Phone friend.

Suggest pleasant evening at friend's house of gin-drinking.

Bribe friend with gin for use of spare room or sofa.

Problem solved and gin buzz attained.

HT

I know what this will do to my standing in the eyes of the MW people, but I cannot tell a lie. I despise gin. Absolutely, positively loathe the stuff. I'd much rather drink kerosene than gin (though I imagine the taste is about the same).

Now. Give me a bottle of vodka, champagne or good cabernet sauvignon and I'm a happy camper.

quote:

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Originally posted by Erin:
I despise gin.

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I could say that that explains a lot. But I will just shake my head. This is hellish indeed.

Champagne will do, but you have to bring twice as much to bribe your friend AND achieve buzz.

How about bourbon. Erin seems like a bourbon sort of girl to me.

One of mine went walkabouts for a week and we were sure he'd had it. He came home, and now I am on a crusade to make sure they both stay inside - for good.

Problem is, how does one persuade outside cats that inside is the best place to be?

She makes these little "brrooo, brroo" I'mplayingwithanundeadmouse sounds that just about raise my wife into the attic.

So after the mandatory "bwaaaaahhh" shriek and throwing all the covers off and waking me abruptly and unpleasantly and the cat looking offended, I was deputized to find the mouse.

I did. It was dead by then (the shriek probably did it in, and I imagine being dead was something of a relief), so I pitched it out the upstairs window into the neighbor's yard.

All the while, the dog continued to snore in the hall in the spot it stays in so much that it's rubbed a brown spot on the wallpaper.

Molly (who is kept in at night - I'm not a fan of deceased wildlife 1st thing) was fidgety. Beloved being from home, I indulged her by letting her into the bedroom to curl up on the end of the bed. Slowly my feet began to get very warm and damp... If Erin thinks her carpet stinks, try tapestry bedspread saturated in cat piss.

UNTIL WE GOT THESE TWO!!

I don't know what it is but we can't let either of them anywhere near a bedroom without one of them soiling the duvet, shut one of them alone in the sitting room for two minutes and the sofa or chairs will be pissed on and to cap it all one of the little buggers pissed up the curtains last night whilst my daughter was in the room.

I recently discovered pink gin.

My house has rising damp.

And now.

It's important to neuter toms before they start to spray... otherwise they get into the habit. Cats are on the whole fastidiously clean creatures and get very distressed by having to wee in prohibited areas. Occasional recidivism can be cured by a sharp yell, a smack across the head, and a nose rub in the offending evacuation.

What is that smell?

These.

What are those?

Moth balls.

How big was the moth?

Side note: it took ten years before I could eat there again.

quote:

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That would be because I spent my high school years slogging away in a Subway, where I had to clean the men's bathroom on an hourly basis. What the hell do you guys do in there anyway?

Side note: it took ten years before I could eat there again.

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We urinate.

Surely this is obvious?

quote:

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Originally posted by Erin:
...I had to clean the men's bathroom on an hourly basis. What the hell do you guys do in there anyway?

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quote:

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Originally posted by Erin:
...I had to clean the men's bathroom on an hourly basis. What the hell do you guys do in there anyway?

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Unfortunately, I can empathize all too well. I was literally willing to be fired rather than clean the men's rooms at Jones Beach (fortunately, I was put on a cushier--by near-minimum-wage summer job standards--assignment before it came to that).

quote:

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Originally posted by nicolemrw:
... what DO you guys do to cause it????

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I cannot believe I am engaging in this conversation. This truly must be hell. How to put this delicately:

Might I suggest that, because males usually do not come in contact with the surface of the hygenic fixtures when engaged in emptying their bladders, that they are probably less concerned with the cleanliness of those fixtures?

You all think cats are yucky???

Female cats also spray, though it's rare. I had one who went out every day to mark the car tires, just like a male would. Thank heavens she never did it in the house.
As far as the males, the problem is that once one of them starts marking territory, it reminds the others, and even the neutered ones might revert.

