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Source: (consider it) Thread: I don't want to go to your wedding
Bishops Finger
Shipmate
# 5430

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I really mean that, BTW. My sister lives in France, and one of the pleasures of visiting her is trying yet more of the local vintages (she's down in the bottom-right hand corner, in Aude).

[Big Grin]

IJ

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The future is another country - they might do things differently there...

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Brenda Clough
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I'm thinking of spending a year in France. Oh, and here's an exceptionally hellacious wedding. "Bonds was overseeing the wedding at a Chantilly park, while the 35-year-old victim, Tyonne Johns, of the District, was catering it. Afterward, the pair and members of the wedding party got into a verbal argument over chairs while cleaning up. It ended with Bonds stabbing Johns with a three-inch pocket knife." He's been acquitted, however.

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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page

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mark_in_manchester

not waving, but...
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quote:
The only bit that broke through the monotony with a helping of distinct annoyance was in the series “my girlfriends”
For a great moment I thought we were talking about illustrations for the Groom's speech. Now that would have style.

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"We are punished by our sins, not for them" - Elbert Hubbard
(so good, I wanted to see it after my posts and not only after those of shipmate JBohn from whom I stole it)

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la vie en rouge
Parisienne
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quote:
Originally posted by mark_in_manchester:
quote:
The only bit that broke through the monotony with a helping of distinct annoyance was in the series “my girlfriends”
For a great moment I thought we were talking about illustrations for the Groom's speech. Now that would have style.
Nah. The groom was a definite side-show to the Bride’s Big Day™. We had dinner a couple of days ago with someone else who was also there and he agreed that in order of visibility, the cast was made up of (1) Bridezilla (2) Bridezilla’s large Southern family and trailing way behind (3) Groom. Groom’s family were made so invisible as to be hardly worth a mention. Essentially there was a groom because Bridezilla couldn’t have a wedding without one.

That said, apparently marrying oneself is now a thing. Why do I suspect most of the people doing it are women?

[ 06. October 2017, 07:58: Message edited by: la vie en rouge ]

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Rent my holiday home in the South of France

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Sioni Sais
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quote:
Originally posted by la vie en rouge:

That said, apparently marrying oneself is now a thing. Why do I suspect most of the people doing it are women?

Poor thing couldn't find a frog. [Disappointed]

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"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"

(Paul Sinha, BBC)

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mousethief

Ship's Thieving Rodent
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quote:
Originally posted by la vie en rouge:
That said, apparently marrying oneself is now a thing. Why do I suspect most of the people doing it are women?

More men are happy to self-cohabitate WBOC. They don't need a fancy ceremony to self-love. They have that well in hand.

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God has shown me that I should not call any man impure or unclean. --Acts 10:28

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simontoad
Ship's Amphibian
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boom-tish

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The opinions expressed above are transitory emotional responses and do not necessarily reflect the considered views of the author.

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Gee D
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I'm waiting for the Guardian article on it, how it's the coming thing etc.

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Not every Anglican in Sydney is Sydney Anglican

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Eutychus
From the edge
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I'm preaching at a wedding tomorrow. Should I get LVER to come and "mystery guest" it?

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One has to take part. Scary as it is. - Martin60
Jerusalem is a city without walls

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la vie en rouge
Parisienne
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Are they having a pièce montée? [Snigger]

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Rent my holiday home in the South of France

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Eutychus
From the edge
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I have no idea: my responsibilities stop at the lectern!

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One has to take part. Scary as it is. - Martin60
Jerusalem is a city without walls

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la vie en rouge
Parisienne
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In that case I shall have to decline just in case. Two of the sweet claggy suckers in the space of a week is more than I can stand.

(Pièce montée is a bit like the French equivalent of turkey at a British Christmas dinner. Everyone insists on having it despite the fact that almost no one actually likes it.)

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Rent my holiday home in the South of France

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Dark Knight

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I am off to a wedding I don't particularly want to go to tomorrow.
I no longer drink, and I have no assurances that there will be dancing at the reception. I cannot even.

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Wronger than a drooling idiot on stupid juice - but I understand his argument.
mousethief (paraphrase)
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Love is as strong as death (Song of Solomon 8:6).

