|
Source: (consider it)
|
Thread: Difficult relatives
|
Curiosity killed ...
Ship's Mug
# 11770
|
Posted
You may find that the relationship with your stepfather undermined her too.
If your stepfather was abusive to you, he was probably abusive to her, while looking super-caring. The appearance is that he is loving, but in reality he was making her dependent on him by removing her self-esteem. Which would explain why she felt she couldn't protest after a while, because he'd managed to make her feel her opinion didn't matter or that she was wrong by that point.
The other thought is that diabetes is often linked to mood swings along with sugar spikes.
--------------------
Mugs - Keep the Ship afloat
Posts: 13794 | From: outiside the outer ring road | Registered: Aug 2006
| IP: Logged
|
|
L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338
|
Posted
Over in AS I've written about problems one of my aunt's is having with her only son, but recent developments make me think the best place to let off steam would be here.
Oh God!
Had a tearful aunt on the 'phone before 8 this morning: her charmless swine of a son - in other words my cousin - has had solicitors write to her - demanding that she give him a written and witnessed undertaking to move to the town where he lives
- written proof from an estate agent that she has put her house on the market again
- giving a deadline of 28 days from the date of the letter (Friday) for her to give him a moving date
- demanding a list of items that formerly belonged to his father that he says are of "sentimental value"
- demanding a full inventory of those items she intends to dispose of, including an approximation of their value
- a written guarantee by way of a letter from her solicitor that other "family items" be itemised and left to him in her Will
- stating that if she doesn't do these things he will sever all contact
I smell a rat: I doubt whether any independent solicitor who write such a letter - either they're a crony of my toad of a cousin or have been spun a line about her mental state, or both.
I've told my cousins A & B what the little sh*t has done and cousin A, who lives closest, is going over to be with the aunt while I and cousin B put our heads together to sort it out.
Meanwhile, since cousins A & B now have Power of Attorney for my aunt’s affairs they're going to draft a reply.
--------------------
Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet
Posts: 4950 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012
| IP: Logged
|
|
North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
|
Posted
Speaking as a former solicitor, I can't imagine writing such a letter.
The fourth item is conceivable, if he had been left items by his late father, and if he was afraid these might be given away, but the rest?
Is the letter on proper headed paper? Have you googled the firm of solicitors?
If this letter was written by a firm of solicitors, they must believe your aunt to be of sound mind and to have the capacity to give undertakings. So he can't have spun them a story about her mental state.
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
| IP: Logged
|
|
L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338
|
Posted
NEW: I don't know if they're genuine, I expect the cousins will follow it up. The fact that the 'undertakings' have to be sent to my cousin, not the solicitors, makes me suspicious.
--------------------
Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet
Posts: 4950 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012
| IP: Logged
|
|
North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
|
Posted
I am only qualified in Scotland, but I assume that there will be no practical difference between Scots and English law here.
Is there any form of existing written agreement between your aunt and her son? I could envisage a solicitor writing point two, if there was an previous contract. I.e. If point two was effectively a request to fulfil the terms of a contract.
Where does your cousin expect his mother to move to? It would be impossible to confirm a moving date if she was relying on the proceeds of the sale of her house to buy somewhere else. No solicitor would ask for a written undertaking of the impossible.
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
| IP: Logged
|
|
Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
|
Posted
I suggest having a big family party in her house on Saturday 17th October to celebrate her being free of the little shit!
--------------------
I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details
What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
|
Posted
Certainly a rat, and a big one, too. I'm afraid that the sooner your aunt ends contact with this swine the better it will be for her. God only know what he will come up with next.
--------------------
Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
| IP: Logged
|
|
North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
|
Posted
quote:
Speaking as a former solicitor, I can't imagine writing such a letter.
Actually, I can envisage one scenario - if the son had spent money on building an e.g. granny flat, having agreed that his costs would be recouped from the sale of the mother's house, and was then left in financial difficulties if she didn't move. I suppose it's possible he's invented a scenario and the lawyers have written based on that.
