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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Circus: Knockout Quiz 2005
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Quizmaster
Quick quipper
# 1435
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Posted
Somebody said "Are you doing another Knockout Quiz".
I said "No".
Somebody else said "When are you doing another Knockout Quiz".
I said "Never".
I then said "Shall I do another Knockout Quiz".
A Circus Host said "I would be delighted."
So - for those who are in the know - this is the start of another Knockout Quiz.
For those who are not in the know - this is the start of another Knockout Quiz.
Rules:
1)Quizmaster's ruling is final (most of the time and it only changes if your appeal is funny).
2) By entering the competition you agree to lose. There can only be one winner and it will not be YOU.
3) Each "every so often" I specify a topic and you have to pick an example of that topic that has not been selected by anyone else.
4) There will be a criterion (or in some rare cases criteria) that indicate to you that some choices may be better than others.
5) Those who have played before have an unfair advantage as they will know some of the tricks that you will have to pick up as you go along.
6) Rules may be added, deleted, changed, amended or fiddled with as we go along.
7) New rounds will always begin between 22:00 and 24:00 English time. This means early morning for the Australians and Afternoon for the Americans.
8) The competition is for entertainment and also edification (look it up) and anyone taking it too seriously is liable to victimisation by the organiser i.e. me.
SO: If you would like to participate and be one of those in right at the start you need to complete the following process ......
WRITE A 5 LINE LIMERICK CONTAINING YOUR SHIP NAME as displayed in this thread, so as I am the Quizmaster mine could be ......
There was an old fogey Quizmaster
Who tried to create a disaster
He started a quiz
It went like a whizz
But finished 'three legs and a caster'
O.K. Roll up, roll up! New Knockout Quiz starting.
[ 09. December 2005, 05:59: Message edited by: Tom Day ]
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The more questions I ask the more I ask fewer questions.
OR=========================================
The wise person does not know all the answers, but always asks the right questions.
Posts: 3326 | From: Exeter, Devon | Registered: Oct 2001
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Pânts*
Ship's underwear
# 4487
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Posted
There was a young lady (!?!?!) called Pânts
Who decided to eat some ants
They came out her bum
Having feasted on dung
Now they're in hell writing rants.
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I'm not here any more. Dial 999 to get me. (No. Please don't really. Bit you could PM me on my new number cos I never get PMs!)
Posts: 8380 | From: The Stables | Registered: May 2003
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Ann
Curious
# 94
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Posted
An exotic young* dancer called Ann
Was desperately seeking a man.
For romance she'd yearn,
But her luck took a turn
When she slipped and let go of her fan.
(I hope my husband doesn't read the ship)
* details changed to protect anonymity.
--------------------
Ann
Posts: 3271 | From: IO 91 PI | Registered: May 2001
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Lurker McLurker™
Ship's stowaway
# 1384
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Posted
There was a young Scot called Lurker McLurker™
Who decided to wear a Burqa McBurqa™
Which is a Burqa coloured tartan
(While normal Burqas look more Spartan)
So his Italian friend said "Eet doesn't-a Worka McWorka™"
[ 14. August 2005, 18:01: Message edited by: Lurker McLurker™ ]
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Just War Theory- a perversion of morality?
Posts: 5661 | From: Raxacoricofallapatorius | Registered: Sep 2001
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Leetle Masha
Cantankerous Anchoress
# 8209
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Posted
![[Killing me]](graemlins/killingme.gif)
Leetle M.
A little old lady called Masha
Was pursued by an amourous Pasha
Though his mind was all set
She always said, "Nyet!"
And retired to Siberian dacha.
[ 14. August 2005, 18:23: Message edited by: Leetle Masha ]
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eleison me, tin amartolin: have mercy on me, the sinner
Posts: 6351 | From: Hesychia, in Hyperdulia | Registered: Aug 2004
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Papio
Ship's baboon
# 4201
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Posted
There once was a lad called Papio
Who did not feel at all happy-oh
He was trapped in the train
the bus, late it came
for the driver'd been having a nappy-oh.
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Infinite Penguins.
