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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: chasing the Black Dog - a depression support thread
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MaryLouise
Shipmate
# 18697
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Posted
Prayers for you EM. ![[Votive]](graemlins/votive.gif)
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“As regards plots I find real life no help at all. Real life seems to have no plots.”
-- Ivy Compton-Burnett
Posts: 646 | From: Cape Town | Registered: Nov 2016
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Huia
Shipmate
# 3473
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Posted
Erroneous Monk, thinking if you .
That's an awful place to be.
Huia
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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.
Posts: 10382 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002
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Zappa
Ship's Wake
# 8433
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Posted
Just waving and saying "can I put a toe in this thread too?" and knowing that y'all will say yes but being a bit shy anyway. Scared that I'm on some sort of attention seeking trip is all I guess. But yeah ... the black dog is never far from me (hey, and Doone, thanks for your kind response on the job thread) so maybe I can just stumble along with a few of you?
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shameless self promotion - because I think it's worth it
and mayhap this too: http://broken-moments.blogspot.co.nz/
Posts: 18917 | From: "Central" is all they call it | Registered: Sep 2004
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Ian Climacus
Liturgical Slattern
# 944
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Posted
EM: may you know peace and have strength til Thursday
Zappa: welcome.
Posts: 7800 | From: On the border | Registered: Jul 2001
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Erroneous Monk
Shipmate
# 10858
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Posted
You're all so kind. Always a flicker of light in what seemed like the darkest place.
Hugs for all, including Zappa.
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And I shot a man in Tesco, just to watch him die.
Posts: 2950 | From: I cannot tell you, for you are not a friar | Registered: Jan 2006
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Bishops Finger
Shipmate
# 5430
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Posted
((EM and all other Black Dog owners))
EM - let us know how you get on, please?
Black Dogs - DOWN, SIRS!! DOWN, I TELL YOU!!
IJ
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Our words are giants when they do us an injury, and dwarfs when they do us a service. (Wilkie Collins)
Posts: 10151 | From: Behind The Wheel Again! | Registered: Jan 2004
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Ian Climacus
Liturgical Slattern
# 944
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Posted
for all
Broke down at work when my manager asked how I was. Bet he regrets asking! ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
He is a good man though, and spent time talking to me. I am lucky in many ways. But anxiety, fear and self-loathing are bastards to overcome at times.
Posts: 7800 | From: On the border | Registered: Jul 2001
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Erroneous Monk
Shipmate
# 10858
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Posted
((IC)) and ((everyone)).
I've been there. And now I often fear kindness because it might lead to my mask dropping.
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And I shot a man in Tesco, just to watch him die.
Posts: 2950 | From: I cannot tell you, for you are not a friar | Registered: Jan 2006
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North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
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Posted
Last November my GP referred me to a psychiatrist. A couple of months later I got a letter warning that it would be a long wait for an appointment. This week I got another letter. "Hurrah!" I thought "My appointment!" No. It was a letter asking me to fill in a questionaire to see if I still needed an appointment, or whether I had spontaneously recovered. Filling in the questionaire started to trigger flashbacks...
I gritted my teeth and filled out the form, because it would be ridiculous to fail to get a psychiatric appointment due to mental distress. And the north east man made me cocoa while I filled it in, and made me sit down and watch mindless TV while drinking said cocoa as soon as I'd finished.
I'm absolutely fine. But it was a close thing.
![[brick wall]](graemlins/brick_wall.gif)
![[Waterworks]](graemlins/bawling.gif)
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
Oh NEQ, that really is a pain. Hope the health boffins get their collective fingers out once they get your filled-in form.
Do they have no conception of the meaning of "urgent"?
is about right.
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
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Posted
I'm happy to wait for an appointment, most of the time I'm absolutely fine. I don't regard myself as in need of an urgent appointment. But, getting something like this letter, where one minute I think I'm opening an appointment letter and the next I'm reading a request to THINK ABOUT YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE! THINK ABOUT IT NOW!!!! is precisely the situation I am least equipped to cope with.
