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Source: (consider it) Thread: Hell: Crappy Choruses and Horrible Hymns
Gill H

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# 68

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We used to sing the 'little brown children' one too. Nobody seemed to connect the little brown children over the *road* with any of this!

Have to disagree about 'think of a world without any flowers' but my nostalgia may be caused by the lovely recorder line set to it which I used to sing as a descant while forcing my friends to sing the tune. (Hey, I was an 8-year old pianist - you come over to my house to play, you have to sing.)

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*sigh* We can’t all be Alan Cresswell.

- Lyda Rose


Posts: 9313 | From: London | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Arrietty

Ship's borrower
# 45

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Back on the C & W theme, how about

Oh Lord, but it's hard to be humbleWhen you're perfect in every way.....

just before the Prayer of Humble Access?

No, I've never heard this, but I should have.

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i-church

Online Mission and Ministry


Posts: 6634 | From: Coventry, UK | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
BarbaraG
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# 399

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Thanks are due to my RC ex-husband for this little snippet:

Oh save us from th'eternal fire,
Hell is nigh but God is nigher


BarbaraG

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still trying to make sense of the world


Posts: 143 | From: Nottinghamshire | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Schroedinger's cat

Ship's cool cat
# 64

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quote:
Thanks are due to my RC ex-husband for this little snippet

Do you mean he wrote it ( which would obviously explain why he's your ex- ), or just that he drew your attention to it ( which could also explain it )?

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Blog
Music for your enjoyment
Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.


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Gill H

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# 68

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Just received a songsheet from a church my parents visited on holiday. They sang the Sanctus/Benedictus (holy, holy, holy Lord, God of power and might) to 'Over the Sea to Skye' and the Gloria to 'English Country Garden'.

Since I know some very scatalogical words to the latter tune, I'm glad I wasn't there!

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*sigh* We can’t all be Alan Cresswell.

- Lyda Rose


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BarbaraG
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# 399

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quote:
Originally posted by Steve:
Do you mean he wrote it ( which would obviously explain why he's your ex- ), or just that he drew your attention to it ( which could also explain it )?

The latter.... but it does not explan why he's my ex. Do you think me so shallow?
I take that as a personal insult

Joke!!

BarbaraG

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still trying to make sense of the world


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Phil R.
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# 128

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quote:
Originally posted by Gill H:
Sanctus/Benedictus (holy, holy, holy Lord, God of power and might) to 'Over the Sea to Skye'


I'd suggest this to my (anglican) parents... except that they'd think it was a good idea.


Posts: 216 | From: Sussex, England | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Schroedinger's cat

Ship's cool cat
# 64

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quote:
Originally posted by BarbaraG:
The latter.... but it does not explan why he's my ex. Do you think me so shallow?
I take that as a personal insult

Joke!!

BarbaraG



No offence intended. Is bad musical taste sufficient grounds for divorce? Probable not.

--------------------
Blog
Music for your enjoyment
Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.


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DMcV
Shipmate
# 545

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A cringy chorus often wrung out in our church that has a line thus:

A new day is dawning...when the children of promise/Shall flow together as one...

Makes me feel like turning to the person next to me and asking if they'd like a flower.

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You can have whatever you want/But are you disciplined enough to be free?


Posts: 169 | From: Above and to the right of Glasgow | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Schroedinger's cat

Ship's cool cat
# 64

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Yesterday we delved the depths of seriously bad with :

Ha ha hallelulia
Ho ho hosanna
He he he loves me ...

I can't remember the last line. I rather wish I couldn't remember any of the lines.

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Blog
Music for your enjoyment
Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.


Posts: 18859 | From: At the bottom of a deep dark well. | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
rewboss
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# 566

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Has Jesus bids us shine been mentioned yet?

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The latest from the world of rewboss

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Tina
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# 63

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Steve, just to help you out, (evil cackle) the last line of 'ha ha ha hosanna' is 'and I've got the joy of the Lord'. That's one way of putting it...

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Kindness is mandatory. Anger is necessary. Despair is a terrible idea. Despair is how they win. They won't win forever.

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Schroedinger's cat

Ship's cool cat
# 64

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Thank you Tina. Made my day. Just what it has made it I would rather not say.

WHat amazes me is that people think these sorts of songs are funny/spiritual/worth singing. I mean ....

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Blog
Music for your enjoyment
Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.


Posts: 18859 | From: At the bottom of a deep dark well. | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Lyra
Shipmate
# 267

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Can't remember who wrote it, but what about 'Terrible as an army with banners'?

An army with banners?

I mean, terrible as an army with machine guns, yes, and army with tanks, certainly, but banners? What are they going to do - wave at you!?!

