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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Difficult relatives
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Kitten
Shipmate
# 1179
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Posted
My daughter throws a major hissy fit about two or three times per year, saying she wants nothing to do with anyone in the family and that we will never see her or her young son again, there then follows a day of her sending abusive texts and messages. About a week or so later she expects to pick up again as though nothing untoward had happened.
This year she decided to do this on Boxing Day.
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Maius intra qua extra
Never accept a ride from a stranger, unless they are in a big blue box
Posts: 2330 | From: Carmarthenshire | Registered: Aug 2001
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Pigwidgeon
Ship's Owl
# 10192
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by L'organist:
But took call from an old chum at midnight whose wife had decided that the evening of Christmas Day, when his parents were staying, was the ideal time to announce she intended leaving him over the New Year weekend ... Timing, as they say, is all.
If he has a good relationship with his parents, her timing might have been good in that he'd have them with him for support (but a day or two later would have been more considerate).
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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf
Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005
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Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Kitten:
My daughter throws a major hissy fit about two or three times per year, saying she wants nothing to do with anyone in the family and that we will never see her or her young son again, there then follows a day of her sending abusive texts and messages. About a week or so later she expects to pick up again as though nothing untoward had happened.
This year she decided to do this on Boxing Day.
Does the hissy fot ever have a rationale ?
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All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
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Kitten
Shipmate
# 1179
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Doublethink.:
quote:
Originally posted by Kitten:
My daughter throws a major hissy fit about two or three times per year, saying she wants nothing to do with anyone in the family and that we will never see her or her young son again, there then follows a day of her sending abusive texts and messages. About a week or so later she expects to pick up again as though nothing untoward had happened.
This year she decided to do this on Boxing Day.
Does the hissy fot ever have a rationale ?
No, they just come out of the blue. I also found out from her ex that she spent the day sending him abusive messages to
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Maius intra qua extra
Never accept a ride from a stranger, unless they are in a big blue box
Posts: 2330 | From: Carmarthenshire | Registered: Aug 2001
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Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
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Posted
I guess booze.
I am surprised there is: no "I hate you all because - you didn't complement my new hairstyle, or you criticised my cooking or whatever."
[ 27. December 2015, 21:03: Message edited by: Doublethink. ]
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All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
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Zacchaeus
Shipmate
# 14454
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Kitten:
quote:
Originally posted by Doublethink.:
quote:
Originally posted by Kitten:
My daughter throws a major hissy fit about two or three times per year, saying she wants nothing to do with anyone in the family and that we will never see her or her young son again, there then follows a day of her sending abusive texts and messages. About a week or so later she expects to pick up again as though nothing untoward had happened.
This year she decided to do this on Boxing Day.
Does the hissy fot ever have a rationale ?
No, they just come out of the blue. I also found out from her ex that she spent the day sending him abusive messages to
Does she have mental health issues?
I have a relative with anxiety and depression who manages to hold it together, but then at times of added stress just explodes, into very unpleasant hissy fits. just like you describe
Posts: 1905 | From: the back of beyond | Registered: Jan 2009
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The Magenpie
Apprentice
# 12746
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Posted
I am a bit late to this thread (try 2 days ago) but have read it through. It is enlightening.
My 80 year old Mother lives independently by choice until she falls ill, then I have to stay with her until she recovers. Fortunately I have an understanding husband as this year our Christmas had to be cancelled. My siblings are not prepared to help at all nor are neighbours in a position to do so - they are older than her.
I hold down a job by working nights on a part time basis, so I can put her to bed then go to work when she has this illness.
She refuses to see the GP which I now put down to fear of any diagnosis, saying "they" can't help with her condition(s). This time I have come very close to walking out and leaving her to her self-diagnosis and self-pity.
However this thread has made me reflect. Rather than turn my back on her I will continue to do my best whilst she is still with us no matter how awkward she becomes as, despite all her faults she is my Mother and (rightly or wrongly) should still command my respect. I can look back to see what sacrifices my parents made for us when we were young, sacrifices I have not had to make in my lifetime. I appreciate my circumstances are different to some posters but this is just my reflection.
Thank you to those who have indirectly given me the encouragement to persevere and not walk away.
