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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Circus: Taking it literally
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
It's a short story format, but limited to four sentences per post. The last sentence must contain a figurative expression or idiom that isn't normally taken literally, but which the next player must take at face value and work into his or her post.
(Once you have posted, please wait until someone else has before you post again.)
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It was Monday morning at the office. I didn't want to be there. There was too much email in my in-box and too much work in my in-tray. And it was raining cats and dogs.
[ 21. February 2010, 12:39: Message edited by: Imaginary Friend ]
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
I lifted the phone. "Acme Superior Kitchens? One sink, please. How much? Oh, OK - let's push the boat out".
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
It wasn't long before a boat with the Acme Superior Kitchens logo and a sink in the back sailed past the office window. "I've brought your sink," the man on the boat shouted over the noise of the engine and clambered through the window with the sink under one arm. "It might take a while to install it, though, in this weather."
"That's OK," I said, "I'm not doing anything - I'll just hang around."
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
Fortunately someone noticed and cut me down before I did myself any great mischief. My neck was rather sore, but I rinsed it under the washroom tap until it started to feel better. Then I settled down to do some work before my boss noticed anything amiss. I had my nose to the grindstone all afternoon.
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Chorister:
Fortunately someone noticed and cut me down before I did myself any great mischief. My neck was rather sore, but I rinsed it under the washroom tap until it started to feel better. Then I settled down to do some work before my boss noticed anything amiss. I had my nose to the grindstone all afternoon.
(wow, now I know why there's so much misunderstanding over interpreting the bible ![[Biased]](wink.gif) )
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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pimple
Ship's Irruption
# 10635
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Posted
Installation complete, the workman said "There you are Mr. Pinocchio. Oh! What's happened to your face?" He was trying not to laugh. So I cut him dead.
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In other words, just because I made it all up, doesn't mean it isn't true (Reginald Hill)
Posts: 8018 | From: Wonderland | Registered: Nov 2005
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Smudgie
Ship's Barnacle
# 2716
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Posted
Immediately there was the sound of sirens in the distance and I realised that my impulsive nature had once again got the better of me. I dropped the axe and made haste in the general direction of the fire escape, leaving the body in pieces on the floor. My nose was sore where the tip of it had been worn away by the grindstone, but at least there was no danger of tripping over a cat or stepping in a poodle. But it was clear that the police were on my tail.
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Miss you, Erin.
Posts: 14382 | From: Under the duvet | Registered: Apr 2002
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Angel Wrestler
Ship's Hipster
# 13673
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Posted
With the police on my tail, I couldn't go anywhere no matter how I wriggled and writhed; the car was just too heavy. They asked me, "why did you kill him?" and I couldn't come up with a good lie, so I just sort of mumbled something about having a quick temper. That's when I dropped the bomb.
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The fact that no one understands you does not make you an artist.
(unknown)
Posts: 2767 | From: half-way up the ladder | Registered: May 2008
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
I didn't mean to. I was holding it for a friend. But I have to admit, it got the police off my tail. So then I high-tailed it out of there as fast as I could go.
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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Joyeux
Ship's Lady of Laughter
# 3851
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Posted
Unfortunately, I'm an awkward runner at best. My attempt at running with a non-existent tail held high was humorous. It caused laughing everywhere I went. I busted a gut laughing at myself.
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Float?...Do science too
Posts: 4318 | From: over th... no, there! | Registered: Dec 2002
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Smudgie
Ship's Barnacle
# 2716
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Posted
Fortunately it was not my own gut that I burst, but rather the extremely large haggis which I was holding under my left arm as I ran. As offal tumbled out all over the road and under my feet, causing me to slither and slide in a most ungainly manner, I struggled to regain my composure. I swerved into a dark alley, only to find my way blocked by the largest and ugliest thug ever to walk the streets. I knew I'd had my chips.
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Miss you, Erin.
Posts: 14382 | From: Under the duvet | Registered: Apr 2002
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
They reappeared promptly. It was a waste of a good meal, and at some point I was going to be very hungry again, but it at least had the desired effect. The huge thug was disgusted enough to back off quickly, disappear and leave me alone in case I threw up on him. Now I just needed to do a quick bit of blue-sky thinking.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Smudgie
Ship's Barnacle
# 2716
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Posted
Alongside me there was a fire escape leading to the roof of a neighbouring building - the perfect spot! I clambered up, perched myself astride the ridge tiles, gazed up at the heavens above and started to think of whispy white clouds, little butterflies and, best of all, blue skies. Shame it was such a dismal day. I was feeling rather down in the dumps.