(Trying to give my fellow solicitors the benefit of the doubt!)
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
| IP: Logged
|
|
Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by L'organist:
NEW: I don't know if they're genuine, I expect the cousins will follow it up. The fact that the 'undertakings' have to be sent to my cousin, not the solicitors, makes me suspicious.
If you feel that emotional blackmail may pressure your aunt's decisionmaking, you could also consider raising with social services the possibility your aunt is at risk of being subjected to financial abuse. It is a safeguarding issue they should take seriously - but you probably need your aunt's agreement for any progress to be made. (But it may cause her son to back off if he knows his actions are being reviewed by the state.)
--------------------
All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
Doc Tor
Deepest Red
# 9748
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by L'organist:
NEW: I don't know if they're genuine, I expect the cousins will follow it up. The fact that the 'undertakings' have to be sent to my cousin, not the solicitors, makes me suspicious.
Harassment
--------------------
Forward the New Republic
Posts: 9131 | From: Ultima Thule | Registered: Jul 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
|
Posted
Is there a chance he has copies of the keys to the property?
(I have a friend who has a cousin who feels that his mother's home, intended by his father and her to come to him, should provide her and her family with money. We have started to plan. Lock changing. Someone on watch during the funeral.)
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
| IP: Logged
|
|
mertide
Shipmate
# 4500
|
Posted
Is this a situation where your cousins who have power of attorney could write to the senior partner of the law firm with a copy of the letter suggesting that someone may have been using their letterhead without authorisation? If a junior in the firm has sent this nonsense there may be repercussions. My personal suggestion would be to immediately sever relations formally, not wait till October, but your aunt obviously doesn't want that.
Posts: 382 | From: Brisbane | Registered: May 2003
| IP: Logged
|
|
Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
|
Posted
Having read your account in AS of your and your relations meeting with him, it might be helpful to have corroboration of his behaviour at the venue from the staff, if you can get it. It doesn't sound exactly sane. And it gets you out of accusations of ganging up on him, the rightful heir.
[ 22. September 2015, 19:54: Message edited by: Penny S ]
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
| IP: Logged
|
|
Leorning Cniht
Shipmate
# 17564
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by L'organist:
Meanwhile, since cousins A & B now have Power of Attorney for my aunt’s affairs they're going to draft a reply.
Will it consist of a suitable arrangement of the words "yourself", "fuck" and "go"?
Posts: 5026 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2013
| IP: Logged
|
|
Belle Ringer
Shipmate
# 13379
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by L'organist:
[*]stating that if she doesn't do these things he will sever all contact
That sounds desirable.
I guess no mother will agree.
A child can be the greatest joy, or deepest pain. Unfortunately, she got the pain child.
Posts: 5830 | From: Texas | Registered: Jan 2008
| IP: Logged
|
|
L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338
|
Posted
Update.
1. We've discovered that the house he claimed to have bought for her to move into is, in fact, a rental property.
2. She's been contacted by a retirement home in the town where he lives asking her to confirm that she still "requires the room".
3. The iron has now entered the aunt's soul and she's now decided to have a meeting with him herself, but she's going to take along her solicitor. At the moment her intention is to sever all contact.
Meanwhile, she's not entirely sure he doesn't still have keys to the house from when he still lived at home so a locksmith is there even as I type this, changing (and upgrading) the locks. We're also investigating getting a gizmo that will operate the gate on her drive so she can close it easily. And Cousin B's child moves in today so she'll have company.
Tah dah!
--------------------
Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet
Posts: 4950 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012
| IP: Logged
|
|
The Phantom Flan Flinger
Shipmate
# 8891
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Leorning Cniht:
quote:
Originally posted by L'organist:
Meanwhile, since cousins A & B now have Power of Attorney for my aunt’s affairs they're going to draft a reply.
