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Source: (consider it) Thread: Difficult relatives
Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061

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My father too became depressed on a steady diet of right wing buttery. We tried to get him to watch other things. Now we are thinking of anti-depressants. Which can be marvelously effective, if your doctor agrees they're medically indicated. My mother-in-law suffered from depression and anxiety -- she was worried about the household appliances going rogue on her. The dishwasher would leak, the dryer would burst into flame. All in her own mind, but the pills helped.

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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page

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Jemima the 9th
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# 15106

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Another hoorah for Kelly's Christmas wrapping paper! I also had the idle thought that come next November, a collective donation of interesting wrapping paper from around the world could be sent in Kelly's general direction. That would be fairly tricky to trump. "Oh, this old stuff? Yes, I was sent it by a friend in the Uk / Australia / NZ / wherever else we can find some shipmates."

I'd be in. [Big Grin]

Chez Jemima DR further tedium: DR has correctly observed that I am not its mother. Awaiting the change in behaviour that will surely accompany this. Hah. [Killing me]

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Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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I developed bronchitis over Christmas, so had to wait to amass the energy to do a follow up on the paper story, because hoo- boy-- it needs energy.

So, as I said, I kept my paper in the trunk until Christmas eve, and in the days before Mom frantically wrapped her presents in several years worth of leftovers. By Christmas Eve it was getting very clear that I was getting very ill and needed to scrap my wait till midnight plan. So I told my mom I was waiting for her to leave the frontroom so I could get her present out of the trunk. I noticed she had wrapped all of her presents except for five medium sized ones, just sitting there on the couch.
(I've been down thisroad before-- one of her gambits last year when I had waited till her wrapping was underway to start mine was to reserve a few packages, pack all her paper back in storage, then grab some of mine to finish.)
Luckily it was raining, so I said I would come down later, and her response was to move the portable tv to the frontroom, move all of her decoration prep in there, and aim her face at he front door. Somewhere around seven in the evening I got a big garbage bag to hold the gifts I was hiding, and another to cover the fucking paper. I scooted out when she went into the kitchen.

I had two rolls of the octopus paper and one matching sort of accent roll with holiday greetings written in the same color sceme. I was so pissed at Mom's antics that I wrapped everything in the octopus paper except her present.

This compiled with her usual resentment of me expressing symptoms of illness made it necessary for her to punish me, and basically from Christmas Eve to the day after Boxing Day, every comment she directed at me was consistantly negative. When company came, any positive comment they made about me was undercut with some side comment of hers. I spent most of the day in my room trying not to cough on folk, but everytime I popped out, she had something to say. And yes, she bitched about the paper.

(BTW, extended family, I am so sick and tired of the way my nuclear family hs gotten away with saying the most nasty shit about me right in front of everybody without anyone raising an eyebrow that y'all have stopped me waffling about the idea of moving far enough away that Ihave to decline family gatherings. )

The thing about being drained of strength by illness is you can't summon bravado, so I spend Boxing Dayin my room, alternately crying because I am so sick of living with someone who hates me-- literally sick--and combing Facebook for some kind of contact with friendly people.

God, by next year, that better be the other wayaround. Meaning, friends in the frontroom, "Merry Christmas, Mom!" on Facebook.

[ 30. December 2016, 22:22: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]

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"Take your broken heart, make it into art"-- Carrie Fisher (1956-2016)

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cliffdweller
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# 13338

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quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:

God, by next year, that better be the other wayaround. Meaning, friends in the frontroom, "Merry Christmas, Mom!" on Facebook.

Yes, this.

Unhellish prayers for a new living situation in the new year, and for health.
[Votive]

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"Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid." -Frederick Buechner

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Penny S
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# 14768

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I have found that the way things are acts in favour of the difficult relative being difficult. Or, rather, my friend has. This is closely related to the problem of free will, where person A's freedom is allowed to constrain person B's ditto, and something I find a rather nasty argument.