My "Readit, Swapit" page
My "LibraryThing" page
Posts: 12176 | From: a zoo in England. | Registered: Mar 2003
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Hazey*Jane
Ship's Biscuit Crumbs
# 8754
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Posted
Can contestants join at a later date? I'm going to be away for a week but it sounds fun.
Posts: 4266 | From: UK | Registered: Nov 2004
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Pânts*
Ship's underwear
# 4487
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Posted
You could last time. It just means you miss out on potential points!
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I'm not here any more. Dial 999 to get me. (No. Please don't really. Bit you could PM me on my new number cos I never get PMs!)
Posts: 8380 | From: The Stables | Registered: May 2003
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Procrastinus
Ship's Fortean
# 9915
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Posted
There once was a bod, Procrastinus
Who would never stay on task for us
I tried for a while
With charm, wit & guile
Still delays were many & various
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Dare to be wise; begin.
Posts: 198 | From: Imaginary Future | Registered: Aug 2005
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Alfred E. Neuman
What? Me worry?
# 6855
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Posted
I refuse to comply with this sort
of a poem which our names may import,
silly reference and style
in attempt to beguile.
"I'm off to the Hell threads!"
signed, Gort.
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--Formerly: Gort--
Posts: 12954 | Registered: May 2004
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Sir Kevin
Ship's Gaffer
# 3492
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Posted
A pantomime knight called Sir Kevin
Fancied he was really from Devon
But his passport's not British
This made him quite skittish
So he abandoned the Circus for Heaven.
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If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Writing is currently my hobby, not yet my profession.
Posts: 30517 | From: White Hart Lane | Registered: Oct 2002
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Nunzia
Shipmate
# 4766
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Posted
There once was a gal named Hinematov
In the depths of theology she never dove
She played in the Circus
Or stayed with the lurkers
But left Purg and Kerg to the heavy folk*
*Where "heavy" denotes serious and profound, and "folk" doesn't quite rhyme.
Damn! Why didn't I have the foresight to call myself Grits?
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----- ---------. ---- - ---- ----.
Posts: 1903 | From: Crazy-glued to the ledge | Registered: Jul 2003
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Sir Kevin
Ship's Gaffer
# 3492
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Posted
That (folk) would be an assonance then, right?
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If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Writing is currently my hobby, not yet my profession.
Posts: 30517 | From: White Hart Lane | Registered: Oct 2002
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Foaming Draught
The Low in Low Church
# 9134
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Posted
Americans misspell my name Draft,
because the poor buggers are daft.
In some states, like Wyoming,
they can't even spell Foaming,
nor Adams, Polk, Pierce, Grant or Taft.
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Australians all let us ring Joyce
For she is young and free
Posts: 8661 | From: Et in Australia Ego | Registered: Feb 2005
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splosh
Shipmate
# 2743
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Posted
There was a young lass named Splosh
Who strived to be really posh
Try as she might
She was never quite right
As her job did not pay enough dosh
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Just remember you are one of God's special people
Posts: 1371 | From: Slightly less north than before | Registered: May 2002
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Pânts*
Ship's underwear
# 4487
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Posted
(Quizzy sweetie... will you be telling us in advance when each round is going to finish?)
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I'm not here any more. Dial 999 to get me. (No. Please don't really. Bit you could PM me on my new number cos I never get PMs!)
Posts: 8380 | From: The Stables | Registered: May 2003
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Foaming Draught
The Low in Low Church
# 9134
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Pânts:
(Quizzy sweetie...
Careful belovčd, people get called to Hell for that sort of language ![[Biased]](wink.gif)
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Australians all let us ring Joyce
For she is young and free
Posts: 8661 | From: Et in Australia Ego | Registered: Feb 2005
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dolphy
Lady of Perpetual Responsiblity
# 862
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Posted
There once was a shippie called dolphy,
Who wanted to paint just like Rolfy,
No matter how hard she'd try,
The brush, it kept dry,
So she went back to just playing golphy.
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Looking forward to my rock moving closer again.
Posts: 15134 | From: my camper van | Registered: Jul 2001
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Pânts*
Ship's underwear
# 4487
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Foaming Draught:
quote:
Originally posted by Pânts:
(Quizzy sweetie...
Careful belovčd, people get called to Hell for that sort of language
Sorry... I should've signed off 'with much random non specific kisses and love'.