Will it consist of a suitable arrangement of the words "yourself", "fuck" and "go"?
Simply refer them to Arkell vs Pressdram.
--------------------
http://www.faith-hope-and-confusion.com/
Posts: 1020 | From: Leicester, England | Registered: Dec 2004
| IP: Logged
|
|
Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by L'organist:
Update.
1. We've discovered that the house he claimed to have bought for her to move into is, in fact, a rental property.
2. She's been contacted by a retirement home in the town where he lives asking her to confirm that she still "requires the room".
3. The iron has now entered the aunt's soul and she's now decided to have a meeting with him herself, but she's going to take along her solicitor. At the moment her intention is to sever all contact.
Meanwhile, she's not entirely sure he doesn't still have keys to the house from when he still lived at home so a locksmith is there even as I type this, changing (and upgrading) the locks. We're also investigating getting a gizmo that will operate the gate on her drive so she can close it easily. And Cousin B's child moves in today so she'll have company.
Tah dah!
Well done ! That level of deceit is scary.
--------------------
All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338
|
Posted
posted by Doublethink. quote:
That level of deceit is scary.
Absolutely. The rest of us cousins always knew he was selfish but we put it down to his being an only child - the only one in the wider family. But even we've been shocked at the degree of callousness he's displaying now.
Oddly enough his mother, while initially tearful and blaming herself for his nastiness, now sees that, even though he was rather spoiled as a child, there is no excuse for such behaviour now he's in his 50s (she's also opened up a bit and said he is very like his father, make of that what you will!).
And just in case anyone is wondering if perhaps the rest of us don't have a true picture of what the aunt is like, Cousin B and her husband lived with her for nearly 3 years rather than going into married quarters (he was in the navy) and so they've a fair warts-and-all idea of what she's like on a day-to-day basis: their verdict is that she's fine, its the cousin.
--------------------
Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet
Posts: 4950 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012
| IP: Logged
|
|
Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
|
Posted
I wonder if it is still worth talking to social services / police - that sounds like an attempt at a fairly major fraud.
[ 23. September 2015, 09:30: Message edited by: Doublethink. ]
--------------------
All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
The Phantom Flan Flinger
Shipmate
# 8891
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Doublethink.:
quote:
Originally posted by L'organist:
Update.
1. We've discovered that the house he claimed to have bought for her to move into is, in fact, a rental property.
2. She's been contacted by a retirement home in the town where he lives asking her to confirm that she still "requires the room".
3. The iron has now entered the aunt's soul and she's now decided to have a meeting with him herself, but she's going to take along her solicitor. At the moment her intention is to sever all contact.
Meanwhile, she's not entirely sure he doesn't still have keys to the house from when he still lived at home so a locksmith is there even as I type this, changing (and upgrading) the locks. We're also investigating getting a gizmo that will operate the gate on her drive so she can close it easily. And Cousin B's child moves in today so she'll have company.
Tah dah!
Well done ! That level of deceit is scary.
How is at least some of it not illegal?
--------------------
http://www.faith-hope-and-confusion.com/
Posts: 1020 | From: Leicester, England | Registered: Dec 2004
| IP: Logged
|
|
Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
|
Posted
This is beginning to sound horribly like the plot for one of those retro detective novels the British Library has been releasing recently. Or some real life incidents I read about in the press.
Not just a fixing on the gate, but CCTV, and a possible injunction.
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
| IP: Logged
|
|
Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
|
Posted
Second thought - circulate all the local estate agents (and the online people) and make sure that they know that the house is not on the market, and will not be on the market in the foreseeable future, and that no-one is entitled to put the house on the market except your aunt.
Notify the Land Registry of the same information. I've heard of people tranferring ownership without the real owner knowing.
Am I getting too paranoid?
[ 23. September 2015, 10:30: Message edited by: Penny S ]
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
| IP: Logged
|
|
Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
|
Posted
Land registry notification is a good idea.