My friend got to speak with his mother's doctor. My friend is in need himself of some sort of set up which takes pressure off him, respite, that sort of thing. His caring is becoming relentless and without reason in what he has to do*. But, if his mother does not agree, no-one can refer her to social services, no-one can help him with the conditions in the house, no-one can arrange for someone to take over from him to keep her safe while he has a break. She has the right to keep her house as she wishes, to keep anyone from her house if she wishes, and to make life hellish for her son if she wishes.
So her freedom to establish the rules by which she lives can drive her son to consider suicide, and nothing can be done.

*Not personal care or anything like that, but basically staying awake while she does to make sure she doesn't set fire to the house with the gas stove, poison herself with CO with the gas stove, or leave the gas on unlit and blow the house up. And taking the blame for anything that happens, even if he isn't near whatever it is. Occasionally she blames me, even though I'm 22 miles away. It is not my fault the spoons have disappeared. Or his.

The doctor is not seeing someone who needs to be sectioned.

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Beenster
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# 242

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quote:
Originally posted by cliffdweller:
quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:

God, by next year, that better be the other wayaround. Meaning, friends in the frontroom, "Merry Christmas, Mom!" on Facebook.

Yes, this.

Unhellish prayers for a new living situation in the new year, and for health.
[Votive]

Echoing these prayers. You have a wonderful humour to deflect the situations but that doesn't mean the pain doesn't hit home. As for your relatives, one thing I have found is people tend to gravitate to the most powerful in a situation such as the one you describe - as it is safer. Don't know if that is true about your family but it's true with mine and it just weak.

But you deserve better.

I am sorry to say I had a fantastic Christmas. I was utterly on my own, no family, no phone calls - nothing. I slept, ate, watched bad telly, went for a run / walk and it was probably the best for a long long time. I didn't have to think of a single other person - and I know it is selfish but I was worn out. Come join me next year Kelly.

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Twilight

Puddleglum's sister
# 2832

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quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:


(BTW, extended family, I am so sick and tired of the way my nuclear family hs gotten away with saying the most nasty shit about me right in front of everybody without anyone raising an eyebrow that y'all have stopped me waffling about the idea of moving far enough away that Ihave to decline family gatherings. )


This is just awful. Basic good manners require that if Company says, "Kelly, you look great!" and the mother says,"I wish she'd do something about that hair," then Company is required to say, "Oh no! Kelly's hair is always gorgeous! It's one of her best features!" I know this because that's how it played out with me, my hypercritical father, and extended family, many times. They all had every reason to fear my father because he was quite likely to turn on them and say something like, "You yourself might want to buy a chance on a comb," but they still defended me and we weren't particularly close.

I'm really pissed off now and will add my prayers for the move. You deserve so much better than this, Kelly.

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Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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In my 48 years of life, two family members have spoken up when one of my parents insulted me in front of them. A third said something to my mom after the fact. When I was married, my ex just got up and handed me my coat when my dad started in, and my dad's attitude changed fast. I have ex to thank for having any kind of relationship with my father at all.
Beenster -- yeah, with my dad, my mom, and my two great uncles who abused their families, family gatherings involved a lot of fluttering around and stoking their egos and staying on their good side. [Projectile]

[ 31. December 2016, 19:53: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]

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"Take your broken heart, make it into art"-- Carrie Fisher (1956-2016)

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ArachnidinElmet
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# 17346

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[Votive] Fuck 'em all [Votive]

A necessary prayer for the end of 2016.

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'If a pleasant, straight-forward life is not possible then one must try to wriggle through by subtle manoeuvres' - Kafka

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Pangolin Guerre
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# 18686

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As George Burns said, "Happiness is a large and loving family.... in a different city."

A happy 2017 to us, everyone.

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iamchristianhearmeroar
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# 15483

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Well, my in laws waited until new year before the inevitable Christmas meltdown. Every year. Every bloody year. [Mad]

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My blog: http://alastairnewman.wordpress.com/

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Golden Key
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# 1468

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quote:
Originally posted by Pangolin Guerre:
As George Burns said, "Happiness is a large and loving family.... in a different city."

A happy 2017 to us, everyone.