Honestly, I ask you!

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Around and about


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David
Complete Bastard
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And now, for my all-time favourite example of mindless banality:

A-la-la-la-la,a-la-la-le-leui-ya,
A-la-la-la-la,a-la-la-le-leui-ya.
A-la-la-la-la,a-la-la-le-leui-ya,
A-la-la-la-la,a-la-la-----leleuia.

Clap another hand, clap a hand next to ya,
Clap another hand, as we sing this song.
Clap another hand, clap a hand next to ya,
Clap another hand, as we sing, sing this song!

A-la-la-la-la,a-la-la-le-leui-ya,
A-la-la-la-la,a-la-la-le-leui-ya.
A-la-la-la-la,a-la-la-le-leui-ya,
A-la-la-la-la,a-la-la---leleuia.

et-bloody-cetera

Nobody can beat that.


Posts: 3815 | From: Redneck Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged
Gill H

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# 68

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Oh, but the 'adult' version of that can be fun....

--------------------
*sigh* We can’t all be Alan Cresswell.

- Lyda Rose

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Karl: Liberal Backslider
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# 76

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I trust that is one of those by that Anon. chap?

He wrote some damned good stuff, did Anon., but some of it is real dross.

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Might as well ask the bloody cat.


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DMcV
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# 545

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Yon missionary hymn with the unforgettable lines:

Some work in sultry forests/Where apes swing to and fro...

No mensh of David Attenborough, mind you.

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You can have whatever you want/But are you disciplined enough to be free?


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babybear
Bear faced and cheeky with it
# 34

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One of the things that I hate most is when people take songs from one culture and then stuff the music into 4/4. I really want to cry when people do that.

It annoys me most when a traditional Scottish melody is used, and then all sence of the Scottishness of the music is beatten out of it. If you don't like Scottish music then use a different tune. Lots of Scottish music when it is played in strict time turns into a dirge.

Leave my culture's music alone, go find some other group's music to bastardise.

bb


Posts: 13287 | From: Cottage of the 3 Bears (and The Gremlin) | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Alaric the Goth
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# 511

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David, I have to admit that your 'A-la-la-leyluia' example does seem about as bad as it gets...

Worries me that when I started this thread I CREATED A MONSTER!

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'Angels and demons dancing in my head,
Lunatics and monsters underneath my bed' ('Totem', Rush)


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babybear
Bear faced and cheeky with it
# 34

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In my children's Sunday school class they sing the most amasing amount of drivel.

Tha-an-k you Lord fo-or this fine day, x3
Right where we are.

Tha-an-k you Lord fo-or food to eat, x3
etc etc etc


Now then, for your enjoyment and delectation I present to you the winning song from a hymn singing festival.

The world was lost and lonely
and darkness filled the land;
you sent your Son, Lord Jesus,
To hold us by the hand.

And Jesus' hand forever,
Soothes all the pain away;
He salves the broken spirit,
Turns darkness into day.

O may we be like Jesus
And follow in His way
By holding out the hand of love
To all, in need, each day.

bb


Posts: 13287 | From: Cottage of the 3 Bears (and The Gremlin) | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
brodavid
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# 460

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quote:
Originally posted by Siegfried:
I just have a hard time keeping reverent thoughts singing a song set to, say, "Smells like teen spirit" when the lyrics of the original are what I'm thinking about.

Sieg


The one that has that effect on me is the Christianized version of "Some Kind of Wonderful". The original is so blatantly ual that replacing "woman" with "Savior" just isn't enough to lead me to worship.

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Brodavid

"Prayer can do anything that God can do."
- E.M. Bounds


Posts: 702 | From: Mississippi, USA | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
brodavid
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# 460

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quote:
Originally posted by brodavid:
The one that has that effect on me is the Christianized version of "Some Kind of Wonderful". The original is so blatantly ual that replacing "woman" with "Savior" just isn't enough to lead me to worship.

I have about had it with the auto-censoring of my posts! For pity's sake, what if we want to discuss what the Bible says about the male/female relationship!

I'm off to the "I Consign to Hell" thread.

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Brodavid

"Prayer can do anything that God can do."
- E.M. Bounds


Posts: 702 | From: Mississippi, USA | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Reepicheep
BANNED
# 60

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Oh - I loved "tha-ank you lord" when I was at school. Because we could all contribute a verse, as long as it fitted.

And yes - I didn't realise that this censored words - it didn't remove one of my expletives in All Saints (Maddie did that), but removes words that begin with s. e. x.

Most odd. So we can't discuss songs that are blatantly sexual in nature.

But we can discuss mindless F**king.