Sigh.
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
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Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by North East Quine:
I'm happy to wait for an appointment, most of the time I'm absolutely fine. I don't regard myself as in need of an urgent appointment. But, getting something like this letter, where one minute I think I'm opening an appointment letter and the next I'm reading a request to THINK ABOUT YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE! THINK ABOUT IT NOW!!!! is precisely the situation I am least equipped to cope with.
Sigh.
The form no doubt designed by some nutter of a psychiatrist*, or possibly just a trainee admin person, sat upstairs in an ivory bungalow somewhere.
* I have known and worked with quite a few psychiatrists over the years and most of them are excellent caring folks who do a lot of good - but then get them off duty on the subject of other psychiatrists they have known...
NEQ
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I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details
What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
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Erroneous Monk
Shipmate
# 10858
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Posted
((NEQ))
It sometimes seems like the process you have to go through to get any help is worse than not getting the help...
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And I shot a man in Tesco, just to watch him die.
Posts: 2950 | From: I cannot tell you, for you are not a friar | Registered: Jan 2006
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Amos
Shipmate
# 44
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Posted
I'm here too, Zappa.
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At the end of the day we face our Maker alongside Jesus--ken
Posts: 7667 | From: Summerisle | Registered: May 2001
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Bishops Finger
Shipmate
# 5430
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Posted
That's often the case. Many people find that their Black Dog simply will NOT stay under the bed with the other monsters...
![[Disappointed]](graemlins/disappointed.gif)
((all Black Dog owners))
IJ
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Our words are giants when they do us an injury, and dwarfs when they do us a service. (Wilkie Collins)
Posts: 10151 | From: Behind The Wheel Again! | Registered: Jan 2004
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Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
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Posted
Yes, I so agree with that. I can be going along quite happily when suddenly, like the bad dream a few days ago, something will come along and bite me on the bum.
I started another depressive episode a few months ago when I lost almost all sight and the Dr was very resistant to the idea of giving me tablets for it as I was already on [still am] a whole raft of stuff for my sight. Thankfully as my sight began to return the depression lifted, albeit rather slowly.
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I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details
What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
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Erroneous Monk
Shipmate
# 10858
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Posted
Saw my GP yesterday - felt supported and in control. I've accessed some free counselling via my professional body, so not going to change/increase prescription for now while we see if talking has any effect.
Sending love to you all.
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And I shot a man in Tesco, just to watch him die.
Posts: 2950 | From: I cannot tell you, for you are not a friar | Registered: Jan 2006
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MaryLouise
Shipmate
# 18697
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Posted
Good news Erroneous Monk, you've been on my mind this week.
WW, I have had many ops for detached retinas, trauma-induced cataracts and lost the sight of my right eye through a rare glaucoma some years ago. My eyesight is stable right now, but when I've been stuck at home with bandaged or blurry eyes, it has been very hard. Sending best wishes to you --
For all here
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“As regards plots I find real life no help at all. Real life seems to have no plots.”
-- Ivy Compton-Burnett
Posts: 646 | From: Cape Town | Registered: Nov 2016
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Ian Climacus
Liturgical Slattern
# 944
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Posted
Good news EM.
for all
I feel like I'm a broken record here.
Broke down at work to my manager again. He gave good advice, but I don't want to hear it. I just want to escape...leave...run... Anything to get out of where I am and the uncertainity over where my job is heading -- which I'm not coping well with. Doctor's appointment tomorrow, thankfully.
Posts: 7800 | From: On the border | Registered: Jul 2001
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Erroneous Monk
Shipmate
# 10858
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Posted
((IC))
Is the job uncertainty due to external circumstances, or is about how you're feeling about your job? (If you don't mind me asking)
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And I shot a man in Tesco, just to watch him die.
Posts: 2950 | From: I cannot tell you, for you are not a friar | Registered: Jan 2006
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Bishops Finger
Shipmate
# 5430
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Posted
IC
May your GP appointment be a positive step forward.