--------------------
All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338
|
Posted
Thanks for the tip about the Land Registry - I've passed it onto the Cousins with PoA.
--------------------
Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet
Posts: 4950 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012
| IP: Logged
|
|
Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
|
Posted
Further thoughts. My friend, concerned about the cousin who wants what will be his home, and only source of a pension, has said that he is worried that she knows something that he doesn't know, as she is so downright about her claim.
The son comes from a milieu in which he will know people, network, and so on - assuming he still has his job, and isn't doing that leave in the morning, saunter about the city and then commute home thing. (If he could blow up as described, in public, working in the sort of job he has been in might have become a problem to his firm.) If is is still there, he could be getting advice from people who think they know the situation (not knowing his mother).
I'm passing the Land REgistry thought to my friend, as well!
[ 23. September 2015, 13:43: Message edited by: Penny S ]
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
| IP: Logged
|
|
Ariston
Insane Unicorn
# 10894
|
Posted
Faint unicorn horn glow
Let it be remembered by all that following legal advice you read on Internet fora is generally a slightly dodgy idea. Some of us here may be/have been/will be lawyers, but as the Ship sticks to international waters, you might want to find someone accredited to the Bar of your own particular place.
Assuming they have Bar Associations there, of course. See what I mean? Even the terms I use to describe "someone who can legally practice law somewhere" might not work universally. Keep that in mind.
May you also be reminded that, no matter how united against legally dodgy jerk rellies people may be, THIS IS STILL HELL. If you want to form a support network, the All Saints hosts are softies and might actually tolerate that.
I don't.
I won't.
Go Away.
—A, HH
--------------------
“Therefore, let it be explained that nowhere are the proprieties quite so strictly enforced as in men’s colleges that invite young women guests, especially over-night visitors in the fraternity houses.” Emily Post, 1937.
Posts: 6849 | From: The People's Republic of Balcones | Registered: Jan 2006
| IP: Logged
|
|
Belle Ringer
Shipmate
# 13379
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by The Phantom Flan Flinger:
quote:
That level of deceit is scary.
How is at least some of it not illegal? [/QB]
As to illegal, I'm no expert but the retirement home aspect surprised me. Did he sign her up falsely claiming to be her guardian?
(Reminder to self - get a friend legally appointed guardian to be so no skunk can go to court and get self named guardian and take control of my life. I don't know today's law but just a few years ago an older person could be put under a stranger's guardianship without prior notice, without representation, without being present at court! Some courts apparently assume old = incompetent if anyone gets a shrink to sign agreement even of the shrink never met the old person.)
As to level of deceit - seen worse. Kids willing and eager to take everything from the parent and then angry at the patent for not having more to give. Patents transferring the house deed to the kid in exchange for promise to care for the parents, six months the kid sells the house and keeps the money and the parents are homeless. Seen it multiple times.
I've read articles about coming home to discover the house was sold in such a way that the real owner can't get it back. I don't understand the mechanics, something about sending notice in a way that the owner never sees the notice but legally it was sent and that's what counts.
I have an acquaintance furious at his mom for refusing to sell her house and give him the money. He'll inherit it but he wants it now. Not wanting to wait for an inheritance is not unusual, some just fret, others take steps to make it happen.
This son is, alas, not unique.
Sometimes I wonder why God puts up with us humans!
Posts: 5830 | From: Texas | Registered: Jan 2008
| IP: Logged
|
|
The Phantom Flan Flinger
Shipmate
# 8891
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Ariston:
Faint unicorn horn glow
you might want to find someone accredited to the Bar of your own particular place.
Assuming they have Bar Associations there, of course.
—A, HH
Or, if all else fails, just go to the nearest bar.
--------------------
http://www.faith-hope-and-confusion.com/
Posts: 1020 | From: Leicester, England | Registered: Dec 2004
| IP: Logged
|
|
L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338
|
Posted
A development in the saga of my aunt G and her domineering only son, my cousin R.