And from "Home Alone II": "My family's in Florida, and I'm in New York? My family's in Florida, and I'm in New York! [Big Grin] "

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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?"--Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon"
--"I'm not giving up--and neither should you." --SNL

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Palimpsest
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# 16772

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Kelly you have piqued my morbid curiosity. What happened when you did your last minute present re-wrap?
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Penny S
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# 14768

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She wanted to go to the hospital. I heard her. But now we have pushed her into a hellhole. We have destroyed the order of her kitchen and the neat row of condiments (that did not exist). And my friend has been accused of being wicked for suggesting that she forget about passing the inheritance on to him (his father's intention), sell the place, and use the money to buy somewhere clean and comfortable for her last days.
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Tubbs

Miss Congeniality
# 440

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quote:
Originally posted by Penny S:
She wanted to go to the hospital. I heard her. But now we have pushed her into a hellhole. We have destroyed the order of her kitchen and the neat row of condiments (that did not exist). And my friend has been accused of being wicked for suggesting that she forget about passing the inheritance on to him (his father's intention), sell the place, and use the money to buy somewhere clean and comfortable for her last days.

Why on earth are you still expecting sweet reason from someone who sounds anything but?!

Tubbs

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"It's better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than open it up and remove all doubt" - Dennis Thatcher. My blog. Decide for yourself which I am

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Penny S
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# 14768

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AIIIIEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! [brick wall] [brick wall] [brick wall] [brick wall] [brick wall]

Friend suggested bringing mother over again tomorrow. I had prepared for back to normal for him and me. Jacket potatoes on offer at supermarket for two, Italianised left over mince from last week with tomato and mascarpone sauce. I thought this would work better for her if I did her cheesy mash, since last week she complained that the frozen peas weren't as good as the cheap tinned peas she bought because they didn't mash down and suit her absent teeth.

I have now had a telephone order for her to have a jacket potato too. "If they are cooked properly they are tender."

I AM NOT A B****Y RESTAURANT!!!!!!

I will certainly keep the receipt as she insists on paying towards the food.

Tinned peas, tomorrow.

[ 06. January 2017, 21:31: Message edited by: Penny S ]

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Lyda*Rose

Ship's broken porthole
# 4544

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And why are you catering to this bitch? She's going to be ugly no matter what you do, so why exert yourself?

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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano

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Golden Key
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# 1468

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I'm guessing Penny is trying to take some pressure off her friend, the woman's son. From her other posts, it sounds like his mom has been crushing him for a long, long time.
[Votive]

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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?"--Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon"
--"I'm not giving up--and neither should you." --SNL

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Penny S
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# 14768

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That's it, Golden Key.
There's no way I'm going to dump someone when he's got to his wit's end (wits' end) and cannot cope.

I know why story characters such as Carabosse and Eris at the marriage of Peleus and Thetis have stuck in the folk mind. What I don't know is why jokes about mothers-in-law are all about the mothers of the wives. There was a Ronnie Corbett series, 'Sorry', but the father was still present, so the son running off was not such a problem.

I believe that the root of the story of Cupid and Psyche is not the apotheosis of Psyche, but the separation of Cupid from the bonds of his mother Venus, and that the related folk tales (Fenist the Falcon, The Black Bull of Norroway, probably Beauty and the Beast) where there is a mysterious controlling woman holding power over the man, and the woman protagonist has to release him, are touching on the same situation. And it isn't as easy as in the stories.

The woman is ill, there may be a number of reasons for it, not all due to herself, she is 93. Her friends have diminished in number. She is no longer fit enough to get out as she used to. She doesn't know what function she has in life. (When someone we knew went missing in the summer, she went out and followed his trail as far as she could, and found out what he had bought in shops and so on - and then got angry with him because she couldn't find him.)

I thank God that we don't live in times when someone like her would have been dragged to the ducking stool and worse.

They are discussing, on the radio, the situation in the NHS as I write, and using the example of a 90 year old woman with pneumonia in A&E, and how such people can be helped to live independently on discharge. The hospital released her with no plan for after care, knowing her situation. Someone's got to take up the slack.

