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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Aging Parents
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jacobsen
seeker
# 14998
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Posted
Hoping the anniversary is a good one as in pleasant and uplifting as well as relaxing. And that things stay on an even keel at least for a while, Karl. ![[Votive]](graemlins/votive.gif)
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But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.
Posts: 8040 | From: Æbleskiver country | Registered: Aug 2009
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Tukai
Shipmate
# 12960
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Posted
In the hope that it may be some encouragement to Mrs S and others in a similar situation, I offer my own aged mother as a case study.
Like the dowager, she was adamant for years that she would not go into a nursing home, and just wanted to carry on in her own home (which was actually a large apartment). For several years , she had help at home for cleaning (weekly), showering etc daily (which was largely just someone checking she did not fall over, but meant someone checked up on her each day), and had "meals on wheels" delivered to the door and various helpful handrails fitted round the house. All this provided by one of the many aged care agencies under a very good scheme heavily subsidised by the Australian government, which has the wit to realise that such care is much cheaper for them than hospitals or even nursing homes. She whinged about her health and our neglect of her on almost every occasion we phoned (long-distance, about weekly) or visited (a couple of times per year). But eventually, she had a fall and a longish spell in hospital and rehab, and the agency said that she required more care than they were prepared to give her at home, but that she qualified medically to go into a nursing home. Long-time followers of the story will recall the travails we had in moving her into a nursing home in her neighbourhood.
She whinged about her new situation for about 6 months, but after another fall and surgery for a broken hip, seems at last to have realised that where she is the best that she can do at her stage of life, and is now joining in activities there and even making a few new friends. She takes an interest in our family stories but does not constantly return the conversation to her own "plight".
In short, she is now more contented than she has been for at least the past 5 years! So marked is the change when we recently visited for a week (seeing her daily) that the Marama asked one of the nurses whether they had changed her anti-depressant medicine, but the answer was "no".
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A government that panders to the worst instincts of its people degrades the whole country for years to come.
Posts: 594 | From: Oz | Registered: Sep 2007
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The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002
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Posted
Thank you Tukai - appreciated.
The Dowager seems to me to be losing ground steadily in terms of memory, passivity and ability to make decisions or act on them. She could - for instance - not do her shopping at the supermarket alone, even if someone took her and fetched her.
I realise that after she's had what seems to her a whirlwind morning of activity she won't be at her most acute, but to find that she was down to her last tablet of one of her medications and had not made any effort to get a new prescription, that was a bit of a wake-up call.
I'm glad not to have emailed my brother about it last night, though, as I find this morning he's just gone off on his holidays! (insert 'green-eyed monster' smilie)
Ah well, onwards and upwards. I suspect she isn't long for the 'independent living' option, though.
Mrs. S, grateful for your support, y'all ![[Overused]](graemlins/notworthy.gif)
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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'
Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012
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Boogie
Boogie on down!
# 13538
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Posted
Bless you Mrs S and all others dealing with aged parents. All five of ours are now gone, Mr Boog's step mum being the last. She was a dear, lovely lady and is sadly missed.
The chemist will help lots with medication issues Mrs S, blister packs, deliveries etc tho I know it's only a symptom.
So hard. The opposite of a baby who gains a bit of ability each day, our dear old parents lose a bit each day and we mourn each thing as it goes ![[Tear]](graemlins/tear.gif)
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Garden. Room. Walk
Posts: 13030 | From: Boogie Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2008
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The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:
So hard. The opposite of a baby who gains a bit of ability each day, our dear old parents lose a bit each day and we mourn each thing as it goes
I think that's the thing I find hardest - while the Intrepid Grandson is coming on (almost literally) by leaps and bounds, his Great-grandmama is regressing, and when I remember how sharp she used to be ...
Mrs. S, wondering how to future-proof herself ![[Confused]](confused.gif)
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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'
Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
I suspect I'm going to be seeing exactly what you're talking about in a few weeks. We're going over to Blighty for D's niece's wedding (how did she get to be old enough to be getting married??) and afterwards I'm going to stay on* and go up to Scotland - it'll be quite a contrast seeing my sister's two grandchildren (aged four and one) and then seeing my dad (their great-grandad - 91).