R arrived at his mother's house yesterday morning while she was at church only to discover that the keys she thought he might still have no longer worked because she had the locks changed (a neighbour reported he was so infuriated he actually jumped up and down with rage!). At this point my aunt arrived home from church, driven by cousin A who lives in the same area - and cousin B's child, who is living with the aunt while at university, finally surfaced and answered the door.
So, in they all trooped, cousin R swearing a blue streak and making threats (told B's child he'd "break her f***ing neck" if she wasn't careful) - which was probably why they didn't notice when a policeman (summoned by the concerned neighbour) walked into the room. Now most sensible people would have calmed down then, however enraged, but not R! He accused my cousin A of defrauding my aunt, told the PC that his mother had dementia, accused B's child of being a squatter and finally told the PC to p*ss off, he was in charge and it was a family dispute.
At that point the PC cautioned R that if he abused him again he would invite him down to the station. R demanded to speak to the PC in private, which he did for 20 minutes or so, after which the PC emerged and asked to speak to the aunt alone, and then cousin A and the student lodger. So the student lodger invited the PC into the kitchen where they chatted and had a cup of coffee while A went and sat in the garden and called cousin B and updated them.
When A finaly got to speak to the policeman she was able to produce copies of the Power of Attorney document, letter from GP and a specialist confiming that aunt's mental faculties are fine, etc, etc, etc - and discovered that aunt had been savvy enough to issue student with a rent book and a formal agreement.
It finished (so they thought) with the good PC going on his way satisfied that nothing was amiss - no fraud and no burglary - leaving aunt, cousin A and lodging student having a sherry in the drawing room while R (who'd refused sherry) said he was going to his old room to remove a few of his own thingsh he tried to manoeuvre his mother away from the others but she would have none of it and told him he could say whatever he wanted in front of them. R also demanded a set of keys but the aunt didn't rise to that one so he left empty handed apart from the stuff he took from his old room.
Meanwhile, cousins A and B have arranged for a survey to be made to identify what, if any work needs to be done on the house since the aunt has decided she's not downsizing at the moment.
--------------------
Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet
Posts: 4950 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012
| IP: Logged
|
|
Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061
|
Posted
Lovely. It would have made a great finale for a miniseries, you know.
--------------------
Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page
Posts: 6378 | From: Washington DC | Registered: Mar 2014
| IP: Logged
|
|
Tubbs
Miss Congeniality
# 440
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Brenda Clough:
Lovely. It would have made a great finale for a miniseries, you know.
I suspect he'll be back
Tubbs
--------------------
"It's better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than open it up and remove all doubt" - Dennis Thatcher. My blog. Decide for yourself which I am
Posts: 12701 | From: Someplace strange | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
|
Posted
Inventory required, I suspect. And photographs of stuff.
Good for the neighbours.
Would the police now support harassment action? And have the situation flagged as possible indication of future domestic violence/elder abuse. With R notified of such.
[ 05. October 2015, 17:24: Message edited by: Penny S ]
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
| IP: Logged
|
|
Huia
Shipmate
# 3473
|
Posted
I love the thought of R jumping up and down in rage, like a small child.
I do think he will be back and wonder what legal sounding nasties he could think up in the meantime.
Huia
--------------------
Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.
Posts: 10382 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Pigwidgeon
Ship's Owl
# 10192
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Huia:
I love the thought of R jumping up and down in rage, like a small child.
There are times one really, really wishes there were security cameras.
--------------------
"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf
Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
cliffdweller
Shipmate
# 13338
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
quote:
Originally posted by Huia:
I love the thought of R jumping up and down in rage, like a small child.
There are times one really, really wishes there were security cameras.
Indeed, with a relative making such threatening noises, it might still be a good idea to install a few...