As this woman's son has said, by having her over here, he is losing his respite time, and not able to enjoy time with me. (I suspect this is something of a positive for her. She really doesn't want him to have female friends she can't control.)

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Golden Key
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# 1468

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{{{{{Penny}}}}}--

Is there an agency or volunteer service there that provides respite care for the elderly? E.g., keeping your friend's mom company for a few hours, so your friend can get away for a bit?

Since you mentioned the NHS, I'm guessing you're in the UK. In past convos, Shipmates have mentioned a group called the Samaritans. AIUI, they provide information and referral, and maybe someone to talk to. Oh, and maybe the Citizens' Advice Bureau.

I wonder if there's any kind of phone conversation group for shut-ins?

FWIW. YMMV. And I know, from experience, that it can be very difficult to find an agency that can and will help with a particular situation. But it might be worth a try.

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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?"--Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon"
--"I'm not giving up--and neither should you." --SNL

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Belle Ringer
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# 13379

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I have a friend who was his mother's "servant", she would call him at work and tell him to come and take him grocery shopping. One day (finally) he had had enough and left, the family didn't know where he was, he moved to a different city. When she died a few years later the family delayed the funeral a few weeks to find him.

Sometimes the best thing to do is leave. You cant help an old lady - or a young one - with your presence. Her "need" is bottomless.

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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768

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I think, from the news this morning, that the Red Cross may be able to help practically.
My friend is himself concerned that people will be looking at him with scorn, which makes seeking help problematic. I have pointed him towards support groups. Some of those though seem to be aimed at people who have compulsive hoarding and have realised that they need help, rather than the families.
She is not as capable as she was but a few weeks ago, and is finding her medication a problem to decipher.
On the positive side, he has been able to do some clearing this week, and I have a boot of bags again, loaded in front of her. This could NEVER have happened before. (Just as long as my dump doesn't realise that the stuff is from out of area!)

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JLB
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# 10670

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For specific help with medication, talk to the pharmacy that dispenses her prescription. They will be able to assess whether having a medication aid ("dosette" box) would help, which might be one responsibility that could be eassed for your friend.
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Penny S
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# 14768

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Thanks. I've been wondering what happened to the one that I bought my Dad, which he never used, but I think we gave it to the Salvation Army. And as one of the medicines is liquid, that wouldn't work for everything.

She spent some time this evening working out what she had to do with each medicine, and I am of the opinion that the most effective help would be large print labels and an A4 page with times of day and what to take when written on it. Also stickers across the instructions for the pharmacist on how to mix up the stuff.

[ 07. January 2017, 19:56: Message edited by: Penny S ]

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mark_in_manchester

not waving, but...
# 15978

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I'm sorry to hear you having such a tough time, Penny, especially on behalf of a friend.

I thought I'd add an upbeat note to this thread. A rather close DR of mine was present at a family do over Christmas, having not spoken to me for over 3 years nor tolerated being in the same house as me. This had damaged my kids' relationships with other close relatives; everyone is getting too old to have time to waste.

Well, DR spoke, and behaved with restraint, rather as if things had always been OK. I was glad, though I'm sure I'll get burned again as defenses come down. Well, that's how it goes.

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"We are punished by our sins, not for them" - Elbert Hubbard
(so good, I wanted to see it after my posts and not only after those of shipmate JBohn from whom I stole it)

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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768

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Glad to hear that, mark.

Thoings are definitely improving here. I have had a conversation in which nothing she has said to him been blaming him for anything has been referred to, which must mean it hasn't happened.

I am hoping that tomorrow he will feel able to spend a bit of time away from her over here. Though it does limit the amount of time I can spend finding where the things I moved out of the way for Christmas are and finding better places to put them. I can't just put them back if we are going to have regular visits.

One of the things I found while clearing their hall was a catalogue from a storage company, headed 'A Place for Everything', a bit ironic in the circs, but I do not yet have my places for everything myself!

[ 08. January 2017, 16:09: Message edited by: Penny S ]

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Karl: Liberal Backslider
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# 76

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So, Dad.