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Miss you, Erin.
Posts: 14382 | From: Under the duvet | Registered: Apr 2002
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
To be honest, if you have to be feeling in dumps, I would sooner have eider down than rather down. It sticks to you so. But not to worry! The world was my oyster.
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
Fortunately, I found I was not the only person there. I made a friend that day - his name was Stig, and he lived in the dumps, permanently. He was also rather good at driving fast cars, so he took me on an exhilarating ride. It was quite a hair-raising journey.
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
*darn the cross-post*
So I plastered down my hair, picked up the Oyster Card (which someone had conveniently discarded) and caught the bus instead. But I didn't get very far, because there was a traffic jam in Oxford Street, as far as the eye could see. I huffed and harrumphed for several minutes. Then, completely losing patience, I gave the hapless driver a piece of my mind.
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
He looked at it, bewildered. "What's this?"
"It's - duh - a piece of - um - my - er - mind," I explained with slow but helpful clarity, wondering who this strange individual was.
"You'd better have it back," said the driver promptly and returned it to me. "You need all the help you can get - you're obviously a good four sandwiches short of a picnic."
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Jahlove
Tied to the mast
# 10290
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Posted
"Then drop me at the nearest deli where I may repair my loss", I requested. "Nearest is Big Jim's Extreme Sushi with extra poison blowfish", replied the driver, "I wouldn't advise it but it's your funeral".
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“Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth.” - Mark Twain
Posts: 6477 | From: Alice's Restaurant (UK Franchise) | Registered: Sep 2005
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MiceElf
Not your average mouse
# 4389
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Posted
That piece of unwelcome information disturbed me greatly, I had had other plans for the afternoon, but figured that maybe they would have to wait. I wasnt sure what the protocol was for turning up at your own funeral if you hadnt made prior arrangements. Then suddenly the whole thing struck me as hilariously funny and I nearly died laughing.
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What do we want.... Cure for Obesity
When do we want it.... After Dessert.
Posts: 1032 | From: OILOVWOIGHT | Registered: Apr 2003
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
Fortunately, Dr. Gregory House was on hand to revive me. We had a late lunch at a lovely restaurant, overlooking the bay. Halfway through dessert, Greg got an emergency call. I accompanied him on his motorcycle, and he drove like a bat out of hell.
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
The trouble with bats out of hell is that while they're built for speed, they have problems reaching the pedals. Greg's amazingly short legs were no exception to the rule. Also, his amazingly short arms meant he had problems steering. In short, he was a fish out of water.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Smudgie
Ship's Barnacle
# 2716
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Posted
The great disadvantage of being driven by a fish out of water is that it's not all that long before they expire behind the wheel and leave you at the mercy of the oncoming traffic. It was a blessing that we weren't going very fast due to his inability to reach the accelerator. Nevertheless, as we had just rounded the corner and found ourselves at the top of a steep hill when he flipped his last, the momentum rapidly built up and we headed down at increasing speeds towards the motorway below us. My heart was in my mouth.
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Miss you, Erin.
Posts: 14382 | From: Under the duvet | Registered: Apr 2002
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
Mmmm, it tasted quite good, actually. Almost as good as the liver and heart casserole I had at the 'Horn of Plenty' last Friday. However, I decided I might need my own heart for other things, so swallowed it fast. That was just before we sailed over a extra-humpy humpbacked bridge which totally left my stomach behind.
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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Bacchus
Ship's Sommelier
# 11408
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Posted
I was none too happy about the potential outcome, but no matter how much I tried to get him to slow down, he wouldn't hear of it. It was like beating my head against a wall.
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Cogito, ergo spud.
I think, therefore I yam.
Posts: 2066 | From: Central Indiana, USA | Registered: May 2006
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Bacchus
Ship's Sommelier
# 11408
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Posted
Sorry. Cross post.
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Cogito, ergo spud.
I think, therefore I yam.
