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Source: (consider it) Thread: I don't want to go to your wedding
Doc Tor
Deepest Red
# 9748

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Y'all weird.

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Forward the New Republic

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Karl: Liberal Backslider
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# 76

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It's probably because they fail to feed it with booze. A good fruitcake will put you over the limit after a slice.

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Might as well ask the bloody cat.

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Rossweisse

High Church Valkyrie
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Karl, that depends upon just how thick the slices are.

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RuthW

liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13

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quote:
Originally posted by Ariston:
No structural integrity to maintain! No overengineered cake batter!

This and other comments about what goes into holding up a multi-tiered cake make me think none of you has paid much attention when one was cut. Bakers poke dowels into the lower levels and place a cake board beneath each tier; they don't rely on the cake on lower levels to support the rest.
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Doc Tor
Deepest Red
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A good fruit cake should not only last the impending apocalypse, it should be able to provide shelter from the same to those hiding under its sultanaly eaves.

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Forward the New Republic

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ThunderBunk

Stone cold idiot
# 15579

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quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
A couple I knew saved the top tier of their cake for their First Anniversary. They lived in a small apartment with a tiny refrigerator and a freezer just big enough to hold the tier of cake. So for a year, they could never buy frozen groceries in advance of eating them, nor could they freeze leftovers. The First Anniversary came along -- the top tier had been made of Styrofoam.

Could have been angel food cake. There is no difference really, in terms of texture and flavour.

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Currently mostly furious, and occasionally foolish. Normal service may resume eventually. Or it may not. And remember children, "feiern ist wichtig".

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mark_in_manchester

not waving, but...
# 15978

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quote:
A good fruit cake should...last the impending apocalypse
Up the road here an elderly pair of brothers packed up the motorbike and bicycle shop their dad had started in the 30s, about 10 years ago (Just looked it up. 18 years ago. Hmmm). They found a fruitcake in a tin in the cellar. 'We think our Mum made it around the end of the war'.

I had a sniff. It smelt OK to me.

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"We are punished by our sins, not for them" - Elbert Hubbard
(so good, I wanted to see it after my posts and not only after those of shipmate JBohn from whom I stole it)

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Jane R
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# 331

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I think Captain Scott's fruitcake holds the current (currant?) record...
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cliffdweller
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quote:
Originally posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider:
It's probably because they fail to feed it with booze. A good fruitcake will put you over the limit after a slice.

A waste of good booze.

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"Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid." -Frederick Buechner

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Nick Tamen

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# 15164

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quote:
Originally posted by cliffdweller:
Americans Do. Not. Like. Fruitcake.

Speak for your west-coast self, cliffdweller. My mother's fruitcake—her grandmother's or great-grandmother's recipe—was awesome.

The problem is that most Americans have never had decent fruitcake. Much of what passes for fruitcake here is to fruitcake as Taco Bell is to Mexican cuisine.

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The first thing God says to Moses is, "Take off your shoes." We are on holy ground. Hard to believe, but the truest thing I know. — Anne Lamott

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Ariston
Insane Unicorn
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quote:
Originally posted by RuthW:
quote:
Originally posted by Ariston:
No structural integrity to maintain! No overengineered cake batter!

This and other comments about what goes into holding up a multi-tiered cake make me think none of you has paid much attention when one was cut. Bakers poke dowels into the lower levels and place a cake board beneath each tier; they don't rely on the cake on lower levels to support the rest.
I don't think the half-rate bakers were paying attention either.

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“Therefore, let it be explained that nowhere are the proprieties quite so strictly enforced as in men’s colleges that invite young women guests, especially over-night visitors in the fraternity houses.” Emily Post, 1937.

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Jack the Lass

Ship's airhead
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quote:
Originally posted by Jane R:
I think Captain Scott's fruitcake holds the current (currant?) record...

We finally finished off our wedding cake a couple of years ago, 8 years after the event. It was still lovely, although I think the tier we ate after 5 years was at its optimum booze/moisture ratio. We didn't freeze it, just wrapped tightly in foil and kept in an airtight container.

Fruitcake is the food of the gods. Along with Marmite, obviously.

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Karl: Liberal Backslider
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# 76

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quote:
Originally posted by Jack the Lass:
quote:
Originally posted by Jane R:
I think Captain Scott's fruitcake holds the current (currant?) record...