We've told you your bowels and bladder are fucked because you don't drink much and sit in your chair all day.

The nurse has told you your bowels and bladder are fucked because you don't drink much and sit in your chair all day.

So why are you still sitting in your chair all day and not drinking much when you claim that your major problem, what's really getting you down, is your bowels and bladder?

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Might as well ask the bloody cat.

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Brenda Clough
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# 18061

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A simple way to increase fluid intake is to always have water in hand's reach -- a glass of water or a bottle. Without being aware of it, even, you drink it. It doesn't sound like your dad will get up to fetch it, but perhaps someone could set a water bottle by him?

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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page

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la vie en rouge
Parisienne
# 10688

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Thing is, IME older British people don't tend to drink a lot of water as water. Most of their fluid intake seems to come in the form of tea.

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Rent my holiday home in the South of France

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Karl: Liberal Backslider
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# 76

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quote:
Originally posted by Brenda Clough:
A simple way to increase fluid intake is to always have water in hand's reach -- a glass of water or a bottle. Without being aware of it, even, you drink it. It doesn't sound like your dad will get up to fetch it, but perhaps someone could set a water bottle by him?

There is and he doesn't.

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Might as well ask the bloody cat.

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Karl: Liberal Backslider
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# 76

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quote:
Originally posted by la vie en rouge:
Thing is, IME older British people don't tend to drink a lot of water as water. Most of their fluid intake seems to come in the form of tea.

Ha. He doesn't drink tea. He does drink coffee (in theory; I won't offend you by telling you what he calls coffee) but in reality he either says no because he's got a glass of water/juice on the go, or says yes then lets it get cold and rejects it.

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Might as well ask the bloody cat.

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Jengie jon

Semper Reformanda
# 273

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Because the one thing worse, in their eyes,than having bowel and bladder gtrouble is being unable to get to the loo in time.

Sorry, experience [brick wall] [brick wall]

Yes I know in my case that if said couple drank more the incontinence would probably diminish because it would reduce the frequency of bladder infections but try explaining that to someone over eighty who is worried about being caught short in the night.

Jengie

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"To violate a persons ability to distinguish fact from fantasy is the epistemological equivalent of rape." Noretta Koertge

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Posts: 20634 | From: city of steel, butterflies and rainbows | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768

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It wasn't that that happened to friend's mother. Oh no. It was leakage from the cellulitis in her legs, according to her. If her legs were producing that quantity, they should have picked it up in the hospital. Which they didn't. She said the nurse who does the dressings agreed with her. The nurse didn't see the amount.
She said, in the car, that she had left it too long to go to the loo because of the stairs (this was a couple of days before mentioned the leakage).
I advised my friend not to mention the incident to her unless she referred to do it, but he did.
But it was, apparently, a one off.
The following week, she did go down the stairs during the evening.

[ 11. January 2017, 18:10: Message edited by: Penny S ]

Posts: 5770 | Registered: May 2009  |  IP: Logged
Helen-Eva
Shipmate
# 15025

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quote:
Originally posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider:
So, Dad.

We've told you your bowels and bladder are fucked because you don't drink much and sit in your chair all day.

The nurse has told you your bowels and bladder are fucked because you don't drink much and sit in your chair all day.

So why are you still sitting in your chair all day and not drinking much when you claim that your major problem, what's really getting you down, is your bowels and bladder?

A departed and much missed elderly relation of mine had this exact problem of needing to drink and not doing it. We never found an answer. I cynically came to believe that she much preferred having a problem than doing anything (specially CHANGING anything) to fix the problem. You're stuck because you can't solve it but you can't stop caring either.
[Votive] [Votive] [Votive]

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I thought the radio 3 announcer said "Weber" but it turned out to be Webern. Story of my life.

Posts: 621 | From: London, hopefully in a theatre or concert hall, more likely at work | Registered: Aug 2009  |  IP: Logged
Pigwidgeon

Ship's Owl
# 10192

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My late mother (who was faithfully cared for by my sister) took medication that required a full glass of water. She would clamp her jaw shut and refuse to drink the water (though she would take the pill). My mother was always a stubborn woman, and dementia made it a thousand times worse.