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Sioni Sais
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quote:
Originally posted by Dark Knight:
I am off to a wedding I don't particularly want to go to tomorrow.
I no longer drink, and I have no assurances that there will be dancing at the reception. I cannot even.

Enjoy the slideshow.

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"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"

(Paul Sinha, BBC)

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Marvin the Martian

Interplanetary
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quote:
Originally posted by la vie en rouge:
(Pièce montée is a bit like the French equivalent of turkey at a British Christmas dinner. Everyone insists on having it despite the fact that almost no one actually likes it.)

I like turkey.

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Hail Gallaxhar

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L'organist
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Depends on the pièce montée, LVER: a croquembouche can be lovely and despite looking pretty spectacular is really very easy to make.

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Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet

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Eutychus
From the edge
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quote:
Originally posted by Sioni Sais:
Enjoy the slideshow.

Is France the only country in which a slideshow of the bride and groom growing up to the theme of The Persuaders is practically mandatory at the reception?

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One has to take part. Scary as it is. - Martin60
Jerusalem is a city without walls

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Gee D
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Good free-range turkey is very enjoyable, very adaptable to a wide ranges of dishes and cuisines.

As to the croquembouche - very popular here as it's easy to serve, proportions easily variable and makes an acceptable end to a meal.

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Not every Anglican in Sydney is Sydney Anglican

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Sioni Sais
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quote:
Originally posted by Eutychus:
quote:
Originally posted by Sioni Sais:
Enjoy the slideshow.

Is France the only country in which a slideshow of the bride and groom growing up to the theme of The Persuaders is practically mandatory at the reception?
The theme may vary.
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mousethief

Ship's Thieving Rodent
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quote:
Originally posted by Eutychus:
Is France the only country in which a slideshow of the bride and groom growing up to the theme of The Persuaders is practically mandatory at the reception?

May it please God to stay so.

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God has shown me that I should not call any man impure or unclean. --Acts 10:28

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Dark Knight

Super Zero
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quote:
Originally posted by Eutychus:
quote:
Originally posted by Sioni Sais:
Enjoy the slideshow.

Is France the only country in which a slideshow of the bride and groom growing up to the theme of The Persuaders is practically mandatory at the reception?
Is that what Sioni meant? Is that really a thing? I have never seen such a thing. I hope never to see such a thing.

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Wronger than a drooling idiot on stupid juice - but I understand his argument.
mousethief (paraphrase)
----
Love is as strong as death (Song of Solomon 8:6).

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M.
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The last wedding I went to there were Morris dancers: I don't think the music was the Persuaders...

I do however now have that as an ear worm, which feels pretty hellish.

M.

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mark_in_manchester

not waving, but...
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quote:
Is France the only country in which a slideshow of the bride and groom growing up to the theme of The Persuaders is practically mandatory at the reception?
Eerrghh. Not seen that, but I did attend a 'humanist celebration' at which two pretty glass jars of different (rather vibrantly) coloured sand were poured into one.

Beside being a rather eloquent demonstration of entropy, it also struck me as a compact and timely treatise on the futility of compromise; the eurky mix being an outcome no-one really wanted.

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"We are punished by our sins, not for them" - Elbert Hubbard
(so good, I wanted to see it after my posts and not only after those of shipmate JBohn from whom I stole it)

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cliffdweller
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quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:
quote:
Originally posted by Eutychus:
Is France the only country in which a slideshow of the bride and groom growing up to the theme of The Persuaders is practically mandatory at the reception?

May it please God to stay so.
Particularly awkward when there's a large age gap so you end up with a photo of a 30 something guy next to a toddler

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"Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid." -Frederick Buechner

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Eutychus
From the edge
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Video with Persuaders theme: tick

Pièce montée: tick

But a good time was had by all.

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One has to take part. Scary as it is. - Martin60
Jerusalem is a city without walls

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Ariston
Insane Unicorn
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quote:
Originally posted by Dark Knight:
I am off to a wedding I don't particularly want to go to tomorrow.
I no longer drink, and I have no assurances that there will be dancing at the reception. I cannot even.

In my college days, went to the Southern Baptist wedding of a high school friend. Well, bride's sister was a friend. I was mostly there for drinks and dancing. Mostly dancing.

First sign things were going off the rails: minister sped through "love is patient, love is kind" en route to "wives, submit to your husbands." Slowed waaaaayyyy down there.