* It's not that D. doesn't want to go north - he feels that he shouldn't really miss more than one Sunday when he's only just started his new job.
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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Sarasa
Shipmate
# 12271
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Posted
You may find that the Dowager does improve a bit Mrs S, it certainly took my mum a couple of months to get back to 'normal' after the virus she had at Easter. She seemed physically fine but was still getting far more confused than she normally does. Mind you as Bob Dylan says (in Mississippi you can always come back, but you can't come back all the way!
My mum seems pretty good at the moment, but she is going on holiday by herself next week and I'm not at all sure how that is going to pan out. I'm going over to her place to take a taxi with her to St Pancras International and get her on Eurostar. She appeared to think if she got a taxi at 10.00 she'd catch the train at 10.58. She lives o the very edges of South London, and walks very slowly, so I don't think so.
Hope you have a good visit with your dad, Piglet. It must be hard being so far away.
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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.
Posts: 2035 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2007
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The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002
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Posted
Sarasa, that's exactly the problem - every time we have a health crisis (note the royal We: that's because I feel as if I walk every step of it with her, though doubtless she'd disagree) she never comes right back up to where she had been.
This time I feel it's been particularly acute because she hit her head when she fell; I seriously think a substantial number of brain cells handed in their lunch pails and disappeared ![[Help]](graemlins/help.gif)
Still, we are where we are, and for 92 she isn't doing badly - but it seems harder because she was doing so much better before all this hit
Mrs. S, confused herself
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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'
Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by The Intrepid Mrs S:
The Dowager seems to me to be losing ground steadily in terms of memory, passivity and ability to make decisions or act on them. She could - for instance - not do her shopping at the supermarket alone, even if someone took her and fetched her.
Is she managing to prepare and eat sensible meals, or does someone help her with this?
Tesco home deliveries were a godsend for my mother, when she started to lose the ability to shop for herself and became less mobile; I chose and ordered them for her and all she had to do was open the door to the delivery man.
There did come a point when she no longer did that and wasn't eating most of the stuff, but it did keep her going and helped her to retain her independence at home for longer.
[ 12. August 2016, 07:46: Message edited by: Ariel ]
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002
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Posted
She doesn't have much interest in food these days because she's lost her sense of smell and taste ![[Ultra confused]](graemlins/confused2.gif)
So, she lives on Wiltshire Farm Foods* frozen and delivered ready meals, when she eats a hot meal, or cold meat/salad/sandwiches etc in between. It's a bit worrying, given that the old tend to disregard 'use-by' dates as something other people worry about, as she can't smell when something's off
This of course removes a whole area of interest from her life, which is sad.
Mrs. S, praying such a thing never befalls her ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
*other equally desirable brands of frozen food are available, but WFF seem to specialise in charming young people who take and deliver the orders!
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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'
Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012
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Karl: Liberal Backslider
Shipmate
# 76
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Posted
Haven't been on for a week. You may guess why. She went in the early hours of last Saturday, 6th August. A month ago I was a little worried about her; now I'm choosing hymns for Friday.
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Might as well ask the bloody cat.
Posts: 17938 | From: Chesterfield | Registered: May 2001
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Arabella Purity Winterbottom
Trumpeting hope
# 3434
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Posted
Karl
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Hell is full of the talented and Heaven is full of the energetic. St Jane Frances de Chantal
Posts: 3702 | From: Aotearoa, New Zealand | Registered: Oct 2002
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
KLB, your family and the soul of your mum.
May she rest in peace and rise in glory.
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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Pigwidgeon
Ship's Owl
# 10192
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Posted
Karl
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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf
Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005
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Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Piglet:
KLB, your family and the soul of your mum.
May she rest in peace and rise in glory.
Amen to that
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I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details
What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
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Huia
Shipmate
# 3473
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Posted
Karl I will be thinking of you and your family on Friday.
Huia
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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.
Posts: 10382 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002
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The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002
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Posted
Karl and family
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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'
Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012
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Ethne Alba
Shipmate
# 5804
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Posted
Oh crumbs Karl.....how to cope with anniversaries and hymns all at the same time.