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Don't keep calm. Go change the world.

Posts: 9453 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
Tubbs

Miss Congeniality
# 440

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But most of us are exactly the same. I know I should move more and eat less whilst upping my in-take of fruit and vegetables but I would sooner have a coffee, a bun and read my book. When we get ill, we expect our bodies to soon return to normal with not much effort. I'm doing my best, but it seems my default setting is sloth!

Human nature being what it is, our offspring will be bitching about us on a similar Hell thread in x years times. Using the same software. [Biased]

Tubbs

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"It's better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than open it up and remove all doubt" - Dennis Thatcher. My blog. Decide for yourself which I am

Posts: 12642 | From: Someplace strange | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Nenya
Shipmate
# 16427

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quote:
Originally posted by Tubbs:
But most of us are exactly the same. I know I should move more and eat less whilst upping my in-take of fruit and vegetables but I would sooner have a coffee, a bun and read my book...

Human nature being what it is, our offspring will be bitching about us on a similar Hell thread in x years times...

Indeed. Over Christmas I had a conversation with one of my offspring who - extremely tactfully, it has to be said - made me realise that because of certain things I do and don't do I was in no way entitled to point the finger. [Hot and Hormonal]

My mum, 92 when she died, never drank much water either despite being a nurse and knowing the health benefits. Making it to the loo in time was definitely an issue in the later years but I can't remember either of my parents ever drinking a glass of water. Tea, coffee, milk, squash, yes. Not water.

Nen - potential Difficult Relative.

[ 13. January 2017, 14:09: Message edited by: Nenya ]

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They told me I was delusional. I nearly fell off my unicorn.

Posts: 1279 | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged
Huia
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# 3473

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Whereas I am perfect, because I don't have offspring to point out my inconsistencies [Angel]

Huia

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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.

Posts: 10111 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
Tubbs

Miss Congeniality
# 440

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quote:
Originally posted by Huia:
Whereas I am perfect, because I don't have offspring to point out my inconsistencies [Angel]

Huia

I could lend you one. Spread the love around ad all that.
[Razz]

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"It's better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than open it up and remove all doubt" - Dennis Thatcher. My blog. Decide for yourself which I am

Posts: 12642 | From: Someplace strange | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Huia
Shipmate
# 3473

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Thanks Tubbs. Said children will be returned with puppies and kittens after a diet of fizzy drinks, sweets and caffeine laden beverages.

The highpoint of borrowing children is giving then back [Two face]

Huia - Wicked witch of the south.

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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.

Posts: 10111 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
Gee D
Shipmate
# 13815

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quote:
Originally posted by Huia:
Thanks Tubbs. Said children will be returned with puppies and kittens after a diet of fizzy drinks, sweets and caffeine laden beverages.

The highpoint of borrowing children is giving then back [Two face]

Huia - Wicked witch of the south.

A coffee shop near us has a sign "Children on their own will be returned after a double espresso with a free kitten".

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Not every Anglican in Sydney is Sydney Anglican

Posts: 6713 | From: Warrawee NSW Australia | Registered: Jun 2008  |  IP: Logged
neandergirl

Opposing the thumb
# 8916

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There's a gourmet pizza place here with a similar sign, although they substitute "a puppy to take home" for kitten.

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Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you. Hebrews 13:5 NIV
We come from love, we return to love, and all around is love.
Lord, ease our burdens, give us peace and enable us to do your work. Tree Bee

Posts: 2579 | From: 21218 | Registered: Dec 2004  |  IP: Logged
Amanda B. Reckondwythe

Dressed for Church
# 5521

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quote:
Originally posted by Gee D:
Children on their own will be returned after a double espresso with a free kitten.

Well, they'll have something to talk about. It's not every day that you get to sip an espresso with a kitten -- and a free one at that. I thought kittens only drank milk.