Next sign: no dance floor. That's okay, I assume we'll just move some tables aside once the Obligatory Concrete Wedding Cake* is cleared away.

Next next sign: groom's fraternity brothers assemble for a presentation to the bride. "Whenever one of us did something special, we'd give him a bottle of cream soda. So now, Andromache, we'd like to welcome you . . ."
And they all file up with bottles of cream soda. I turn to Sister.
"Cream soda's a euphemism, right?"
"It was a Baptist fraternity. That's cream soda."
" . . . Baptists don't dance, either?"
"Nope."

*And la Vie, I'll trade you you piece montée for an American three-tiered wedding cake. In order to support the weight of the upper tiers, the lower ones have to be sufficiently strong, it has to look Perfect for sitting out during the soft jazz photo montage (and prior setup), the fondant decorations can't show the slightest sign of damage or deterioration during transit, setup, or waiting . . . meaning you get something built more for structural integrity than taste. Dry, tough, and bland interior with rock hard icing. You're supposed to save a tier and "enjoy" it on anniversaries—and it's a sort of cake that doesn't taste any worse after a year or two in the freezer.

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“Therefore, let it be explained that nowhere are the proprieties quite so strictly enforced as in men’s colleges that invite young women guests, especially over-night visitors in the fraternity houses.” Emily Post, 1937.

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Bishops Finger
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We have 'Wedding Cakes' like that in Ukland.

Very expensive £££ too.

[Projectile]

After a year or two, you can collect various bits together, and build a shed that will survive the onslaughts of cockroaches and/or a nuclear holocaust.

IJ

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The future is another country - they might do things differently there...

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Doc Tor
Deepest Red
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You're welcome.

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Forward the New Republic

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Bishops Finger
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If it's by Huntley & Palmers, it will indeed still be edible.

Well, the CAKE bit, anyway - not too sure about the icing...

[Big Grin]

IJ

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The future is another country - they might do things differently there...

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North East Quine

Curious beastie
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The tradition here is to keep the top tier of the wedding cake for the first christening. Our cake was 5 1/2 years old before our first-born was christened. The icing had to be re-done, but the cake itself was fine. I've eaten older wedding-turned-christening cakes than that.
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Pigwidgeon

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A couple I knew saved the top tier of their cake for their First Anniversary. They lived in a small apartment with a tiny refrigerator and a freezer just big enough to hold the tier of cake. So for a year, they could never buy frozen groceries in advance of eating them, nor could they freeze leftovers. The First Anniversary came along -- the top tier had been made of Styrofoam.

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Don't keep calm. Go change the world.

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ArachnidinElmet
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Keeping tiers in the UK works pretty well because they tend to be fruitcake which keeps better because you feed it with ALCOHOL.

Are the frozen tiers in US cakes maybe sponge?

My Mum was tasked with re-icing a friend's wedding cake (baked by her Gran) for her daughter's christening. It turned out to be booze-less and therefore green and mouldy [Projectile] One mercy dash to the supermarket for a half dozen Dundee cakes and no one was the wiser. [Snigger]

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'If a pleasant, straight-forward life is not possible then one must try to wriggle through by subtle manoeuvres' - Kafka

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mark_in_manchester

not waving, but...
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quote:
"It was a Baptist fraternity. That's cream soda."
" . . . Baptists don't dance, either?"
"Nope."

I once went to a Baptist wedding (or it might have been free evangelical - I forget) where pretty much everyone was a Believer...except the best man.

Come the best man's speech, he starts with a few bland compliments to the bridesmaids, as you do, and then...

quote:
Anyway, a bloke goes into a greengrocers, and behind the counter is this woman with enormous tits.
Cue utter silence, tumbleweed in the aisles, and frantic stifled gasps of manic laughter from those of us around a slightly less up-tight table. I'll give you the rest of the joke, 'cos it's a good one.

quote:
So he says, 'I'd like a pound of tits / I mean a pound of oranges please', and the woman hands him a bag of oranges.

Later that night he's in the pub with a couple of mates. 'A weird thing happened this morning - I was in the greengrocers and I tried to ask for a pound of oranges. But instead, I asked for a pound of tits!' [yes folks. If it were possible, the silence deepens each time the fateful word is uttered].