Posts: 2066 | From: Central Indiana, USA | Registered: May 2006
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
"My stomach!" I shrieked frantically, "we have to go back and get it!"
The batfish who was driving either didn't hear or wasn't listening. With a sudden uncharacteristic moment of decisiveness I seized the wheel from him, turned the motorbike round set off back to retrieve my lost organ. Quickly dusting it off and plugging it back into place, I started to feel more settled, then looked around and realized the batfish had disappeared taking the bike with him, and I had completely lost my bearings.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
Perhaps, I thought, they will have been handed in at the Lost Property Office. But the aged clerk behind the counter shook his head. "Umbrellas - every day. But bearings - once in a blue moon."
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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Sir Kevin
Ship's Gaffer
# 3492
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Posted
I then found them in my shirt pocket. Taking them out, I carefully re-installed them. I must have put them in wrong. The car would only go in reverse.
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If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Writing is currently my hobby, not yet my profession.
Posts: 30517 | From: White Hart Lane | Registered: Oct 2002
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
Sir Kevin - you have to pick up on the figurative trope and in the last sentence and treat it literally.
So you need to introduce a blue moon.
And then introduce a new trope in your post.
[ 23. August 2009, 19:39: Message edited by: Firenze ]
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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Sir Kevin
Ship's Gaffer
# 3492
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Posted
Blue Moon was a lovely song from the 20th century. It involves someone speaking directly to a blue moon. I have never seen one. I have seen the yellow sun much too often!
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If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Writing is currently my hobby, not yet my profession.
Posts: 30517 | From: White Hart Lane | Registered: Oct 2002
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
Sir Kevin, you need to pick up from where the last person left off, introducing the idiom that they used in their last sentence, then carry on the story and in your last sentence, introduce an idiom that the next person has to take literally. You have to do all this in a maximum of four sentences.
If this isn't clear, please say so; or let someone else have a go instead.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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MiceElf
Not your average mouse
# 4389
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Posted
I checked my Almanac and as luck would have it.. the next Blue Moon was due the following Tuesday.
I spent the intervening days in a state of flux before being able to enquire moments after the office opened on Wednesday morning.... Bearings? Bearings? querried the woman behind the counter.. Oh BEARINGS!! as in lost in... here you go and handed me a form the size of telephone directory to sign to say that I had received them.
I admit I wasnt as polite as I could have been in the circumstances but that was no excuse for her to tell me to go take a long walk off a short pier.
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What do we want.... Cure for Obesity
When do we want it.... After Dessert.
Posts: 1032 | From: OILOVWOIGHT | Registered: Apr 2003
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Dafyd
Shipmate
# 5549
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Posted
The dame had a gun pointed at me, so I thought I'd better comply. I was already wanted for two deaths, so I couldn't call the police. Was this some kind of pirate conspiracy? I wondered as I stepped off the edge. I hoped something would turn up before I hit the water.
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we remain, thanks to original sin, much in love with talking about, rather than with, one another. Rowan Williams
Posts: 10567 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Feb 2004
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Nunzia
Shipmate
# 4766
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Posted
Suddenly, a comfy sofa, which had been submerged cushion-side-down, turned up and floated to the surface. What a stroke of luck! I lay down, closed my eyes, and was sawing logs in no time.
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----- ---------. ---- - ---- ----.
Posts: 1903 | From: Crazy-glued to the ledge | Registered: Jul 2003
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
Obviously, ever conscious of 'elf-'n'-safety, I remained awake while busily sawing the logs (it's amazing how many trees grow beside short piers). Soon I felt so hungry I could eat a horse between two bread-vans ...
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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ephemera
Shipmate
# 13355
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Posted
I jumped off the wet couch, tossing aside the saw and logs, and swam to shore, where I took off running after the two bread-vans. When they stopped to make a delivery, I attempted to take a bite out of the rump of the horse that was tied between them. He was having nothing of it, and he kicked me squarely in the jaw. I flew back into the street and thought I had shuffled off this mortal coil and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!
(Posted with thanks to Michael Palin, John Cleese and the parrot!)
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A cool small evening shrunk to a dog bark and the clank of a bucket -
And you listening. T. Hughes
Posts: 583 | Registered: Jan 2008
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Jahlove
Tied to the mast
# 10290
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Posted
Embarrassing, really, shuffling down the road with me mortal coil round me ankles. Happily, being invisible an' all, the angelic choristers' blood went unremarked by the early morning passers by. Even so, it had been a helluva day and I had the weight of the world on my shoulders.