We finally finished off our wedding cake a couple of years ago, 8 years after the event. It was still lovely, although I think the tier we ate after 5 years was at its optimum booze/moisture ratio. We didn't freeze it, just wrapped tightly in foil and kept in an airtight container.

Fruitcake is the food of the gods. Along with Marmite, obviously.

Proof we live in a fallen world; you were absolutely and completely correct until the penultimate word where you revealed your fallen, corrupt and totally depraved soul.

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Might as well ask the bloody cat.

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lilBuddha
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# 14333

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quote:
Originally posted by Jack the Lass:

Fruitcake is the food of the gods. Along with Marmite, obviously.

Yeah, the gods

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So goodnight moon, I want the sun
If it's not here soon, I might be done
No it won't be too soon 'til I say goodnight moon

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cliffdweller
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I just feel so immensely sad for y'all since clearly you have never experienced the wonderment of truly good cake as God intends it to be if you think fruitcake is at all an acceptable substitute... [Waterworks]

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"Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid." -Frederick Buechner

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Golden Key
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Yes, I, too, loathe fruitcake. Partly because of the particular fruit, I think. Is it citron? That would explain it. I hate that in other baked goods, too. And, if it's an alcohol-marinated cake, I can't have it, because I don't drink.

Now, a nice carrot cake/bread, or date, or banana, or zucchini, or pumpkin...yum! And, of course, dark chocolate cake.
[Yipee]

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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")

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Leorning Cniht
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# 17564

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quote:
Originally posted by Golden Key:
Yes, I, too, loathe fruitcake. Partly because of the particular fruit, I think. Is it citron? That would explain it. I hate that in other baked goods, too. And, if it's an alcohol-marinated cake, I can't have it, because I don't drink.

You don't have to put citron in fruit cake if you don't want to. Often I don't - just various kinds of raisins, and candied orange and lemon peel. I'm not much of a fan of glacé cherries. But whilst you can make a fruit cake without the booze, it's a pale imitation of the real thing.
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L'organist
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You don't have to 'feed' a fruitcake with booze post cooking, you use it before so you get the benefits but the alcohol is evaporated off during baking.

For a Christmas cake I always soak the dried fruit (sultanas, raisins, currants, chopped dates) in a mixture of barley wine and rum for a week before making the cake. You end up with a moist cake but without any risk of being over the limit to drive. (Of course, one can do both: soak the fruit and feed the cake!)

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Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet

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Ariston
Insane Unicorn
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quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:
Yeah, the gods

Think I found me a new avatar.

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“Therefore, let it be explained that nowhere are the proprieties quite so strictly enforced as in men’s colleges that invite young women guests, especially over-night visitors in the fraternity houses.” Emily Post, 1937.

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Carex
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quote:
Originally posted by Golden Key:


Now, a nice carrot cake/bread, or date, or banana, or zucchini, or pumpkin...yum!

We had carrot cake for our wedding - a sheet cake, so no mechanical engineering involved. I don't remember if we kept a piece for later - I'm not sure there was any left.

But I am quite glad it wasn't fruitcake instead, as when my wife went to give me a bite she crammed the whole piece into my mouth. I ended up on the floor - a combination of laughing and gasping for breath - but finally managed to work through it enough to breathe. The same quantity of fruitcake could have been fatal.

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Doc Tor
Deepest Red
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Okay, so now I'm going to ask:

What the hell is this thing of the bride and groom feeding each other cake? Because it's not cute, it's grotesque. Stop it.

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Forward the New Republic

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RooK

1 of 6
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quote:
Originally posted by Doc Tor:
What the hell is this thing of the bride and groom feeding each other cake?

It's a metaphor for how awkwardly intertwined their lives are about to become, and how pathetically unaware they are about the intricacies of sharing life. It's insight into their 30.8% chance of failure.
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Pigwidgeon

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quote:
Originally posted by Doc Tor:
Okay, so now I'm going to ask:

What the hell is this thing of the bride and groom feeding each other cake? Because it's not cute, it's grotesque. Stop it.

Even worse is when they feel a need to smear the icing all over each other's faces. (After the bride probably spent an hour or so getting her make-up just right.)

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Don't keep calm. Go change the world.

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BroJames
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IMO that’s into “You need to get a room” territory.