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I'm not here any more. Dial 999 to get me. (No. Please don't really. Bit you could PM me on my new number cos I never get PMs!)
Posts: 8380 | From: The Stables | Registered: May 2003
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dolphy
Lady of Perpetual Responsiblity
# 862
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Posted
![[Overused]](graemlins/notworthy.gif) Pants!
(just wondering if the Quizmaster will accept bribes for additional points? ![[Two face]](graemlins/scot_twoface.gif) )
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Looking forward to my rock moving closer again.
Posts: 15134 | From: my camper van | Registered: Jul 2001
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Wet Kipper
Circus Runaway
# 1654
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Posted
The Shipmate who's called Papa Smurf
Considers the Circus his turf
His post can be frantic
and maybe pedantic
but don't throw him into the surf....
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- insert randomly chosen, potentially Deep and Meaningful™ song lyrics here -
Posts: 9841 | From: further up the Hill | Registered: Nov 2001
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Smudgie
Ship's Barnacle
# 2716
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Posted
Having given the penguin a nudge, he
reminded her that she must budge. She
composed a quick rhyme;
typed it in just in time;
so the ultimate winner was.... SMUDGIE ![[Yipee]](graemlins/spin.gif)
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Miss you, Erin.
Posts: 14382 | From: Under the duvet | Registered: Apr 2002
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Wet Kipper
Circus Runaway
# 1654
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Posted
and here was me thinking you were going to say something about the cludgie !! ![[Hot and Hormonal]](icon_redface.gif)
(Scottish word for toilet)
[ 15. August 2005, 14:49: Message edited by: Papa Smurf ]
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- insert randomly chosen, potentially Deep and Meaningful™ song lyrics here -
Posts: 9841 | From: further up the Hill | Registered: Nov 2001
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Auntie Doris
Screen Goddess
# 9433
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Posted
Auntie Doris is my name for the game,
But my Mum thinks it's too tame.
It should be Delilah,
Salome or Lyla,
But I think I might keep it the same!!
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"And you don't get to pronounce that I am not a Christian. Nope. Not in your remit nor power." - iGeek in response to a gay-hater :)
The life and times of a Guernsey cow
Posts: 6019 | From: The Rock at the Centre of the Universe | Registered: May 2005
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Esmeralda
Ship's token UK Mennonite
# 582
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Posted
The Italian for 'hottish' is 'calda' -
which confused our dear friend Esmeralda;
then she found that a chili
's hot too - that's just silly
so she made a dyslexic cold salda - I mean salad.
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I can take the despair. It's the hope I can't stand.
http://reversedstandard.wordpress.com/
Posts: 17415 | From: A small island nobody pays any attention to | Registered: Jun 2001
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Hennah
Ship's Mother Hen
# 9541
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Posted
There was a young lady called Hen
Who joined a new game one day, when
Having lived on the ship
She went off for a kip
And missed her chance to score a '10'
Hen
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Never stand behind satan in a Post Office queue: the devil takes many forms.
Posts: 925 | From: The Henhouse, Beside The Seaside, Kent | Registered: May 2005
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Gremlin
Ship's Cryptanalyst
# 129
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Papio.:
Oh bum. I meant "rain", not "train". ![[Frown]](frown.gif)
Preview post is still your friend... that's twice in one day... getting careless in your old age?
Gremlin
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Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...
Oh I get it... like humour... but different.
Posts: 5221 | From: Isle of Man | Registered: May 2001
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Papio
Ship's baboon
# 4201
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Gremlin:
quote:
Originally posted by Papio.:
Oh bum. I meant "rain", not "train".
Preview post is still your friend... that's twice in one day... getting careless in your old age?
Gremlin
OO me back!!
Now, what did you ask me again young man? Do I have any old sage? I'm afraid I don't. although I can give you some parsley and some rosemary.
Hobbles off to get some
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Infinite Penguins.
My "Readit, Swapit" page
My "LibraryThing" page
Posts: 12176 | From: a zoo in England. | Registered: Mar 2003
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MiceElf
Not your average mouse
# 4389
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Posted
A Footdoc on board ship could be handy
If your knock kneed, pigeon toed or just bandy
But before I begin
I need a large gin
Plus chocolate and biscuits and candy.