MP
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"The answer. What is the answer? In that case, what is the question?"
- Gertrude Stein
Posts: 13 | From: Shakespeare's County | Registered: Jun 2007
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Zacchaeus
Shipmate
# 14454
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by The Magenpie:
I am a bit late to this thread (try 2 days ago) but have read it through. It is enlightening.
My 80 year old Mother lives independently by choice until she falls ill, then I have to stay with her until she recovers. Fortunately I have an understanding husband as this year our Christmas had to be cancelled. My siblings are not prepared to help at all nor are neighbours in a position to do so - they are older than her.
I hold down a job by working nights on a part time basis, so I can put her to bed then go to work when she has this illness.
She refuses to see the GP which I now put down to fear of any diagnosis, saying "they" can't help with her condition(s). This time I have come very close to walking out and leaving her to her self-diagnosis and self-pity.
However this thread has made me reflect. Rather than turn my back on her I will continue to do my best whilst she is still with us no matter how awkward she becomes as, despite all her faults she is my Mother and (rightly or wrongly) should still command my respect. I can look back to see what sacrifices my parents made for us when we were young, sacrifices I have not had to make in my lifetime. I appreciate my circumstances are different to some posters but this is just my reflection.
Thank you to those who have indirectly given me the encouragement to persevere and not walk away.
MP
Is there not a middle ground to this - not walking away but putting some rules of your own in place? Perhaps like you will only stay if she lets you call the medics while you are with her?
Posts: 1905 | From: the back of beyond | Registered: Jan 2009
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The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002
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Posted
Since this is Hell, Magenpie, permit me to point out that -
Your mother has you on a string. Why should she worry about a diagnosis/treatment/possible cure when you will put your own life on hold to clear up her mess?
You and your husband are facilitating this self-deception of hers (mine would have raised Cain if I had allowed my mother to take over my life as yours is doing)
Yours siblings clearly know how many beans make five and are leaving you to deal with this shit. Why should they bother, when you are doing it all?
Don't do it. Don't screw your life up (a part-time night job? Puhleaze...) so your mother can bask in your selfless attention.
(This is Hell, as I said. For support and kind words, try the Aging Parents thread in All Saints)
The Stroppy Mrs. S ![[Mad]](angryfire.gif)
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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'
Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012
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Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
Actually, you are not doing her a favor by accepting her refusal to see a doctor. I agree with Zacchaeus that it is time to negotiate your terms. Yes, it is very loving of you to care about her despite her faults. But loving her should not involve enabling her to hurt herself while putting a hold on your life and that of your husband. I wouldn't envy the shit-storm she'd likely raise about a change of policy, but I think this is definitely a time for tough love.
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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
Boy, Mrs. S. your timing is just....
You remeber that story I told about the guy who grabbed my leg in church, back about ten pages or so? Let's call him D. Keep in mind Mom looked me in the face and articulated to me that she knew I was uncomfortable with this man and also stated the reasons why.
We aew looking to get a new appliance for the house. The company that sells it provides free shipping and installation. All Mom had to do is selsect something, and the rest will ber done for her. Free.
The day after I located this offer for her, we were actually having a quite merry conversation, and she says she was talking about the appliance matter in church, and D. said he would be happy to come over an install it for her.
Me: But the store will install it for free.
She: Well, he's just as capable as someone at the store.
I wander away for a few moments, then come back to her.:
Me: If D is going to come over, could you let me know ahead of time, so I can not be here?
She: (snapping) Never mind, I won't ask him.
Me: Probably very visibly relieved) Actually I'd appreciate that, this is the guy who grabbed my leg in church.
She: (snapping again) How many years ago?
Me: (now getting angry) So, it doesn't bother you that he did that.
She (extravagant sigh, huge shrug, huge eyeroll, turns back to TV.)
Me: (turns back and walk down stairs)
She: Oh, now that's not fair>
Me (over shoulder, calmly) You can't take that back. You can't take back that eye roll.