Praying
Posts: 3126 | Registered: Apr 2004
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Sarasa
Shipmate
# 12271
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Posted
So sorry to hear that Karl. Prayers for the repose of your mum's soul and for you, your dad and the rest of your family as you grieve.
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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.
Posts: 2035 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2007
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Kitten
Shipmate
# 1179
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Posted
Karl
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Maius intra qua extra
Never accept a ride from a stranger, unless they are in a big blue box
Posts: 2330 | From: Carmarthenshire | Registered: Aug 2001
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Ann
Curious
# 94
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Posted
Karl - so sorry to hear.
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Ann
Posts: 3271 | From: IO 91 PI | Registered: May 2001
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jacobsen
seeker
# 14998
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Posted
Karl -
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But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.
Posts: 8040 | From: Æbleskiver country | Registered: Aug 2009
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sabine
Shipmate
# 3861
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Posted
Karl, I am so sorry for your loss and will hold all who were related to her and knew her in the Light of God's love and healing.
Meanwhile, very concerned about my 95-year old mother, who has been thoroughly brainwashed by right-wing radio (esp. Rush Limbaugh) to the point that she believes some of the most outlandish, illogical, and totally made-up things now. She lives in a state of total fear.
Since I work with refugees, you can imagine that our conversations could be difficult. I pretty much try not to convince her of anything since critical thinking and facts only cause her to dig in. It's sad to see, since she used to be a very open-minded person. She taught me to have a Matthew 25 attitude toward life, but now the list of groups/ethnicities/countries/skin colors/public figures/etc she hates (or feels are socially inferior) cannot be counted on just the fingers of two hands.
Needless to say, I want her last years to be stress-free, I want her to feel loved, but without sneaking in and stealing all the electronics and newspapers in the house, the likes of Faux News and right-wing talk radio are keeping her in a state of complete fear and stress.
So, prayers, please. For my mother, first of all. And for me and other caregivers that we are able to stay away from anything that will contribute to my mother's agitation.
sabine
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"Hunger looks like the man that hunger is killing." Eduardo Galeano
Posts: 5887 | From: the US Heartland | Registered: Dec 2002
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ThunderBunk
Stone cold idiot
# 15579
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Posted
Karl - prayers ascending for you and for your family, tomorrow, and for recreation and renewal thereafter.
sabine - that sounds very stressful for both of you. Prayers ascending for you too.
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Currently mostly furious, and occasionally foolish. Normal service may resume eventually. Or it may not. And remember children, "feiern ist wichtig".
Foolish, potentially deranged witterings
Posts: 2208 | From: Norwich | Registered: Apr 2010
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Sarasa
Shipmate
# 12271
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Posted
Karl, prayers for tomorrow
Sabine - that does sound stressful. I hope you can find ways of assuring her the world isn't quite the way some media portray it.
I've managed to get my mum off on holiday, thanks to some great cheerful and efficent people at Eurostar. I just hope she managed to connect with her tour rep at Brussels.
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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.
Posts: 2035 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2007
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Leaf
Shipmate
# 14169
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Posted
Karl, prayers for you and your family.
Posts: 2786 | From: the electrical field | Registered: Oct 2008
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The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002
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Posted
I hope I won't jinx anything, but following a) some heavy-duty prayer and b) a visit from me AND Mr. S on Monday, the Dowager seems in better shape than a fortnight ago when I visited alone. It isn't that she likes Mr. S particularly, but she seems to make more of an effort with others, and I also think she sees me in another context than solely as her daughter ![[Yipee]](graemlins/spin.gif)
She still has a politician's knack for deflecting awkward questions*, but all in all, isn't too bad, and doesn't seem to be pestering her neighbours unduly which is a big concern of mine.
On the downside, she is in an awful mess about days and times - more than about anything else - and is apt to go off into a brown study if she sits down. Still, none of that is a desperate problem, and we managed to get the car taken away and carers' visits while I'm on holiday agreed
Mrs. S, taking her own advice about prayer!
* for example:
Me: do you need more Steradent?
Mum: no, why should I?
