so thankyou all for making my naff little dream come true
Now, back to the $&%^ moments...
As I'm a Smallfire bod mostly, here's one for those so inclined:
After lobbying my church to undertake an experimental, no-risk, alternative worship service trial, and having no success and receiving only patronising comments and thinly veiled ridicule, I walk into a service one night, called 'cafe church', but in reality is just 'church with tables', and then have the pastor come over, place his hands on my shoulder in a manly-bonding type way and say "How's this for alternative??"... Muchly restraint was required to prevent ramming pastors head into the conveniently placed tables...
When I went back and visited the other night, the pastor also started a conga line during worship... hmm.. maybe not a $&%^ moment - more like a "oh dear God, I wish I could just disappear" moment...
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For my next trick I shall turn this water into funk...
...a little breathing-space...
Posts: 426 | From: Melbourne, Australia | Registered: Jan 2002
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Sarkycow
La belle Dame sans merci
# 1012
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Posted
And y'all were doing so well keeping on track after the earlier shitfight.
Now go and make threads on eulogies elsewhere. Purgatory if you want to discuss the memorial and good/bad aspects of it; Mystery Worship is the place for the liturgical rights/wrongs of it.
And finally: Chris, welcome to both Hell, and the Ship. Make yourself at home; have a wander and a read of all the boards.
Viki, hellhost
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“Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.”
Posts: 10787 | Registered: Jul 2001
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multipara
Shipmate
# 2918
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Posted
OK, Sarky, you haven't noticed there already is a thread on eulogies in MW which I started in reponse to jlg's kind suggestion. However, in a fit of early-morning absentmindedness I typed in "multipara" for the title.
Could you do something hostly about changing it to a more appropriate title-I would be most grateful.
m
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quod scripsi, scripsi
Posts: 4985 | From: new south wales | Registered: Jun 2002
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ej
Shipmate
# 2259
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Posted
Chris, let me say welcome too! Especially as your first post I found very interesting... Can't say I share your attitudes to leaders, as I've been on the rusty, barbed end of their 'authority' too many times, as much as I've tried to be respectful and helpful, within the parameters of standing for what I believe in...
Various $&%^ moments where I've been dragged before Elders and the church Executive committee to be reprimanded for various minor perceived flaws and things that happened in ancient history...
Another that was a beauty was in a church committee meeting where they were discussin a new church building. I got a bit confrontational (as the youth rep) as I knew it was a bad idea to spend money on flash buildings when we were rapidly losing all our youth anyway - Suffice to say, discussion degraded rapidly from the previous "Oh, yes Pastor" attitude... At the end they closed in prayer and prayed against Satan for coming and disrupting the meeting. Don't what I was more $&^% about - that a difference in opinion is the work of Satan, or that the implication was that I was doing Satan's work!! I kind of took it as a twisted compliment... ![[Devil]](graemlins/devil.gif)
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For my next trick I shall turn this water into funk...
...a little breathing-space...
Posts: 426 | From: Melbourne, Australia | Registered: Jan 2002
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Sarkycow
La belle Dame sans merci
# 1012
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by multipara:
OK, Sarky, you haven't noticed there already is a thread on eulogies in MW which I started in reponse to jlg's kind suggestion. However, in a fit of early-morning absentmindedness I typed in "multipara" for the title.
Could you do something hostly about changing it to a more appropriate title-I would be most grateful.
m
You're right, I hadn't noticed. Right now I am checking through Hell, before reading the other boards. With regards to your plea, I host Hell not MW. I cannot, therefore, edit posts or threads on MW (or indeed on any other board apart from Hell).
Hopefully a MW host or an admin has changed it by now?
Viki
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“Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.”
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Raspberry Rabbit
Will preach for food
# 3080
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Posted
MarkthePunk writes:
quote:
Speak for yourself. I believe the Bible -- as does Jesus.
I'm with you on that one Mark. Jesus was a particular fan of Hebrews and 1st Timothy.
Raspberry Rabbit
Montreal, QC
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...naked pirates not respecting boundaries...
(((BLOG)))
Posts: 2215 | From: In the middle of France | Registered: Jul 2002
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St. Punk the Pious
Biblical™ Punk
# 683
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Posted
[tangent]
Heh, you got me on that one Raspberry. But Jesus did clearly believe the OT and told the apostles that the Holy Spirit would "guide them unto all the truth." So I stand by what I said, even if provides a tempting target. ![[Two face]](graemlins/scot_twoface.gif) (To say more would belong on another thread, in Dead Horses, no doubt.)
[/tangent]
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The Society of St. Pius *
Wannabe Anglican, Reader
My reely gud book.