I saw Magenpie's comment, and it echoed some extended family members (very extended, meaning they don't have to live anywhere near this) and their tut-tut comments about me avoiding the house and hiding in my room and not being more available. It trickled down to my plans to move out-- mom is not at the caregiver stage, but she will be, and maybe if I was a better daughter I would joyfully serve her despite her attitude. But I am 47 years old, I have not had much of a life, and I can't bear the thought of spending what is left of it with someone who makes it very clear that they care nothing about anything I do, anything that happens to me, anything that matters to me. I can't bear the though of spending the few vital years I have left having the smile wiped off my face every time it shows itself. I've stopped caring if it is selfish.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Palimpsest
Shipmate
# 16772
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Posted
Think of it as offering the critical relatives the opportunity to step ad sacrifice their lives. If you hog all the martyrdom for yourself they won't get a chance. ![[Devil]](graemlins/devil.gif)
Posts: 2990 | From: Seattle WA. US | Registered: Nov 2011
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
More power to them.
For those who have seen "August: Osage County"-- I totally identify with Ivy.
[ 10. January 2016, 22:38: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
Lewis refers to these as "maternal vampires." It's possible that the best gift you could give them is to take your very tempting neck out of their way.
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
Maybe we can all ask God to stop slamming me with financial disasters and help me with an exit strategy. And if I can land somewhere in proximity to people who actually want me around-- well, that would be cool, too.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
If I win that billion dollar Powerball, you will be in hog heaven.
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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
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cliffdweller
Shipmate
# 13338
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Maybe we can all ask God to stop slamming me with financial disasters and help me with an exit strategy. And if I can land somewhere in proximity to people who actually want me around-- well, that would be cool, too.
In risk of sounding distinctly non-hellish, I'll say "amen" to that prayer.
![[Votive]](graemlins/votive.gif)
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"Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid." -Frederick Buechner
Posts: 11242 | From: a small canyon overlooking the city | Registered: Jan 2008
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
Some light, but apt, relief:
"How To Call A Relative" (Basic Instructions comic strip).
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Beenster
Shipmate
# 242
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
Lewis refers to these as "maternal vampires." It's possible that the best gift you could give them is to take your very tempting neck out of their way.
That's an excellent expression, I have a MV and I'm off to see her this weekend. The visit is as short as I can realistically make it, it won't be repeated for a good long time. Guilt is the driver for me visiting otherwise I wouldn't visit at all.
Re: MVs, the art of manipulation and guilt tripping is so powerful that breaking away is very very hard, and the vampire activity often so subtle it's almost impossible to see.
Borderline Personality Disorder type behaviour. But the mother who wants you to exist for her, not for you to be happy. In fact, the delight in your unhappiness is loathesome. For want of a better word.
Posts: 1885 | Registered: May 2001
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
Vampirism can certainly be invisible to outsiders, unless they are intrusive females.
Where do they learn it? There aren't schools in this, like there aren't schools in male controlling behaviour exerted on wives.
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
Yes, I think it's very likely that maternal (paternal!) vampires are more likely to have borderline personality disorder. Sometimes there's a bit of histrionic in there too, and of course narcissism. Bleah!
I've had to set very strict boundaries with my own vampiric people, as in "this is how often I'll visit, call, etc." and making sure I have an impeccable exit strategy in mind ("Oh dear, I must get to an appointment now"). It helps to set those boundaries during a quiet time while praying, away from the vampire's influence (in other words, NOT just after you've seen him/her or talked on the phone and are still feeling the guilt trip). Write them down.
I hope your weekend goes as well as can be hoped.
![[Eek!]](eek.gif) I believe there are apps that will "call" your cellphone at times of your choosing, to give you an excuse to get out of a particularly nasty conversation. Maybe get one of those, and take a lot of walks outside the house to answer your very important phone calls?
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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mark_in_manchester
not waving, but...
# 15978
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Posted
hey Beenster - the power mine has over me comes from my angry inner 14 year old, who they seem so able to conjure forth. I'm praying for humility, in the sense that it's my wounded pride that gives them a handle on me.
Or to be more hellish, in order for that sh*t to slide off me, I pray the Lord gives me a metaphorical c*ck the size of a f*cking tree.
The Glory going to Him, of course...mmm, yes Lord...