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What do we want.... Cure for Obesity
When do we want it.... After Dessert.
Posts: 1032 | From: OILOVWOIGHT | Registered: Apr 2003
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Dubitante
Shipmate
# 10015
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Posted
My name on this board's 'Dubitante',
A sceptic, which means that I'm anti;
A scoffer, a knocker,
A brawler, a mocker,
Agnostic, 'Deo aviuvante'.
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"The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity."
Posts: 343 | From: London UK | Registered: Aug 2005
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R.D. Olivaw
Shipmate
# 9990
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Posted
It’s true that R.D. Olivaw is a droid
and I hope that Gort won’t be annoyed
that another A.I.
wants to give this a try
and so a call to hell I’ll avoid
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We are here to awaken from the illusion of our separateness -Thich Nhat Hanh
Posts: 496 | From: I'm a leaf on the wind | Registered: Aug 2005
| IP: Logged
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MrSponge2U
Ship’s scrub
# 3076
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Posted
MrSponge2U lived in the sea
Where he couldn't use Windows XP
So he took a cruise
On the Ship of Fools
With a Linux-equipped laptop from HP
--------------------
sig? what sig?
Posts: 3558 | From: where two big rivers meet | Registered: Jul 2002
| IP: Logged
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Grits
Compassionate fundamentalist
# 4169
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Posted
The Shipmate who calls herself Grits
Can often cause some to have fits,
'Cause she seems lovey-dovey,
But when push comes to shovey,
She knows how to get in her hits.
--------------------
Lord, fill my mouth with worthwhile stuff, and shut it when I've said enough. Amen.
Posts: 8419 | From: Nashville, TN | Registered: Feb 2003
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Left at the Altar
Ship's Siren
# 5077
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Posted
A woman was Left at the Altar
Her bra in the form of a halter
Her Superior breasts
Caused cardiac arrests
And clergymens' virtue to falter
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Still pretty Amazing, but no longer Mavis.
Posts: 9111 | Registered: Oct 2003
| IP: Logged
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Alfred E. Neuman
What? Me worry?
# 6855
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Posted
A new shipmate from M.I.T.
With the odd name of Oilvaw (R.D.)
Did attempt to abscond
With the Circus crown bound
For the only true A.I. we see.
--------------------
--Formerly: Gort--
Posts: 12954 | Registered: May 2004
| IP: Logged
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Nutmeg
Ship's spice girl
# 5297
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Posted
A voluptous shipmate shipmate named Nutmeg
Brushed her hand down an old vicar's left leg
He let out a holler
Removed his dog collar
and knelt like a good boy to beg.
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" Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read" - Groucho Marx
Posts: 2285 | From: under the verandah at the rum distillery | Registered: Dec 2003
| IP: Logged
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Gladly The Cross-eyed Bear
Fixed Bearly Tone
# 9641
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Posted
Here was Gladly the Cross-eyed Bear,
Innocently warming his chair,
When along came his Mouse,
who said "Make like a spouse,"
and left him with no time to spare.
Gladly. ![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
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Percy, Mace, and Grease be with you!
Posts: 162 | From: East end of the Desolation of Smog | Registered: Jun 2005
| IP: Logged
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Ceesharp
Shipmate
# 3818
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Posted
A shipmate named C# once went
To buy software; so money she spent.
She bought Windows CE,
Then ME and NT,
But found all she had was cement.
(Apologies to Steve for stealing his joke)
[ 16. August 2005, 10:49: Message edited by: C# ]
Posts: 629 | From: West Midlands, UK | Registered: Dec 2002
| IP: Logged
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Little Miss Methodist*
Ship's Diplomat
# 4367
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Posted
There once was a young Little Miss
Who was brought up a strict Methodist
She was not use to wine
So when invited to dine
She ended up thoroughly pissed.
LMM
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Past the point of no return,
The final threshold.
The bridge is crossed, so stand and watch it burn.
We've passed the point of no return.
Posts: 873 | From: Member number 1000! | Registered: Apr 2003
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R.D. Olivaw
Shipmate
# 9990
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Posted
A message from Olivaw to Gort
R.D. is the right kind of sort
absconding I’m not
with hell burning so hot
Klaatu barada nikto…abort!