--------------------
"Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid." -Frederick Buechner
Posts: 11242 | From: a small canyon overlooking the city | Registered: Jan 2008
| IP: Logged
|
|
Tubbs
Miss Congeniality
# 440
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Penny S:
Further thoughts. My friend, concerned about the cousin who wants what will be his home, and only source of a pension, has said that he is worried that she knows something that he doesn't know, as she is so downright about her claim.
The son comes from a milieu in which he will know people, network, and so on - assuming he still has his job, and isn't doing that leave in the morning, saunter about the city and then commute home thing. (If he could blow up as described, in public, working in the sort of job he has been in might have become a problem to his firm.) If is is still there, he could be getting advice from people who think they know the situation (not knowing his mother).
I'm passing the Land REgistry thought to my friend, as well!
The cousin may want it to be true, so it has become so. It’s easy to be downright about a claim to something you believe that you’re entitled to. Even when that belief has no basis in fact.
The only way that your friend will know is to ask to see the actual will. If they’re that worried, it might be worth doing that just to set their mind at rest. (Or not if the cousin is right).
I'd imagine that if you're sufficently determinded, lawyer's headed paper is easy to photoshop ...
Tubbs
--------------------
"It's better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than open it up and remove all doubt" - Dennis Thatcher. My blog. Decide for yourself which I am
Posts: 12701 | From: Someplace strange | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
|
Posted
Things do keep popping up rather late in the day. It might be an idea to get the neighbour to wrote down what they saw and why they called the police to keep on file.
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
| IP: Logged
|
|
mark_in_manchester
not waving, but...
# 15978
|
Posted
OK; perhaps this monster thread deserved to die - perhaps there's life in the beast yet.
What to buy for Christmas for the difficult relative in your life; the one you really ought to consign to the ranks of the used-to-know, or dead, but with whom you feel some hard-to-explain connection. The one who already acts as if they loathe you, and for whom the non-arrival of a Christmas present will only serve as a confirmation of that low opinion. Any thoughts, humorous or otherwise?
--------------------
"We are punished by our sins, not for them" - Elbert Hubbard
(so good, I wanted to see it after my posts and not only after those of shipmate JBohn from whom I stole it)
Posts: 1596 | Registered: Oct 2010
| IP: Logged
|
|
Doc Tor
Deepest Red
# 9748
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by mark_in_manchester:
Any thoughts, humorous or otherwise?
Well, to mention a topical thread, how about a gilded dog turd?
--------------------
Forward the New Republic
Posts: 9131 | From: Ultima Thule | Registered: Jul 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
|
Posted
I'd buy them this.
--------------------
All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
Pigwidgeon
Ship's Owl
# 10192
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Doublethink.:
I'd buy them this.
I love that idea! If only I'd known about that when I had a mother-in-law...
--------------------
"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf
Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
Amanda B. Reckondwythe
Dressed for Church
# 5521
|
Posted
I knew someone who, in her will, bequeathed her bedpan to a difficult relative.
--------------------
"I take prayer too seriously to use it as an excuse for avoiding work and responsibility." -- The Revd Martin Luther King Jr.
Posts: 10542 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004
| IP: Logged
|
|
Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
|
Posted
Brilliant re toilet and bedpan! ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
Subversive Cross-stitch.
--------------------
Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
la vie en rouge
Parisienne
# 10688
|
Posted
The toilet is inspired, but on the whole I like the idea of “knowing how generous you are, I made a donation to charity on your behalf”. Assuming they’re quite a selfish individual, they’ll presumably be rather pissed off about this, but they can’t tell you so without proving their selfishness, and will have to pretend to be grateful. Also you get to donate your money to a worthy cause instead of spending it on your difficult relative.
--------------------
Rent my holiday home in the South of France
Posts: 3696 | Registered: Nov 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
Beenster
Shipmate
# 242
|
Posted
I'm struggling with this present buying malarky myself.
I love the idea of buying someone a goat that is located in an African country and "look this is what I gave you this Christmas, the gift that you made someone able to eat for a year" or something.