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"We are punished by our sins, not for them" - Elbert Hubbard
(so good, I wanted to see it after my posts and not only after those of shipmate JBohn from whom I stole it)
Posts: 1596 | Registered: Oct 2010
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cliffdweller
Shipmate
# 13338
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Penny S:
Where do they learn it? There aren't schools in this, like there aren't schools in male controlling behaviour exerted on wives.
But there are books on wickedly devious ways wives can passive-aggressively manipulate their husbands:
spousal vampires
(tangent: Fuller Seminary used to have a cafe with sandwiches named after various theologians. They included a peanut butter and honey sandwich called The Marabel Morgan: "sweet but hard to swallow"...)
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"Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid." -Frederick Buechner
Posts: 11242 | From: a small canyon overlooking the city | Registered: Jan 2008
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
(Refrains from ugly joke about " swallowing." God, I hate her. Love peanut butter and honey sandwiches, though.)
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by mark_in_manchester:
hey Beenster - the power mine has over me comes from my angry inner 14 year old, who they seem so able to conjure forth. I'm praying for humility, in the sense that it's my wounded pride that gives them a handle on me.
Or to be more hellish, in order for that sh*t to slide off me, I pray the Lord gives me a metaphorical c*ck the size of a f*cking tree.
The Glory going to Him, of course...mmm, yes Lord...
I'm stealing this. Thank you for enhancing my prayer life.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Beenster
Shipmate
# 242
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Posted
Sometimes this thread is not very hellish.
The visit will be short and sweet. Less than 24hrs. I don't do the "emergency call" thing, I could try but I haven't got round to it.
The difficulty with vampire mother, borderline mother, it stems from such an unhappy place. I know she knows deep down she has failed me badly - at the best, being sneakily abusive more pertinently.
One of the key issues for me as well as others in this - is the need to have a single object of abuse. To the rest of the world, my mother is amazing, wonderful, warm, nice, kind, perhaps a little bit batty and eccentric but that's the worst of it.
I'm getting better at being kidn to me but as M-i-M (who is not so far from me) says, the inner 14 y/o comes out. It's the knowing that things are not appropriate, correct, fair, safe, thoughtful and not knowing how to manage it and argue. On the rare occasion I have delivered a winning blow, I will be met with the close-down line "i'm sure you are right" or "why do you have to be so difficult".
ffs.
Posts: 1885 | Registered: May 2001
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Beenster
Shipmate
# 242
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Posted
Christ on a bike.
I've just got the most wretched thank you from my sister. If it took 1 min to write that pathetic email, I would be amazed.
It was sent from her fucking iPhone. Word count 46. 3 fucking weeks after xmas. It took her 3 weeks to sit there and type on her phone 46 pathetic words.
Spot the connection. Oh crap. Beenster's visiting mom tomorrow, better get the thank you in otherwise she will twine.
My plan for domination on the no more presents due to no thank you letters has been scuppered.
No more present route will have to find another way. But I will.
Posts: 1885 | Registered: May 2001
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
Cliffdweller, this is a tangent, but I've seen one of those books.
What I saw in Oxfam
I thought it was a joke. It wasn't. It was how to manipulate yourself (female) into .... manipulating your husband into thinking you were submissive. I think.
Beenster - am I right in assuming you are in the sort of situation where, if you are feeling depressed, she is more depressed, and it is your fault. Or when you are cheerful, you are making her depressed, and don't care, and it is your fault. Or whatever you are doing, it is pushing up her blood pressure, and then she will die and it will be your fault...?
I know someone like that, and thank God, she is not my kin. (There is a reason for that. I have seen her is full Carabosse mode.)
Does it help to know you are not alone? The officer on DV duty at the local cop shop was very familiar with the sort of situation.
[ 14. January 2016, 20:46: Message edited by: Penny S ]
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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Beenster
Shipmate
# 242
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Posted
Hi Penny. Not quite. If I'm poorly or not doing well, my mother is in 7th heaven.
I remember when I was made redundant and she was so excited. "Didn't they like you". "Weren't you very good".
Then for months, she referred to the redundancy cos I wasn't liked. It was a simple restructure.