Posts: 4161 | From: Choral Evensong | Registered: Jul 2001
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John Donne
Renaissance Man
# 220
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Posted
C'mon lads, let's get back to the f&@#* moments.
I remember one where a lovely hardworking 89yr old woman in the Church (an elder in every respect - am amazing lady who initiates things like 'Mums with young children' groups and keeps in telephonic contact with the mothers of newly baptised children - very successful and they adore her) was asked at the last minute to do one of the readings because the appointed lector hadn't turned up. Being a bit flustered (and trust me she has every single one of her marbles and a mind like a steel trap) she started to read the Gospel by mistake. The poorly people-skilled rector shouted: 'NO! YOU CAN'T READ THAT! That's the Gospel!' 1. Treating her poorly in front of everyone and 2. Disrupting worship for everyone. I mean really, is a little flexibility involving him forgoing the gospel procession and calmly going over to the lectern to read the epistle too much to ask? F#@$^&*!!!!
Another time - same rector, another faithful longtime congregation member. Rector reading the announcements informed the congo of the parish breakfast and its cost. The elderly gentleman who had had some input in organising it, stood up impromptu and told people that if they couldn't afford the cost to offer what they could. The rector yelled: 'SIT DOWN!' which was quite humiliating to the gentleman and embarrassing for the congo. F@#$%%**&!!!!!!!!!
I could go on about the F*&%@*-value of rectors who rank the worth of their congo in 3-tier terms: those with professional skills/big fat professional salaries/professional connections, followed by trade skills (useful for church repair), and then the less desirable aged, sole parents, disability pensioners on low fixed incomes (whose offerings of time in the less prominent areas of keeping a church running were taken for granted nonetheless) - but I won't.
Posts: 13667 | From: Perth, W.A. | Registered: May 2001
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
I posted this one on another thread months ago, but here goes again:
My former minister once preached a children's sermon based on that verse in Matthew(I think) that says, "better to have a millstone tied around you neck and be throw into the sea than to mislead any of my little ones." (Which I always thought was a refreshingly straightforward call to be responsible in your behaviour toward children. Let's just say the man in question may have had good reason to resist this translation.)
He garbled this point nicely by telling the children that their parents always worried about their children and that these worries were a burden, like a millstone. He wrapped it up by asking the kids, "You don't want to be like a millstone around you're parent's necks, do you?"
Some people are really complacent with their immortal souls.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Duo Seraphim*
Sea lawyer
# 3251
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by nicolemrw:
well i've just had my f-you moment on this thread:
quote:
On each occasion the sons of the diseased have insisted on reading eulogies. At least one of them has little interest (or knowledge, shamefully) of Catholic custom or practice.
On each occasion I have wanted to scream - WE'RE CATHOLIC G-DDAMNIT AND WE DON'T EULOGISE.
On each occasion the eulogies were saccharine sentimental and owed more to Hollywood than spiritual tradition.
ms bryonic, speaking as someone who's just recently (4 months ago) lost her own father, where the HELL do you get off telling anyone how they should memorialize their father?
![[Not worthy!]](graemlins/notworthy.gif) nicolemrw
The Catholic Requiem Mass is indeed about the resurrection of Christ. But it also contains prayers for the deceased, including of commendation of the deceased to God, which is prayed by the Church as a community. Here is an example from my friend's Allan's funeral:
"Into your hands, Father of mercies,
we commend our brother Allan
in the sure and certain hope
that, together with all who have died in Christ,
He will rise with him on the last day.
Merciful Lord,
turn toward us and listen to our prayers:
open the gates of paradise to your servant
and help us who remain
to comfort one another with assurances of faith,
until we all meet in Christ
and are with you and with our brother for ever."
Therefore in my view it is appropriate both for the priest to refer to the deceased in his homily and for members of the family to say a few appropriate words of love about the deceased and their place within their family and the Church community as a whole. It seems to me to be part of that "comfort with assurances of faith" to remember and memorialise our love for the dead, as we pray to be re-united with them.
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2^8, eight bits to a byte
Posts: 3967 | From: Sydney Australia | Registered: Aug 2002
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aig
Shipmate
# 429
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Posted
'Forgive my ignorance, but what SHOULD he have done?'
He should have picked it up and reverently eaten it. If you don't like the idea of that, have a quick look at the thread on 'lipstick and chalices'.
My F*$#! moments tend to come during the intercessions - example: a local hospital may close down. Earnest intercessors take time to inform the Lord where the hospital is (with directions from the church), the catchment area it serves and the exact nature of treatment you get there.
GOD ALREADY KNOWS THIS
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That's not how we do it here.......