But I can't reconcile myself for that. The thing is, I'm weak. I buy presents because I haven't got the balls to say to my mother that I'm not doing presents. Well, I have done so on a few occasions and she's manipulated me round.
Or, I could get another session for myself in therapy. It would be the gift for them of knowing that I was on the road to recovery from the years of torment and bullying. I'm sure they would be delighted that I was taking steps towards forgiving their unrepetentant spirits.
I know I will give them a stupid voucher. My sister will probably leave my present with mother and my mother will get angry with me for not collecting it immediately after Christmas and then say how disappointed my sister will be for not collecting it.
I hate myself so much over this charade. I think tho, I would hate myself more if I was passive aggressive - and give their gift to charity as I know, in my case, it would be an act of passive agression. And my siblings are smart as to how they would manage the process. Giving presents is an act of hypocrisy. Not giving a present is ammunition for "Bloody Beenster what a cow".
ETA : collecting present from mom involves a 600 mile round trip.
[ 24. November 2015, 20:22: Message edited by: Beenster ]
Posts: 1885 | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
|
Posted
Beenster:
quote:
Originally posted by Beenster:
Or, I could get another session for myself in therapy. It would be the gift for them of knowing that I was on the road to recovery from the years of torment and bullying. I'm sure they would be delighted that I was taking steps towards forgiving their unrepetentant spirits.
Actually, *if* you could live with possible consequences, that could be brilliant--especially if you wrote it up as a fancy-looking certificate.
"To save you the embarrassment of a tell-all talk show or a civil suit to repay therapy costs, I'm hereby giving myself the gift of therapy--all I need, for as long as I need."
I wish *I'd* done it.
Is there any possible chance that you could just not go? (I know personally how complicated that can get. I also know that not going brought me a lot of relief.) With a 600-mile round trip, there could be excuses like: staving off climate change by not using fossil fuels for the trip; having to work; transportation problems; volunteering at a soup kitchen; or you're just not well enough, and you don't want to infect anyone else.
A couple of resources for people in difficult holiday situations:
--The book "Unplug The Christmas Machine", by Jo Robinson and Jean C. Staeheli. I have an early edition here, somewhere. Basically, it's about simplifying Christmas, taking care of yourself, and--if you're a Christian--remembering what the holiday's about. (IIRC, it doesn't assume that anyone is or should be Christian.) There was a short section on how people celebrate (or not!) on their own
--which helped shape my longtime practice of a) doing something good (click-to-donate, or volunteer, or donate food/items); and b) being good to *myself* (as wanted/needed, an activity; curling up with holiday TV, a book, and food (even if a simple sandwich); church; or--some years--taking a break from Christmas entirely.)
{{{{{Beenster}}}}}, you don't have to respond to any of this. Just food for thought. And good luck!
--------------------
Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
cliffdweller
Shipmate
# 13338
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by mark_in_manchester:
OK; perhaps this monster thread deserved to die - perhaps there's life in the beast yet.
What to buy for Christmas for the difficult relative in your life; the one you really ought to consign to the ranks of the used-to-know, or dead, but with whom you feel some hard-to-explain connection. The one who already acts as if they loathe you, and for whom the non-arrival of a Christmas present will only serve as a confirmation of that low opinion. Any thoughts, humorous or otherwise?
After my divorce, I often found myself in the awkward position of having a small child who wanted to purchase a gift for her father but of course had no funds to do so.
I never actually got the nerve to do this, but I did entertain myself with the notion of buying some very appropriate gift from one of those "alternative Christmas marts" that allows you to buy livestock for a needy family in the developing world in the name of your, um, *dear relative*. Options I considered: a turkey, a swine, or half a donkey (and we all know which half it would be...)
[ 25. November 2015, 13:27: Message edited by: cliffdweller ]
--------------------
"Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid." -Frederick Buechner
Posts: 11242 | From: a small canyon overlooking the city | Registered: Jan 2008
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
Printer-friendly view