Me: because you're supposed to put your dental plate to soak every night I know this, because I read the instructions knowing she wouldn't
Mum: well, it doesn't fit correctly now, but I don't know about going to and fro to the dentist's...
see what she did there?
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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'
Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012
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Huia
Shipmate
# 3473
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Posted
Mrs S, I don't know if it would help the Dowager, but I managed to find a clock that showed not only the time but the day and date for my oldest brother. It did help him orientate himself to some extent. It was horrendously expensive, but the cheaper versions showed the date the American way, which would have confused him even further.
Huia
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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.
Posts: 10382 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002
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The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002
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Posted
Thanks Huia, I might have to try that. She rang me up on Friday (having managed to wreck the tuning on the new radio we'd bought to replace the last one she'd wrecked*) and informed me that she'd been so sure it was Saturday that she'd got dressed up to go out to lunch, and been next door to ask her neighbour why he hadn't brought the Saturday paper for her
One of those clocks might really help, but it rather horrified me to see them sold for dementia patients. I must get her to the doctor's for an assessment...
Mrs. S, adding another thing to the list!
*that was a bummer, but on the bright side she didn't try and insist I went down there Now, Right This Minute, to fix it
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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'
Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by The Intrepid Mrs S:
One of those clocks might really help, but it rather horrified me to see them sold for dementia patients. I must get her to the doctor's for an assessment...
It's always useful to know what's going on, whether there's medication that will help, and what you can expect. I'd suggest sooner rather than later, because if he wants to refer her to the memory clinic, there's likely to be a waiting list for that. It was 3-6 months in our area - it might be much less where you are, of course.
Dementia clocks are expensive. I thought about getting one but got my mother what she'd asked for instead, a Roberts radio. (No point spending a lot of money on something she wouldn't use.) The Roberts radio has the advantage of automatically setting the time and date, and the buttons are clearly labelled, but some people with cognitive impairment could find it confusing. My mother never used it, and I have it now: it works perfectly as a radio alarm, and obligingly shuts up at weekends.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Sarasa
Shipmate
# 12271
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Posted
When do alarm bells about dementia start ringing? My mother and MiL are both a lot more vague and confused than they were as younger women. When we visited my MiL a couple of weeks ago I was really worried as she seemed not to 'get' a lot of what was going on. However I've talked to her on the phone since and she was pretty much as she always was, so I guess it's her awful hearing that's causing some of the muddle. My mum had one of those tests where she had to spell words backwards etc as part of being in a research programme for people with macular degeneration recently. She tells me they said she passed with flying colours, but I know that she isn't nearly as sharp as she was, and does forget things for more easily.
On another tack, mum is back from her holiday. It was OKish and I can't work out if the things that were wrong were genuine things that were wrong or her own too high expectations. What is certain is she wouldn't have managed wothout the kindess of strangers, including a young couple who helped her off the train at St. Pancras and stayed around for 50 minutes until my brother finally found her. Praise and thanks to them, whoever they were.
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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.
Posts: 2035 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2007
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
Very glad to hear that your mother had a successful holiday and got back home safely!
quote:
Originally posted by Sarasa:
When do alarm bells about dementia start ringing?
If you have no experience of people with dementia it can be quite hard to spot the signs. I didn't until my mother was taken into hospital with a UTI. After that she was never the same again. She was almost never forgetful until the last few months.
Getting muddled about time and money should ring a few alarm bells. Bills need to be paid, food needs to be bought, expiry dates should be within reason, cooked food should be put away in appropriate places. If you are muddled about time you may find it difficult to know how long to cook something for.
Dementia can entail forgetfulness but it doesn't always (there are several different kinds of dementia). Also, for want of a better description, the logic circuits go. Things are sometimes done (or objects put in specific places) for reasons most people would think bizarre. Memories may become conflated, embellished, and utterly convincing to the person as they find it harder to distinguish between reality and fantasy. This can include "waking dreams" and obsessive beliefs.
Watch out for "sundowning". They sometimes get active around twilight, as night sets in, and maybe want to go for a wander once it's dark. Also look out for a gradual slide in personal hygiene/change of habits.
The whole thing can be quite inconsistent. Some days you can think there's definitely something wrong somewhere, other days everything seems fine. Compare back to a year ago and see how that measures up.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Caz...