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"We're not in Wonderland anymore, Alice." – Charles Manson

Posts: 10284 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Twilight

Puddleglum's sister
# 2832

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I thought the kitten would be in the espresso -- like a marshmallow in hot chocolate.
Posts: 6687 | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged
Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768

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She wanted to stay the night in the living room chair after the shenanigans. I simply could not bring myself to let her. It would not feel like my home any more. It had stopped feeling like my home anyway.
And I had already found that while downstairs ostensibly using the loo, she had left the front door open.
She fished around to find out if using the upstairs loo would be any better with regard to stairs, but I said the stairs were just as bad (true, all but identical).
When I got back from taking them home, I discovered, on looking for my prayer book, that she had, for the third week running, had a look in my study, which I regard as private. I knew she had done it, because I had arranged a recycling sack behind the door to inhibit accidental opening by someone confused about the house layout. Not an accident, then, since the door had been pushed right back, and then shut again.
The idea of her wandering round my home while I sleep is becoming creepy.
Given her own reluctance to allow anyone in her home, you would think she would respect someone else's.
Good thing - she had a second helping of dessert, while protesting she ought to leave some for me tomorrow - a teaspoonful! (Apple Betty, using up breadcrumbs.)
Ghastly thought - I'm going to have to go down and check the freezer in the utility room.

Posts: 5770 | Registered: May 2009  |  IP: Logged
Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768

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And having done so, despite the lateness (or earliness) of the hour, I have to report the wierdness of finding she has left an empty orange supermarket bag by the back door in the utility room, which she had not been shown. Nothing wrong with it, none of her tissues in it, just sat there on the door mat. I knew she had had the light on there - can see it through glass round the door, but thought it was a mistake with the triple light switches.
She did ask how to get to the back garden last week, and I told her it was through the utility room - and it had had a good tidy in between!
Rationally, she might have been looking for a dustbin for her bag - hence the front door as well. Except that there is a flip top bin in the loo. Where she left a screwed up wet polythene bag on the basin surround.

[ 16. January 2017, 01:58: Message edited by: Penny S ]

Posts: 5770 | Registered: May 2009  |  IP: Logged
Tubbs

Miss Congeniality
# 440

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quote:
Originally posted by Huia:
Thanks Tubbs. Said children will be returned with puppies and kittens after a diet of fizzy drinks, sweets and caffeine laden beverages.

The highpoint of borrowing children is giving then back [Two face]

Huia - Wicked witch of the south.

She'd be well up for that. Not so sure about us. [Biased]

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"It's better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than open it up and remove all doubt" - Dennis Thatcher. My blog. Decide for yourself which I am

Posts: 12642 | From: Someplace strange | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
mark_in_manchester

not waving, but...
# 15978

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Penny, might it help to concentrate on this woman as someone with mental health issues? On occasion I've found long-term interactions with really odd people easier when I've tried to repress thoughts of them as odd or infuriating, and tried instead to be frame things for myself as being calm, steady and as much as I can supportive in the face of symptoms of mental illness.

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"We are punished by our sins, not for them" - Elbert Hubbard
(so good, I wanted to see it after my posts and not only after those of shipmate JBohn from whom I stole it)

Posts: 1532 | Registered: Oct 2010  |  IP: Logged
Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768

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In theory, yes. I do try. But, occasionally, it gets a bit much, especially when I see the damage she is doing to my friend. He is with her much more than I, and she cannot see what she is doing.

She worries about things, on and on. Yesterday's was about whether she still had an appointment for her dressing to be changed today. She can't let things rest.

I try to put the appreciation of her being somewhat challenged in other places, but the occasional burst of difficulty does drive me here. I have been on the receiving end of her fury in the past. Not easy.

Posts: 5770 | Registered: May 2009  |  IP: Logged
mark_in_manchester

not waving, but...
# 15978

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My post looks sanctimonious from this angle - sorry. I think concentrating on their illness just let me just-about stay in their company - it didn't help me enjoy it much!

Good luck [Votive]

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"We are punished by our sins, not for them" - Elbert Hubbard
(so good, I wanted to see it after my posts and not only after those of shipmate JBohn from whom I stole it)

Posts: 1532 | Registered: Oct 2010  |  IP: Logged



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