One of his mates pipes up. 'You know that's what's called a Freudian Slip.'

'What's one of them, then?'

'It's when you say what's really on your mind, instead of what you thought you were going to say'.

At this, the second drinker pricks up his ears.

'Funny that - that happened to me just this morning. I was sitting at breakfast with the missus, and I went to ask her to pass the salt. But instead, I said "I hate yer, yer bitch, you've ruined me life"'.

He kept going, too. What a pro.

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"We are punished by our sins, not for them" - Elbert Hubbard
(so good, I wanted to see it after my posts and not only after those of shipmate JBohn from whom I stole it)

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Doc Tor
Deepest Red
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I was the Best Man.

At a Baptist wedding.

Fortunately, not that one...

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Forward the New Republic

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Bishops Finger
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[Killing me]

Most seemly and edifying.....not!!

IJ

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The future is another country - they might do things differently there...

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Eutychus
From the edge
# 3081

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Well if we're into anecdotes... I was once at a wedding performed by a pastor who was really more of an evangelist.

Guests were greeted at the venue by a giveaway gospel of John. The reading was the story of the woman at the well in John 4, and the pastor took as his text verse 18:

quote:
you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband
The fact that he somehow went on from this to deliver an evangelistic message instead of doing anything remotely related to the occasion was probably a relative mercy, but guests could clearly be seen eyeing up escape routes.

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One has to take part. Scary as it is. - Martin60
Jerusalem is a city without walls

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Sioni Sais
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# 5713

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quote:
Originally posted by Eutychus:
Well if we're into anecdotes... I was once at a wedding performed by a pastor who was really more of an evangelist.

Guests were greeted at the venue by a giveaway gospel of John. The reading was the story of the woman at the well in John 4, and the pastor took as his text verse 18:

quote:
you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband
The fact that he somehow went on from this to deliver an evangelistic message instead of doing anything remotely related to the occasion was probably a relative mercy, but guests could clearly be seen eyeing up escape routes.
There's an excuse for that: he should have cited 1 John 4:18 (ie, the first epistle, not the Gospel) which reads "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."
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L'organist
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# 17338

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Not my anecdote but...

Organist friend was asked to play for nuptials in a hospital chapel and was happy to oblige, although found the fact that the chapel was in the basement betwixt the morgue and the boiler room a tad off-putting (vibrations when the boiler kicked in made the candles on the altar shudder).

Anyway, come the happy day this ancient looking cleric appears, leaning heavily on a stick, fiddling with his hearing aids and giving every appearance of being Mr Chips' older brother.

Service starts: bride enters, first hymn; then cleric booms out Man, that is born of a woman, hath but a short time to live, and is full of misery. At which point the best man (never was a chap so well-titled) leant over, wrenched Prayer Book from the hands of cleric, swiftly found the Order for the Solemnisation of Matrimony, and handed it back. [Killing me]

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Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet

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SvitlanaV2
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# 16967

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quote:
Originally posted by mark_in_manchester:
I once went to a Baptist wedding (or it might have been free evangelical - I forget) where pretty much everyone was a Believer...except the best man.

Come the best man's speech, he starts with a few bland compliments to the bridesmaids, as you do, and then...

I'm surprised the groom in question didn't know his best man well enough to think he might tell a 'funny story' of this type ... and warn him against doing so.

Maybe it's just me, but I'm not convinced that the average bride, Christian or otherwise, would find this joke hilarious. Still, maybe it gave the couple a tale to tell at boozy dinner parties many years later. OTOH, if the joke turned out to be prophetic, who'd want to remember it?

[ 09. October 2017, 19:01: Message edited by: SvitlanaV2 ]

Posts: 6352 | From: UK | Registered: Feb 2012  |  IP: Logged
Golden Key
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# 1468

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Re saving tier of wedding cake:

I don't know what the current trends are. But it used to be common for the top tier to be small, and inhabited by standing figures representing the bride and groom. (Some made of sugar or fondant, and some maybe made of plastic.)

That tier would be wrapped up, and kept in the couple's freezer until their first anniversary. Then it would be either completely eaten, or partly eaten and the rest saved for future anniversaries.