[ 19. October 2017, 22:46: Message edited by: BroJames ]

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Doc Tor
Deepest Red
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Presumably, if the wedding planning has been at all effective, they already have a room.

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Forward the New Republic

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mark_in_manchester

not waving, but...
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quote:
It's a metaphor for how awkwardly intertwined their lives are about to become, and how pathetically unaware they are about the intricacies of sharing life. It's insight into their 30.8% chance of failure.
I like it.

And is that 30.8%, their chance of divorce? The remaining 69.2% are happy, successful marriages not at all held together by responsibility, inertia and tired, sad resignation?

I reckon their chance of lasting happiness (based on unscientific sampling of the up-to-fifteen men who I trust to talk frankly to me about such things) is less than 10%. Much less, unless they stop humiliating each other at meal times.

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"We are punished by our sins, not for them" - Elbert Hubbard
(so good, I wanted to see it after my posts and not only after those of shipmate JBohn from whom I stole it)

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balaam

Making an ass of myself
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quote:
Originally posted by Doc Tor:
Okay, so now I'm going to ask:

What the hell is this thing of the bride and groom feeding each other cake? Because it's not cute, it's grotesque. Stop it.

This is a transatlantic thing, right? I have only ever seen this in US films.

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Carex
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quote:
Originally posted by mark_in_manchester:
quote:
It's a metaphor for how awkwardly intertwined their lives are about to become, and how pathetically unaware they are about the intricacies of sharing life. It's insight into their 30.8% chance of failure.
I like it.

And is that 30.8%, their chance of divorce? The remaining 69.2% are happy, successful marriages not at all held together by responsibility, inertia and tired, sad resignation?

I reckon their chance of lasting happiness (based on unscientific sampling of the up-to-fifteen men who I trust to talk frankly to me about such things) is less than 10%. Much less, unless they stop humiliating each other at meal times.

I'd agree with your 10% number overall. My parents weren't too convinced, either. It's too early to say how it will work out, of course, but we're in the "happy, successful" stage and haven't reached "tired, sad resignation" yet. But it's only been 33 years...
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Golden Key
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quote:
Originally posted by balaam:
quote:
Originally posted by Doc Tor:
Okay, so now I'm going to ask:

What the hell is this thing of the bride and groom feeding each other cake? Because it's not cute, it's grotesque. Stop it.

This is a transatlantic thing, right? I have only ever seen this in US films.
I think maybe it's like each having a wine glass, wrapping their arms around each other, and each drinking from the other's glass.

Either that, or they're exhausted and nervous, and don't know what they're doing.

--------------------
Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")

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Boogie

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quote:
Originally posted by Doc Tor:
Okay, so now I'm going to ask:

What the hell is this thing of the bride and groom feeding each other cake? Because it's not cute, it's grotesque. Stop it.

Yuk

I’m glad to say I’ve never seen such a thing.

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Garden. Room. Walk

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Golden Key
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[Biased] "I'm glad to say I've never even *seen* a spade!"

--"The Importance Of Being Earnest"

--------------------
Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")

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Nick Tamen

Ship's Wayfaring Fool
# 15164

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quote:
Originally posted by cliffdweller:
I just feel so immensely sad for y'all since clearly you have never experienced the wonderment of truly good cake as God intends it to be if you think fruitcake is at all an acceptable substitute... [Waterworks]

Substitute? Nay, not a substitute. I simply embrace the wide diversity of all of God’s cakes.

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The first thing God says to Moses is, "Take off your shoes." We are on holy ground. Hard to believe, but the truest thing I know. — Anne Lamott

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Jane R
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Except those ghastly sickly cupcakes, more icing than cake and an abomination unto the Lord.
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cliffdweller
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quote:
Originally posted by Golden Key:
quote:
Originally posted by balaam:
quote:
Originally posted by Doc Tor:
Okay, so now I'm going to ask:

What the hell is this thing of the bride and groom feeding each other cake? Because it's not cute, it's grotesque. Stop it.

This is a transatlantic thing, right? I have only ever seen this in US films.
I think maybe it's like each having a wine glass, wrapping their arms around each other, and each drinking from the other's glass.

Either that, or they're exhausted and nervous, and don't know what they're doing.