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We are here to awaken from the illusion of our separateness -Thich Nhat Hanh
Posts: 496 | From: I'm a leaf on the wind | Registered: Aug 2005
| IP: Logged
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Tabby Cat
Shipmate
# 4561
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Posted
There was a young cat, name of Tabby,
Who was told that she was too flabby:
Demanded the diner
A designer vagina.
She muttered that he was just crabby.
Posts: 1063 | From: Paddling at the edge of the sea | Registered: May 2003
| IP: Logged
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Marvin the Martian
Interplanetary
# 4360
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Posted
Marvin the Martian (daft git)
has been hosting in Hell for a bit
So he's having to read
every flame, every screed,
And a whole three-page thread about s***!
--------------------
Hail Gallaxhar
Posts: 30100 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003
| IP: Logged
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Pânts*
Ship's underwear
# 4487
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Posted
Marvin
--------------------
I'm not here any more. Dial 999 to get me. (No. Please don't really. Bit you could PM me on my new number cos I never get PMs!)
Posts: 8380 | From: The Stables | Registered: May 2003
| IP: Logged
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Sir Kevin
Ship's Gaffer
# 3492
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Posted
There once was a place called No Cal,
Light years removed from So Cal.
Schwarzenegger sets rules
O'er his own ship of fools;
He is the guv'nor of all Cal...
--------------------
If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Writing is currently my hobby, not yet my profession.
Posts: 30517 | From: White Hart Lane | Registered: Oct 2002
| IP: Logged
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Pânts*
Ship's underwear
# 4487
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Posted
Did I miss something? What was that for Sir Kev?
--------------------
I'm not here any more. Dial 999 to get me. (No. Please don't really. Bit you could PM me on my new number cos I never get PMs!)
Posts: 8380 | From: The Stables | Registered: May 2003
| IP: Logged
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rugasaw
Shipmate
# 7315
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Posted
Rugasaw was such a gent
He bowed every where he went
He bowed on a hill
And took big spill
And to the ER he went
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Treat the earth well, It was not given to you by your parents. It was loaned to you by your children. -Unknown
Posts: 2716 | From: Houston | Registered: Jun 2004
| IP: Logged
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jedijudy*
Jedi defender of ship's cats
# 1059
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Posted
There once was a Jedi called Judy
Who's friends always thought she was fruity.
Shiraz is her wine,
It tastes mighty fine,
Except when she posts in the nudie.
--------------------
ENFP...do you see a "T" anywhere??? I don't think so.
Posts: 3248 | From: Soon to be inhabiting identity # 333!!! | Registered: Aug 2001
| IP: Logged
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Quizmaster
Quick quipper
# 1435
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Posted
O.K. It seems we have a goer .........
33 Entrants in the competition so far.
Some Good, some Great, some Excellent and a few Special entries. Awards will be given for "quality" and "originality" and I have made a few notes to award these for the Limericks.
Thankyou for the PMs. Nice to hear from some old friends. I usually let the opening round run for a week or two to catch those on holiday, and then the FIRST ROUND will start when, after that time, this thread reaches page 2. ...... So the Smart Alecs now know how to delay the start!
SPECIAL AWARDS TO -
Gort
Smudgie
Dubitante
Each of their limericks appealed to me.
Remember I said that there were some excellent efforts besides these.
So who else is up for some fun and friendly competition, with wit and wisdom thrown in?
--------------------
The more questions I ask the more I ask fewer questions.
OR=========================================
The wise person does not know all the answers, but always asks the right questions.
Posts: 3326 | From: Exeter, Devon | Registered: Oct 2001
| IP: Logged
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Custard
Shipmate
# 5402
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Posted
If looking for someone who's flustered,
Then look no further than Custard.
He'll take and he'll give
With a brain like one of those meshy things you drain rice in which are always a nightmare to wash up
There's no chance that he'll cut the mustard.
--------------------
blog
Adam's likeness, Lord, efface;
Stamp thine image in its place.
Posts: 4523 | From: Snot's Place | Registered: Jan 2004
| IP: Logged
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