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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?"--Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon"
--"I'm not giving up--and neither should you." --SNL

Posts: 17709 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
Rossweisse

High Church Valkyrie
# 2349

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I had a traditional (yummy) fruitcake for the top layer, and pound cake for the part that was consumed at the time. The top layer, being well fortified, thus kept very well.

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I'm not dead yet.

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Pigwidgeon

Ship's Owl
# 10192

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My wedding cake was a sheet cake (chocolate!), so there were no tiers (cake, fruitcake, or Styrofoam) to preserve.

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Don't keep calm. Go change the world.

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Leorning Cniht
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# 17564

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quote:
Originally posted by Golden Key:

I don't know what the current trends are. But it used to be common for the top tier to be small, and inhabited by standing figures representing the bride and groom. (Some made of sugar or fondant, and some maybe made of plastic.)

I know we had tiers, and I think there were three of them, although I'd have to go and look at the photographs to check. One of the ladies from Mrs. C's church made a custom cake topper to look like us, which we still have. (A different church lady made the cake.)

I don't know whether we saved some of the cake or not - but it certainly didn't go in our freezer because we didn't have one. It's entirely possible we ate it for Christmas.

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RooK

1 of 6
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Well, if we're going to talk about cake - count me in.

Instead of a singular wedding cake, I arranged for my favourite restaurant in the universe to provide my favourite dessert in the universe - a chocolate cheesecake (no longer available!!!). It was such an intense gustatory experience that it felt like the chocolate bypassed the usual absorption methods and went straight through the soft palate and into your brain. I assume that it was equal parts cocoa, cheesecake, and cocaine (perhaps explaining why it is no longer offered).

Note to self: family is overdue for a visit to Victoria.

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Boogie

Boogie on down!
# 13538

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My Mum made our wedding cake, my Dad iced it and I made the sugar flowers. We had three cakes directly on top of each other, smallest on top, no pillars - most unusual in 1979 🙂

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Garden. Room. Walk

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Nick Tamen

Ship's Wayfaring Fool
# 15164

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quote:
Originally posted by ArachnidinElmet:
Are the frozen tiers in US cakes maybe sponge?

Yes, traditionally a white cake (no egg yolks), though I have been to numerous weddings (including my own) where the consistency of the cake was closer to a pound cake than a standard white cake.

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The first thing God says to Moses is, "Take off your shoes." We are on holy ground. Hard to believe, but the truest thing I know. — Anne Lamott

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Jane R
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My father-in-law would have preferred one of these or one of these, but as he got married in the 1950s he was forced to eat cake.
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Bishops Finger
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# 5430

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Wow. How glad I am that I'm not likely ever to be married (again).

Trying to choose between PORK PIE and CHEESE.... [Paranoid]

Mmmmm......[drooly smiley]

IJ

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The future is another country - they might do things differently there...

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Ariston
Insane Unicorn
# 10894

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quote:
Originally posted by ArachnidinElmet:

Are the frozen tiers in US cakes maybe sponge?

Not so much "sponge cake" but "washing up sponge."

I've yet to see a bit of fruitcake in an American cake. Then again, we traditionally think of fruitcake as only for Christmas, obligatory (compare British attitudes on turkey), and booze-free. Think there might be room for improvement.

(There was much rejoicing when one musician friend skipped the cake and did pie and cheesecake on tiers. No structural integrity to maintain! No overengineered cake batter! Hooray!)

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“Therefore, let it be explained that nowhere are the proprieties quite so strictly enforced as in men’s colleges that invite young women guests, especially over-night visitors in the fraternity houses.” Emily Post, 1937.

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cliffdweller
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quote:
Originally posted by Ariston:
quote:
Originally posted by ArachnidinElmet:

Are the frozen tiers in US cakes maybe sponge?

Not so much "sponge cake" but "washing up sponge."

I've yet to see a bit of fruitcake in an American cake. Then again, we traditionally think of fruitcake as only for Christmas, obligatory (compare British attitudes on turkey), and booze-free. Think there might be room for improvement.

Americans Do. Not. Like. Fruitcake. With or without the booze, it is disgusting. I'd have to drink a whole lotta booze upfront to get soused enough to eat it. There is a whole genre of jokes about the horrors of fruitcake, and the theory that there is actually only one fruitcake in the world that keeps getting passed around, being regifted from one recipient to another.

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"Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid." -Frederick Buechner

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