Posts: 464 | From: the middle bit at the bottom slightly to the right | Registered: Jun 2001
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Sleeper
Shipmate
# 2103
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Posted
I may have told this story on a board already but it bears repeating (I hope).
I was invited to preach at a church called the Church in the Garden because they meet in a small outhouse in someone's garden. I thought by its name that it was some sort of radical house church and prepared accordingly.
I should have realised that my sermon was not appropriate before I arrived because I asked if they had an overhead projector so that I could display images during my sermon and was told they didn’t own one and were not used to that kind of thing.
When I arrived I should have been warned by the fact that bar one teenager (the daughter of the homeowner) at 40 I was by far the youngest of the 15 of us there. All of the women wore the kind of hats I thought had gone out of fashion years ago. The choice of hymns should have given me a clue.
Nonetheless undeterred I entered the small pulpit laptop in hand to preach my bland sermon “Are we speaking the right language?” It is simply a challenge to present the Christian message in a style that is acceptable and understandable by this generation. There looks of horror as I said there are some who hide the gospel from this generation by using a version of the bible that was written for people 400 years ago but on I went in this vein.
Finally I quoted the now former Archbishop of Canterbury and others who have said that unless we reach this generation there will be no Church for future generations. This proved too much and a man at the back leapt to his feet to declare that he had heard enough of this Liberal Armenian Rubbish, it was God’s church and not the archbishop of Canterbury’s and only God would decide when it ended. I was delighted by this radical exploration of the subject and there followed a full and frank debate in which they told me that I shouldn’t use the NIV because it’s copyright was owned by a publisher of filth?? To which I replied that they seemed happy to use a version of the bible that was sponsored by one of the most immoral possibly bisexual kings of England. After about 15 minutes of this kind of open discussion I decided that I should run away.
Incidentally in the unlikely event that anyone from that church reads this, I never received my preaching fee.
Posts: 68 | From: The dark recesses of my mind | Registered: Jan 2002
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Schroedinger's cat
Ship's cool cat
# 64
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Posted
Slightly less than a F&%$ moment, but definately a wish the floor would open up moment. A member of our congregation had recently been thougth a divorce. Reasonably amicable ( as these things go ) but of her prompting, not his. One morning he got up to read the lesson.
I cannot be certain as to the precise passage, but it was from Paul, on "loving your wives". Someone really should have noticed this.
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Blog
Music for your enjoyment
Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.
Posts: 18859 | From: At the bottom of a deep dark well. | Registered: May 2001
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Frederick Buechner's Lovechild
Shipmate
# 4058
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Posted
Back in "Norn Iron" (that's Northern Ireland to the rest of you) a while back and happened to go to my home church on Mothering Sunday.
We'd just had a baby, my wife was knackered, and in his children's address the minister (the then Moderator of the Presbyterian Church in Ireland) asked the kids the question "What does a mother need on Mothering Sunday" (try imagining that in a Paisley-esque accent).
The answer - not "breakfast in bed", or "a lie in", or "someone to cook her a meal for a change", or "a bunch of flowers". Oh no. What does a mother need on Mothering Sunday?
"A mother needs a BIBLE".
Only in Ulster.......
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Go and preach the gospel - use words if you have to. (St Francis of Assisi)
Posts: 274 | From: Aberdeen | Registered: Feb 2003
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Lurker McLurker™
Ship's stowaway
# 1384
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Chris Lewis:
I generally find it good to submit to leaders. Even ones with their heads in the sands and no idea of what life is about. I think this reflects positively on me. I have had some jerks in leadership over me but the bible says we should submit to those in authority. It doesn't say we should submit irrespectively of their abuse of authority. But I do anyway.
First of all, I'll join in welcoming you onboard before disagreeing with you.
Why submit to a leader you know is a jerk? i would disagree wqith your interpretation of Scripture on this. Leaders also have a responsibility to their flock. And all Christians have a duty to 'search the Scriptures' and use discernment ike the Bereans, not just swallow everything that's given to them.
Posts: 5661 | From: Raxacoricofallapatorius | Registered: Sep 2001
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Eanswyth
Ship's raven
# 3363
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by aig:
My F*$#! moments tend to come during the intercessions - example: a local hospital may close down. Earnest intercessors take time to inform the Lord where the hospital is (with directions from the church), the catchment area it serves and the exact nature of treatment you get there.
GOD ALREADY KNOWS THIS
I really hate the people who use the intersessions to gossip. "Lord, please give guidance to John Smith who was arrested for drunk driving again on the way to his mistress' house." A bit of an exaggeration, but not by much.
Posts: 1323 | From: San Diego | Registered: Sep 2002
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
AG
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Lou Poulain
Shipmate
# 1587
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by aig:
'Forgive my ignorance, but what SHOULD he have done?'