When cats pee and shit on the furniture and beds, it means there is some sort of major problem. Unfortunately, not-quite-dead-small-animals-on-the-bed is a sign that they consider you part of the cat household and are willing to share the fun (and perhaps train you how to play properly, you slow-witted slob).

Why are the public facilities for women always inadequate for the number of women attempting to use them? This is especially unfair because we don't have that thingie to squeeze while waiting in an interminable line.

Do only men piss in swimming pools? (posted sign: "We don't swim in your toilet. Don't piss in our pool."}

We women do of necessity (see above)sometimes frequent facilities designed for men. (Another sign I saw, this time over the urinals: "Please don't eat the Lifesavers")

Aahh. I'm looking at my youngest cat at the moment, flopped on its back asleep in the road-kill position. (The moment I saw it back up to a wall and start flurrying its tail, I made an appointment with the vet and since then it has been immaculately clean)

My male cat, who thinks he's a dog and likes to have his way with anything made of wool, was neutered at the tender age of four months and has never sprayed anything. My two females, on the other hand, who were spayed very early on as well, have evidently decided that by God some cat in this place needed to spray and if the worthless male isn't going to do it well then they'll just have to pick up the slack. One of them even tried to get me, once. And only once. I knocked her right off the bed and into the wall. I didn't see her for days after that.

Carmel, they would be out, except for the fact that I got each of these cats as a little tiny orphan. I had to nurse Simba (the male) from a bottle and teach him how to use the litter box. (And he's the only one I don't have trouble with. Interesting.)

You know this thread has made me realize just how much I HATE CATS.

[edited to make sense]

We've got six cats. Last week Jeff and I were sitting in the living room and heard a thunderous crash from the kitchen. Without raising his head from his book, Jeff said mildly, "No more cats." So I think six is our limit.

No spraying behavior here, although each and every adorable one has its own personality disorder. And we keep them primarily because they allow us the privilege of sleeping in the bed with them.

One once laid a notquitedeadmouse on my pillow one night. I woke up and its notquitedeadmousetail was twitching. Jeff scraped me off the ceiling and we disposed of it, which irritated the gift-giver no end.

Your problem (other than the lethal chemical molecules circulating in your apartment right now) is that you need three more cats to complete your set. Ultraspike and I have realized that a set of six achieves some sort of Universal Cat Harmonics.

I'm sure there's someone on board who could contribute to your collection.

~Beth

Fleas.
Worms.
Parasites.
Hairs.
Smell.
Spraying.
Destruction of furniture.
Inability to use a tin opener.
Unpleasant little "gifts".
Anti-social behaviour towards guests (cats seem to love to leap up on you, claws out, while you are holding a cup of tea, and dogs like to shove their noses in your crotch).

And unlike children, you can't put your cat into nappies, and it doesn't grow out of it, and it won't eventually listen to reason.

I understand that they are de-odorisers, but where do they 'hang'? Are they attrached to the urinal? Do they afford target practise? Are they plopped into the water?

Now I like Barney Cat (so named because we had Fred), aka Barnabas Beastly, more than anyone else in the Goth household (likes him). He is too soft (and fat?) to kill anything big (squirels - ha!). He did kill a small bird once, but didn't bring it inside. He is very clean, and the only unpleasant fluid he has got on me recently is blood, due to my son pulling the fur (and skin) off the end of his tail. Poor beast - he has it hard some days from my three-year old!

[fixed your "because" Alaric, in spite of your insults]

Quote: "Fleas.
Worms.
Parasites.
Hairs.
Smell.
Spraying.
Destruction of furniture.
Inability to use a tin opener.
Unpleasant little "gifts".
Anti-social behaviour towards guests . . "

Good grief! You've described most of my boyfirends!

Clearly you have lived a sheltered life. The "cakes" are right down there with the water and other stuff (urine, gum, cigarette buts, pencils, algae, fungi, flotsam and jetsam).

I'm no expert, but the "cakes" I have seen look like a 4" Lifesaver {you do have Lifesaver candy in the U.K. I assume). Thus they don't flush down the drain. In fact the flush probably overflows due to all the debris mentioned above, and I think most men don't flush anyway.