IJ
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Our words are giants when they do us an injury, and dwarfs when they do us a service. (Wilkie Collins)
Posts: 10151 | From: Behind The Wheel Again! | Registered: Jan 2004
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Uncle Pete
Loyaute me lie
# 10422
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Posted
Following Wodder's note above, I can truthfully say that my bum has been well and truly bitten by a black dog. Except for food supplies and necessary shopping I haven't been out of the house for most of this month, not even to my exercise program which, heretofore, I attended faithfully, before, during and after depressive episodes.
I sleep and eat a lot. My groceries bills are through the roof.
![[Tear]](graemlins/tear.gif)
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Even more so than I was before
Posts: 20466 | From: No longer where I was | Registered: Sep 2005
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Bishops Finger
Shipmate
# 5430
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Posted
To Uncle Pete's Black Dog:
Down, Sir! Back under the bed NOW!
![[Mad]](angryfire.gif)
For Uncle Pete:
IJ
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Our words are giants when they do us an injury, and dwarfs when they do us a service. (Wilkie Collins)
Posts: 10151 | From: Behind The Wheel Again! | Registered: Jan 2004
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Beenster
Shipmate
# 242
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Posted
I eventually capitulated and went to the doctor about 2.5 weeks ago, and broke down. The doctor was great, drugs were prescribed and I've started to feel better.
There's so much in my life that i need to change. Anxiety, circumstances, work, home. The anxiety above all has led to loneliness and the loneliness makes me depressed and so on. It goes round.
I've started counselling which I can ill-afford but i like the guy, even if he did yawn and check his phone throughout the appointment.
In some ways I feel weak and scared, in other ways I feel glad that i might be doing something about it.
Posts: 1885 | Registered: May 2001
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ThunderBunk
Stone cold idiot
# 15579
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Beenster:
I eventually capitulated and went to the doctor about 2.5 weeks ago, and broke down. The doctor was great, drugs were prescribed and I've started to feel better.
There's so much in my life that i need to change. Anxiety, circumstances, work, home. The anxiety above all has led to loneliness and the loneliness makes me depressed and so on. It goes round.
I've started counselling which I can ill-afford but i like the guy, even if he did yawn and check his phone throughout the appointment.
In some ways I feel weak and scared, in other ways I feel glad that i might be doing something about it.
Yay for the first paragraph, and solidarity on the second - I recognise so much of it, especially the circularity element.
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Currently mostly furious, and occasionally foolish. Normal service may resume eventually. Or it may not. And remember children, "feiern ist wichtig".
Foolish, potentially deranged witterings
Posts: 2208 | From: Norwich | Registered: Apr 2010
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
for all whose Black Dogs are misbehaving, especially IC, Uncle Pete and Beenster.
I can't help thinking that the counsellor who yawns and checks his mobile all the time should contemplate a career change, but if your sessions with him are helpful, then what would I know?
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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Erroneous Monk
Shipmate
# 10858
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Posted
((Uncle Pete)) ((Beenster))
Hang in there everyone. Today was a grim one. But as I go to bed, some of you may be getting up and we'll have another day together, God willing.
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And I shot a man in Tesco, just to watch him die.
Posts: 2950 | From: I cannot tell you, for you are not a friar | Registered: Jan 2006
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Ian Climacus
Liturgical Slattern
# 944
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Posted
Thanks all.
for all here, and those who cannot post but want to.
And hurrah for good days.
quote:
Originally posted by Erroneous Monk:
Is the job uncertainty due to external circumstances, or is about how you're feeling about your job? (If you don't mind me asking)
How I'm feeling about the job; thanks for asking. Uncertainity is a high anxiety trigger for me, and with various questions as to what may role may morph into and with no firm idea which division I'll be in and with my dearly-appreciated manager leaving I am not coping well. Small in the grand scheme of things, but just another thing the Black Dog brings to lay at my feet.
Posts: 7800 | From: On the border | Registered: Jul 2001
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MaryLouise
Shipmate
# 18697
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Posted
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“As regards plots I find real life no help at all. Real life seems to have no plots.”