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“Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth.” - Mark Twain
Posts: 6477 | From: Alice's Restaurant (UK Franchise) | Registered: Sep 2005
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Smudgie
Ship's Barnacle
# 2716
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Posted
If you have ever tried running with the weight of the world on your shoulders, you'll know what a Herculean task it is; certainly not to be recommended when you're dripping wet and nursing a severely bruised jaw. I wouldn't be eating anything more solid than semolina for a day or two. As I staggered under the intense weight and dripped slowly onto the pavement (where the water droplets mingled with the invisible blood and thinned it admirably) I heaved a great sigh. The day was certainly turning pear-shaped.
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Miss you, Erin.
Posts: 14382 | From: Under the duvet | Registered: Apr 2002
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
"Does my bum look big in this?" asked the day. As it was pear-shaped, there was no tactful answer to this. I looked wildly round for a distraction. "Well, stone the crows!" I exclaimed.
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
Immediately there was a flock of aggrieved stoned crows flying past in an erratic sort of way, crying "Caw blimey!" The day was distracted enough to forget me completely, which was fine by me. I sneaked off into the night, hoping it would be a bit quieter, a rain of pebbles falling around my ears as the crows passed overhead. What I wanted was a stiff drink and somewhere I could let my hair down.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Von Bingen
Shipmate
# 13902
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Posted
Fortunately, my favourite pub, the "Rapunzel's Tower", was just round the corner. A pint of real ale and a packet of pork scratchings went down a treat. But suddenly the place went completely still all around me and I raised my head in surprise. It was so quiet you could've heard a pin drop.
Posts: 247 | From: London | Registered: Jul 2008
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kingsfold
Shipmate
# 1726
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Posted
And then I heard the pin drop.
It was the pin holding up my trousers, which were now in a little heap around my ankles.
I was that embarrassed, you could have fried an egg on my face.
Posts: 4473 | From: land of the wee midgie | Registered: Nov 2001
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
Fortunately, it was now breakfast-time, and an egg fried "sunny-side-up" on Kingsfold's face was just what the doctor ordered.
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
Which was to coat myself in goose-grease and wear a dried frog round my neck. I sometimes wondered where he had studied for his medical degree. But when I presented the prescription, the pharmacist just looked at me. "Are you pulling my leg?"
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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MiceElf
Not your average mouse
# 4389
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Posted
Luckily enough I was indeed pulling his leg, which being wooden happened to on fire at the time. Good job I have eyes in the back of my head I replied.
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What do we want.... Cure for Obesity
When do we want it.... After Dessert.
Posts: 1032 | From: OILOVWOIGHT | Registered: Apr 2003
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
Come to think of it, it wasn't entirely a good job I had eyes in the back of my head, because for one thing, on the rare occasions when I managed to keep my hair out of them, it meant I could see where I'd just been rather than where I was going, and also I often wondered why I seemed to be walking backwards.
But there were much worse things than having a spare pair of eyes, though a spare pair of hands would have been better. But we are as we're made.
It was then I bumped into someone I used to work with, and remembered immediately why I didn't like him: he was two-faced.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
That two-faced git, Janus - that was all I needed! He could never be trusted - pretending to be friends one minute and the next causing trouble behind your back. Still, I suppose I'm stuck with him so I'd better get used to it. He'd sell his own grandmother if he got half the chance.
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
That two-faced git, Janus - that was all I needed! He could never be trusted - pretending to be friends one minute and the next causing trouble behind your back. Still, I suppose I'm stuck with him so I'd better get used to it. He'd sell his own grandmother if he got half the chance.
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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Angel Wrestler
Ship's Hipster
# 13673
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Posted
So I gave him a half chance, the batfish currency equivalent of 3 restles in our country, and the jerk gave me his grandmother. That's OK; despite my rather eventful life, I'll be glad to take care of her. So, I took her home and put her suitcases in her room and encouraged her to catch some Z's before lunch.
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The fact that no one understands you does not make you an artist.
(unknown)
Posts: 2767 | From: half-way up the ladder | Registered: May 2008
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