It kind of sums up Christian worship music of a contemporary nature. We can be as blatant as we like (whispering jesus name over and over), but if we want to talk about something difficult it gets pushed to the back.

Love
Angel


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Arrietty

Ship's borrower
# 45

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But it has let you use the word sexual - which starts with sex - to say you can't say anything sexual..........

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i-church

Online Mission and Ministry

Posts: 6634 | From: Coventry, UK | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Nicolemr
Shipmate
# 28

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yeah i noticed that. sometimes it seems to censor, sometimes it doesn't.

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On pilgrimage in the endless realms of Cyberia, currently traveling by ship. Now with live journal!

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Erin
Meaner than Godzilla
# 2

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quote:
Originally posted by brodavid:
I have about had it with the auto-censoring of my posts! For pity's sake, what if we want to discuss what the Bible says about the male/female relationship!

I'm off to the "I Consign to Hell" thread.


You chose to post this in Hell, so I don’t want to hear a single complaint about what I’m going to say. This will be the only time I will say this without flaming your ass right off the board.

Is there a thread about this in the Styx? I haven't seen it. If so, then point me to it. If not, then you might damn well better ask about such things before you go throwing around such an utterly IDIOTIC and INSULTING accusation. Considering that I've seen that word in several posts, including this very thread, it appears to be a USER problem to me.

Erin

sex sex sex sex sex sex sex

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Commandment number one: shut the hell up.


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Erin
Meaner than Godzilla
# 2

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'Nuff said.

A very very administrator.

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Commandment number one: shut the hell up.


Posts: 17140 | From: 330 miles north of paradise | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged
brodavid
Shipmate
# 460

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quote:
Originally posted by Erin:
You chose to post this in Hell, so I don’t want to hear a single complaint about what I’m going to say. This will be the only time I will say this without flaming your ass right off the board.

Is there a thread about this in the Styx? I haven't seen it. If so, then point me to it. If not, then you might damn well better ask about such things before you go throwing around such an utterly IDIOTIC and INSULTING accusation. Considering that I've seen that word in several posts, including this very thread, it appears to be a USER problem to me.

Erin

sex sex sex sex sex sex sex



The light has dawned, and I humbly apologise. As I have mentioned before, circumstances force me to use computers at the public library. The libraries in this system all have installed filter software, to prevent pervs from viewing porn while seated next to impressionable children. Best guess: Outgoing messages are also filtered.

I therefore apologize to the officers of this fine ship, and consign to Hell mindless filtering software that prevents serious discussion of adult topics.

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Brodavid

"Prayer can do anything that God can do."
- E.M. Bounds


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Erin
Meaner than Godzilla
# 2

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Apology accepted. These kinds of accusations really rub me the wrong way, so in the future, if you (the general you) run across something like this, please post an inquiry in the Styx before making accusations like this.

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Commandment number one: shut the hell up.

Posts: 17140 | From: 330 miles north of paradise | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged
babybear
Bear faced and cheeky with it
# 34

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Nice-little-story time.

A few years back one of the English counties had software installed on their library computers that screened 'naught words' like the word starting 's', ending in 'x' and having the second vowel nin the middle.

However, the software was just a bit too good at spotting 'sex' and so banned all the webpages belonging to Middlesex, Sussex, etc. This meant that people in the library could not look at their own counties webpages.

bb


Posts: 13287 | From: Cottage of the 3 Bears (and The Gremlin) | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Astro
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# 84

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I also heard that the isp that Scunthorpe wanted to use would not let them use scunthorpe as their name because of letters 2 to 5.

Astro

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if you look around the world today – whether you're an atheist or a believer – and think that the greatest problem facing us is other people's theologies, you are yourself part of the problem. - Andrew Brown (The Guardian)


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Nicolemr
Shipmate
# 28

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ok, i know this is a bit off topic, but since everyone is talking about it... the little anecdotes related here are a small example of why most of the librarian world is against the imposition of manditory web filters on our public access computers. its really much easier to keep an eye on what the kids are looking at and snarl "thats inapropriate for the library" when its neccessary.

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On pilgrimage in the endless realms of Cyberia, currently traveling by ship. Now with live journal!

Posts: 11803 | From: New York City "The City Carries On" | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Siegfried
Ship's ferret
# 29

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quote:
Originally posted by nicolemrw:
ok, i know this is a bit off topic, but since everyone is talking about it... the little anecdotes related here are a small example of why most of the librarian world is against the imposition of manditory web filters on our public access computers. its really much easier to keep an eye on what the kids are looking at and snarl "thats inapropriate for the library" when its neccessary.