-- Ivy Compton-Burnett
Posts: 646 | From: Cape Town | Registered: Nov 2016
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Erroneous Monk
Shipmate
# 10858
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Ian Climacus:
Small in the grand scheme of things, but just another thing the Black Dog brings to lay at my feet.
I don't think it's a small thing. A lot of work uncertainties are affecting me too, and work has always been an important part of my identity, so I feel really hard hit by it.
*hug*
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And I shot a man in Tesco, just to watch him die.
Posts: 2950 | From: I cannot tell you, for you are not a friar | Registered: Jan 2006
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Beenster
Shipmate
# 242
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Posted
So much gratitude for the kindnesses. And words. And solidarity, candles and gubbins.
quote:
Originally posted by Piglet:
I can't help thinking that the counsellor who yawns and checks his mobile all the time should contemplate a career change, but if your sessions with him are helpful, then what would I know?
I overthought this at the time - i am such an expert that I wondered if I was meant to react, that it was part of a bigger picture to see my triggers / push buttons or if there was nothing at stake.
Boringly, a friend asked me out tonight. I can't do the spontaneity. i haven't been out for so long so it *feels* really big. At least I was able to be honest about not going out. Rather than pretend ... that feels like progress.
Posts: 1885 | Registered: May 2001
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Ian Climacus
Liturgical Slattern
# 944
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Posted
Wise words EM: thank you.
for all here
quote:
Originally posted by Beenster:
Boringly, a friend asked me out tonight. I can't do the spontaneity. i haven't been out for so long so it *feels* really big. At least I was able to be honest about not going out. Rather than pretend ... that feels like progress.
Not boring, life. With all its struggles.
And I know what you mean. I did panic in the days leading up to social encounters, but at one point someone calling our of the blue and requesting, or demanding, I head on out seemed like a task bigger than scaling Everest. And caused the flight response or a complete feeling of lethargy and impossibility. You are not alone.
Progress indeed.
Posts: 7800 | From: On the border | Registered: Jul 2001
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Ian Climacus
Liturgical Slattern
# 944
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Posted
I hope all are doing fine as winter, or summer, nears.
I have a wonderful doctor. And a great boss. A very helpful GP visit, with psychologist booked for Friday [thanks to a cancellation], and an understanding manager who was happy to comply with my doctor's request for a late start to work for a while. I am very lucky. And hopeful that a few changes of routine may help lighten the darkness.
Posts: 7800 | From: On the border | Registered: Jul 2001
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Jengie jon
Semper Reformanda
# 273
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Posted
Late starts can be marvellous things. I have had one for a while. It does not mean I rise any later, it just means I am awake when I get into work.
Jengie
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"To violate a persons ability to distinguish fact from fantasy is the epistemological equivalent of rape." Noretta Koertge
Back to my blog
Posts: 20894 | From: city of steel, butterflies and rainbows | Registered: May 2001
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Ethne Alba
Shipmate
# 5804
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Posted
I'd echo a distinct improvement in my own mental health brought about by negotiating a later start time.
It meant that my entire work situation had to change...but in the long term.....
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( oh and massive hugs for anyone wading through treacle, i recall those days and still shudder......)
.
.
[ 31. May 2017, 18:15: Message edited by: Ethne Alba ]
Posts: 3126 | Registered: Apr 2004
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Amos
Shipmate
# 44
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Posted
As the first anniversary of my OH's death approaches, I'm finding it harder and harder going.
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At the end of the day we face our Maker alongside Jesus--ken
Posts: 7667 | From: Summerisle | Registered: May 2001
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Bishops Finger
Shipmate
# 5430
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Posted
that the Black Dog stays under the bed, and that you get through this period safely.
IJ
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Our words are giants when they do us an injury, and dwarfs when they do us a service. (Wilkie Collins)
Posts: 10151 | From: Behind The Wheel Again! | Registered: Jan 2004
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Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
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Posted
Amos and all with black dogs of their own
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I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details
What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
{{{Amos}}}
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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