Shipmate
# 3026
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Posted
I'm sneaking back in after several years of not posting ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
We are just beginning to explore moving my parents in with us. The plan was always for a granny annexe for my Mum, who is 14 years younger than my Dad and so likely to survive him, but he is now chronically unwell and when he's going through a bad patch, as he seems to have been all summer, they both essentially become housebound. Mum has been quite low so we're talking about selling both properties and funding one big enough for us both to live in- either a house we can split or one with a separate annexe, we definitely both need our own living space.
I'm conscious I want to set it up right from the start so that it works for the long term without us living on top of each other.
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"What have you been reading? The Gospel according to St. Bastard?" - Eddie Izzard
Posts: 1888 | From: here to there | Registered: Jul 2002
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Caz...
Shipmate
# 3026
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Posted
Oh Karl, I am very sorry to hear about your Mother
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"What have you been reading? The Gospel according to St. Bastard?" - Eddie Izzard
Posts: 1888 | From: here to there | Registered: Jul 2002
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Squirrel
Shipmate
# 3040
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Posted
I started this thread, but haven't posted in a while. Glad to see it's helped some folks.
When I started out, my Dad was living at home, with my brother and sister-in-law living upstairs. He eventually deteriorated to the point where he needed 24-hour care. Then THAT wasn't enough, and we managed to place him in one of the better nursing homes in his area.
At the same time both of my wife's parents, who are divorced, have developed severe dementia. We had to place her dad in a nursing home- once again we lucked out and got a good one, while my mother-in-law, who lives 4 hours away, is just starting the get the care she had previously resisted.
All three have since forgotten my name. My father-in-law jokingly calls me nicknames like "Don Quixote," and uses humor to try and deal with things. My mother-in-law doesn't know my name, but DOES recall that I'm a musician, and wants me to play when we visit.
I could deal with this.
But when my own dad forgot my name I wanted to go into the nursing home bathroom and scream.
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"The moral is to the physical as three is to one."
- Napoleon
"Five to one."
- George S. Patton
Posts: 1014 | From: Gotham City - Brain of the Great Satan | Registered: Jul 2002
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Jengie jon
Semper Reformanda
# 273
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Posted
Fortunately, my Mum never was good with calling me by my name (nor my sister by hers). About twenty percent of the time I got my sister's and twenty percent I got something random. It actually makes it easier to accept how rarely remembers it now. It is harder for my Dad who she used to get right all the time.
However, when my mum claims her memory is perfect I am totally naughty and ask her Granddaughter's name. Mum has never held it mentally but it is something she would expect to know.
Jengie
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"To violate a persons ability to distinguish fact from fantasy is the epistemological equivalent of rape." Noretta Koertge
Back to my blog
Posts: 20894 | From: city of steel, butterflies and rainbows | Registered: May 2001
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The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Jengie jon:
Fortunately, my Mum never was good with calling me by my name (nor my sister by hers). About twenty percent of the time I got my sister's and twenty percent I got something random. It actually makes it easier to accept how rarely remembers it now.
Oh, me too - even as children my mother would address us as 'OlgaJimPeter' for example; and you're right, this makes it easier to deal with now.
However, when I start out having a conversation about my son and without any warning it becomes clear that Mum is talking about my brother instead - well The generations have become smeared in our family (my brothers were much younger than me) which doesn't help, but at the moment it's very hard to pin down exactly which member of the family she's on about (if you can guess a gender, or a generation, you're doing well!)
To be fair, she knows her memory is going
And whoever it was upthread (was it Ariel?) who bought her mother a Roberts radio - I got mine the simplest radio John Lewis could provide. She's managed to lose the tuning on that - it was only tuned to Radio 4, but I think she gets like Homer Simpson and just mashes the controls till something happens. (That's what happened to the last one) She seems to have stopped using her glasses for things like that, which can't be good news.