I've been dying to know for ages, and I'm sure other shipmates have as well. Do you wear your hair in a bun and wear glasses while at work?

Sieg

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Siegfried
Life is just a bowl of cherries!


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PaulaLizBiz
SOCKPUPPET
# 631

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When I was eight years old, an American singer/songwriter came to our church and taught us some songs. So hideous were they, that I can recall them to the word, 19 years later. Just wondered if anyone else had heard these...

I love Jesus better than ice cream
and ice cream's very good (woobie doo doo)
I love Jesus better than ice cream
just like I know I should
Even when I dont obey him
and do all the things that I should
Jesus loves me better than ice cream
and ice cream's very good

OR, (and this is my favourite)

Aint it grand to be a Christian
aint it grand
Aint it grand to be a Christian aint it grand
On monday, tuesday, w'dsday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and AAALLLLLLLLLLL day Sunday
Aint it grand to be a Christian, aint it grand

OH, and just one more that I learned as a wee impressionable Church kid..

Jump up and down to say you love the lord
jump up and down to say you love the lord
jump up and down to say you love the lord
tell him you love him so
Oh lord i love you and i'll jump up and down to say i love you,tell you i love you so.

Funnil enough, in my Christian school, those who didnt have the energy to jump up and down (or in my case, were too tubby) were put on detention - hence one assembly full of heaving, jumping, puking kids. Ah yes, those were the days...


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DMcV
Shipmate
# 545

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On a different strand of awfulness from the above, I've seen the hymn with this verse in hymnbooks though I can't recall having sung it:

There is a fountain filled with blood,

Drawn from Immanuel's veins,

And sinners plunged beneath the flood,

Lose all their guilty stains.

As someone who has to look away during the operation bits of Animal Hospital, you can imagine how I react to that...

--------------------
You can have whatever you want/But are you disciplined enough to be free?


Posts: 169 | From: Above and to the right of Glasgow | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Emily
Shipmate
# 437

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When I was a student I used to go to a charismatic church on occasion, and enjoyed the exuberant music. EXCEPT - that every time I went thay sang one particularly dire song. I shan't force you to suffer all the (inane) words - the bit that really got to me was

Jesus is dynamite
Don't mess with dynamite

Hello? Is it just me, or is this giving out the message that Jesus is best left well alone? And if so, what were we all doing in church?


Posts: 86 | From: Oxford | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
paulalizzie
BANNED
# 617

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Wow - I gotta say, the more I read these boards, the bore musical drivel seems to dredge itself up from my past! I really like the 'blood from Immanuel's veins' but - I remember singing that as a kid and thinking 'yeeeuuukkk'. Everyone else was far too serious to comment that this was a tad gross. We also used to sing a song that had the line '..but downward bends his burning eye at mysteries so bright'. Used to have nightmares about that bloody, scorched eyeball with flames shooting out of its pupil!

I also remember it being really fashionable to take secular songs 'from the devil' and use them for 'the kingdom'. We used to sing 'Lord lift us up where we belong, where the eagles fly, on the mountains high, Lord lift us up where we belong, far from the world below up, where the spirit blows..' to the same music as 'LOVE lift us up..' And the bets one was the theme tune to 'Chariots of fire'. Some idiot made up new words and they went something like 'Come ride on my life Lord (WHAT??), Come ride on my life, Come ride on my life Lord, come ride on my life. And then, chorus..Forever and ever and ever and ever, Forever and Evvveeeerrrrr - and so on.
Bet you're wondering what sort of looney church i went to...


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Nicolemr
Shipmate
# 28

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seig, glasses yes, bun, no, though i do have my longish hair cliped out of the way in back.

dmcv, i won't repete it, but check back on this thread for my personal take on that hymn.

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Posts: 11803 | From: New York City "The City Carries On" | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
DMcV
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# 545

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Nicole - my humblest relative newcomer's apologies for not checking. I will now do so.

In mitigation, m'lud, it's a long thread, and my client is a lazy git who has never quite embraced the Calvinist work ethic...

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Posts: 169 | From: Above and to the right of Glasgow | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Nicolemr
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# 28

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dmcv, oh sorry, didn't mean that as a rebuke, just thought that in light of our similar opinons on the hymn you might find my comments enjoyable, thats all.

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Posts: 11803 | From: New York City "The City Carries On" | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Groucho
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# 279

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In the "good old" days when Charismania was at its peak, there was a song which was really popular for a while. It was sung everywhere, time and again, mainly because it had the words (addressed to Jesus) "you are the Rose of Sharon to my heart".

It got dropped pretty quickly when it was pointed out that the rose of Sharon referred to in Song of Songs is pretty much a weed - it is common and worthless and regarded as plain.