The normal feeding is very much an American tradition, and yes, not unlike the drinking champagne with entwined arms (which is also sometimes featured in American wedding receptions, tho not as frequently as the cake-eating thing). Both my weddings involved the cake-feeding-- and since it was the good, non-fruitcake kind of cake, happily so. Don't think I've ever been to a wedding w/o it.

The smashing the cake in your new spouse's face is a newer innovation, doesn't really seem to have anything to do with being hammered, and it's definitely not erotic. It's just a sort of prank, but one that always seems mean-spirited. Sometimes they'll even tease like they're offering a bite, then wait til the last minute & spouse's face is close to do the smashing. I suppose some people like it, but I would have been really hurt had DH done this.

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"Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid." -Frederick Buechner

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Doc Tor
Deepest Red
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As I said.

Grotesque.

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Forward the New Republic

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L'organist
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Cake feeding??? WHY?

I could understand it if the bride (or groom) had the dominant hand in plaster (or similar) but otherwise it strikes me as infantile and weird.

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Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet

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Nick Tamen

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# 15164

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As cliffdweller said, it’s pretty ubiquitous at American weddings. I’ve always heard that it symbolizes a commitment to provide for one another. (That symbolism is, of course, obscured beyond recognition by shoving the cake in one another’s faces.)

I’ll confess—I found it to be a rather light-heartedly sweet and intimate moment.

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The first thing God says to Moses is, "Take off your shoes." We are on holy ground. Hard to believe, but the truest thing I know. — Anne Lamott

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Leorning Cniht
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# 17564

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quote:
Originally posted by Nick Tamen:
As cliffdweller said, it’s pretty ubiquitous at American weddings. I’ve always heard that it symbolizes a commitment to provide for one another.

Given that I find most American cake to be overly sweet and superficial, but lacking in substance, this is really quite a splendid metaphor. [Two face]
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Nick Tamen

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quote:
Originally posted by Leorning Cniht:
Given that I find most American cake to be overly sweet and superficial, but lacking in substance, this is really quite a splendid metaphor. [Two face]

Ha! Can’t really argue, especially if one is talking about the typical white cake wedding cake. That does seem that be slowly changing though.

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The first thing God says to Moses is, "Take off your shoes." We are on holy ground. Hard to believe, but the truest thing I know. — Anne Lamott

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Doc Tor
Deepest Red
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We have white wedding cakes. Except they are iced fruit cakes. And are lovely.

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Pigwidgeon

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quote:
Originally posted by Nick Tamen:
quote:
Originally posted by Leorning Cniht:
Given that I find most American cake to be overly sweet and superficial, but lacking in substance, this is really quite a splendid metaphor. [Two face]

Ha! Can’t really argue, especially if one is talking about the typical white cake wedding cake. That does seem that be slowly changing though.
I had a chocolate cake - over 40 years ago. I didn't think of myself as a trendsetter; I just don't like the over-sweet "vanilla" cakes at most weddings and rarely even eat them. Many years ago I had an English boss whose non-English bride made him an authentic English wedding cake -- delicious!

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Don't keep calm. Go change the world.

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Nick Tamen

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quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
I had a chocolate cake - over 40 years ago. I didn't think of myself as a trendsetter; I just don't like the over-sweet "vanilla" cakes at most weddings and rarely even eat them.

Ah, the memories. In these parts, the groom's cake, which is served at the rehearsal dinner, is traditionally chocolate cake with chocolate icing. That engendered quite the discussion when my parents and I were meeting with the chef to plan the menu for our rehearsal dinner, the gist of which boiled down to:

My mother: The groom's cake has to be chocolate. It’s always a chocolate cake.

Me: But I'm the groom and I don't like chocolate cake.*

We had chocolate cake.

Meanwhile, our wedding cake was more akin to a pound cake than a standard white cake.


* Yeah, I know, I’m weird. Definitely something I could post in the unpopular opinions thread.

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The first thing God says to Moses is, "Take off your shoes." We are on holy ground. Hard to believe, but the truest thing I know. — Anne Lamott

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Nick Tamen

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quote:
Originally posted by Doc Tor:
We have white wedding cakes. Except they are iced fruit cakes. And are lovely.

I'm sure they are, as I like fruit cake.

But I don’t mean a white wedding cake; I mean what on this side of the pond is called “white cake”—a cake made with no egg yolks and with cake flour instead of all-purpose flour. Like this.