Mrs. S, hoping the Dowager has forgotten she has a gas fire
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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'
Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012
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Arabella Purity Winterbottom
Trumpeting hope
# 3434
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Posted
Clocks! My partner has three older sisters, who all live overseas (London, New York, and a tiny village in Germany on the Swiss border). After many years of phone calls from the parents in the middle of the night, one of the sisters gave the parents a useful set of four clocks in a case. Each was clearly labelled with the city and the sister's name and was set to the appropriate time.
Within days, my father-in-law had buggered up the settings "improving" them, and then it was too much trouble to fix them all again. It should have been such a good gift...
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Hell is full of the talented and Heaven is full of the energetic. St Jane Frances de Chantal
Posts: 3702 | From: Aotearoa, New Zealand | Registered: Oct 2002
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Huia
Shipmate
# 3473
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by The Intrepid Mrs S:
One of those clocks might really help, but it rather horrified me to see them sold for dementia patients. I must get her to the doctor's for an assessment...
Mrs. S, adding another thing to the list!
The trouble is things like the clock only help for so long - he had to remember to look at it.
My brother would tick the boxes for a lot of the behaviour Ariel mentioned, yet there are some things he can discuss as well as anyone.
Tomorrow I am going to Wellington as he has yet another assessment. Fingers crossed it will result in a change of residence. Apparently this particular assessor says 65 is very young to go into care. Stupid woman! I know some 90 year olds who would be nowhere near ready for the level of support he needs.
I hope I can remain polite.
Huia
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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.
Posts: 10382 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
In her last months my mother would really only have coped with a radio with one button and that saying "On/Off". All other buttons would have been fiddled with.
The other problem was that she couldn't listen to it anyway, because there's an odd sort of twist to some kinds of dementia that involves deja vu, so she was convinced the radio was jammed and broadcasting in a loop. Same for the television, once she came out of hospital she couldn't bear to have either on.
I think part of the problem was that normal speaking pace was by then too quick and too complicated for her to be able to follow and she could only catch at words as they went past. If a topic is discussed, keywords are inevitably repeated. It used to make her quite angry - partly through frustration I think. The other part of the problem was that if I said something she'd say I'd already just told her.
Books and reading were also affected. It was rather like the buffer zone of her memory had contracted considerably and could only cope with the first few pages before it was memory overload and inability to take in any more while the contents scrolled past again in something of a jumble. I know people aren't computers but I honestly can't make sense of this in any other way.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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lily pad
Shipmate
# 11456
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Posted
Just jumping in here with a practical suggestions re. radios. They make extension cords and power bars with an on/off switch. I've used one because I wanted to place a couple of things slightly out of convenient reach without losing the ability to turn them on and off - a radio once and a lamp another time. Something like that might work for the senior years if managing radio controls is too complicated. Just leave the switch close to hand and place the radio slightly out of easy reach.
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Sloppiness is not caring. Fussiness is caring about the wrong things. With thanks to Adeodatus!
Posts: 2468 | From: Truly Canadian | Registered: May 2006
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Sarasa
Shipmate
# 12271
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Posted
Caz said:
quote:
We are just beginning to explore moving my parents in with us.
Do your parents live near you? One of our very vague ideas is to move out of London to free up some capital. If mum came in with us, we could probably get a place with an annexe for her. But it would mean moving her away from places she knows and friends she sees a lot of, and I think she'd feel very isolated.
Thanks for the tips about dementia, Ariel, I'm still not sure what's going on with my mum and my MiL I just know they are not quite what they were even five years ago.
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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.
Posts: 2035 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2007
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cliffdweller
Shipmate
# 13338
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:
Watch out for "sundowning". They sometimes get active around twilight, as night sets in, and maybe want to go for a wander once it's dark.
I've always heard "sundowning" to refer to the opposite-- the fact that many of the elderly are able to rally fairly well when they are well rested, but as the day wears on they become increasingly fatigued, so that by "sundown"* you see a marked decline, mentally even more than physically. So that any assessment needs to take place at various times throughout the day.
*"sundown" only being the most obvious time-- the same sort of fatigue-effect can occur after an exhausting medical examination, a long and tiring visit (especially if there are multiple visitors as in a large family where lots of conversations are going on at once), etc.
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"Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid." -Frederick Buechner
Posts: 11242 | From: a small canyon overlooking the city | Registered: Jan 2008
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