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Posts: 111 | From: Halifax | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
David
Complete Bastard
# 3

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Some questions answered....

And did those feet in Ancient time.
Walk upon England's mountain green:

No.

And was the holy lamb of God,
On England's pleasant pastures seen!

No.

And did the Countenance Divine.
Shine forth upon our clouded hills?

No.

And was Jerusalem builded here,
Among these dark Satanic Mills?

Most definitely not.

(Anyway, I can imagine the sky being clouded, but can't manage to stretch it to hills)


Posts: 3815 | From: Redneck Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged
GeoffH
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# 133

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If you want to really want to see some great songs just go and look at the two Youth Praise Volumes. But I have to say that they did make a great difference to the forms of worship in some churches.

I also used to sing an old chorus "I will mae you fishers of men" which eventually transmogrified into "I will make you vicious old men"

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Geoff H - an unreconstructed proddy


Posts: 305 | From: UK | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
ptarmigan
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# 138

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I've just discovered gold in the attic - a tape entitled "Battle Cry" which is live worship from "Festival" - a jamboree in 1987 for certain strands of the UK House Church movement. It has good music and includes some of the bnest and worst of the then current choruses.

Best include Michael Christ's "It's Your blood that cleanses me", the anonymous "Give thanks with a grateful heart" and others. But this thread is about bad ones.

I want to serve the purpose of God in my generation.
I want to serve the purpose of God while I am alive.
I want to live my life for something that'll last forever

etc etc.

(You sing "I want" 12 times; not "It is my duty and joy" to serve the purpose of God etc, but "I want")

Shine Jesus Shine (of course, a song that scores near the top of Songs of Praise's lists of most loved songs and near the top of its list of most hated songs).

And a wonderful song which is the only example I've encountered of a hymn about demons:

They have no power against us
Only what God allows
Their pride has brought them down to earth.
But our king and saviour
caused their downfall
He is the lamb, the Lord of all

etc

and the plain silly:


The nations are waiting for us
They're dying to hear rthe song we sing
The nations are waiting for us
Waiting for the gospel we will bring
That in each nation men may glorify the king

(maybe women will glorify queens)

Both of these last two songs go on to major on imagery of the church as an army - a horrendous analogy

It is hard to describe the musical vacuity of some of these songs in text.

Pt


Posts: 1080 | From: UK - Midlands | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
rewboss
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# 566

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quote:
Originally posted by David:
And did those feet in Ancient time.
Walk upon England's mountain green:

No.

And was the holy lamb of God,
On England's pleasant pastures seen!

No.


You will shortly be receiving a very nasty letter from the layers of the Glastonbury Tourist Office.

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Posts: 1334 | From: Lower Franconia, Germany | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
rewboss
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# 566

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The lawyers, that is.

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The latest from the world of rewboss

Posts: 1334 | From: Lower Franconia, Germany | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
BTMO
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# 723

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Hate to drag this back off topic, but I only joined the fun today...

This bit made me laugh:

quote:
I also heard that the isp that Scunthorpe wanted to use would not let them use scunthorpe as their name because of letters 2 to 5.

I have filtering software on my home computer, and it does BIZARRE things!

If I end a sentence with a word that ends with "sh", then after hitting the return key, commence a sentence with "it", my wonderfully helpful filtering software assumes I am trying to trick it and pulls out the formatting and sticks the rude wird back together again - replacing the text with string of xxxx's.

Which of course draws the word to the attention of the little darlings.

It gives me the XXXXs...

Cheers,

Brenton

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Posts: 110 | From: Wellington, New Zealand | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
BTMO
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# 723

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...and because I like to see a thread on topic as much as the next person...

When we lived in Cairns (Australia) we used to sing this song about being as "white as snow" and "washed in the blood of the Lamb"

One day I mentioned to my wife that it sounded like an advertisement for detergent.

We laughed ourselves sick everytime we sang it after that!

Cheers,

Brenton

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Show them you care, stalk them.


Posts: 110 | From: Wellington, New Zealand | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
char
Apprentice
# 711

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quote:
Originally posted by Adrian:
"were you there when they crucified my lord?"

is that meant to be a rhetorical question?


actually this isn't supposed to be a rhetorical question. Christianity, having it's roots in judaism, seeks after placing yourself in the historic event in revered remembrance. it would be comparable to the seder meal of the passover for jews who are to place themselves in the exodus. it is to evoke emotions and feelings that puts one into the event vicariously if you will...

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...let God be true, and every man a liar...Romans 3:4


"You have a right to be wrong"


Posts: 13 | From: Kansas, USA | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged



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