[ 21. October 2017, 18:49: Message edited by: Nick Tamen ]

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The first thing God says to Moses is, "Take off your shoes." We are on holy ground. Hard to believe, but the truest thing I know. — Anne Lamott

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cliffdweller
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Each layer of our cake was a different flavor-- delightful! Something for everyone. Yet not a bit of candied fruit in sight, thank the Lord.

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"Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid." -Frederick Buechner

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Doc Tor
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quote:
Originally posted by Nick Tamen:
quote:
Originally posted by Doc Tor:
We have white wedding cakes. Except they are iced fruit cakes. And are lovely.

I'm sure they are, as I like fruit cake.

But I don’t mean a white wedding cake; I mean what on this side of the pond is called “white cake”—a cake made with no egg yolks and with cake flour instead of all-purpose flour. Like this.

Oh dear Lord can you do nothing right?

That pallid over-sweetened abomination deserves only scorn. Now this is a cake of tradition, substance and indeed, actual flavour. And none of this arsing around with egg whites. Slap the ingredients in the bowl, spin them up, decant into a couple of well-greased tins and we're 25 minutes away from Heaven.

White cake indeed. Ghost cake, more like.

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Forward the New Republic

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Nick Tamen

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quote:
Originally posted by Doc Tor:
Oh dear Lord can you do nothing right?

That pallid over-sweetened abomination deserves only scorn.

Only from witlings or the ignorant. A good white cake—which, sadly, all too often is not what one encounters at weddings—is divine: light, moist, not particularly sweet, and a perfect vehicle for a good icing and/or filling.

I enjoy eating, and baking, a wide variety of kinds of cakes—most of which can be made well or not so well. But I guess if you think only one kind of cake fits all needs and occasions, or if you can only get one kind of cake right, then Delia Smith’s yellow cake recipe is as serviceable as any and better than many.

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The first thing God says to Moses is, "Take off your shoes." We are on holy ground. Hard to believe, but the truest thing I know. — Anne Lamott

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Doc Tor
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It is not 'yellow' cake. It is the colour of honest-to-god eggs. It is golden, in the way a goddess is. Not like that daywalker pseudofoodstuff you appear to be championing.

As my national food judge mother would say: "Not according to schedule."

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Forward the New Republic

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Nick Tamen

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quote:
Originally posted by Doc Tor:
It is not 'yellow' cake. It is the colour of honest-to-god eggs. It is golden, in the way a goddess is. Not like that daywalker pseudofoodstuff you appear to be championing.

As my national food judge mother would say: "Not according to schedule."

Is that “shedule”? [Biased]

We call it yellow cake, because that’s what it is, including in the picture in the recipe to which you linked. (At least “yellow” is just as accurate for that color as “golden.”). Any huffing and puffing to the contrary isn’t likely to change that or get us to start calling it golden cake.

Most people here also do not call it “sponge.” A sponge is what you clean dishes or the bathroom with. Not an appetizing connection.

As for what I’m “championing,” I’m merely asserting that yellow cake—the most common type of cake here, and feel free to call it golden sponge if doing so prevents an aneurysm—is really good, that white cake can also be really good and is particularly appropriate for some occasions, the fruit cake can also be really good and is particularly appropriate for some occasions, etc., etc., etc. for many other kinds of cake. Not sure why that’s such a startling assertion.

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The first thing God says to Moses is, "Take off your shoes." We are on holy ground. Hard to believe, but the truest thing I know. — Anne Lamott

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Doc Tor
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A good sponge should have its own flavour. It is a thing in its own right.

Your 'white cake' is a vehicle in the same way a rice cake is: a pointless carrier of more interesting comestibles. You may as well ice polystyrene blocks for all that it matters.

Also, 'sweet' is not a flavour.

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Forward the New Republic

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lilBuddha
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quote:
Originally posted by Doc Tor:

Also, 'sweet' is not a flavour.

Sweet is a characteristic and fits the way most appear to be using it.
And eggs are not honest to any god. They are a compromise between good and evil. Good in what they do for baking, evil when eaten for themselves.
There is a reason they smell of sulpher.

[ 21. October 2017, 22:26: Message edited by: lilBuddha ]

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So goodnight moon, I want the sun
If it's not here soon, I might be done
No it won't be too soon 'til I say goodnight moon

- A. N. Parsley, D. Mcvinni

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