I haven't told her about the second redundancy. I didn't tell her about my recent operation. It wasn't a biggy, but I didn't want or need her adding to any anxiety that I had. Lines such as "you are always ill" "you've had such bad health", then it would turn back on her. "oh i don't know what to do poor me".
The poor bugger of my mother needs a role. She needs a cripple daughter. She needs a daughter who will not be happy, not fly free, not live a fulfilled life but will be dependent on her. She's driven me all but away. But I can't make the final step and sever tie because of guilt, because I am who I am despite her best efforts.
My siblings have little to do with her. I don't know what their story is wiht her.
Enough. I must drink red wine and be happy.
Posts: 1885 | Registered: May 2001
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Beenster
Shipmate
# 242
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Posted
I think I like the sound of the book Penny if the review is anything to go by " Dr. Laura shows you—with real-life examples and real-life solutions—how to wield that power to attain all the sexual pleasure, intimacy, love, joy, and peace you want in your life"
Let's just stick with sexual pleasure and I will be forever in her debt.
Posts: 1885 | Registered: May 2001
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
Read the comments.
And you are lucky you aren't confined in the same house.
[ 14. January 2016, 21:17: Message edited by: Penny S ]
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
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Posted
quote:
Dr. Laura shows you—with real-life examples and real-life solutions—how to ...attain all the sexual pleasure, intimacy, love, joy, and peace you want in your life"
Dr Quine can also suggest real life solutions.
You're welcome.
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
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cliffdweller
Shipmate
# 13338
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Posted
Yeah, Dr. Laura and Sweetie Pie Marabel are both cut from the same cloth, both held considerable sway in their day in the American evangelical circles I run in.
My favorite was Marabel's solution to the slacker husband who isn't getting to his "honey do" list as quickly as wifey would like, e.g. fixing a broken cupboard latch. Nagging is a definite no-no-- not submissive, of course. But putting on your big girl pants and fixing it yourself is also out because it would "demean" your poor husband by usurping his manly role. So the solution is to make an attempt to fix the broken cupboard but deliberately botch the repair. That way your Manly Guy can sweep in and take over the repair while you bat your eyes and swoon at his superior carpentry skills.
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"Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid." -Frederick Buechner
Posts: 11242 | From: a small canyon overlooking the city | Registered: Jan 2008
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Huia
Shipmate
# 3473
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by cliffdweller:
My favorite was Marabel's solution to the slacker husband who isn't getting to his "honey do" list as quickly as wifey would like, e.g. fixing a broken cupboard latch. Nagging is a definite no-no-- not submissive, of course. But putting on your big girl pants and fixing it yourself is also out because it would "demean" your poor husband by usurping his manly role. So the solution is to make an attempt to fix the broken cupboard but deliberately botch the repair. That way your Manly Guy can sweep in and take over the repair while you bat your eyes and swoon at his superior carpentry skills.
![[Projectile]](graemlins/puke2.gif)
Huia
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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.
Posts: 10382 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002
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Beenster
Shipmate
# 242
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Penny S:
Read the comments.
And you are lucky you aren't confined in the same house.
I did .... sorry was being tongue in cheek somewhat!
Posts: 1885 | Registered: May 2001
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
And sorry for not conveying tone of voice there, as well. I think that came across as DR, but I had in mind a friend who has no option at the moment of being anywhere else - well, gets out during the day and evening at times, but not otherwise.
Friend has the awful idea that DR intends not only that friend will be the support of the maternal vampire through her life, but will hold on to him in her next...horrendous.
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
Re Marabel:
Then there was her technique of meeting your husband at the door, wrapped in plastic wrap...
Which made it a really good idea to have a peephole in the door, so you could make sure it was him!!!
Penny:
Re your friend--if they are religious, could they take up a different religion than the vampire? Might at least ease that afterlife fear.
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
I don't think there is any commonality between them religion wise. Not any more. When in that frame of mind, the nature of the religion doesn't seem to count, anyway. Not whether it is the up the candle a bit Anglican followed during the week, nor the Fellowship church of the weekend. Nor me pointing out that God is unlikely to be going along with that. Dread is very hard to reach.
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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cliffdweller
Shipmate
# 13338
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Golden Key:
Re Marabel:
Then there was her technique of meeting your husband at the door, wrapped in plastic wrap...