He should have picked it up and reverently eaten it.
:
Oh, please! That's one reason why the church has a sacrarium. I've had the experience described. You kneel down, pick up the host, hold it to the bottom of the paten with your hand that's holding the paten, and quietly go into the sacristy after the communion rite and deposit the host in the sacrarium. It's inobtrusive and not irreverent and better yet, less hazardous to your health.
Lou
Posts: 526 | From: Sunnyvale CA USA | Registered: Oct 2001
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Lou Poulain
Shipmate
# 1587
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Posted
I've had a few "f%*$" moments, and I have very occasionally walked out of church.
When in college I was providing music at an early mass in an inner city parish. One Sunday there was an impassioned appeal for financial help for 10 families who had been evicted from their barrio tenement housing the previous day and were literally homeless. I was also part of the music group at the university chapel. That day there was a priest who was working for the cause of canonization of Junipero Serra, and his organization "desparately" needed $10,000 to cover the cost of xeroxing documents. I first quietly departed the church, then let loose with my "f*&^*%". Needless to say, I donated for the ten homeless families, and the priest needed to look elsewhere for money for his copier machine.
Lou
Posts: 526 | From: Sunnyvale CA USA | Registered: Oct 2001
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moron
Shipmate
# 206
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Posted
I didn't yell, but walked out, when this idjit pastor (on Easter, when the stunning miracle of the Resurrection should have been at least part of his sermon) told me Christians have an obligation to support government welfare programs.
Almost as bad as a right wing type telling me God wants us to vote Republican.
When we all KNOW God is a Libertarian...
![[Angel]](graemlins/angel.gif)
Posts: 4236 | From: Bentonville | Registered: May 2001
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pvawiggin
Apprentice
# 4059
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Posted
Along the lines sayin F*$#! in the middle of a service...
Here's a sample of typical Sunday in our church since our new pastor arrived in October... All I have to say is that it's going to be a LONG year before we can vote him out!
11:00 - Sing one hymn - played (by the pastor's wife) like it's a funeral dirge.
11:03 - Greeting time - let's all shake hands, or, if you are the pastor's wife you will hug people even though they have made it *painfully* obvious that they do not wish to be hugged.
11:05 - Pastor tells us to sit only to have the pastor's wife insist we stand in the very next second because "you sing better when you are standing and if you can cheer at a baseball game you can cheer in church"
11:05-11:30 - Pastor's wife pulls out a tambourine while her daugher plays the electric keyboard (and badly) and leads us in "worship music" - this consists of 12 songs we don't know so it's just them singing, much like a concert - and, mostly, the words consist of constantly repeating phrases such as "We sing holy, holy, holy", because, you know it's not worshipful if you don't repeat the chorus 10,000 times. And, of course, it's not "worship time" if you don't talk in between each song telling the congregation how to be as righteous as you are.
11:30-11:40 - The pastor's wife reads the announcements out of the bulletin and elaborates on them, endlessly, and using the word "people" in every sentence (E.G. "People, we have to be good stewards of our time and money. And, people, let's not forget that God wants us to have a blessing. But, people, we need to be open to God's leading..." etc...)
11:40-12:10 - The pastor preaches about how Joseph was thrown into the lion's den and how the God sent an angel to shut the mouths of the lions and not long after this he was rejected by his parents and his father hated him and sent him away to Egypt where he found himself in prison. Then this prison guard had this dream and eventually told Pharoh that Portifare's (yes, that's what he said!) wife really stole Joseph's coat of many colors and that he was put in prison illegally. (No exaggration... I can't even make this stuff up.)
12:10-12:15 - The pastor gives an altar call and sings "Just as I Am" (God, help us) and we are dismissed.
I have to confess, if I wasn't so fascinated by the pastor's interpretation of classic Bible stories, I would have said "F*$# this!" right from the time the tambourine came out of where ever she hids it so "people" like me won't burn the damn thing!
Posts: 6 | From: Upstate New York | Registered: Feb 2003
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Anselmina
Ship's barmaid
# 3032
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by pvawiggin:
Along the lines sayin F*$#! in the middle of a service...
Here's a sample of typical Sunday in our church since our new pastor arrived in October... All I have to say is that it's going to be a LONG year before we can vote him out!
Maybe it's not so much about voting the pastor out, as taking his wife out mafia style.... just a knee-jerk reaction...not serious.... I repent immediately for even suggesting it......
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Irish dogs needing homes! http://www.dogactionwelfaregroup.ie/ Greyhounds and Lurchers are shipped over to England for rehoming too!
Posts: 10002 | From: Scotland the Brave | Registered: Jul 2002
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