Oh... that reminds me that I forgot the best part of my story re Fuller's sandwich shop. When Marabel got wind of the peanut-butter-and-honey sandwich named in her honor, she wrote the cafe a thank-you letter full of Southern charm, telling them how honored she was to be named alongside the likes of Bonhoeffer and Barth... then she went on to suggest the Marabel Morgan sandwich should come wrapped in saran wrap. ![[Biased]](wink.gif)
...The cafe framed the letter and displayed it proudly.
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"Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid." -Frederick Buechner
Posts: 11242 | From: a small canyon overlooking the city | Registered: Jan 2008
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
Not worth getting into detail, but fuck then all. fuck them ALL. They are so hell bent on excluding me from stuff? Kelly the strange one, Kelly the spinster, Kelly who annoys everyone by going to Alanon meetings, for which we shall punish her by scheduling every family event we can between 6-7 on Friday night?They are gonna exclude me right the fuck out of the family. I will fucking shake the dust off my feet as soon as God lets me.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
(OK to elaborate, after conversing with Sis-- we were trying to schedule a date to get together for her birthday. At the time the only participants mentioned were me, her, mom, and maybe Neph. I requested it be some other time than the time mentioned above. We had a couple more exchanges suggesting another time was an option, then she stopped answering my PM's. I figured it was still being discussed somewhere.
Today my feed was flooded with pics of the entire family gathered at a local restaurant.
At this point I was still prepared to think this was a misunderstanding, but she said she sent the group evite after I said I wasn't available Fri.)
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
Penny--
quote:
Originally posted by Penny S:
I don't think there is any commonality between them religion wise. Not any more. When in that frame of mind, the nature of the religion doesn't seem to count, anyway. Not whether it is the up the candle a bit Anglican followed during the week, nor the Fellowship church of the weekend. Nor me pointing out that God is unlikely to be going along with that. Dread is very hard to reach.
Ok. I was just thinking that, since people of different faiths have different stories about the afterlife, and not just Christian Heaven/Hell, maybe your friend might be comforted with the idea that they might not arrive in the same place. IME, sometimes making up and telling stories to yourself can help you cope with nasty fears and realities.
If Christian, your friend might try a different denomination. If willing to explore outside Christianity, they'd have tools for believing in a very different afterlife, indeed.
Good luck to your friend.
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
{{{{{Kelly}}}}}
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
And of course the thing to do when you realize you might have stuffed it up and totally excluded someone is to throw some huffy tantrum when they bring it to your attention.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Japes
Shipmate
# 5358
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Posted
My female relatives have a get together once a year and do a major shopping expedition to my city. When I first found out about it, some years after it had been instituted, I asked if I could join in, which brought out all kinds of "Well, we know you don't like shopping which is why we never tell you." excuses and it was made pretty clear to me I wasn't really welcome. (Whilst at the same time grumbling they never see me, and why won't I make an effort....)
Subsequently to the one time I was permitted to join in, and told what they really wanted me to do was sit in the the nearest coffee shop with my aunt, who actually wanted to shop, so I sat alone with a book and minded bags as they brought them back.
They do this expedition on a Sunday now, whilst I'm playing the organ, and tell me it's the best day for them.
I've given up making any effort. It's better for my blood pressure.
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Blog may or may not be of any interest.
Posts: 2013 | From: Somewhere in the middle | Registered: Dec 2003
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Huia
Shipmate
# 3473
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Penny S:
Friend has the awful idea that DR intends not only that friend will be the support of the maternal vampire through her life, but will hold on to him in her next...horrendous.
I can kind of understand that. After my mother died someone, meaning to comfort me, said something about her being in heaven watching over me and it freaked me out ![[Paranoid]](graemlins/paranoid.gif) I don't
even believe that stuff, but I was feeling really vulnerable at the time and it haunted me for a couple of weeks. Fortunately I mentioned it to a friend and we both laughed about it, but it was very real for a while.
Huia
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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.
Posts: 10382 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
We love and appreciate you, Kel.
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
Damn, Kelly. That is seriously fucked up.
Why don't you move out here? We have an extra bedroom.
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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